I'm His MOTHER, Not His Grandma!

 

I have 4 children & gave birth in my 20’s, 30’s & 40’s so I feel like I have experienced Motherhood from every angle…& yes I have been asked if my 2 year old is my granddaughter. My favourite reposnse is, “Believe it or not I actually gave birth to this child…” & when I get asked if she is my baby ( which I was never asked with my 3 previous children!) I reply, “Why do you ask-do you think I look to old?”

- Louise

Posted 07/02/08 05:42 PM

 

 

I had my first child at 35 (planned) and my second at 46 (unplanned). I do hear the same thing from people. It does hurt, even though I don’t think people are trying to be hurtful. I think having a healthy baby at 46 is an awesome statement of my healthy success as a woman to be able to do that. I find I am proud of that and it helps me to handle it without showing I am offended. I do find that most people are stunned when I tell them and react very positively. I suppose I could just respond with, Does it Matter? It might kill the conversation though.

- Tasha

Posted 07/15/08 10:03 PM

 

 

I gave birth to our 4 month old son just a few months ago. I’m going to be 42 in a month. I have met a lot of older moms in the town I live in and we have created a “new mom’s support group” and get together weekly. While I am the oldest in the group, I think the babies make us all feel younger. The only time age became an issue for me was when my husband’s aunt called us to ask info. to update the family tree, she asked my birthday. She said “oh, you’re the same age as “Joe”, I replied, “yes I am”. I was 40 at that time. She then said to me “Oh well, you can adopt!!”, “having a baby at your age is hard on your body”, etc. I was SO LIVID, I called my husband at work and cried, she made me feel so awful. It took me awhile to get over that. Then about a month later, we found out I was pregnant. Well, I am sure she felt stupid after that (I hope she did). Then about a month ago, I saw her at a family function and she had the nerve to say “well, I hope you’re not having anymore at your age”. My gosh, people need to learn how to filter what they say and mind their own business. We are happy to have a beautiful 4 month old son.

- Stephanie

Posted 07/28/08 06:45 PM

 

 

I am 42 with a 14 month old. I just turned 41 when I gave birth. I started trying to have children and 35. After many IVF cycles, I have my dream baby. I am sensitive to this topic! I was aked only once about being a grandma..at the hair salon at 7 am and yes I did look tired and old that day. An elderly lady asked me if she was my daughter or my granddaughter. I looked so shocked and just said simply “she is my daughter” and looked back to my book. I could have cried. One other..the cashier at the market asked me “is she yours?”“. Well what the hell? Whose would she be? I said “yep 100% mine” and left it at that.

- CB

Posted 08/21/08 10:18 AM

 

 

I know how you feel! I adopted a second child at 49, and I knew I would be asked that question eventually, but it happened much sooner, and with more frequency, then I ever expected. I,too, was SO shocked and upset when it happened the first time; the teacher in a Mommy and Me class remarked that “someone brought grandma”, which I ignored as I had no clue she was speaking to me. She then said it again directly to me, and I corrected her. She apologized, but I was really upset for the rest of the class and I never went back for any more classes! In this day and age, when women are waiting longer to start families, I think people should presume everyone is the “mother” unless told otherwise! This would be a compliment to both mothers and grandmothers!!

- Mary

Posted 08/30/08 09:27 PM

 

 

This happened to me just recently. I was lucky to finally find the man of my dreams when I was 38 years old. We got pregnant shortly after we started “going out”.” I turned 39 when I was almost 5 months along. I gave birth this year and at a community function a friend was holding my baby and then she handed her back to me and a guy standing there says “oh, your mom is giving you to your grandmother to hold?” Ummmmmmmm, no I’m her mom, and the kicker ~ MY FRIEND IS OLDER THEN I AM BY 3 years.

- Karen

Posted 09/21/08 11:18 AM

 

 

I had my 1st child at 21 and my 2nd at 37, nearly 38. My daughter is now 10. Recently, when picking her up from daycare, there were 2 “grandmas” picking up their grandchildren and they were both around my age. One made a comment about all the grandmas. I didn’t get insulted or feel the need to correct her. Who cares? Yes, sometimes people are tactless, but mostly they are trying to find common ground or make conversation. When my son gets married next year I will be step-grandma to a sweet girl just 2 yrs younger than my own daughter. If someone wants to insult me, it has to be about something other than my age!

- Brenda

Posted 09/30/08 11:58 PM

 

 

I was 40 shortly after Jake was born and my husband (45) and I, on more than one occasion, was told, “How lovely it was that grandparents took such interest in caring for an infant.” I took it rather well until three years later, on vacation with another family, we were taken as the parents of the other couple, grandparents to their own child and ours! Oh well! The real truth - it keeps me young!

- joan

Posted 12/22/08 08:57 AM

 

 

I really think that people just mean to be rude so one should be prepared to have a bunch of funny yet “are you really that idiotic?” answers ready. When I am out with my 6 year old(I’m 43) and someone makes a granny comment, I say ” I’m actually her Mother…it took so long to conceive…It will be my 63rd birthday next week…luckily I can pass for 43”

- Susie

Posted 02/17/09 03:33 PM

 

 

I had our children at 38 and 43. The first people to ask the “Grandma” question were classmates of my children. They attended a public Montessori magnet school with a very diverse group of children, some indeed had grandmothers younger than me. My kids weren’t embarrassed but asked how they should respond. I suggested that they just assume the child was curious about them, wanted to get to know them better and was trying to start a conversation. Not everyone knows how to make polite conversation. I suggested they just say,”No, that’s my mom.” and change the subject to some nice and friendly topic. I offered practice with polite subject changing but they said they already knew how to do that and no more was needed.

- emarche

Posted 03/22/09 08:37 PM

 

 

I had my kids at 39 and 41, am now 43, and have had the “grandma” comment more than a few times. Once, at a library storytime, a woman commented to me, “what we grandmothers have to do for the kids” right before I began nursing my son. Ha, we even have to breastfeed them! She was obviously taken aback. I have also been asked if I have other children or “only the two” - I guess the implication being that they must be the youngest of seven or something. However, although I hate it and wonder why my friends of my age are never mistaken for the grandmother, rationally I would have to say it’s really a neutral mistake. Only our ageism, against ourselves in this case, makes it a negative issue. If I WERE the grandmother, it would not be insulting or offensive, probably the opposite. And grandmothers who are mistaken for the mother aren’t usually offended. The only reason people should be more sensitive is because illogically, being old(er) is a bad thing in our society. Although I do have a theory that biologically I need to be readily identifiable as the mother of my young - it seems threatening otherwise, as though they don’t have my full protection somehow.

- Audrey Fisch

Posted 04/24/09 03:48 AM

 

 

I soooo understand. I have always thought I look young for my age. Except when I get that question. I still double check how I look, and try to keep younger looking, but I know I don’t look 28, like a lot of moms. I do try to take it from the source - one senior, one teen, and one lady with thick glasses. yeah, that still doesn’t make me feel better.

- Carol

Posted 05/10/09 10:24 PM

 

 

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Posted 06/11/09 01:37 PM

 

 

How old do you guys look, People think my son is my mom’s and she is 65. They also think I am in my early 20’s and I am 34. Good genes, I guess.

- Stacy

Posted 06/26/09 08:18 PM

 

 

Having had my first baby at the age of 18 and my last at the age of 45, I am well acquainted with how insensitive and down right inappropriate people can be with their comments. Even though it hurts and is sometime infuriating, I try to let things roll off my back. I’m happy with myself and my kids are happy and well adjusted and that’s truly what matters in life. Strangers comments are just that, a comment from a stranger who has no knowledge of me or my children. Sometimes people are trying to relate because of similar circumstances or sometimes they’re just rude and nosey. The rude and nosey - I answer their questions in as nice a way as possible and let them know that while I’m happy to talk about my kids all the time to anyone who will listen, some people would find their questions inappropriate - like the woman who said “I’ve always heard about change of life babies, but I’ve never SEEN one.”

- Mary

Posted 08/10/09 10:43 AM

 

 

I get the opposite. I had my daughter at 24, she had her son at barely 16. After about a year and a half, we took over with the boy. Everybody we meet think we are the parents. I’m 43, my husband 49 next month, but we are the same age or younger than many preschool parents. However, due to how I carry my mid-40s weight I often get asked when I’m due…. my youngest is 17! Gotta work on that…

- gramomster

Posted 09/25/09 03:09 PM

 

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