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Kids Zap the Sex Life Out of You?

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Surprising secrets to getting your mojo back.

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Ask any Mom if she has tons of energy for sex, and most will respond with a resounding "Hell, no!" 

On a sex-life-rescue mission on behalf of all Moms, momlogic's Julie called sex educator Dr. Sari Locker for her top tips:

1. Have coffee after dinner. If you have caffeine coursing through your veins after Grey's Anatomy, you'll be way more inclined to explore his anatomy.

2. Bust a move. "Dancing can increase blood flow in the entire body, including the genitals," says Dr. Sari Locker.

3. Indulge in foreplay--standing up. Getting in bed sends "sleep time!" signals to your brain. Playfully push him against a wall for some vertical foreplay instead.

4. Eat lighter meals. "Eating a heavy meal will lower most women's sexual energy," says Dr. Locker.

5. Move out of the bedroom. "Doing anything risky will increase your heart rate and give you an adrenaline rush," says Dr. Locker. "And adrenaline increases blood flow to the pelvic region."

Sex against the kitchen sink, in the shower, or on top of the washer/dryer after the kiddies are fast asleep will make you feel inspired, not tired.

What (if anything) boosts your sexual energy?


next: Miley Cyrus Naked?
15 comments so far | Post a comment now
Sherrie April 27, 2008, 2:54 PM

I have a better idea, maybe the husbands can get off their buts and help around the house and with the kids and maybe we would be less angry with them and actually want to have sex with them. See they only work 9 to 5, moms never stop working. Sex in the kitchen or in the laundry room, right? Not the only thing on my mind in those rooms are doing dishes and doing laundry or are the kids going to wake up and ask for a drink or for me to wipe their but. Sari Locker must either be a man or does not have children.

JakenAvasMom April 27, 2008, 9:49 PM

I totally agree with Sherri’s comment!If our husbands helped more they would probably be jsut as tired as we are and maybe would understand how we feel.

JakenAvasMom April 27, 2008, 9:51 PM

I totally agree with Sherri’s comment! A little more help with what I need and a little less bothering about what they need!

Ashley April 27, 2008, 10:38 PM

You totally read my mind! I couldnt agree more!

muddin mom of 2 April 28, 2008, 10:47 AM

im a mom of 2, and i totally agree about adding spice by changin up WHERE you have sex. I guess Im just lucky. My husband and i BOTH work full time jobs, and even though i do MOST of the daily chores, my husband does help on weekends with the deep cleaning…..if you let your husbands KNOW that you will take him right on the kitchen counter, if theres no dirty dishes layin around, he might just get up and wash them!

LovingLillia April 29, 2008, 10:34 AM

Maybe it’s because we’re still on our first baby or maybe I’m just lucky, But I want my partner in the worst of ways. We don’t get enough time for being naughty, but thats because we’re busy and co-sleeping with our 5 month old. still we manage to take care of that aspect of our relationship enough that neither of us feels as if we are deprived. If you are so angry with your husband that you don’t want to sleep with him, you should consider opening the lines of communication. I’m not a very good communicator, but he is and he’s taught me that harboring resentments will kill your relationships with people.

Michelle April 30, 2008, 8:30 PM

I agree with everything you’ve all written. However, I have to warn you “Use It Or You’ll Lose It”. I am a mom of 2 and for the last 5 years I have been too tired, to “use it” more than once every 2 weeks . Now that my children are 8 and 13 and I’m not so sleep deprived I’m finding it difficult to become shall we say “lubricated”. My doctor put me on a hormone creme and Astroglide to solve this problem. I didn’t like the possible side effects of the creme and found Astroglide to be irritating. I have now chosen to make time with my husband a priortity. I’ve found it really only takes about 11 minutes, give or take 2 mins. Doing this has worked wonders for my lubrication problem and my husband is no longer begging me for quality time.
I am lucky. My Dr. told me some women give up on intimacy because it’s too painful. Use it Or Lose it! God bless ladies.

Tiredmomof4 April 30, 2008, 9:16 PM

I agree that hubbies really need to do more domestic chores to get us between the sheets. Why is it that if we are too tired to have a sex life, we are the ones who have to “fix” it? If I had more time to primp, and if hubby spent more time on revving my sex drive, I’d jump in the sack every night raring to go. I’d love to have someone cook, clean, grocery shop, and tend to kids all day for me, then bring me a glass of wine after work. My sex drive would be through the roof. The real issue is being side stepped most of the time, since it deals with inadequacies in how men treat their wives. Maybe things will change of more of use talk about how we need to be treated better. We can only hope.

Crystal April 30, 2008, 9:24 PM

I totally agree with Sherri’s comment. Husbands need to understand we don’t just work a full-time job, but also a full-time job at home. There is always something to do and I don’t think they understand that.

Done mom April 30, 2008, 9:31 PM

If you donot use it, you do not always loss it. When your kids finally get older, but not moved out yet, you still donot have much privacy to have a good sex life. The answer for us is to make time, and yes I am very lucky, my husband does help around the house. We have a date as often as possible as well as we try to use any time we have when the house is empty. Cleaning is the last thing we do.

Jaime April 30, 2008, 9:55 PM

I am heading towards 6 months , and I bring up the question all the time….uh what’s up? We have one 7 year old. We have different hours but nothing to distract from closeness. He won’t give me an answer. I have been a stay at home mom for 1 year. Now I get treated as a second class citizen. He still travels with his work and takes boys golf trips now and then.
So as far as getting it started I have tried been refused
now I don’t care. And yes I am a bit tired of it all.

connie April 30, 2008, 10:24 PM

Jaime.
Sounds like your man needs a wake up call before all he has is the boy,being neglected is terrible and you deserve more.So put on your best dress and send the kid to a babysitter and take a night on the town with him do something out of the ordinary for you and if he doesn’t respond he doesn’t get dessert.Let him know your his wife and the mother of his child and you demand attention from him or else.

Karen May 1, 2008, 1:51 AM

Just wait ladies. I am 49 yrs. old and finally I have the privacy even though it took 21 years to get it.(The kids are in college) The funny thing is my 37 year old boyfriend falls asleep at 10 p.m. (At least he doesn’t snore) Anyway, now I am the one who wants to be intimate more often. I think it may help to plan ahead and put the idea in his head early in the day. Also, I remember trying to do it “quietly” (lock the door)was challenging and can be fun!!

jamie May 1, 2008, 1:31 PM

HEllo, I know that I am lucky my husband does help clean cook, and he puts the kids to bed so I can actually take a bath by my self. However we have the nicest bed in the world so when I lay down I’m out. The hard thing for me is that I am in my late 20’s and although I do want to be intimate with him I just can’t go from being a mommy to being intimate, just because the kids are in bed and we are finally alone doesn’t mean I’m ready to go….I need space and then foreplay.
I stay at home all day and I need to be by my self for a little bit every day. All day long I am getting affection and attention from my little ones. I get touched plenty, he doesn’t he is with co workers with maby a handshake here or there but that is it…. I need to be able to talk to an adult so that I don’t loose my self…. I am so thankful for all that he does, I know it is way more than my dad ever even thought of doing. But what now. So I’m tired and truely by the time the kids are asleep its almost nine and I’m so tired, some times he just lets me lay there. How sad….. Well here is what a bible studdy class taught me. All day long your husband is tempted, whether its the girl at work who always looks nice or the drive through girl. Either way if your not boosting his male eago then he is going to boost it his way. If your husband never tells you how spectacular you look but the guy checking you out at the grocery store does just by checking you out, in a way it gave you the boost you needed to know you looked great…. so guys it goes both ways we have an ego too.
My only other sugestion is to find out your love language, its a book called the 5 love languages. It was amazing to know that we didn’t speek the same language, so me telling him that he looks hot is not receiving love to him. Usually you give your language mine is affirmation so I am always making sure people hear what I am thinking. I love your hair you look great, because that is what I would love to hear. For my husband his love lauguage is Quality time and acts of service, so I get him feeling loved by making him a lunch, and picking out his outfit so that when he comes home from work he sees that his outfit is ready for him for in the morning. That to him is “Man she loves me!” If I run him a bath that doesn’t work for him even though it would mean so much for me. This book will help you to understand exactally how each of you feel loved. If you have ever talked to a teanager that is so upset with his parents he could just run away. and yet you look at his parents and know that they love him and tell him all the time. They are not speeking the childs love language. You can tell him that you love him all day long but if you would just give the kid a hug he would feel love. Some people are physical touch. So for all you moms that have a mate that thier love language is physical touch just remember when you were a kid free couple you loved all his affection. But now that you are touched all day long you might just need some time to your self with out everyone clinging to you…. Knowing this love language will help tremendously….. jamie

Patti May 4, 2008, 10:12 PM

I agree completely with Sherrie. My Husband works all day and I am home alone with our almost 3 yr old. I do all the housework, the baths, the cooking, the playtime inside and out. Then he comes home eats, plays on the computer or falls asleep and expects me to want to be intimate with him. Please! Then on the weekends when she is down for a nap he decides to take one too, while I am still busy with houshold chores, then at bedtime he has all sorts of energy and I just want to go to sleep. If he would help out just a little and maybe even have a conversatation with me and tried a little bit of foreplay instead of “Hey do you wanna do something” I might be more in the mood more often!


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