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Damn, Your Baby is Ugly!

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Guest blogger Karyn Bryant on coming face to face with a baby who's less than a looker.


I know all babies are "beautiful and special" and all that, but have you ever been introduced to a baby who was, honestly, not that cute? You look up with trepidation to see proud parents waiting for the compliments. So, what do you say? Conventional wisdom says to lie like a steroid-bloated baseballer at a congressional hearing and say, "He's/She's gorgeous!"

But I say there's a way to sound like you're giving a compliment without having to cross your fingers behind your back. My English teacher recommended to me years ago, "Now that's a baby!" The beauty of this is that the blob in the Bugaboo is, most likely, in fact a baby. No lie there! And by giving it a bit of enthusiasm the parents will hear, "That is simply the most perfect specimen of humanity I've ever seen!" It's a win-win for both parties if you ask me. Feel free to try these out:

You Say: "Oh my goodness, you must be so excited!"
You Mean: At least the little monster isn't making your feet swell any more.

You say: "Look at those eyes!"
You mean: That's the only thing I don't mind looking at.

You say: "He looks just like your husband!"
You mean: He looks just like your husband. Too bad.

You say: "She's a doll!"
You mean: "Like one of those Bratz. Yuck.

You say: "He's precious."
You mean: We all love something no one else does.

You say: "She's amazing/incredible/unbelievable/astonishing/extraordinary!"
You mean: I really hope my baby doesn't look like that.

There are probably countless ways to sound complimentary without actually compromising yourself. I'd love to hear some new suggestions if anyone has any. Right now though, I've got to decide if I should chew out the lady who said my daughter's hair was "remarkable"....

For more from Karyn Bryantclick here. 

next: Church Turns Child into Monster?
14 comments so far | Post a comment now
Devilish Southern Belle March 2, 2008, 10:57 PM

I see babies day in and day out where I work. I may be called upon to have to use one of these ‘compliments’ one of these days!

Great idea for a post!

RK March 4, 2008, 6:47 AM

I’ve also found that “what a sweetheart!” is pretty effective!

ashley March 4, 2008, 9:58 AM

My husband’s nephew and his wife had a little girl last year a month before ours was born and she’s the ugliest child I’ve ever laid eyes on. When they come over the mom looks at my daughter and kept saying over and over, “she’s so beautiful”, then looking at hers with this sad look on her face. I really felt bad for her. My other friend has a fugly little baby boy and she’s always like “when they grow up they’re gonna get married”, I’m like uh no, my baby’s gonna have better taste than that. That’s a horrible thing to say I know. Just glad I was blessed with a gorgeous baby.

Katie March 6, 2008, 8:05 PM

I was so worried, before my daughter was born because of attitudes like this… that she’d come out looking different, or people would think she was “ugly” because I’ve talked with so many people (in my husband’s family to) who swear there ARE some very ugly babies, and it actually just breaks my heart to hear it. I’ve seen many babies, as I have a degree in ECE, and this is no lie… I don’t believe I’ve ever seen an ugly baby. Their so innocent, and their little spirits just shine through, I can’t see it! lol
There are some VERY ugly people in this world.. but babies? Maybe you’re seeing them too superficially

CherryGlitter May 28, 2009, 10:09 PM

That’s hilarious. I’ve had many moments like this. My cousins baby is kind of ugly. I just told her “Oh wow, she’s got a head full of hair!” and “Aww, look at her 10 little fingers and 10 little toes” I also said “Aww look at those eyelashes” pretty much anything but say she’s cute or gorgeous or whatever…lololol

Anonymous June 17, 2009, 1:42 PM

Im going to laugh if those “ugly” babies grow up to become beautiful, and the :gorgeous: baby grows up to be, well, something else. lol.

Jenna September 1, 2009, 9:46 AM

I was worried that I would be the one with the ugly baby. But you know, when it’s yours, even when you know they look funny and they aren’t that cute you still can’t help but think they’re the cutest little things ever! Which is the way it should be. But I’m also with Katie professing to never have seen an ugly baby. Mostly because, like she said, their little spirits shine thru and makes them all beautiful.

piazee September 5, 2009, 4:17 PM

I agree with Katie and Jenna I’ve never seen any ugly babies. All of them are beautiful! But, I’ll sure keep those niceties in mind when adults ask me of their opinions of their makeup, boy/girlfriends, fiances etc.

Laura aka LaLaGirl October 7, 2009, 9:38 AM

My mom has a go-to phrase for babies who are less-than-adorable: she always says, “What a precious baby!” Because ALL babies are precious.

The good thing is, usually “ugly” babies are just going through an awkward phase, and grow into adorable toddlers and pretty cute kids!

Anon October 7, 2009, 9:55 AM

Oh my goodness! As an Aunt I can honestly say we have had some very ugly babies born into our family LOL One baby was (and still is) the ugliest child I have ever seen! Then we have the cockroach child (shudders) I swear this kids face/head reminds me of a cockroach, and there is also the niece we refer to as rat girl. She has this pinched up, ratty looking face and a shrill voice to match UGH!!! One of our neighbors has a little girl who looks just like rat child. She screams to talk in this shrill, nerve racking voice as well. Let’s face it, some kids are just not “pretty”

Anon September 30, 2010, 9:15 PM

You people are disgusting to judge babies & children like that. Sounds to me like you’re the ugly ones.

Arthur Dent March 28, 2011, 4:11 PM

Some babies are extremely unattractive. I wouldn’t even want to have sex with them.

Laura  March 31, 2011, 3:32 PM

firstly, Ashley you are a complete and utter sadistic cow, your child is only as cute as the next. your husbands nephews wife is only being nice because, as a mom, she understands it’s nice to hear people say that about their baby, maybe her sad look is because you couldn’t be bothered returning the kindness! and your so-called “beautiful” kid will probably end up just like you. pathetic. plus, when people say things like “oh our kids are gona get married when they grow up” it’s just them enjoying seeing the kids together, just a little joke. the little boy will probably grow up to be very handsome. And ANON (oct 2007) your a disgusting piece of work, to call a child ‘rat girl’ or ‘cockroach child’ is the most cruel thing ive ever heard of in my life. the poor children have no chance with you in their life. your absolutely vile.scum.

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