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My Kid's Too Dumb to Go to College

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Andrea's Momologue: "My husband says the very second we came from the hospital with our newborn daughter I burst into inconsolable tears.“ How are we going afford to send her to college!?”—I sobbed.

(Funny, I don’t recall that incident but since my husband wasn’t the one who had just gone through ten hours of unproductive labor and a cesarean followed by engorged breasts as big as his head, I guess I'm gonna have to take his word for it.)

So, as my baby nears her 2nd birthday, I’m starting to get nervous. And nobody’s helping. If I have to hear one more person ask if we’ve started a college fund I’m going to personally enroll in a self-defense class and kick their ass.

Saving for college? Right. How about first we’re saving for pre-school. And if the cost of a year of pre-school is pretty much the same as sending your kid to private school, paying for college is like sending them to the moon. Reports say that by 2010 the cost of sending ONE child to a four-year Ivy League school could approach $300,000! To sock away 300K by the time she’s 18, we’d have to cut back on all extravagant non-essential purchases. You know, luxuries like travel, cable TV, food, shelter and clothing.

Wait a minute…aren’t we making assumptions here? Maybe, our child won’t be smart enough to go to college.

We can only pray.

But actually, I don’t think we need to worry. Since we’re not going to be able to afford a really good pre-school, she’ll already be lagging way behind those kids in the expensive schools. From there it’s off to public school, (Yippee! We live in a terrible school district!) And then cut to her barely graduating from high school. If we’re lucky she’ll never reach her full potential. Whew! College is going to be out of the question.

Of course, I want the best for our daughter. I want her to be intelligent and curious about the world around her. But just not too intelligent or curious, please. We simply can’t afford it. So, go ahead and slap that “My Child is an Honor Student” bumper sticker on your car, and I’ll see you in the poor house."

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2 comments so far | Post a comment now
cheesefan April 15, 2009, 2:24 PM

If your child is that intelligent and that curious, then I’m sure they’ll take the initiative to get a job and help save for school themselves. That’s what I did. Besides, not all schools are that much, mine is about 7,000 a semester. It’s no Harvard but its better than nothing! dont worry too much tho, im sure it will all work out :)

friend January 4, 2010, 1:28 PM

lol… OR maybe she’ll be VERY smart and get a full scholarship.

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