Moms can end up making an unfair choice between being there for her spouse and doing what's best for her kids.
TMZ reports today that Michelle had been trying to help Heath battle addictions before his untimely death in January.
This got the Moms in the office talking about how difficult it can be to love someone battling drug abuse issues, especially when you have children. One Mom we know was married for 11 years to a drug addict and alcoholic, and they had two kids together.
She often says she really had three kids, because her husband required more care and looking after than her two children combined. Our friend eventually left her husband, but she says it was the hardest thing she ever had to do: "I knew that leaving could send him into a downward spiral, and he might even overdose without me there to look after him, but I couldn't subject my kids to his addiction any longer."
If our friend no longer enabled her husband, would tragedy follow? She rolled the dice, and luckily so far (three years later) her ex is okay. But if it had gone the other way, our friend says she probably wouldn't have been able to forgive herself. "I knew if he OD'ed, I would blame myself for the rest of my life," she says. "Even though the only person who could truly save him was himself, I always liked to believe I could rescue him from his demons. I spent over 11 years trying to rescue him."
Angelyn Miller, M.A., author of The Enabler: When Helping Hurts the One You Love, says, "Once a woman has kids, she starts looking at her children and wondering whether this life is going to be good for them. They didn't choose this path. The children begin to take precedence over the addict, and the woman's allegiance often shifts."
Our heart breaks for any woman who loves an addict but not his addiction. Have you loved (or are you currently in love with) a spouse who battles demons? Have you helped a friend through this situation? Share your story in the Mom•Logic Community.