Who's Right in this Fight? One Mom asks, five Moms answer. Who do you think is right?
Dear Mom•Logic,
Last weekend, my parents spent the afternoon with my 2-year-old daughter. When they dropped her off at the end of the day they told me they took her to see her first movie in a theater. Here's the problem: They never asked me if it was okay beforehand, let alone if the choice of flick, Horton Hears a Who, was something I thought my tiny toddler was ready to see. I'm furious with them. Should I be?
Signed, "Mad About the Movies"
 | I think they overstepped their bounds--only you know if your kid is ready to see a movie in a theater. |
 | Big deal. It's just a movie. There are SO many other firsts in a child's life you can't possibly be there for all of them. |
 | The movie is rated G - she's 2 - it won't scar her. The real issue is your Mom and Dad are being controlling and frankly, they're probably too old to change her ways. Love 'em or leave 'em. |
 | That's a tough one. While I totally get why you'd be pissed--I would be too--choose which battle really matters to you. If it's the movie... fine. But if not, be happy you get some time off and that your daughter has a close relationship with her grandparents. |
| I understand why you're upset. My advice is to tell your Mom and Dad you feel sad that you weren't there for your baby's first movie, and if your mom and dad could clear plans with you in the future that would really mean a lot to you. That way you're making it about you and your feelings, so she's less likely to be defensive. |
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Email18 comments so far | Post a comment now >>
Rachel’s right.. your parents aren’t going to change and one day they won’t be around. so be nice.
- Teri
Your parents sound like control freaks… they must be crazy to think it wouldn’t matter to you. My MIL keeps giving my girls Bratz dolls even though I tell her I don’t think they are good toys for young girls (girls age 3 and 5) but once the kids open the presents what can I do??
- Susan
MY MIL does the bratz dolls thing too! My DD is 3yrs old and I have resorted to hiding the dollz when she is asleep in hopes she will forget about them.
- bethe
I can understand the frustration, but only you can decide if you are going to let this be a major issue, I would just address it with them and explain why it was upsetting. If you don’t want your tiny toddler watching movies or TV and they know this, than yes, this was a major overstep, and you anger is justified. If you don’t care about movies in general but are simply upset about not being there or about not being given the chance to approve the movie selection, then I would just discuss expectations with them and explain why this upset you. Also, Rachel, not all G-rated movies are equal nor are they all acceptable for toddlers.
- Stephanie
I totally understand why you are upset, I would be upset missing a first in my childs life. However I wouldnt be upset because they didnt ask about the appropriateness of the movie, they took her to Horton Hears a Who not Halloween. Is this really about not trusting their judgment or the fact that you were left out of the loop?
- Jenny
Grandparents do things like that. It wasn’t like they took her to a R-rated movie. Get over it.
- MotleyCrueFan
The people referring to the grandparents as Control Freaks or being controlling must be the freaks. As a parent of two children, 22 MO and 6 YO if my parents took my toddler to see a movie which is G Rated I woud be happy they had the chance to share that moment with them, not bash them.
- Suzie
Are you serious…your upset? And the comments about your parents were being controlling, really? They went to a rated G movie based a Dr. Seuss book. They spent the day loving on your child not corupting her. As the parent of 4 children, with activly involved grandparents, I am thrilled not only that they want to be involved but that they have a relationship with my children, that cannot be replaced (even by me) Be grateful that they love your daughter! There are plenty of children out there that would love a day with their grandparents…
- Kelly
It sounds like this isn’t the first time something like this has happened. Could this be a symptom of a much larger problem? She is your child. The grandparents took a liberty when they should’ve asked first. Sounds like they are forgetting that they had their time to parent and it’s their daughter’s turn now.
- Anonymous
I don’t normally post any comments on websites but I think that you may be over reacting just a tad bit. Yes sharing firsts with your child is every mothers joy but they are her grandparents and it is only a movie. I am sure they probably never even considered that it would upset you only that they were having fun with their grandchild…they are grandparents and it is a joy for them as well. I wouldn’t be to upset unless it becomes a pattern. Sometimes you have to look beyond your feelings at the feelings of others. Be happy that her grandparents want and are able to do things with her…many grandchildren never get that opportunity.
- brandi
I like Sabrina’s comments. Telling this mom to let it go or choose your battles is not sufficient. This bothers her and, yes. it’s probably issues she’s had with her parents for a long time, but putting it in the context of her wanting to have been the one to introduce her daughter to a theater puts the parents on notice that she is a grown up and deserves to be treated as such.
- joyce
I don’t think that this is something to get worked up over and I’m thinking your in-laws did’nt think it would be a problem either. I saw the movie and it was cute and appropriate for a two year old, my four year old loved it. I think you need to repeat over and over the saying “don’t sweat the small stuff”.
- melanie
Why are you punishing your parents for trying to treat your child to a nice time. I saw the movie (very cute) … it IS rated G and besides that they also care about your child. You should be thankful you have parents who want to do something fun and G rated with your child…. Shame on you for your poor, unthankful reaction to their generosity.
- priscilla haynes
why would anyone ask other moms for an opinion (like this mom in the story did) if she’s just going to be scolded by commenters like priscilla? whoever this mom is, she put herself out there for some perspective… not a lashing out by other unsupportive bitter mothers. she didn’t say anything to her parents, she expressed her feelings here. for you to jump on her like she’s a bad person makes your feelings just as wrong as hers. disagreeing with her is one thing. I’m sure everyone has different opinions. but being judgemental and mean is completely uncalled for.
- Anonymous
Get over yourself. My first mother-in-law told my 3-year-old daughter something I thought should have been mine to tell - that her biological father died before she was born. After I got over the shock, I realized that Ann loved my little girl and she missed and loved her son. Her intention was good. Your parents love your child - let them develop a relationship without you micro-managing. Some things just are going to happen that you can’t control.
- Linda
Whether you’re right or wrong is a moot point because if you keep micro managing how the grandpaents are allowed to show thier love for their grandchild they will stop going out of their way to go the extra mile. Then you will have lost a big helping hand. Children can soak up a lot of love. Let the stream of love flow.
- Nona Nita
Am I missing something? Grandparents did what any normal Grandparent would do. Did they know it was her first? And if so, why not let them share it with her? They’re a special part of her life too. Mom needs to get over it.
- Batik
And… When you drop your girl off, is it common practice for them to call and check before an activity… Should they make sure you like the part of town the playground is in? Or call before they order her lunch when out on the town? If you trust them enough to be alone with her then trust them enough to make the right decisions…
- Batik2
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