I Saw the "Childless Bitch" Shopping!

I Saw the "Childless Bitch" Shopping!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Guest Momologue response: Yesterday, I was doing some holiday shopping at the mall with my kids, and I bumped into the “Childless Bitch!”

mamaloveshopping writes: "I’m pretty sure it was her, because she kept muttering “goddamn breeder” and “crotch fruit” under her breath while glaring at my 3-year-old, who immediately started to cry, “Mommy, that lady is sooo mean!” Gee, kids really do say the darndest things.

But the truth is, she turned my pleasant shopping experience into a real drag. So, here are a few tips for you Sexless in the City gals who decide to venture into the malls during the holiday rush.

1. Please don’t frighten my children. As a parent, I vigilantly protect my kids from scary and unpleasant imagery. I don’t want them to have nightmares of angry, embittered women skulking through malls in hot pursuit of the latest lip plumper they read about in Cosmo.

2. Those impatient cartoon noises you make while I’m trying to get my kids out of your self-entitled way aren’t going to make us move any faster. What’s your hurry, anyway? The bars stay open ‘til two—plenty of time for you to get sh*t-faced with your other childless friends and throw up in your purse.

3. And hey, I know you’ve had a hard night of partying and you reek of cigarette smoke, but please don’t get too near my child. Secondhand smoke kills, not to mention secondhand smoke on trendy secondhand clothes.

4. The holidays are a time for family and togetherness, not for sad lonely women who hate children and probably their own families—assuming someone in your clan has procreated. If you can’t handle the normal hustle and bustle of the Season of Giving–get out of the mall.

5. When you’re alone in the crowded food court (which is probably often), don’t sit yourself down at a table meant for four. If there are no seats available, then please, feel free to eat your meal on the go. That way, you can high-tail it out of the mall that much faster.

Oh, and last, but not least, follow your own advice: It’s called online shopping. Suck it up and pay the shipping costs. This will not only be a gift to your overall health and well-being this holiday season, but also a kind way for you to give back to your community.

And, if you ever change your mind and have children (Honey, believe it or not, the odds are good), those of us with children wish upon you a colicky baby and a temper tantrum-prone toddler—you’ll love them just as we love our children, but then you can endure the heartless comments of women just like you.

But for now, please be warned: Me, my kids and my stroller are at the mall to kick some shopping ass—so get outta our way."

43 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

Amen sista!!!!!

- Michelle

Posted 12/05/07 02:19 PM

love it! but I’m sure some child haters on this site will be piping in shortly…

- Anonymous

Posted 12/05/07 02:55 PM

This is fantastic! love it!

- Ladyblue

Posted 12/05/07 03:20 PM

I agree whole-heartedly with most of what mamaloveshopping had to say having a 4 year old and a 9 month old, but at the same time aren’t we getting a little bitter about all of this? Didn’t we make some of the same comments before we had children? Don’t we make some of them now when we see women with children who behave “worse” than our children do? I’m not saying that the childless bitch doesn’t deserve all of the crap we can throw at her when she are standing there being pissed at our children for being alive, but maybe we could be just a little more understanding about how stressful the whole holiday shopping season can be. For everyone.

- Anonymous

Posted 12/05/07 05:43 PM

Okay I take back all the nice politically correct things I just said about how the holiday shopping season can be hard on everyone and how we used to be just like them because whoever just put up that last post doesn’t deserve any of the compassion I just tried to give her. My children or anyone else’s for that matter are not what is wrong with the world, honey. People who don’t have the common decency to remember that they were also once children who screamed, drooled, took up space and had to be changed in public and no one ever wished them dead definitely are.

- Anonymous

Posted 12/05/07 05:55 PM

Wow, you are a bitter woman. Is parenting such a burden to you that you are THAT envious of women without kids ? If you are under the impression that someone chooses to sit at a table just to spite you and your kids or that the holidays are only there for people with children, you’re in desperate need of a psychologist to cure you from thinking that the universe revolves around you.

- Anonymous

Posted 12/05/07 05:56 PM

Too funny! These lonely woman out there, believe we go shopping with our kids to gain attention from their a**, that is hysterical. Boy, that one nameless gal sure got defensive about the table comment she’s probably the one sitting there thinking she’s entitled. It makes you wonder all their input on here how if their life is so great as a child free person and saying or thinking we all are jealous of them why are they the ones spending so, so much of their free time on a website for mom’s! In order for them to even see this to begin with they would of had to go in and pull up a website for mothers. Yes, if I had no children that’s definitely where I’d spend my free time.

- becky

Posted 12/05/07 06:37 PM

Well, as to why we’re on a website for Moooooooooms, sometimes it’s fun to see what insignificant thing the breeders are mooing about now and make fun of them for it. Shouldn’t you be putting Aiden, Bayden, Caiden, and Hayden down for a nap or terrorizing the employees at Toys R Us or something, rather than complaining about how jealous you are of the childfree?

- Anonymous

Posted 12/05/07 09:22 PM

“if your kid is old enough to talk, it’s old enough to walk.” That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. You want us to let our toddlers walk the mall? Oh no - what if they walked too slowly and inconvenienced a bitter spinster who’s trying to grab a table for four all for her pathetic lonesome self? We couldn’t have that. xo

- Anonymous

Posted 12/05/07 09:23 PM

Aww, is somebody upset? Wow it really is amazing how they still continue to linger on a CHILD-FREE SITE! I guess mom’s were just the jealous ones here.

- Angie

Posted 12/05/07 09:26 PM

All a colicky baby needs is a good slam to the head.

- Avontussle

Posted 12/05/07 09:42 PM

Does someone need a midol! You missed something somewhere it’s not being said that only people with children celebrate the holiday! It was in reference to the people who chose not to have kid and come to a website for mom’s and start saying how we are in your way out in the malls, shopping centers and etc…! Everyone has the right to go anywhere. The evil comments posted here by the single gals are outrageous and you should never have been on here. I’m sick of reading the posts here that we are so jealous of you guys. You are the people that give a real woman a bad name. Also, did we say we cared if you never wanted to have a baby! Who cares remain child-less. If you are that annoyed by a woman and her babies out shopping with her stroller, F-ing leave the store! We don’t care how unhappy this makes you.

- Anonymous

Posted 12/05/07 09:54 PM

Oh, but you do care. It goes up your spine that somen have chosen to remain free from the shackles of motherhood, while you have condemned yourself. You have to keep trying to convince yourself that you’re happy being a slave to a kid for the rest of your life by putting down those who don’t have children and making it out like you’re somehow less than human if you have never procreated. It’s the self-entitlement of you breeders that makes us angry.

- Anonymous

Posted 12/05/07 09:59 PM

Wow, lonely and a F-ing comedian! You really got it going on for yourself don’t you? Shouldn’t you be at the mall knocking kids in the head and making them scream at your ugly mug!

- Angie

Posted 12/05/07 10:19 PM

You know, usually I would be doing that but right now I think it’s much more fun to watch you stew angrily in your moo juices that someone would dare challenge the Lifestyle Of The Arrogant And Entitled Moo.

- Anonymous

Posted 12/05/07 10:25 PM

- Anonymous

Posted 12/05/07 10:26 PM

Do you realize what an utter and complete waste you are? If your so bothered by children, what is your real reason for being here? It has got to be more than just for pure amusement. For someone to come and want to check out what a bunch of mom’s are talking about, without being a mom herself doesn’t strike me as very normal. You don’t have kids and the other stuff to worry about that comes with being a mom. So, go and take yourself and your words where YOU belong.

- Angie

Posted 12/05/07 10:39 PM

What are you people talking about?? mamaloveshopping is just saying that as a mother of children she has the same rights as a childless woman to carry on with her life. I think some of you are missing the point.

- Janice

Posted 12/05/07 10:42 PM

Well Angiepoo, it actually IS for pure amusement. You don’t realize how petty your little breeder complaints seem to people who have never punched out a dropping. It’s like the moment you gave birth, your brains melted away never to be seen again. I for one, find it highly entertaining.

- Anonymous

Posted 12/05/07 10:49 PM

What a sorry WASTE!

- Angie

Posted 12/06/07 12:18 AM