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Top 5: Benefits of Life in Prison

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Need some downtime? Take a "time out" behind bars.


As we reported earlier, Massachusetts has proposed a bill to make it a crime to spank your child. Back in January 2007 California also introduced a bill to ban parents from spanking, punishable by prison time. We're not quite sure prison would deter a frustrated Mom from giving a spank to a pre-schooler who's just gleefully poured an entire container of maple syrup on the carpet. You really want to punish a mom? Throw her in jail WITH the tantrum throwing, disobedient rugrat. Otherwise, compared with the never-ending hamster wheel of motherhood, prison just might be a picnic.

(Disclaimer: Momlogic do not condone breaking the law just to get a little "me" time. We are law-abiding citizens.)

Top 5 Benefits of Life in Prison

1. Sleep all night (and all day!)
Get all the beauty sleep you need, with no interruptions from kids or husbands. In jail you're like a cat, you can sleep up to 23 hours a day.

2. No cleaning house in the  "Big House."
No laundry, dishes or vacuuming up Cheerios. And since all your possessions were confiscated during the strip-search, your clutter-free dreams will finally come true.

3. Relive your college days.
You and your prison "roommate" can stay up all night giggling like schoolgirls. Just make sure she doesn't try to stick you with a shiv during your pillow fight.

4. Get a free insta-wardrobe.
You never have "nothing to wear" behind bars, you'll always be stylish in your jumpsuit. And remember girls, "prison orange" complements almost all skin tones!

5. Two words: conjugal visits!
Who says scheduled sex can't be fun?

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11 comments so far | Post a comment now
Rosa November 29, 2007, 2:11 PM

hahaha….this is soo true…prison dosent sound so bad?!!

Rhonda November 29, 2007, 2:48 PM

I actually loved this article. I am continually amazed by some of the ways we in “civilized” society determine how people should act. Almost every mother I know spanks and each of them has amazing children, not abused children but really wonderful children who are taught the difference between a spanking and a beating.

I was spanked as a kid, and I was never spanked for no reason, at times I truly deserved more than one spanking…and I was spanked by someone who used it as a very last resort. But I can say that I never did that thing again, so was my guardian wrong? I can’t say that she was.

I feel very sorry for the good parents right now. I feel like they are being punished for all the bad things that bad parents have done. I feel like abuse is intolerable, but I also feel that we need to have some good guidelines as to what that is. Is a swat on the bottom (of a padded butt) abuse or is hit with an extension cord abuse? Is a pop on the palm of the hand abuse or is a cigarette burn on the arm abuse? If we don’t make some decisions, our prisons will be packed full of good parents. And, then the question becomes, what happens to all of these kids when their parents are thrown in jail over such charges?

A good parent logically reasons with a kid, but realizes that kids cannot think like adults and typically act on impulse. A good parent sets up rules that they will abide by so their child is not confused or unaware of the consequences of their actions. And, a good parent, will be able to ascertain is if a parent who has spanked a kid is doing so abusively or or disciplinary reasons. But even if a parent chooses not to spank, if that parent is a good parent, they too will realize the difference, because they will understand how it feels to have children (at least that is my hope).

Kat November 29, 2007, 3:04 PM

HAHAHA! throw me in jail! they even have libraries don’t they? woo hoo!

Nicole November 29, 2007, 5:45 PM

I think it is crazy to send a parent to prison for mearly spanking a child. Myself I dont use spanking as a form of punishment but my children are a bit older grounding works much better and last a lot longer than a spanking that last a couple of seconds and the hurt feelings for a few minutes. I feel that as long as you are not abusing your child that child is still your child and you should be allowed to punish your child in any way that you see fit as long as it doesnt cross that line of abuse. I see the problem with the law of if you spank your child you go to prison what about the kids that dont really understand how serious it is ..get mad at their parents and go and tell someone that the parent spanks them all of the time.I think they need to concentrate more on the parents that are really abusing their children other than the ones that spank their child once in a while. Ialso have to agree with a lot of what Rhonda says in her post.

Shanna November 29, 2007, 9:07 PM

Amen!!! Jail sounds pretty relaxing. Nice break from all the day to day stresses.
Kids just need to be spanked sometimes. That is a pretty dumb reason to go to jail.

jaz21 March 20, 2008, 2:14 PM

i think that its stupid to send a parent to jail for spanking there child because some children do need spankings.Im not saying to beat them.I have a 3 year old and he is very very active and doesnt listen after i tell him things a couple of times and also laughs in my face.So i do understand the moms that do somethings give their kid a spanking.

Anna August 23, 2008, 2:22 AM

I agree with many of the comments, spanking does not mess children up. Unless you are using a ruler it does not damage kids physically. I for one, was spanked as a child and i did not end up with any issues because of it.

spense09 October 7, 2009, 9:35 PM

well whoever wrote this article has no clue how jail works, or the difference between jail and prison, at least 3 of the 5 “benefits” are wrong

Rita October 17, 2009, 3:12 PM

I know the top 5 list is just a joke but really it’s one of the stupidest things I read. I’ve never been to prison or jail but I’ve known people who have and believe me, it’s nowhere near the picnic you described above. Though I know by now not to take alot of the stuff momlogic writes seriously.

Anonymous April 18, 2011, 10:12 PM

are you mad?

Anonymous April 18, 2011, 10:13 PM

are you mad?

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