Best Kept Secrets of Motherhood

Best Kept Secrets of Motherhood

Sunday, March 9, 2008

New memoir reveals real challenges of becoming a Mom.

You know all those things you wish someone would have told you about motherhood but no one ever did? Well, listen up. Vicki Glembocki, author of The Second Nine Months: One Woman Tells the Real Truth About Becoming a Mom. Finally! talks to Mom•Logic about what it's really like to be a new mother.

MomLogic: What inspired you to write your book?

Vicki: I wrote the book so nobody would feel the way I did. People say being a Mom is the best, that life is complete, and you've never felt anything more strongly. You always hear the love is intense, and once you have a child, you find your purpose. I always heard those dreamy, storybook or Hallmark card ideas of motherhood and I totally bought it. I just figured diapers were going to be stinky, I would be tired, and I wouldn't have time to shower. Nobody ever told me I was going to want to kill my husband, I was going to feel like I was failing, and that motherhood can be the hardest thing in the world.

MomLogic: What were the five things that shocked you the most about being a Mom?

1. Labor and delivery is the easy part. If I could, I would have gone through labor and delivery 10 times over in a small hut in Africa if I could exchange it for the first six months, when I felt inadequate and overwhelmed.

2. Breastfeeding is about as natural as a Labradoodle. Yes, it's the best thing you can do for your baby, but it is freaking HARD! It's just SO MUCH HARDER than I ever expected! It takes a lot of work, commitment, and it's painful. Your breasts are huge, and your nipples are the size of stop signs. Nobody told me how hard it was going to be, and that you have to keep at it and keep at it.

3. A maternal switch doesn't just flick on. Being a mother is not necessarily innate, but learned. Becoming a mother is a process, not an immediate boom that you suddenly get. It takes time. Your baby is a stranger, and you're trying to develop a relationship while also learning how to become a Mom. Your life, body, and routines are all different, and people expect it's so immediate, but I think you learn how to balance your life and become a Mom.

4. Moms Lie! Everyone should know Moms lie. When you talk to them three weeks in and they say they're fine and it's going well, they're lying. Moms (particularly new Moms) are so afraid of admitting that they might not be getting it right away, or they might be messing up. Moms are embarrassed to admit things may not be going so smoothly while doing the "most important" job in the world, so they're afraid to tell the truth. In those early months, it's more often than not that women feel they don't know what to do. They're struggling, making poor decisions, and when you ask them, they don't admit this stuff. Being a bad mother is unacceptable, so you'd never admit it.

5. All things mentioned in one through four are normal. The struggles that come with becoming a new Mom and the shocking things Moms go through are shocking to everyone. After being a new Mom myself and working with so many others, I learned new Moms often feel totally alone, and like they're the only ones experiencing these things, and the most shocking thing I discovered was it's not true. I wasn't alone. Finding out that other Moms experienced the same thing was so liberating. All Moms struggle with transition into motherhood. It's just normal.

| Bookmark | Permalink |

Email | Comments (5)

5 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

Wow-I think you must have had a really bad experience. I’ve had three kids, breastfed all of them and never felt as bad as you did. Sure, it was hard, but not that hard! Things fell into place pretty easily and it just got easier with the second and third. Hopefully this won’t turn you off to having anymore kids.

- Kari

Posted 03/10/08 12:57 AM

Kari - breastfeeding is harder for some people than it is for others. Motherhood also comes easier for other people. It’s refreshing to read a book that is honest about the first year of motherhood. We’re bombarded with images of “perfect” mothers and “perfect” families - it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one having a rough time during my child’s first year.

- April

Posted 03/10/08 08:06 AM

wow kari—-would you like a cookie? i’m sure you are the best mom EVER.

- sandra

Posted 03/10/08 01:04 PM

I AM BUYING THIS BOOK TODAY! The first year has been this hard for me. It was so great to hear that someone else has struggled as much as I have. I dont feel so alone!

- jackiev

Posted 03/11/08 10:34 AM

Thank you thank you for this honest post. I thought I was the only one who felt that despite the 56 hours of labor & hallucinations, the labor and birth were a breeze compared to what came next. Breastfeeding was bloody and both breasts became infected & then baby went on a nursing strike to end all nursing strikes. She stopped breastfeeding at 3 weeks, resumed for a few days at 12 weeks, then never went back. This was psychologically, emotionally and spiritually devastating for me. The worst part about it - because so many moms LIE about how they are doing or feeling about motherhood (which still doesn’t come naturally to me at 20 months post partum), I felt totally alone. Throw in a little post partum depression into the mix and you feel like a total pariah in the world of mommies.

- Aliza at Babyfruit

Posted 03/12/08 12:59 PM