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Exclusive: Teen Sex in Schools, Part One

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Momvestigation: A national momlogic survey has found that one in five kids has witnessed sex at school.

"One couple at my school gets it on during lunch right near where my friends and I sit. Especially when the girl wears a skirt. It's pretty unappetizing, especially when I'm trying to eat." -- Aubrey, 15, Seattle

Over the past few months, we've been hearing news reports of kids having sex in school -- in the classroom, the school bathroom, even on the bus. As these stories became more and more frequent, we began to wonder if these were isolated incidents or part of a disturbing national trend. We consulted our friends at CosmoGirl! and the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, and they'd been wondering the same thing. So we decided to do a national survey on sex in schools -- the first study of its kind to be conducted in the United States. We surveyed 500 kids aged 12-17 from around the country. And what we found was shocking: One in five kids has witnessed sex in school.

One in five! Over the next few days, you're going to hear from teens who've seen their friends and classmates having sex at school. You'll also hear from kids who've actually had sex on school grounds. Experts who work with teens on a daily basis -- such as psychologist and momlogic friend Pamela Varady -- will offer advice on how to talk to your tween or teen about staying safe and making smart choices. In this landmark three-part series, our exclusive Momvestigation explores this alarming epidemic. Is your child having sex in school?

Coming Monday: Hear from kids who've seen it firsthand.

About the Experts ...
spacer dr shannon fox
Susan Schulz is
editor-in-chief of CosmoGIRL!
rabbi sherre hirsch
Dr. Pamela Varady is a licensed clinical psychologist, couples' therapist and parent educator based in Venice, California.


next: Anyone Want to Play Chicken...Pox?
98 comments so far | Post a comment now
kim April 10, 2008, 6:05 PM

.. I’ve never seen this, and I’m a Junior in highschool. It’s really only select communities, I’d say. It’s not like I live in a remote area, either.

superman April 11, 2008, 12:40 AM

I’m a sophomore in highschool I’ve been talked to by my mom about sex and maybe it helps that my religion frowns upon sex before marriage so hopefully I can wait. But, I have never seen sex itself at school. I have seen the groping and stuff but never the sex itself. Sure I know its going on and I’m not going to act stupid and say it doesn’t happen, but doing at school would seem reckless and stupid and for the people who have to have it 24/7. My friend got tipsy at a party and lost it to a one night stand and thats pretty sad in my eyes. But, I don’t know why everyone thinks their kid isn’t going to do it or their child is perfect so on and so forth, but parents and hollywood are the main problems. Just saying.

kathy April 11, 2008, 9:26 PM

These want-a-be stars could’nt be on the show if they didn’t have a story !!!
I could make some up too!!! Why don’t people teach their children the basic fundimentals!!Telling stories isn’t right hurting other people so you can try to be a star is pathetic.No wonder
parents are leaving children and there marrages! Who has the energy to put up with this drama. They learn this from one of the parents which one is the crazy here

Jade April 12, 2008, 11:26 AM

Back when I was in High School. I was either a Jr or Sr. I remember seeing these 2 young 8th graders having sex in the back of the lunch room, with their friends watching, we had another table of 8th graders yelling out “Raise your hand if you are a virgin”, it was to their table only but loud enough for people to hear.
But, I dont think its the parents to blame for children having sex at a young age, its the childrens peers. They want to look cool in their peers eyes. I waited to have sex until I was ready. But, when asked if I had sex by my peers I always said that I had.

CRAIG April 12, 2008, 11:40 AM


jesse April 12, 2008, 12:41 PM

Dang, why couldn’t this stuff be going on when I was in school? I sure missed out.

Teen who looks around April 12, 2008, 2:11 PM

I look at these kind of web post all the time From sex,to drugs,to drinking.
They all cleam to know whats going on but by the time they get here it’s been around for a long time. And most of the stuff on here be wrong anyway. Giving part of your soal away what a lie. Instead of bleaming someone laest try talking about condoms and birth conttrole. This will start to lessin the amount of teen mothers. Same goes for drugs and dirnking don’t act like it does not happen. And if your own teen comes and tells you they didi one of thise things don’t overreact. And for criset sake learn to watch your kids. Just because they act good around you don’t mean they act like that all the time. If your kid come home 3 am and can’t walk stright it’s not becaue there tired. Wake up people

Rich April 12, 2008, 2:17 PM

Sex is not bad; people having sex is not bad. it is what the bible commands us to do! go out and procreate.

I had sex when I was 12 playing truth or dare. did the girl get pregnant; no, did I get an STD; no, did it emotionally scare me; no. And, I dont regret it. most importantly, I had a hard time remembering it because I never think about it. It doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
What i would have remember is if I messed up some kid’s life by not being a good father. Picking a bad mate that made my life difficult because of inexperience in choosing a partner.
Many kids were doing silly stuff like me over thirty years ago. kids have been playing silly games and experimenting with sex since the begining of human existances. They are probably having sex at school because they can no longer do it at home. Sex is the way that our spieces survive.

If your child never found a mate, I bet you would be more concern than if they found many mates. These kids just want to grow up. I have a child and I dont want to raise her forever. Therefore, I will be explaining the reason for sex,and how a bad reputation can cause trouble in finding a mate. How having kids at a young age can cause poverty. How damaging it can be to be in a relationship before she is ready. I dont look at it as my child disobeying me, I look at it as a child making decisions contary to my believes. Because as one writer has written, everyone has different opinions, views, and values. your child may not develope your values.

How do u slow the process of growing up? Maybe by not building up their ego so quickly. If she chooses to have sex at a young age, i will have to treat her like an adult. she will be paying for her own schooling, clothes, and entertainment. Just because a child is old enough to procreate, they may not be emotionally ready. it is our jobs as parents to remind them of that fact.
Sex at a young age has been going on for ages. The reason why grandma and pa did not have sex when they were in school is because they were expected to get married by 18. The suprise that children with raging hormones are engaging in sex at the first opportunity seems shocking to me. It also tells me how out of touch parents are. Maybe these parents need to remember what it was like to be a teenager.

Thomas April 13, 2008, 12:48 AM

First, I apologize for the lengthy post.

The bible does not teach children to go out and have sex with many people, contrary to what some have stated in their comments.

The bible specifically discusses what acts should be performed between two people before marriage. These acts do not go below the belly button.

The bible specifically teaches that you are to not have sex until marriage. One man and one woman become one flesh through sexual intercourse. Once one, how do you divide it?

Has this been going on for ages? I’m sure it has. Is this happening in public schools as well as private schools. I’m sure it is.

Prayer in schools is not the answer, but it is a big part of the solution!

However, the students praying have to actually have faith and practice that faith in order for religion to be a benefit.

The real problem is our greed. We want everything and we want it NOW. The motto of our society has become, “If it feels good, do it.” Guess what? Satan is smiling!

Adolph Hitler once said, “Let me control the textbooks and I will control the state.” If God is taken out of our schools, who/what is the substitute?

How do we fix this problem:

1) Teach creation as a viable option. Right now, the only method for human existence our children hear about in schools is evolution. What does evolution truly teach? Basically, that we are accidents, that we evolved over millions of years through natural selection and survival of the fittest and that we have no real purpose or meaning for why we are here. Therefore, why not have sex, do drugs, fight, shoot your classmates and kill yourself? Live it up while you’re here, cause when you’re dead your done.

If we taught creation, then children would hear that there is a God who made them special, who knew them before they were born, has a plan for them and loves them unconditionally. More importantly, they would understand that they have “free will” to make their own decisions and choices, but when they die their soul will leave their body and they will be held accountable for their actions on this earth. Man’s laws can be avoided, but God’s laws can’t and God will treat you as a good father/mother treats their children on the day of judgment.

2) Abstinence education accompanied with education discussing and showing true life examples of the consequences of alcohol use, drug use and pre-marital sex.

3) Be an example.

4) Boycotts. Boycott any internet sites, television shows, movies, magazines and newspapers that use curse words and inappropriate sexual content and/or promote irresponsible behavior PERIOD.

What would happen if every American turned off their television for one hour every time they heard a curse word or saw sexual content?

I’ll tell you:

- We’d save a lot of money, because we’d never need to buy or pay for television.
- We’d be a lot more productive.
- We’d have more time to actually talk to and spend quality time with our families and children.

I graduated in 1999 from a public school in central Minnesota. I have never done drugs and have been with only one woman; my wife. I don’t pay for television, because it’s mostly trash.

I try very hard to practice what I preach, I hope you do the same!

Check out the movie “EXPELLED,” which hits theaters April 18th. Take your entire family and anyone else you can!

liz May 2, 2008, 1:30 PM

Most children are having sex, as parents dont talk to them about sex, not a good thing. I hear young adults saying I love you.I tell my children that you should save that saying for a specal person , not saying like your saying hello.

adam June 3, 2008, 6:28 PM

i like sex

Anonymous June 3, 2008, 8:29 PM

kids having sex? yuck!

jennifer June 3, 2008, 9:04 PM

I have never seen this being done in school, while I was at Jr/high school. I would def report it if I saw it, because that’s a personal act that you shouldn’t be displaying nonchalant. But it’s weird how it’s just the kids that are doing it get blamed. We need to get on the teachers and the staff as well. Where are they when this is happening? they might be flirting with each other or even worse having relations in the class. I just hope some parents push to have video survelance and telling their kids not to have sex at school.

Kids are just to far exposed to sex in the media and everywhere. I was staying in a hotel with my husband[ we’re a young, attractive couple at 20] and we were doing our laundry and just chatting. I had my puppy with us and some kids stopped to pet it and these 2 girls about 9 years old and they asked me if i could wash their clothes because their boyfriends just came all over them. then they started humping/grinding agains the wall and moaning too. I was soo shocked because at that age I didn’t know what any of that was. I looked to see where her parents were, and they were by the pool boozing it up.

Middle School Teacher, Married, No Children June 3, 2008, 11:35 PM

I’m a teacher at a middle school in a very large urban city. I’m going on my second year of teaching and I have seen and heard a lot of appalling things come from kids aged 11-15 and though I have not actually witnessed it, I do not put it passed any of the kids at my school to participate in such acts.

I work at a middle school down the street from my father’s house where I grew up, and where many of my high school friends attended. I started working at this school last year Just after winter break, and in those 4 months 4 girls were pregnant. I found that to be shocking.

I have only been out of grade school for ten years, but things have changed dramatically. I did not know any of my peers to be pregnant while in middle school, and none of my personal friends were having sex, but I know there were some. In high school I knew of a few girls, 3 that I can recall off the top of my head, that had gotten pregnant, but that was high school. But never did I hear of it happening at school or on the bus or in public for that matter.

Ten years have passed, and while I am in the same area as where I grew up, the demographics have changed dramatically.

The middle school kids I encounter on a daily basis, are for the most part, disrespectful, high-strung, and selfish. They all think they’re “grown” and they act like it. They are wise to the fact that now a days teachers do not have as much power as they used to and some of them go to great lengths to exploit that fact. The biggest problem that teachers face other than that of having to deal with punk kids, are parents who simply just don’t care. They are too busy for their children, either working two or more jobs just to stay afloat, or sometimes the language barrier is too great. Most of the students who have parents that speak another language, speak two, which widens the gap between parent and child that already exists in age, but culturally as well.

I have read things in bathroom stalls that suggests that kids are having sex at school…however I just don’t see how it would be possible. I ask myself the same question that many on here have asked “Who is supervising them?” But being on the inside, I know that there are many who are, but we can not be everywhere at once. There are cameras at my school, but I don’t know how much they catch. If the kids were going to do it anywhere, it’d be in the bathroom, where there are no cameras, and little supervision. That’s where they have been able to set off homemade smoke bombs and nearly burn the place down. They congregate across the street from the school and gather with high schoolers, so that they are so large in number that you can’t see the street Then they start a riot that ends in some going to jail and others being carted out in an ambulance. And all we can do is call it in and stop and stare. We are powerless.

I do not have any children of my own but I am already scared for them. My father was a single man raising a girl and I know it was hard for him. He wasn’t always “around” because he was an alcoholic. he did his best to teach me right from wrong and try to influence me to make positive choices. In the end, I could have ended up like so many now a days are, a pregnant teen or drug addict, drop-out, in trouble with the law, failing. But I made different choices, and in the end that is what these children are faced with. Choices. In ten years I have witnessed most of them making the right choices to most of them making devastating ones.

Courtney June 4, 2008, 12:51 AM

I am a sophomore in highschool and still a virgin. I have heard about kids around my school having sex in random and innapropriate places, but honestly, I pay no attention to it. I think, if they want to be dumbasses, and go and do that, then let them, I hope they get caught. My parents taught me how to be a classy girl, and wait for the right guy. I’m with a guy right now that I’ve dated for a while, and we love eachother a lot, but we have never had sex, let alone, having sex in a public place. I think it’s the kids, but partly, the parents fault, they should be teaching their kids about right and wrong, and if they have, and their kids don’t listen, then no, that wouldn’t be the parents fault, but still, parents need to do as much as they can to talk to their kids about sex, and hmm, I don’t know, COMMON SENSE. It appalls me to hear the amount of middle school that I know that are already having sex before me, and I’m 3 years older. It’s almost sad, and really pathetic. What’s the need for sex? People think they need it to be happy in a relationship, that is not true, and if your such a sexual person that you have to do something with your girlfriend/boyfriend, at least substitute something else a little less provocative. Let’s try to be a little more intelligent when making these adult decisions, and when it comes to kids having sex in public places, may god have mercy on your souls, and get some class. :D

Liz June 4, 2008, 1:36 AM

I just finished my second year in college, and went all through my high school years as a virgin. It wasn’t a big deal to my friend and I. We weren’t sex-starved teenagers, just kids waiting for the right time and right relationship.

I think this story is so sad, but I can’t stand some of these comments, assuming it’s entirely the teenager’s faults. I believe that so much of this has to do with parental responsibility. How will a child know how to act if their parents never speak to them about sex, as if it’s something taboo and forbidden? If the parent doesn’t take any actions in monitoring what their children watch on TV, or taking time to have adult conversations about the topic of sex, how will the child ever grow up with a knowledge about this subject? Not to mention that our media is slathered with the suject, and even adults boasting about sex at work or in public. If it’s wrong for teenagers to do the deed in public, shouldn’t it be held in the same regard as ADULTS having sex in the workplace?

Frustrated in Suburbia June 4, 2008, 2:19 AM

Well, I’ve seen a lot of great points here. I have a 13 year old step daughter who is always acting like she’s a grown up, and that she can make decisions on her own. These kids are getting exposed to subjects like sex, drinking and drugs through our media and those around them who should be role models.

In my town, we’ve had a drastic increase in teens having house parties, getting drunk and being assaulted. The local law enforcement is getting fed up with this. Sometimes, it seems, they are more out of hand than their adult counterparts. But I think when you have kids drinking and having sex without the true mental and emotional maturity, this is exactly what we can expect to continue.

So yes, blame jerkoff, no good parents for not minding what happens to their children. Blame the movie,the TV,(yes, even you Maury), and the music industries. They are infecting the kids with these notions. Blame our government for not taking action when the first warnig signs appeared.

Our civilization is destroying itself one child at a time and one day, the United States may find itself, a third world nation of our own making.

kat June 4, 2008, 2:52 AM

At school alot of times in the hallways between classes the guys will have there hands under their girlfriends skirts and be fingering them. Lets face it sex at school happens all the time.

Lets just be happy that if your kids having sex it’s probably with a boyfriend or girlfriend, because at least they aren’t having sex with a ton of differnt people like adults.

And no where not learning it from tv. Most shows, if they even have teen sex, are against it.

Talk shows show teens that are out of control and usually bring them to a morge or jail. Life time has about a dozen moives all about teen sex distrying famies… etc

We get it from our familys. Pretty much everyone I know whose have sex either has devoced parents, or step-parents, or single parents becasue one ran away. It doesn’t matter about what religon they are either.

Sex is comferting no matter how old you are. If your kids feel their missing something I’ll let you guess which skirt they’ll be wearing.

Marty  June 7, 2008, 1:01 AM

I am not surprised by this at all .
Look at the world we live in .
Take a good look around at parents who are suppose to be role models.
Cheating on their husbands and wives , which equals disrespect for themselves and these kids Father’s and Mother’s .
We teach them that it is ok to have sex with whomever they want and whenever they want . When we as parents act like we do what else do you expect .

F.J August 28, 2008, 4:20 PM

I am the mother of 4 and the step mom of 2. My children range in age from 7 1/2-15. I cannot tell you how my heart skipped a beat reading this. It is not only sex in the schools its SEX in general. These kids for the most part are babies! They don’t know or have any idea what love, commitment and monogamy mean. IT (communication)has to start in the HOME, and in the CHURCH! Morals, self-esteem and prayer and proper guidance should supersede pleasures of the flesh. I say to stop talking about it (sex) is only going to make the kids NOT talk about it and the numbers will rise. Numbers of STD’s, teen pregnancies/abortions etc. WILL rise!

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