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Juno Makes Me Wish I Had a Boy

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A Momologue by Andrea: As the mother of a 22-month-old daughter, watching Juno was like a terrifying look into the future. Warning!! CONTAINS SPOILERS!

lilyjuno.jpg

I'm thinking of locking my daughter in her room until she's sixteen, maybe eighteen.
I just saw Juno and between that, the Jamie Lynn Spears fiasco and the episode I caught of MTV's A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, I might have no choice. How else can I make sure she's not going get knocked up or even worse, host a trashy reality show?

Especially since Juno, one of this year's most popular indie flicks, makes unplanned pregnancy seem "LIKE TOTALLY AWESOME, DUDE!" Sure the lead character has a lot going for her: she's intelligent, plucky and extremely resourceful. But she's also an immature idiot. When she decides on a whim to have (unprotected) sex with her friend Bleecker and gets knocked up, she shrugs it off as a minor inconvenience. In fact, no one in the movie seems to think it's a big deal, not her parents, not the unborn baby's daddy and certainly not Juno's best friend, Leah, who's only interested in the locker room details of Juno's exploits:

LEAH: What was it like humping Bleeker's bony bod?
JUNO: It was magnificent, man.

Oh God, please say this isn't how teens really talk.

Okay, here's my synopsis of the remainder of the plot:

Juno, handling her predicament with detached snark, manages to find an adoptive parent for her nine month "science project" and graduates from High School with nary an emotional scar. The End.

Wait one minute; a movie where the lead character makes a life-altering mistake with absolutely zero consequences is a hit with teens? Go figure. I can't wait until Hollywood gets it right and depicts the real repercussions of a teen pregnancy. Until then does any one know of a good chastity-belt manufacturer?



next: For Your Own Good
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