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The Cheating Mom Diaries

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Diane, Mom of 3, tells all about her secret affair.

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"I've been married for almost five years, and have three adorable children. I'm 27 years old. And I have a boyfriend on the side. We've been together for about a year. It's hard to live a double life this way, but my husband cheated on me before we got married many times with lots of women. Deep down, I knew, but I never had proof. About two years after we got married, he told me about his flings. I felt so betrayed, worthless and unattractive. That's what sent me straight into the arms of another man.

My boyfriend is four years younger than me. We were just friends at first, but then one thing led to another, and we fell for each other. Hard. He shows me more love then my husband ever has, and makes me feel really beautiful. Even though I'm overweight, he's still super attracted to me. My husband and I have sex only about twice a month, but my boyfriend and I have sex three times a week.

Why haven't I left my husband? I can't afford to. I'm a stay-at-home mom, and it's really hard to get a job with three young children. Plus, it would hurt my kids if we got divorced. So I just stick with the routine. Sometimes, I do feel bad about the affair, but not as much as I used to. I have my married mother life, and then I have my other secret life. And I do my best to make sure those two worlds will never collide."

To read more from Diane's diary, check back next week.

Are you a cheating mom? To tell us about it, click here.



next: Whose Body is This?
45 comments so far | Post a comment now
Kay January 23, 2008, 4:49 PM

Wow!!I can’t believe what I am reading! I think if a situation with your spouse is this bad you should get out… eventually you could get back on your feet… but to go behind your husbands back!!! I could never.. all I kept thinking about when i read this was.. How did you feel when your husband was cheating on you? Now you are no better than him… Cheating and doing it secretly.. for sooo long… not wanting to hurt your kids…. This is actually going to hurt them WORSE… eventually it will all come out… and you have to wonder… what will your kids think then?

Kelley January 24, 2008, 1:37 AM

And by choosing to have an illicit affair you have proved yourself no better than your husband, and have played right into the worthlessness and betrayal. You no longer have a right to feel betrayed over his infidelity. You are a mother, and you owe your children more than that. This story makes me want to puke.

Scorpio January 26, 2008, 1:49 PM

In a mother’s fantasy world this would be a great story…But unfortunately, in real life these sort of things come back to haunt you…I completely understand how this mother feels, especially when the man that you have loved has hurt you in this way, probably so bad that you really don’t love him or yourself anymore…Having a separate life and someone who makes you feel sexy and makes you forget about just being a mommy, but a real woman; seems all tempting, but this is not how life is supposed to be…At least I like to think so…

Anonymous January 26, 2008, 1:50 PM

In a mother’s fantasy world this would be a great story…But unfortunately, in real life these sort of things come back to haunt you…I completely understand how this mother feels, especially when the man that you have loved has hurt you in this way, probably so bad that you really don’t love him or yourself anymore…Having a separate life and someone who makes you feel sexy and makes you forget about just being a mommy, but a real woman; seems all tempting, but this is not how life is supposed to be…At least I like to think so…

Cindy January 31, 2008, 3:30 PM

You can obviously get past the pain you are causing your husband and children and you say you love them. Do you love yourself? I think that this is not about having another man who is kind and loving to you, but more about telling yourself you are no longer a victim. TWO WRONGS NEVER MAKE A RIGHT! It is so easy to forget the pain you felt when you were cheated on, if you are now the one inflicting the pain on someone else,and that someone else is the man you took vows with, your husband. What you are doing is replacing your hurt with control, you control how you will now hurt your husband, but in the process of that control you will destroy your family, and the younger man who obviously loves you. Something you should think about, sometimes one man ends up murdering the other. You are playing with fire and unfortunately it may not be only you who gets burned.

Opalo January 31, 2008, 4:31 PM

This is so wrong. A person who cheats is not only betraying the spouse but the whole family. I know how hard is to think you have the best sis in law one minute and then feeling a stab in the back when finding out she did the UNFORGIVEABLE to your own brother. It makes me want to erase all of the good times from my memory that involved her, even though I love (or loved) her.

sherri February 1, 2008, 9:12 PM

I say go for it. Have the time of your life. Life is too short to be unhappy.As long as your kids never find out ,why not.I have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids. I also have a boyfriend on the side.It was the best thing I ever did for myself. Because as moms we often forget who we are. What is wrong with a little fun.

Pete February 7, 2008, 3:23 PM

Diane,

I hope you will get to realise that what you do is wrong. What if you are much older and your children finds out about it and lose the respect they have for you. What has happened to morals, trust and respect.

Patrick O February 20, 2008, 5:51 PM

I feel bad for the children and the husband. One day they’ll find out, and you’ll destroy their world. It really hurts when children find out their mother has lied to them, especially for a long time and something so important. A mother’s betrayal stings like no other. This story isn’t funny, entertaining, or anything positive. It is something to be ashamed of. Absolutely disgusting.

Jenny February 27, 2008, 7:19 AM

I agree that a “mother’s betrayal stings like no other”. I wouldn’t go as far as judging and calling this story “disgusting” after all, who are we to judge? what i would say is that this type of behavior is deceitful and manipulative and fear the repercussions it will have on the children, whether they find out about the affair or not. Lying, deceiving, cheating, amongst many other negative behaviors, are a daily part of this woman’s life. These qualities are being taught to her children, whether she intends to or not. Our children learn from the behavior we model, rather than what we say. I fear how this will impact the children and the toll it will pay on them.
Sometimes it really sucks being a mom, i know. I cheated on my ex husband before we were separated and while we were separated and I still regret it (even though i still hate the bastard). If my daughter had been a little older she would have caught onto my behaviors. Our kids are not dummies. They know more than they let on. Please think about your children. If you are really unhappy, than counseling or separation are far better choices than lying and deceiving the whole family.

Missfit715 April 18, 2008, 4:49 PM

I think that if you knew about his cheating before you married him, then what can you say about that? You accepted him for what he was and married him anyway. You should let that go and figure out what makes you so unhappy with him now. You are cheating after thet fact, so you are the one with the issues. Unless of course he is still cheating, then that’s a whole other issue.

Anonymous May 4, 2008, 5:45 PM

How are you going to explain a sexually transmitted infection?

Margaret May 4, 2008, 5:49 PM

How will you explain a sexually transmitted infection to one of your partners should that occur?

Todd June 3, 2008, 9:22 PM

I am not here to condemn nor condone. It seems that it is getting harder to find happiness in relationships in our fast paced world. Divorce rates are higher than the price of gasoline. What we do know is everyone wants and needs to be wanted and feel loved and happy.
Some of us think we have found eternal happiness and marry only to discover down the road that we might not have made the right choice. Then along comes something better. Or so we think. The next thing we know we are in an emotional affair then extramarital. You can’t have both, a marriage and affair.
Nobody has the emotional ability to juggle both. If so not for long. sooner or later you are discovered or you have to make a choice. Sometimes the choice is made for you either by your spouse or lover. So much for eternal happiness. What you are doing right now, it going down a dead end street. You are poisoning your relationship with you husband. You cannot give him 100% of your devotion since your emotionally entwined in this other relationship. What is going to happen if the boyfriend splits? You will have put so much emotional interest into that part that you have robbed if from you marriage, and when you go back to you supportive(?) husband, there may not be anything much left there. Think about it. You have to work on marriage relationships. As the relationship gets older it gets harder, not easier. Young new love is always exciting and exhilerating. After time it becomes routine and boring. But you have a bond and trust. You will never have that in your relationship. You obviously don’t trust him because of his past, at least he told you about it.
are you going to be honest and confront him with this, after it fails. It will you know. He is just enjoying the free ride don’t fool yourself. You should start planning for your future without either of them because that is where you will end up eventually. It is only a matter of time.

allan June 3, 2008, 9:32 PM

You say he cheated on you before you were married. You accepted by getting married anyway. You are the real cheat now because you are married and your reasons are phony. You just feel like being selfish and to hell with your kids and the family. If life is so bad than don’t stay married and get your own life back since you are young. Who ever you end up with will have to deal with once a cheat always a cheat because that is your new ID. You are the one who is wrong now.

Eric June 3, 2008, 11:11 PM

People like you are what give all women a bad name. My husband cheated on me so it is ok if I do the same. Of course I still married him anyway. And now I won’t leave him because I am too lazy to support myself and my family. You are a true class act and deserve all the problems you get. The worst part is you actually think acting like this is ok. Hopefully your kids will not suffer because there mother and father are not the role models they think they are and don’t deserve any respect if they knew the truth.

Good luck. You will need it.

Marie June 4, 2008, 10:21 AM

In all honesty if you are only 27 yrs and the children are so young and you are only having sex with hubby 2-3 times a month then I think you should be facing the fact that you and your husband are not compatible and/or that neither one of you is putting the effort into a loving relationship. I keep thinking how young you are and your kids are so young that if you got out of this marriage now or soon you probably wouldn’t hurt them so much. I don’t think anyone has the right to call you selfish or a slut or anything derogatory. Possilby you could approach your husband with the idea of working on your marriage and seeking counseling. But first you have to ask yourself if you are in love with your husband enough to want counseling. you might be lavishing in a sort of lazy period right now and taking advantage of a “good thing” meaning the love affair. But as years go by the boyfriend as young as he is might go on to other more available women. And then what you will face is your life again. repeat you will have to face your life again and that marriage to someone you probably don’t trust very much. Learn something right now about bad marriages: At some point there will be a confrontation. Maybe your hubby will be caught in an affair or you’ll get caught. Then you both have to face it. It’s not about who is right or wrong it is about both of you really wanting to commit to loving and caring about each other. I believe it has nothing to do with the children. Children are the result of either a good or bad relationaship unless they were from a sperm donor and therefore planned. Just read this over and over and think aboput my words. Actually my heart goes out to you I have been there. I call my life devastating because I the father to my children was verbally and physically abusive to both my children and I. The affair I had is like a piece of candy in my heart and in my mind. However, if I could have had my wishes my it would have never happened and my husband would have been a very different person. Good Luck and seek whatever help you can. Turn that seeking help into your personal research project. Do whatever it takes to try to create the lifestyle and joy you really desire for yourself and your children.

Zuxi June 5, 2008, 9:40 PM

Who are you all to pass judgement on this gal? Kudos to those who said so. The bottom line is that while she may not be happy with her husband, she is staying with her husband for the sake of having her children grow up in a 2-parent household. This comes with the benefits of finances and a stable and trusting home for her children. That doesn’t make it “right” but it certainly doesn’t make it wrong either.

Being a happy woman, makes for a happy mom, makes for a happy wife. Her husband is a cheater, so why not go with a marriage of convenience?

More power to you chick, rock on.

Anonymous June 7, 2008, 2:29 AM

wow! zuxie i can’t believe you are applauding this. it is sad that her husband cheated and it is wrong but that was before the marriage. if she knew she should have got out. marriage is an oath its a promise you make before God and that is as sacred as it gets. i’m a housewife and i a 10 month and another one on the way but that would not keep me in a loveless marriage i would find a way to be happy and set an example for my what they should expect in a relationship. i could not even fathom cheating on my husband even if he did it first i would just leave i wouldnt try to justify my sins because of his. i guess it all comes down to morals and a cheater doesn’t have any.

Mina June 8, 2008, 1:13 PM

Obviously you are not happy with your marriage. And most probably don’t love your husband much. Well, I can’t blame you for leading a double life. It’s really so hard to end a marriage especially when there’s kids involve.


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