The "Mommy Wars" get brutal.
Momlogic's Momstrosity: Got a friend who's always bragging about her AMAZING kids? Making you want to knock over her perfectly appointed stroller and matching diaper bag? Don't despair, follow these tips for dealing with a hyper-competitive mom-frenemy:
1) Suggest a real competition: A baby-athalon.
Propose a contest to decide who has the better children once and for all. Events could include table manners, crawling techniques, and projectile vomiting distance.
2) Have a fake meltdown.
Hysterically start crying that her children ARE better than yours. Tell her that in fact, you're not a big fan of your kids anyway--they're not very smart and smell kind of funny. She will be so mortified by your admission, she'll start trying to convince you, and then you're a good parent after all.
3) Just Lie.
Not only do you churn your own butter, you make all your children's clothes by hand, including their shoes.
4) Play Trading Spouses.
If your "friend" is always bragging about her husband, ask if you can trade for a weekend to see if he's really all he's cracked up to be.
5) Go back to the womb.
Tell her your child was REALLY accelerated performing most "firsts" right in the womb. "We could hear her happily talking to herself in there, walking around... I guess some children just develop earlier."