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The Childless Bitch on Travel

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Editor's Note: When the post below was submitted to us, it completely pissed us off. After we all calmed down, we decided to post it. We're open-minded like that. The title for the post was originally "My Experiences Traveling as a Single Woman," but we took a bit of editorial license and changed it. We're not much for calling other women the B-word, but this time it seemed like the right thing to do. Tell us if you agree...

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I am about to get on a plane to travel cross-country. To plan for this painstaking day, I thought it would be appropriate to speak to the mothers of the world who will be joining me, along with their screaming, coughing, drooling children.

Listen, I get it, it's hard being a mom..blah blah blah. Working down the hall from the Mom•Logic offices, I hear it all the time. Fine. I get it. I definitely get that traveling has got to be the worst of all mommy-duties. But face it--you chose to have children, and now you are choosing to transport them. I am just an innocent, single, non-disturbing airline passenger who, like you, had to pay a ridiculous price for an airline ticket. And let me be clear, I am not choosing to go on an exotic vacation with my three hot Italian boyfriends during this holiday time (a false sense of reality mommies often construct about life as a single person). But instead, I am being forced to join my quasi-loved ones in a small town on the opposite side of the country.
All I'm asking for is a little courtesy. None of us want to be trapped in an airport, stuck on a train, or tortured in traffic on the road. To make it a little easier on all of us, I have devised a quick list of Single Person-Friendly Traveling Rules for moms to keep in mind while traveling this weekend.

1. If you end up sitting next to me on the plane, you owe me a drink and/or an Ambien. Both are preferred.

2. Just because the terminal waiting area is carpeted, does not mean this is your child's play room.

3. While you are on your cell phone and cannot hear your child, I can.

4. It's great that you find your child hilarious but...no one else does.

5. Knowing you have to go through airport security with a gang of children, plan ahead. Don't look surprised to find out you have to remove all five pairs of shoes on all 10 of your children's feet. I manage to take my jewelry and belt off before getting to the front of the line. All I ask is, work it out.

6. If your son is over the age of 2, I don't want to see him leaving a women's restroom stall--one in which I surely will have to use.

7. Starbucks is a special place. The airport Starbucks, in particular, is no place for a child. Move it to McDonalds.

8. Just because you have a child in a middle seat does not grant you the right to take over my aisle seat.

9. Diapers should not be changed in places where I can watch it happen.

10. Last, but not least, please remember the Chilis To Go is a bar before anything else--please be respectful.



next: Sex Never Gets Old
77 comments so far | Post a comment now
kathy January 4, 2008, 10:27 AM

She’s right! I’m sick of having to listen to parents bark and complain about having kids, I pay for their kids with child tax credits and school taxes, I have to deal with their children EVERYWHERE, yet nobody has to deal with anything bad from me! I don’t annoy people in airports or restaurants, or drone on about things that I care about but no one else does, or make people pay for me!!! People with kids think they own this damn world! I’m sick of it!

Anonymous January 22, 2008, 4:45 PM

ok, get this..WE WERE ALL KIDS ONCE! dont try to say you never whinned or cryed or had a messy diaper. maybe if you dont like hearing kids cry you shoudl drive instead of fly, that would be more peacful for you. i hope you never get to experince how it feels to have your own bundles of joy looking up to you, cuddling you,crying out for you becasue you mean the world to them. and by the way, if your so anti-kid, maybe you shoudlnt be on this site in the first place hmm? …MOM-logic? not antikidlogic dear. grow up and deal with the fact that there is kids and there always will be as long as theres people!

Sarah January 27, 2008, 3:59 PM

Why do people get so upset about a few INNOCENT children. They are young, they are impressionable, they are learning how to fit into the world and most of all they are the future. Instead of getting your precious feathers all ruffled why not try to lend a hand…

Besides, you can’t pretend that they are the only annoyances on this planet. What about the slow drivers, the crazy irresponsible drivers, those who talk on their phone in the car, those who drink and then drive, what about the person at the restuarant who is lighting up a ciggarette. Speaking of the bathroom/diaper issue: what about those who decide to fart in public.

Please before you get so aggrivated by what young children do remember that you yourself are not perfect and that I’m sure many people find you annoying too.

Heather February 3, 2008, 8:18 PM

Mom’s, do not be offended by b*tches like this who are offended if a young boy pees in the women’s room. Are you supposed to send your 3 yr old son into the airport men’s room by himself, when individuals ala Larry Craig are in there? Protect your kids, take them to the ladies room until they are ready to go to the men’s room themselves.

Luis Castro (I don't care, find me) February 5, 2008, 2:34 AM

Kids are kids…they act like kids. Adults should be adult…act like one.
I can’t believe I’m wasting my time with this, but some people are the biggest damn babies here. In my opinion, the best post, thus far is Julie’s. New and expectant moms shouldn’t worry about this post. Just raise your child the best and safest way you can.

If I (a man), were to leave my 2 year old daughter outside the restroom unattended…I’d be reported to CPS for that. Plus, if you (a man walking to the restroom) were to see my daughter at the door (ALONE AND CRYING FOR DADDY), then were to move my daughter out of the way..You’d get your ass beat, then, I’d put you in jail for touching her. How ‘bout that?!

Now, quit bitching and focus on who you’re going to vote for as your new president.

Simzy April 17, 2008, 3:55 PM

I have two words for you sweat-heart,
First Class!

shannon April 26, 2008, 12:19 AM

I think this “CB” woman is a bit over the top. I can see some of her poorly made points. I have no problems with children being children. I don’t have children because I guess that is the way God wants it and it just is not in the cards for me. However, if I did have children, I would parent like my mother did. She taught me manners, respect and discipline. I would not have been allowed to run wild in places that were not appropriate, (airport, restaurant etc) I also would not be allowed to scream and shriek at the top of my lungs.
Under no circumstance would I have been allowed to throw myself on the floor in front of the candy rack and throw a fit. My mom would have pushed the cart away, picked me up and carried me out of the store and proceed to “educate” me as to the error of my ways. (While I am not condoning spanking…..) it was done regularly when our generation were kids. I know that I did not behave the way kids do today.
Let kids be kids, but please remember that those of use without these blessings are not used to having kids around. When they are being unruly it makes things stressful for everyone who has to politely smile and pretend its okay. We understand some situations are stressful for kids too, but there are ways to plan for it and to confort the child. :)

notamomyet April 27, 2008, 3:46 PM

okay, some of these make a little sense, others none. But really #6? A. You can not tell people where to go or not to go, and B. NOBODY needs coffee more than a sleep deprived parent.

“special place” huh? get real!

702BabyMama2B April 27, 2008, 11:32 PM

I’ve read a couple other CB rants and this one was a little hard core but I would have to agree with a couple of the points…obviously not #1 - if you’re that bitter going into the traveling experience you’d better buy your own drink(s) in the airport bar before hitting the plane cause if she ever sat next to me and demanded anything from me just because I was traveling with my child you bet your ass I would definitely give her something to help her sleep!! …Definitely not a fan of mothers letting their kids run wild around airports or any other public place for that matter - especially restaurants, she’s got a point there…also not a fan of older toddler boys (2 is still acceptable) in the womens room but if you’re a mom by yourself you can let your kid stroll into a men’s room solo…but if you have the help let daddy take him in the mens room. Starbucks issue…a little overboard with that one…plus she’s strikes me of more of a bar fly than bar-ista fan…and re: the McDonalds suggestion I’m especially not a fan of mother’s feeding their children fast food so the McDonald’s comment was a little funky….all in all she’s funny, and sad, and bitter,…but funny…it’s good for debate…plus….you’d be surprised how many Bitter Betties there are out there she’s definitely not the only one…

702BabyMama2B April 27, 2008, 11:36 PM

typo: obviously the comment about the bathroom was supposed to read “if you’re a mom by yourself you CAN’T let your kid stroll into a men’s room solo…”
pardon the typo…couldn’t find how to edit your comments after posting

elena 99-07 May 4, 2008, 3:30 AM

I can see her point of view on certain things.I have came across people that just don’t try. But it really bother me when she said (#6) if your son is over the age of 2.I’m guessing she didn’t see the news of when a little boy went in the mens restroom and when he came out a few min later he had been rapped. The man walked out of the restroom like nothing. that is the reason of why i dont let my 8year old go in the mens restroom! Plus if im paying $5 for a cup of COFFEE i have every right to have my child @ STARBUCKS! Next time don’t look when i happen to find my baby funny, look the other way just like i do when i happen to see your UGLY FACE!!

heather May 5, 2008, 11:40 AM

i thank you all are cry babys no mater where you go there will be kids thats the point of life deal with it

mozartcellochika07 May 5, 2008, 2:16 PM

u guys are talking about kids not dogs. and just because we chose to be mothers doesn’t give people the right to bitch when they have no idea. people with out kids can say all they want that they understand but “news flash”, u don’t. u chose to fly, if u care that much drive or get 1st class. i understand kids can be annoying. i have been that single person having to listen to them, but don’t act like our children are dogs that we just need to learn how to train.

Cortney May 24, 2008, 1:33 AM

I recently traveled on a plane with my 5 year old son and granted it was a shorter flight (75 minutes) he behaved nothing like this woman seems think ALL children behave like. Spit his food out of his mouth?! This is madness. Not one single person gave me “the look” about my child and a stewardess gave him an extra packet of cookies and a airline “wings” pin for “being such well behaved young man” on the flight.

Fawn Cole June 16, 2008, 10:15 AM

Okay, I am a mother of a 5 week old and I have to say that we have all been single. Do you think we intentionally make our kids scream and misbehave? This is ridiculous! If you are too goosd to travel on a public airplane buy your own. It used to be it “takes a village to raise a child”, but now there are people like you who are selfish and act so much like a child that you can’t share. Try using the golden rule lady! Be kind and maybe people would reciprocate!!!!

KB July 4, 2008, 9:00 AM

I can care less what she thinks I will take my boys in the womens restroom. I am not sending a two or three year old unattended in a mens restroom. I will be glad when she has kids. Don’t let her post another article until she does.

Lotus July 11, 2008, 11:53 AM

Just so you know, mothers take their little boys into the ladies’ room for their protection. My nine year old is very small and there is no way he could defend himself from a predator in the men’s room. I know it’s hard to extend your awareness much past the rim of your cocktail, but most women who are in touch with their common sense know this. Why don’t you take all the money you’re saving by not raising children and splurge for first class. If you sit in front of the bulkhead, there will be noone to kick your chair. Then you can use the private restroom in the lounge…after my son is finished pooping. I’m sure your exterior is just as ugly as your inner world, so you probably won’t have to worry about ever getting knocked up anyway!

just sayin' July 15, 2008, 3:06 PM

I’m married w/o children. Whenever I see parents traveling with their children I have to give it up to them. I barely can deal traveling by myself. But I especially congratulate those parents who can control their children in a flight. I’m not talking about the newborn who is crying or even the 2 yrs old whose ears are hurting. I’m talking about the 4 yr old who has had WAY TOO much sugar (& the parents keep giving it to him/her) and all the mother says is “honey use your inside voice”. Seriously lady, your child has no inside voice. Stop telling him to use it!!! Or the child that is sitting right behind you and is kicking the chair the entire flight. I understand parents can’t always control the situation but come on, make your child behave when they are kicking the seats. I also don’t understand why FATHERS don’t say anything to their children. Why is it the mothers responsibility to descipline the child? I’ve traveled with children myself and I always see them behave. But every once in a while you get that crazy kid with crazier parents. That’s who I dedicate this post to…PLS CONTROL YOUR CHILD!!!! I know I will try my best when I have kids. And one more thing, if your child is being rude pls say sorry to those around you. That’s really appreciated!!!

goche21 August 3, 2008, 1:33 PM

I owe her a drink? I’d pour that drink right over her big head!

Yes I decided to have a baby, kinda necessary for the survival of the human race. Unless she wants a real life rendition of “Children of Men”.

Travelling with an infant is tough, thankfully I haven’t had the pleasure. I can only imagine trying frantically to quiet my screaming nine months old so that the selfish woman next to me can enjoy her flight. No”Can I help you mix that bottle” or “here, I’ll get the diaper for you, you grab the pacifier” so that the flight would be easier on the both of us. Instead I see this woman hissing at me to shut my poor baby up, or whining that she has to see a bit of baby poop. Why not make the flight easier on the both of us, either help keep the baby calm when you can, or bring a pair of headphones so you don’t get in our way!

To CD, you don’t know the circumstances those parents go through. For all you know that runny nose could be from allergies, or they could be on their way to a doctor! Even if the child is a bit ill, how many adults do you think have a bug? The point is, it’s expensive to book a flight, and you can’t just cancel because of a cold.

Anonymous August 5, 2008, 9:34 AM

Hmm …”open-mined” huh? Then I’m sure you’ll appreciate this:
“Mothers from hell abuse their position as moderators/editors”.

I agree with everything this single woman poster wrote. Badly behaved kids caused by ignorant, incapable and uninterested parents are the bane of modern life. “Have child? Assume the right of way. In EVERYTHING” appears to be the mantra for many, MANY parents these days.
It was your choice to have children, do not expect strangers en masse to deal with your shortcomings. I do not find your child interesting or amusing and sidewalks are for feet not wheels (prams).
I agree with all the other posts agreeing with this woman and with the additions to her list.
If you have kids - PARENT THEM!!!


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