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The Childless Bitch on Travel

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Editor's Note: When the post below was submitted to us, it completely pissed us off. After we all calmed down, we decided to post it. We're open-minded like that. The title for the post was originally "My Experiences Traveling as a Single Woman," but we took a bit of editorial license and changed it. We're not much for calling other women the B-word, but this time it seemed like the right thing to do. Tell us if you agree...

bitchplane2.jpg

I am about to get on a plane to travel cross-country. To plan for this painstaking day, I thought it would be appropriate to speak to the mothers of the world who will be joining me, along with their screaming, coughing, drooling children.

Listen, I get it, it's hard being a mom..blah blah blah. Working down the hall from the Mom•Logic offices, I hear it all the time. Fine. I get it. I definitely get that traveling has got to be the worst of all mommy-duties. But face it--you chose to have children, and now you are choosing to transport them. I am just an innocent, single, non-disturbing airline passenger who, like you, had to pay a ridiculous price for an airline ticket. And let me be clear, I am not choosing to go on an exotic vacation with my three hot Italian boyfriends during this holiday time (a false sense of reality mommies often construct about life as a single person). But instead, I am being forced to join my quasi-loved ones in a small town on the opposite side of the country.
All I'm asking for is a little courtesy. None of us want to be trapped in an airport, stuck on a train, or tortured in traffic on the road. To make it a little easier on all of us, I have devised a quick list of Single Person-Friendly Traveling Rules for moms to keep in mind while traveling this weekend.

1. If you end up sitting next to me on the plane, you owe me a drink and/or an Ambien. Both are preferred.

2. Just because the terminal waiting area is carpeted, does not mean this is your child's play room.

3. While you are on your cell phone and cannot hear your child, I can.

4. It's great that you find your child hilarious but...no one else does.

5. Knowing you have to go through airport security with a gang of children, plan ahead. Don't look surprised to find out you have to remove all five pairs of shoes on all 10 of your children's feet. I manage to take my jewelry and belt off before getting to the front of the line. All I ask is, work it out.

6. If your son is over the age of 2, I don't want to see him leaving a women's restroom stall--one in which I surely will have to use.

7. Starbucks is a special place. The airport Starbucks, in particular, is no place for a child. Move it to McDonalds.

8. Just because you have a child in a middle seat does not grant you the right to take over my aisle seat.

9. Diapers should not be changed in places where I can watch it happen.

10. Last, but not least, please remember the Chilis To Go is a bar before anything else--please be respectful.



next: Sex Never Gets Old
77 comments so far | Post a comment now
TH November 21, 2007, 2:46 PM

Pathetic post. I think Julie’s response echoes everything I would say back to this deluded person. I travel 80% of the time for busines and am the mom of a 3 1/2 yr old that has traveled extensively since he was 6 weeks old. It is my responsibility to make sure he behaves in an airport and / or public places, and believe me, I’m doing everything in my power to make sure he does. If he doesn’t, the last thing I’m going to do is buy you a drink…I wouldn’t want to give my son the notion that it’s okay to reward crappy behavior, and a drink is definitely a reward. One that I deserve after I arrive at my destination and am finished dealing with @##holes like you. I hope that when you do encounter a family traveling and the child and/or mom meets your extremely selfish standards, that you compliment her and the child on their behavior…that is should you deem yourself worthy enough to talk to someone that has kids. For moms, by moms…whatever.


NC Mom November 22, 2007, 2:30 PM

I have a seven-year old boy who always comes with me in a public restroom wherever we are. What am I supposed to do if I have to use the restroom and he doesn’t? Leave him by himself in a terminal or, better yet, a shopping mall? Has anyone ever heard of a little boy named Adam? It must be so nice to live in la-la land.

Perhaps the author - and I use the term very loosely - has had too much to drink or taken too much Ambien already.

One has to wonder if she was the model child. She evidentally has no respect for her mother or understand how difficult she may have been as a child. As an adult, however, she seems pretty obnoxious.

Hope she has a happy Thanksgiving…by herself!

rachel November 22, 2007, 10:44 PM

This article hits it on the nose! Airplanes need to start having a section specifically assigned to kids and their parents. Nothing is worse than being surrounded by kids..screaming and fighting and kicking and sneezing and everything else they do. Give them a playpen so they can stay away from me.

Susan November 23, 2007, 2:15 PM

I am a mother of 3 and traveled all day yesterday with a toddler kicking the back of my seat. The mother holding the toddler had no idea. This was incredible annoying. I hate being put in a position where I have to be the bitchy mom but what am I suppose to do? I think we all need to be more courteous in general.

Kim  November 26, 2007, 8:36 PM

I agree, I do not have children but looking on the site because I have a newborn nephew and was searching articles for my sister. …however I agree with the article, I don’t feel that everyone should have to be subjected to unruly, ill mannered children and parents should teach children to act appropriate when in public. The garbage about children having their own personalities…well true however if they are so incredibly intelligent they should listen to you the parent when you tell them to quiet down..Parents have lost control and I only pray that my sister and myself will teach our little guy “there is a time and place for everything”

CF November 29, 2007, 2:15 PM

“Yes, it was my choice to have children. It was also YOUR CHOICE not to have children. What gives you the right to impose your selfish choice on those who have made a different choice?”

Reverse that to: Yes, it was my choice not to have children. It was also YOUR CHOICE to have children. What gives you the right to impose your selfish choice on those who have made a different choice?

“Moms sterilize everything and public toilets are going to be super sterilized before we’ll let our kids touch them”
But it’s ok to subject the rest of us to the contents of your kid’s diaper when you change it in public…

TravelinMommy November 30, 2007, 11:44 AM

Wow, a few years ago I could have written this post myself. I traveled extensively for my job and hated hearing kids crying even for a moment upon takeoff or landing. I avoided kids like the plague and rolled my eyes at moms trying to entertain their kids on planes and in airports.

Then I had one. Quite by accident, mind you, but I learned so much about myself and my selfish, intolerant views about moms and kids. Kids are a fact of life, people. Unruly, out of control kids are, too, because even the most well-behaved angels have bad days. (like mine) I have been so blessed and fortunate not to have run into versions of my single self while travelling - you’d think that Karma would dictate I would! I have sat next to grandmothers who help me entertain my kid, tolerant and sympathetic parents who put up with the occasional pat on the arm by my baby, and businessmen who help me get in and out of my seat while I sweat and struggle to get my fat pregnant self and my 18 month old and my carry-on out of the seat.

I’ve also run into the occasional person who obviously hates kids, but I don’t get mad - I feel sorry for them because they obviously don’t have any. I never thought I’d ever say this with sincerity but my daughter has brought more fulfillment and happiness to my life (even when she’s having a bad, napless day at an airport) then I ever dreamed possible when I was superficially satisfied with my jet-setting single life.

TravelinMommy November 30, 2007, 11:46 AM

Wow, a few years ago I could have written this post myself. I traveled extensively for my job and hated hearing kids crying even for a moment upon takeoff or landing. I avoided kids like the plague and rolled my eyes at moms trying to entertain their kids on planes and in airports.

Then I had one. Quite by accident, mind you, but I learned so much about myself and my selfish, intolerant views about moms and kids. Kids are a fact of life, people. Unruly, out of control kids are, too, because even the most well-behaved angels have bad days. (like mine) I have been so blessed and fortunate not to have run into versions of my single self while travelling - you’d think that Karma would dictate I would! I have sat next to grandmothers who help me entertain my kid, tolerant and sympathetic parents who put up with the occasional pat on the arm by my baby, and businessmen who help me get in and out of my seat while I sweat and struggle to get my fat pregnant self and my 18 month old and my carry-on out of the seat.

I’ve also run into the occasional person who obviously hates kids, but I don’t get mad - I feel sorry for them because they obviously don’t have any. I never thought I’d ever say this with sincerity but my daughter has brought more fulfillment and happiness to my life (even when she’s having a bad, napless day at an airport) then I ever dreamed possible when I was superficially satisfied with my jet-setting single life.

Oh and to “Stephanie” who write that she was freaked out because of this article? Your young’un will probably sleep the whole flight - mine did at that age. And if he/she cries? So what. You’ll never see these people again - and as long as you do your level best to soothe your baby, there’s nothing more you can do. You have just as much right to be on that plane as anyone else. Just relax…babies can sense fear. :)

KYT December 2, 2007, 6:11 PM

This can’t be for real. Sure, similar thoughts have gone through my pre-baby mind, but I also had some pity for parents who were clearly trying. This post and the one about holiday shopping just remind me how self centered and self absorbed we have become. As a parent of a rambunctious child, I try to be sensitive to others. I am always surprised when others are not bothered or are even entertained by my child’s antics, but I think this is an exception.

Damien December 4, 2007, 12:42 PM

Yeah, I was a kid myself once. My mom treated my sister and I like real people, though, and she taught us not to behave like wild monkeys in public. I have to agree that if you can’t control your kids, leave ‘em at home.

Anonymous December 4, 2007, 1:41 PM

Amen, Damien. Although the breeders will never listen to THAT logic.

nowhey December 5, 2007, 12:02 AM

Dude, Chili’s To Go is a bar in the same way that an airport screener is a police officer. If you’re trying to have that authentic drinking experience in a place carbon-copied by corporate branding, well, that’s a little pathetic, but have it your way. Just remember, every woman at whom you look down your nose for teaching children to navigate the adult world is simultaneously regarding your self-absorbed vapidity with contempt.

stephanie December 7, 2007, 5:39 PM

I just wanted to say that I wrote on this back on Nov 20th…scared but as “Travelin Mommy” said…my baby slept the entire trip. I even got some comments stating that they couldn’t believe there was a baby on board. I got more OOOO’s and AAAA’s then glares. It was a GREAT experience! Thanks to all for the love!

stephanie December 7, 2007, 5:39 PM

I just wanted to say that I wrote on this back on Nov 20th…scared but as “Travelin Mommy” said…my baby slept the entire trip. I even got some comments stating that they couldn’t believe there was a baby on board. I got more OOOO’s and AAAA’s then glares. It was a GREAT experience! Thanks to all for the love!

Anonymous December 7, 2007, 7:34 PM

Yeah, whatever. Good thing you weren’t on MY flight.

MARY December 14, 2007, 3:28 PM

WHO’S AT FAULT HERE? THE WEBSITE FOR POSTING THIS GARBAGE - LET THESE CRAZED CHILDREN HATERS GET THEIR OWN SITE.

MARY December 14, 2007, 3:29 PM

WHO’S AT FAULT HERE? THE WEBSITE FOR CHOOSING TO POST THIS GARBAGE.

Lula December 18, 2007, 5:13 PM

Get over it, its a fact of life that you will have to deal with annoying people, whether they are mouth breathers, kids, inconsiderate parents, know-it-all coworkers or yourself. There are much worse things people can do in life, how about we focus on them instead of a 2.5 year old boy who dares to pee in a women’s bathroom. LAAAAAAAAAAAMMMME.

Brandon December 20, 2007, 12:06 PM

I for one, totally agree with the post. Just because you got knocked up doesn’t give you the right to expect people to listen to your child’s screaming or smell their crappy diapers. They paid just as much money for the ticket as you did and should be able to have a resonably pleasant flight experience. If your kids aren’t ready to fly, then drive. This goes for nice restaurants too, if you can’t control your children, eat at home.

Brandon December 20, 2007, 4:14 PM

And one other thing, how is it that a 3 year old is stronger than two adults? All that time they spent trying to “console” her should have been spent picking her up, sticking her butt in the seat, and buckling her seatbelt. These parents should be ashamed and do not deserve any compensation from the airline. It’s a shock to think that they are upset with the airline because they held up the flight for everyone else due to the actions of their demon spawn. One other point, they had more than 15 minutes to “calm her down” since flights generally board about 30 minutes prior to takeoff and parents with kids are usually allowed to board first, so they had closer to 45 minutes. Maybe they’ll learn how to control their child, be more considerate of other people, and become responsible parents…..but at this point I doubt it.


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