Family Says Goodbye to Heath Ledger

Kate Gosselin's Hair | Millionaire Mom Murder | Sexist Super Bowl Ads

Family Says Goodbye to Heath Ledger

Saturday, February 9, 2008

filed under: kid logic

Michelle Williams attends private service in Australia to honor Heath's memory.

Heath Ledger was remembered during a private service in his native Australia today. His former fiancée Michelle Williams without 2-year-old Matilda, joined immediate family and very close friends for the service. The tragic loss of Matilda's father makes many wonder, when should a child attend a funeral--what would be the appropriate age? Mom•Logic friend and family counselor Rosanne Tobey has insight on children attending a loved one's funeral...

• Don't rule it out. The ritual can be a good way to help a child express feelings as well as giving the chance to say goodbye.

• Get a backup plan. If you're going to have a child attend, you definitely must take their needs into consideration. A babysitter or caregiver should be at the ready--someone trusted, who can provide the child comfort; someone who is there to take them outside or home, if and when necessary.

• It's up to the family. Whether a small child should be part of a service or not is really a family's call. Do they have to be there? No. But it's a personal decision. Some parents feel they can't grieve as intensely as they'd like to with their child present; others feel a child provides a source of hope and inspiration at such a difficult time.

Rosanne also says that it's important to take the age of the child into consideration. "An older kid may express that they don't want to go. It's important to remember it doesn't have to be all or nothing--he or she could attend maybe some parts of the ceremony but not all. It's important that they be part of what happens, but certain aspects of the ritual might be too overwhelming. If it's too much for them to handle, give them respect and support for their feelings and don't push." For more from Rosanne Tobey check out her blog.

filed under: kid logic

| Bookmark | Permalink |

Email | Comments (30)

30 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

You need to get your facts correct. Matilda was not at todays service for her father. Thank you

- Tanya Williams

Posted 02/09/08 06:19 AM

Why can’t ANYONE get ANYTHING factually right around this tragedy before reporting or exploiting?

- kelly

Posted 02/09/08 08:55 AM

Great advice. I agree taking children to funeral is very individual and it is very important to pay attention to the needs of your children.

- Anonymous

Posted 02/09/08 12:23 PM

Funny, from what I read Matilda did NOT attend.

- Anonymous

Posted 02/09/08 12:27 PM

story says she was not there

- Anonymous

Posted 02/09/08 12:43 PM

Instead of actig like you have been pesonally wronged in some way lets practice expressing ourselves nicely girls…

- Kasi

Posted 02/09/08 10:54 PM

The tape is on Youtube if anyone wants to see it. I watched it and didn’t see what the big deal was…I saw a pretty straight guy actually. He said he “used to” and was obviously exaggerating saying he “smoked 5 joints a day for 20 years” (do the math folks - Heath was 27 or 28 when the film was made??? smoking pot like that since age 8??? ). Heath presented himself as a level-headed guy that wasn’t shunning his late night party buddies because he’d been there, well maybe, kinda been there. Heath probably died because he got fu!ked over by the doctors that he trusted. Who is the heck would prescribe all that? Who wouldn’t check carefully to see what else he was on before handing out oxycontin? Did any doctor or pharmacist warn the poor guy? Somebody f’d up. Heath was no druggie…Heath if anything, was trying be in recovery. The “Hollywood” Party Addict DumBa$$ problem is entirely separate and unique from the societal problem of reliance and unequivocal trust of doctors and pharmaceutical drugs. Heath was a victim of a much bigger problem.

- Anonymous

Posted 02/09/08 11:08 PM

if you read careully, you would have noticedthat in the story it says ‘without’ Matilda.

- Anonymous

Posted 02/10/08 09:30 AM

You guys are commenting on a story that your not even reading correctly. It say’s “His former fiancée Michelle Williams WITHOUT 2-year-old Matilda, joined immediate family and very close friends for the service.” Actually read the story before tearing it apart next time.

- Mare

Posted 02/10/08 10:08 AM

This is in reply to Kalyeno, which for the record, I’m not even sure why you’re bringing up the YouTube tape when the story is about his daughter and when it is okay to bring a young child to a funeral. Having worked in the medical field for many many years, someone who is on so many medications assumingly recieved them from many different doctors. He probably was given by one in Australia, one in Europe, some in America. He probably got them filled in all different pharmacies since he was a world traveler. So to blame his doctor and the pharmacist is just ignorant, since there was probably many of them that were not aware of the other several.

- Mare

Posted 02/10/08 10:17 AM

well the little one is only 2 i dont think she totally understands that her daddy is gone & it probably would of upset her to see all her loved ones sad & upset in saying goodbye to heath . personally i wouldnt take my 2 yr old to a funeral her mom made the wise decision to leave her home .

- stacie

Posted 02/10/08 10:32 AM

I was forced to attend a funeral when I was a child and boy did it mess me up. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to attend a funeral again. I wasn’t prepared for the outpouring of grief from the adults in my life or for seeing my uncle’s body. I think my parent thought that I was at an age where I was ready, but they never did anything to prepare me for it. The only thing I can compare it to is tossing someone who can’t swim in the deep end of the pool. Parents, please make sure you talk to your children about death and how different people mourn. If you are taking them to a funeral tell them what to expect, every detail. Had I known that they were going to open the coffin I might not have freaked out the way I did. Also, if it’s their first time dealing with death, maybe a funeral isn’t the way to start. A wake or a visit to the grave might be the first step. And please, if your child has the guts to tell you that they don’t want to go, LISTEN TO THEM. Age doesn’t necessarily match their emotional readiness.

- anon

Posted 02/10/08 11:41 AM

People, you’re not reading CORRECTLY - story says that Matilda wasn’t there. Geez, talk about getting your facts mixed up. I believe it’s a personal decision for the parent/guardian to decide whether or not the child/ren be there. Who are we to judge what’s best for someone else?

- Celebrity

Posted 02/10/08 11:46 AM

My grandmother passed away thanksgiving 06.My son was just shy of two yrs. I and my husband made the decision that he was much too young to witness the wake/funeral services. I agree with the other poster who said that if the child is old enough to comprehend-then make sure that you talk to them before hand and make sure they understand whats going on first.

- gloss

Posted 02/10/08 12:20 PM

I think it is mostly dependent on the child in question but for the most part I believe a child needs that closure just the same as anyone else does. I have seen first hand how attending a funeral or not attending can have a deep impact on a child. 4 years ago my first born son died after a long illness at 4 years of age.. There was no question for me about whether or not my then 18 month old son would attend. He simply had to be there. I am so greatful he was. He is what reminded us that it was a celebration of his brother’s life and not just about his death. My 18 month old was able to comfort others and it gave him some understanding as to the finality of what had happened. Had he not been there he may never have understood that his brother was no longer alive not just simply at the hospital again. He is 5 years old now and the memories of his big brother are still with him, he talks about his brother and remembers so much about him. I know that is mostly due to the fact that he was able to be a part of his brothers life and death in every way. There were other children that attended as well and these children are the ones that still come around and talk about my son. The children that did not attend are the ones that we haven’t had much contact with. I wonder at times if it is due to their parents discomfort creating the same feeling in them or if they don’t carry the same memories and have the same closure as those that attended had.

- leigh

Posted 02/10/08 01:13 PM

I was 7 when my grandfather died. My parents gave me total control over what I attended. I decided that I wanted to go to the visitation, but once there decided I wasn’t ready for the funeral. Even though I now wish I had attended the funeral, I’m grateful my parents respected my feelings, even though I was so young.

- Kaitlin

Posted 02/10/08 04:08 PM

i think its different when it is a parent. In that case i think it is important (based on the individual child) to attend their funeral. They may resent the other parent years later for not allowing a proper ‘good bye’ if it is another relative, then it is not as important the child attend

- lilly

Posted 02/10/08 04:08 PM

Last summer My boyfriend’s grandfather died. We both felt that his service was NOT any place for our 5 year old son. Then just 2 months later My best friends little sister and also a good friend of mine took her own life. Our son new this girl very well. She played with him and watched a movie with him just a week before she passed away. Again we did not bring him to her service. I think that bring your child to a funeral is more to comfort yourself then to help your child have closure. It is a selfish act. As mothers we should protect our children. Yes death IS a part of life, but in a world where children are growing up way to fast death is something they should not have to see first hand.

- Heather

Posted 02/10/08 04:36 PM

I was 2 years old when my mom died, and my dad didn’t take me to the funeral as he knew i wouldn’t understand and it was also, open casket and could you imagine a 2 year old thinking her mom was sleeping? I fully support Michelle’s decision, i feel that I was better off not having gone to my mom’s funeral. They are just too young to fully get it, sure they will know their parent is no longer there, but they do not need to be subjected to the funeral.

- Melissa

Posted 02/10/08 04:51 PM

According to world renowned Child Psychologist, Erik Erikson, children under the age of 7 should never attend funerals. Children under the age of 7 years old are literally not able to comprehend the reality of death, as it is an abstract concept. It would be incredibly confusing, frightening, and painful for them to witness. These are basic facts of child psychology.

- Jesse

Posted 02/10/08 11:59 PM