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A Single Mom's Dating Dilemma

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When your child is your top priority, is there room for romance?


The New York Times' latest Modern Love piece "Me, My Daughter and Them" by Heidi Wendell focused on a single mom's hesitation to let any man come between her and her daughter. We asked Rachel Sarah, author of Single Mom Seeking, for her thoughts on this difficult topic.

"As any single mother knows, a revolving door of men is not healthy for your kid. But as any single mother also knows, trying to date and parent simultaneously is challenging. Sometimes you can't help but overlap them. Heidi writes that any man who came into their lives 'would always be secondary.' I agree: That's how it is for single Moms. Any man who can't accept this should walk the other way," she explains.

"What I also love about this essay is the fact that the writer clearly wants to be with a man, but she's not in desperate pursuit of one. She seems satisfied by her mother-daughter team (I am, too). Is there such a thing as finding a balance between being a parent and a lover? I'm still trying to find that out."

Single Moms, how do you balance motherhood and romance? Comment below.

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8 comments so far | Post a comment now
RealMomsHaveCurves  March 4, 2008, 1:12 PM

As a daughter of a single Mom, I just have one thing to say to single Moms wanting to date: DON’T DATE JERKS! Your kids, no matter how young they are will be able to see through them.

elvagreen March 4, 2008, 8:27 PM

A friend of mine has ever recommended to me and told me she found her Mr.Right there.

YoungMomLearningwith2 March 5, 2008, 2:01 AM

1st Never date if your still in love with the child’s father, because even if you move on in your mind, your heart is still comparing and the dater’s will never live up or down to the child’s father. 2nd date at a time that’s right for YOUR CHILD. They may still want to only see you with “daddy” or they may hate all men BECAUSE OF “daddy” either way bringing a man around wont make it easier on your child. 3rd and final, if you must date bring him to the front door when your serious and not when you weeding the losers out.

amanda August 13, 2008, 5:48 AM

i was in a relationship for 2 years with a guy and my daughter called him daddy cause her father was never around well he would always make me cry and my daughter would always ask him why and now we arent together and my daughter doesnt want anyone around me but him and she ges nasty if i try to tell her anything idk its not an easy life as a single mom trying to date so i would say try your hardest not to do it

Simzy July 16, 2009, 12:33 PM

Dating and children, keep them separate unless your ready for that ring. I never bring men to my house or around my son, even though he is still to young to understand. Always prioritize your children first and make time for them first before running off with your date. If you take a weekend away with your lover, spend the next weekend exclusively with your kids. Try to use afternoon weekdays as exclusive mommy time, especially if your a working single mom and save your boytoy telephone calls till after the kiddos are in bed.

Trying  June 1, 2010, 10:41 PM

I havent dated in a long time(years). im 28years old and just met a sweet guy, my 10-year-old son does not accept him and says he hates his life since he came around.. .. i love the guy but my child comes first.. is this going to happen everytime a guy comes around?? is this normal?? need advice

Alan Sandry December 3, 2010, 4:06 AM

I guess it is truly fine for all.

Elmo Puma December 6, 2010, 2:46 AM

Wow Thanks. You’ve never done something like this before.

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