A Momologue by Andrea: Changing my swearing habit might be even harder than changing diapers.

"First of all, let me start this off by saying I curse like a truck driver (I apologize to those well-mannered truck drivers out there who never use expletives). But frankly, I like a nice swear word now and then. I’m good at them. But now that my 21-month-old is starting to repeat everything my husband and I say, it’s probably time to stop. A couple months ago I thought it was already too late because my daughter’s favorite word seemed to be that one that rhymes with “luck.” She loved saying it. Over and over. Particularly in crowded restaurants. But turns out it was just her cute little mispronunciation of “fork.” Boy, we were forking lucky.

This “cleaning up my language” part of raising a child isn’t going to be easy for me. Transitioning from hell to H-E double toothpicks is going to take some getting used to. I’ve been swearing for a long time. So long, in fact, I barely even know what’s considered a swear word.

Case in point:
The other day Lily toddled into our room clutching her doll looking so adorable I was overwhelmed as only a mother can be. I turned to my husband and said, “Jesus Christ, she’s cute!”

My husband, an ex-Catholic and confirmed atheist was appalled. “Don’t swear in front of her.”

"What? You’re kidding, how can that count as swearing when neither of us considers Jesus Christ our personal savior?" He countered with: “Do you want her to be in preschool saying, 'Jesus Christ, I love to finger-paint?'

Point taken. So what other words are off limits? I’m aware that pissed, ass (unless it’s one of the those rare occasions we’re discussing donkeys) and bitch will be the first to go. But my friends with older kids have informed me that I even have to consider phrases like “shut up” as swear words. I’m screwed.

So, I guess its time for me to wash my own mouth out with soap before my little parrot starts to pick up my bad habits. Holy Mackerel.

NEWS FLASH:
The Associated Press reports that Sister Kathy Avery of St. Clare of Montefalco Catholic School in Michigan doesn't take any s**t. She wanted to be SUPER clear with her students about which curse words she would not tolerate—and proceeded to read them aloud to her stunned students. Nice work, sista!

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