When a Spouse is Battling Demons

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When a Spouse is Battling Demons

Friday, March 21, 2008

filed under: celebs & entertainment

Moms can end up making an unfair choice between being there for her spouse and doing what's best for her kids.

TMZ reports today that Michelle had been trying to help Heath battle addictions before his untimely death in January.

This got the Moms in the office talking about how difficult it can be to love someone battling drug abuse issues, especially when you have children. One Mom we know was married for 11 years to a drug addict and alcoholic, and they had two kids together.

She often says she really had three kids, because her husband required more care and looking after than her two children combined. Our friend eventually left her husband, but she says it was the hardest thing she ever had to do: "I knew that leaving could send him into a downward spiral, and he might even overdose without me there to look after him, but I couldn't subject my kids to his addiction any longer."

If our friend no longer enabled her husband, would tragedy follow? She rolled the dice, and luckily so far (three years later) her ex is okay. But if it had gone the other way, our friend says she probably wouldn't have been able to forgive herself. "I knew if he OD'ed, I would blame myself for the rest of my life," she says. "Even though the only person who could truly save him was himself, I always liked to believe I could rescue him from his demons. I spent over 11 years trying to rescue him."

Angelyn Miller, M.A., author of The Enabler: When Helping Hurts the One You Love, says, "Once a woman has kids, she starts looking at her children and wondering whether this life is going to be good for them. They didn't choose this path. The children begin to take precedence over the addict, and the woman's allegiance often shifts."

Our heart breaks for any woman who loves an addict but not his addiction. Have you loved (or are you currently in love with) a spouse who battles demons? Have you helped a friend through this situation? Share your story in the Mom•Logic Community.

filed under: celebs & entertainment

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’m 31 w/son 6 & daug. 2. Husband (now hub)of 7 years recently caught for drug addiction to Lortab Fentanyl & some cocaine. I saw small signs so I tracked finances, cell phone records & his whereabouts (we own our own business together!). 1-1/2 mths ago my parents realized that meds were missing from their house, someone went through their closet,drawers,etc. Dad has med. issues & has these scripts. A few days later I found a wrapper from one of my fentanyl patches (morphine) in my car. These stay in a lock box in the house b/c of the kids, babysitters, etc. My hub confessed to that & the pills from my parents house. He admitted abusing for past two yrs. He would change my fentanyl patch & fake flushing it, cut it up & chew pcs until next changing. He admitted to stealing from me, my parents, our customers, buying from friends & buying cocaine some & using at home while we were having family time. I am NOT stupid or naive & did my share of partying in college but grew up. We went to a counselor the next day, started NA, got a sponsor & I thought we were on the right track. A week later my “hub” was supposed to pick up our daughter from preschool as I was at “end of the year field day” w/son. About 30 minutes after pick-up time I called my hub cell mult. times w/no answer & called school to be told he had not shown up. I rushed to get her & my father went down to my house to make sure that everything was okay. My “hub” was asleep. I had dad tell him to pack & leave before I got home w/ the kids. I called him soon after, met & took him for drug test. Negative urine test and a hair test showing significant codine, lortab, morphine. He came home w/agreement to random hair tests. He cont. daily NA & once again I thought that we were on the right track. 3 weeks later (last Mon.) I got a call from my mother - more lortab were missing. I drove where my hub. was working and asked for pills. He denied until I told him that they had it on video. I called his NA sponsor & an addiction specialist to see the next day. Prior

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Posted 05/06/09 08:36 PM

I found out last summer that my hubby had been using Heroin and Vicodin while caring for our kids. The marriage is over after failed counseling. He promised would never do it again, but the trust is gone. He is very selfish to put my children in harms way in order for him to get high. :(

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