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The Childless Bitch on Travel

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Editor's Note: When the post below was submitted to us, it completely pissed us off. After we all calmed down, we decided to post it. We're open-minded like that. The title for the post was originally "My Experiences Traveling as a Single Woman," but we took a bit of editorial license and changed it. We're not much for calling other women the B-word, but this time it seemed like the right thing to do. Tell us if you agree...


I am about to get on a plane to travel cross-country. To plan for this painstaking day, I thought it would be appropriate to speak to the mothers of the world who will be joining me, along with their screaming, coughing, drooling children.

Listen, I get it, it's hard being a mom..blah blah blah. Working down the hall from the Mom•Logic offices, I hear it all the time. Fine. I get it. I definitely get that traveling has got to be the worst of all mommy-duties. But face it--you chose to have children, and now you are choosing to transport them. I am just an innocent, single, non-disturbing airline passenger who, like you, had to pay a ridiculous price for an airline ticket. And let me be clear, I am not choosing to go on an exotic vacation with my three hot Italian boyfriends during this holiday time (a false sense of reality mommies often construct about life as a single person). But instead, I am being forced to join my quasi-loved ones in a small town on the opposite side of the country.
All I'm asking for is a little courtesy. None of us want to be trapped in an airport, stuck on a train, or tortured in traffic on the road. To make it a little easier on all of us, I have devised a quick list of Single Person-Friendly Traveling Rules for moms to keep in mind while traveling this weekend.

1. If you end up sitting next to me on the plane, you owe me a drink and/or an Ambien. Both are preferred.

2. Just because the terminal waiting area is carpeted, does not mean this is your child's play room.

3. While you are on your cell phone and cannot hear your child, I can.

4. It's great that you find your child hilarious one else does.

5. Knowing you have to go through airport security with a gang of children, plan ahead. Don't look surprised to find out you have to remove all five pairs of shoes on all 10 of your children's feet. I manage to take my jewelry and belt off before getting to the front of the line. All I ask is, work it out.

6. If your son is over the age of 2, I don't want to see him leaving a women's restroom stall--one in which I surely will have to use.

7. Starbucks is a special place. The airport Starbucks, in particular, is no place for a child. Move it to McDonalds.

8. Just because you have a child in a middle seat does not grant you the right to take over my aisle seat.

9. Diapers should not be changed in places where I can watch it happen.

10. Last, but not least, please remember the Chilis To Go is a bar before anything else--please be respectful.

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77 comments so far | Post a comment now
CRH September 18, 2008, 12:40 PM

Let’s see…I’ll comment. Do people really take offense to this? I find it comical. She’s hilarious, it’s a good read. If you’re offended by it, you should unbotton your collar, loosen up, and laugh. It’s FUNNY!! After all, laughter IS the best medicine.

tocoolforyou October 1, 2008, 4:22 PM

I am the mother of 3 well behaved boys.
I have chosen to have children as I feel it is the greatest blessing on earth. I balance a carreer, children, a husband, a mortgage and many other things, I am like so many women. If you do not like children I suggest you get your tubes tied, take a zantac, and become a recluse in your miserable lonely life. I would love to meet you. Believe me it could be game on for me and you too.

Joline October 25, 2008, 4:44 PM

I agree with 2, 3, sometimes 4 when a kid is being a brat and the mom’s laughing “isn’t that cute he kicked me haha” or when the kid is in other people’s way, don’t agree with 6 (I’d never send a small child into a stall alone but I’d say I odn’t wanna see a mom taking her 21 year old son into the ladies room), and 8 because an adult recently stole my seat…so that applies to anyone. And 9 because if at all possible, it should be done as inconspicuously as possible. I don’t have the stomach for that anymore. GOOD POINT JAMIE & SHERI (YEAH I ALWAYS SAY IT’S THE OBNOXIOUS KIDS THAT GROW UP TO BE THE OBNOXIOUS ADULTS! SO TRUE!!! SOME KIDS ARE BETTER THAN ADULTS!!!) and I PRAISE THE MOMMIES WHO UNDERSTAND WHERE CB IS COMING FROM ! ! ! THIS ONLY APPLIES TO “THOSE” MOMS!!! :)

Anonymous December 9, 2008, 2:21 PM

Grow up!! You were once a child too. Maybe the reason you’re alone is because no one can stand the thought of being with you for any length of time! Thank Goodness you didn’t reproduce!! People like you, so self-centered, should be living in a bubble away from all of us! I have 4 kids and have traveled with them on stand-by ever since they were 4 weeks old. Yes, you heard me right—in first-class non-stop from Chicago to Hawaii and back several times. Every time I get on the plane I get those evil looks from everyone. And when I get off, everyone says what wonderful, well-behaved children I have. They didn’t know they were on the plane. So maybe you shouldn’t stereotype everyone’s kids. You certaintly wouldn’t like it yourself.

911mom December 28, 2008, 4:19 PM

my response to people that complain about kids (mine or others) walk a mile in a parents shoes… we DARE you. lol

Anonymous December 31, 2008, 3:53 AM

Hit moms will holler. Yes, single people understand some things are out of your control, but you really should control the things that are. I had a child knock over my very expensive violin while running pell mell in the waiting area, and did not say sorry- the mom saw and did nothing. Same child ended up behind me, kicking my seat the entire time- and she had the audacity to look upset when I told her child to cut it out. If you as a parent don’t let these things happen, then good you should pat yourself on the back. But some of these moms do not pay attention or just plain don’t care- and THAT IS and imposition on the rest of us minding our own business.

Anonymous January 17, 2009, 7:24 PM

The self righteousness that is spewing from several moms on this board is the kind of thing that this post is about. There is this attitude from some posters that they and their kids should be worshiped just for existing. You don’t have to be a child hater to expect parents to be responsible for the little human beings that THEY CHOSE TO CREATE. Obviously, children cannot be “controlled” at all times, but you can tell the difference between a parent who is trying hard with a child who is being difficult, and a parent who has no consideration of others. There are tons of both kinds of parents out there. I ADORE children, but don’t find it “cute” if someone’s child kicks my seat repeatedly while the parent smiles at me with a “kids will be kids” kind of look.

Lucy January 31, 2009, 7:46 AM

Some of these points I agree with. I have 2 children and have had to travel with them due to a very ill relative. Some points though I object to

1.If you end up sitting next to me on the plane, you owe me a drink and/or an Ambien. Both are preferred.

I have to say, how is that fair? I don’t control seating arrangements. I may be flat broke and saving all my money to feed my children and barely able to afford to buy my child anything to eat on the trip. I owe you nothing.

6. If your son is over the age of 2, I don’t want to see him leaving a women’s restroom stall—one in which I surely will have to use.

My elder child is 6 and would never be allowed to enter a public restroom alone. A child’s safety is worth more than your convenience. Sorry.

7. Starbucks is a special place. The airport Starbucks, in particular, is no place for a child. Move it to McDonalds.

I think not. Just because I have a child this does not deny me the right to a decent coffee.

T&C mom February 20, 2009, 9:35 AM

i have a 7 year old and you better believe he goes in the ladies room with me. There are way to many crazy people out there. I am not sending my little angel in the mens room by himself in a crowded airport.

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Jessie October 4, 2009, 3:56 AM

hey look, i don’t mind so much when you see a parent trying to keep their unruly spawn under control. But whenever i have travelled i have had the stupid things kick the back of my chair through the whole flight, and when you’re an athlete that is the last thing you need. I do my best to avoid kids so that i don’t have to get into those situations where you need to ask for things to stop. So don’t get annoyed with me when i have asked repeatedly for you to stop them and then i have to ask for the hostess to help sort out the situation.

mai November 22, 2009, 9:16 PM

this woman’s posting makes complete sense. Children are a choice, and parents should at least ATTEMPT to control them so they don’t make obscene amounts of noise and try to wipe their snot on me.
Also, perhaps parents SHOULD bring litter boxes. Children are little better than animals. As a former child, I support this womans’ travelling tips. The people who find her offensive, stop wining and become better parents.

arisma November 22, 2009, 9:32 PM

Not to be rude but… this post is a little recycled, isn’t it?

Tina November 23, 2009, 2:45 PM

Even though I don’t have children, this really bothers me. Of course it’s annoying when a parent doesn’t have control of their kid, but that doesn’t mean that all parents automatically owe you something (“you owe me a drink and/or an Ambien”). Starbucks is not a “special place.” It’s just another part of the food court, and they have as much of a right to it as a single person does. The woman who wrote this obviously has no idea what she’s talking about when it comes to children. A three year old has no place to be in a bathroom alone.
Children talk. They’re human, just like you, and they have the right to the things they need just as much as anyone else.

Justin November 24, 2009, 3:34 PM

To the single childless woman, from the single childless guy who travels a lot for work:

I’ve heard kids screaming, smelled them vomiting, and felt them kicking the back of my seat, and have no sympathy for you. That’s how people behave before they become adults. That’s how a lot of adults behave actually. Complaining about unruly kids is like complaining about bad weather. That’s reality; learn to cope.

To mothers traveling with small children, from a childless single guy: I know most of you are against letting your young child chew gum, but chewing gum helps his/her ears pop. Children have small ear-canals, and when they don’t equalize to the changing pressure as the plane rises and then again as it descends, it’s painful for them, and they let everyone know it by crying, kicking, and getting sick. For you child’s sake and everyone else’s, let your kid chew some gum.

Kara November 24, 2009, 5:30 PM

I’m a mom of 2 and don’t find this post particularly offensive.
Wishing her infertile, wanting to find her so that someone can sit her kids as irritatingly close to her as possible, is a little over the top. I believe you are the people she’s talking about.
That being said, kids act up, kids get tired, they don’t bother me.
There needs to be mutual respect between fellow travelers. I see no reason why she shouldn’t be respected as well.

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