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Mean Moms, Mean Daughters?

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Guest blogger Leslie Adler takes a hard look at the Moms of the "cheerleaders gone wild."

cheerleader_ambush_mom.jpg

Cheerleaders Gone Wild sounds like the title of a tired porn flick. But it's not. It's a reference to the Florida cheerleaders who beat the crap out of another cheerleader and taped the incident. (If you are one of the two Americans who have not seen it, it is easily found online).

I had seen the video five times, and I could not wrap my mind around it. I had so many questions:

1. What kind of teenage girls behave this way?
2. What makes those girls think their behavior is in any way or for any reason, excusable?
3. What made them tape their crime (and I meant "crime," not "alleged crime")?

.....and then I saw the mom of one of the perpetrators on the Today show. This was enlightening. This gave me answers.

She (this mom who deserves no name) said she didn't see what the big deal was. She said the girl who got the beating "had it coming to her" because she posted some "not so nice things" about the others on MySpace. She said they warned her not to come to that house and it was her fault for not having heeded that warning. SHE said so many more stupid things that I thought I would have an aneurysm watching her. And then it came to me. SHE was a role model for at least one of those shallow, angry, stupid, blonde, pom-pom tossing, about-to-be felons...and SHE made me understand.

SHE explained to me in her 30 seconds of fame why her girl behaved that way.

Now I am less confused, and somehow that reduces my rage ever-so-slightly. You know what else helps with the rage? Knowing these cart-wheeling evil girls are so stupid that they created the evidence that will seal their fate and handed it over to the prosecution on a silver platter. This lightens my mood just a tad.

You know what would really bring me peace? If SHE could be sentenced to twice the jail time her little baby gets. That would be justice.

By the way, Dr. Phil and his staff thought it would be a good idea to bail one of the cheerleaders out of prison and have her on the show. This Mom does not agree.


next: Mariah: Like Her Thick Or Thin?
14 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous April 15, 2008, 8:48 AM

i totally agree with you - dr phil???? i also watched the video five times—these girls their mom - social service-

HennMom April 15, 2008, 9:25 AM

Unbelievable.

I didn’t let my mind go down the ‘the parents should have raised them better’ route, but clearly my first instincts were right. I said before that I think the worst thing that could happen in my life is to find out my daughter is capable of this kind of thing and here is this mother defending and almost praising this behavior!

I am even more emphatic now that I will raise my 2 year old girl to know that this is not acceptable for any reason. I don’t care who said what in any forum - THIS BEHAVIOR IS NOT JUSTIFIED AND NEVER WILL BE!

This mom actually makes my stomach turn……

Liberal Mom of 3 April 15, 2008, 9:46 AM

Amen. It’s refreshing to hear some common sense. And shame on Dr. Phil and all the media hounds for giving these girls the 15 minutes of fame they were so desperately seeking…

Miranda April 15, 2008, 11:52 AM

Niiice. If I ever did something like that, my mom would ground me until I left the house. And if turning in needed to be done, she would have done it.

Defending this sort of behavior feeds into the ideas of entitlement we have in our society. “I can do what I want. Everyone else deserves what I give them.”

Also: Shame on the Dr. Phil producer who paid the ringleader’s bail!

Amy Bowllan April 15, 2008, 12:24 PM

The sad part is, she - the mom - will probably sign a book deal soon. A sickening thought, indeed.

Cherise April 15, 2008, 2:42 PM

Yep…they’ll sign a book deal, get even more “famous,” and the lesson learned by other teens will be it DOES pay to act like a total psycho because in the end, you’ll get attention and money.

What a great example. I feel really sorry for teens who are doing positive things, but media a$$es like Dr. Phil and co. aren’t paying attn. to them.

Chrissy April 18, 2008, 11:01 AM

I remember if I said something wrong to my parents I got punished right away. They never made excueses for us! In fact if we acted out, we had to go to each of our family members house and tell our Aunts and Uncles why we were in trouble and we would do chores for them as punishment. No spankings, just embarassment. You better believe we did not step out of line. I listen to what this women had to say, and the other parents and not one time did I hear “We are sorry for what they did!” Even the parents show no remorse! All I keep hearing is our kids are great and Victory got what she deserved! No wonder our kids now of days do what they do. In the video of the court hearing, They laughed it off! No I am sorry for what I did. The parents will never live this down! Even if the kids get jail time, they will still defend their little monsters! It is a way of life. I bet the parents of these parents didn’t care about their kids and it has just passed down from generation to generation. Today people turn their heads. There is so much vilance in this world that they simple thought that they would get away because they are Kids! I wouldn’t be surprised if they just got probation. It is sad, but that is how the justice system works. They have no pryor records, they even may be good kids and this was a case of perpressure? That is how they are going to run with it. Just like any other person caught in a group of people who do something stupid! Mark my words, when they go to trial, they are going to turn on one another! Then finally we can get some answers! Weather it be stupid acts or just one person that no one stood up too.


missfit715 April 18, 2008, 4:59 PM

I’m not going to comment on who deserved what, but I would think that if the girls taped this act, then posted it online, that shows pre meditation. They should be punished and used as an example to all children everywhere. You act like a criminal you deserve the punishment. Maybe they should be beaten over and over, have it posted so the world can vote on it. No matter how old you are. Maybe they will learn something.

Anonymus April 19, 2008, 6:00 PM

The Mom is a dumb beotch!

pam April 27, 2008, 10:06 AM

I think that the moms should have to go to some kind of class for abusive behavior. also the proper thing to do would be for them to have gotton together and fixed the situation the whole thing was wrong. also the community should get together and start a petition that goes to court that if a book would be to published on this situation there should be jail time. also the judge should order the same, and maybe the school should suspend the games till a whole new bunch of cheerleaders are picked for sure for sure for sure. they shouldnt get away with it no darn way.

Frieda June 27, 2008, 2:29 PM

I do think the mean mom/girls are related, though it surprised me to some extent…My daughter started kindergarten this year and there was a fair amount of excluding and junior bullying. It went beyond little kids just trying out behaviors.

Basically , my girl was the inconvenient friend - close with one girl whose mother wanted to be pretty exclusive with a chosen few. It was hard to keep the two girls away from each other, they seemed to just dig each other. That was good enough for me - hey they are kids!

I guess it got on the nerves of the clique. They would always be together at the playgrounds, school events, birthday parties. No matter what my girl and this other little gal would play together and just have a great time. They were not excluding of others, though; it just seemed a natural affinity.

Then the clique took action. Things like no playdates with my little girl (the last time I picked her up from a playdate with the gal she really was close to, her mom had displayed this photo of her girl and the little gal she wanted her daughter to be “exclusive” to - but there were no other photos of other kids in the area, this was really random) birthday parties where the little girls whose moms wanted them to be close would be dressed the same (which I thought was odd - I mean when I have bday parties for my child, I emphasize that everyone is welcome, we are having a party to get together with all friends, it is our duty as hosts to make everyone feel welcome in our home…then there was this one party where everyone showed up at the time stated, but the bday girl, a clique mom’s daughter, was an hour late because she was on a playdate with the girl my child had been close to - and the birthday girl and this girl interacted with noone else but each other at the party! Thank goodness my girl has a ton of friends and had a great time!), finally no birthday party invites from the clique for my kid. Though my child did hear about it at school continously, the teachers were mortified. The clique’s kids would tell my child “So and so has a birthday party and YOU can’t come.” I would not have believed it had I not walked in the class just as this was being said.

At playgrounds the moms would encourage their kids to play together and exclude my child. Even if one of the clique’s kids hit my child, the mom would not step in.

It was something else. And this happening with girls my child had been friends with - and for the most part still was when the moms were not interfering. I knew I could only encourage other friendships and avoid situations where the clique got together, but there were many instances at school when I would go to pick up my child and the clique would be leaving together en masse and just give me a completely triumphant look. It was as though they got off on excluding my kid - and it was mostly because I was not part of the clique.

I did raise a big fuss with the school. I heard through multiple sources that the clique’s kids were really saying some mean things to my girl at school, and after a few months of this, I spoke extensively with the teachers and principal.

I never mentioned names though. I had a hard time blaming the kids - I blamed the parents. I asked about general social dynamics, harsh language, was there anything my daughter was saying/doing that should be of concern? I outlined my concern at such a young age of the effect of such obvious exclusion on a very young girl, given the fact that actually she was friendly with several of the clique’s girls. I guess they knew what I was talking about because the bullying ceased to be a big issue, the clique’s girls stopped saying some of the meanest things. My girl would report that they were super nice to her…which in the end was all I wanted, was to avoid this bs at school. I suspected that the clique moms would be humiliated by being known to the school as having mean bullies for kids, and I think I was right.

However, the looks I get from the clique moms! What did they think, that I would stand idly by while this whole mean girl scenario was played out? And not even just a kid thing - it was a mom thing. I worked, they don’t, I just did not have the time or interest in gossiping about other moms and their little kids. Or whatever it is that makes someone get excluded - whatever!

I was and am truly, truly appalled. It actually made me think I had done my girl wrong by teaching her to be empathetic and considerate of others, and encouraging her to include others not exclude.

So yeah, it is related. I just feel so bad that my outsider-ness impacted my kid. However, in all situations, school, activities, family etc - she is known as a very friendly and sweet kid who makes friends really easily.

Concerned Mom August 25, 2008, 12:28 PM

Things have changed since I was a child!

I have a teen daughter that was bullied at her parochial school in the sixth grade and we moved her to another school in the middle of the year. The bullying started in the second grade, there were incidents with groups of girls, girls being left out and mocked. By the sixth grade it was an unhealthy situation. My daughter was holding in so much pain and was embarrassed to tell us everything that had happened. When we found out we switched schools. The switch was successful and now three yers later she is a happy freshman in high school and doing really well.

The bullying that took place at the old school on the phone, on the internet, on the playground. It continued after we changed schools. The internet stuff was the worst, they gave all her personal information to a questionable web site and we received calls asking for my daughter, then wanted to know if she wanted to be trained in the, “hospitality” industry. Another kid kept sending out obscene instant messages in her name. We tracked down and knew who the kids were. I went to the old school and asked for help. The old school did nothing, insisting that none of their computers were used and it was not their problem. The thing that really bugged me was when everyone said, “Oh, the apple did not fall far from the tree” meaning like mother like daughter!

Kids do not always tell parents that they are experiencing bullying. They keep it inside and start to believe that they are the cause. That something is wrong with them. I am very glad my daughter told me what was happening. I am glad that we took action and changed schools. I know I saved my daughter! I have learned to put up with the glare in the grocery store from another (mean) mom.

The mean girls are still at it! They have moved on to other victims and have done the same thing to other girls.

I have also discovered in society that there is pressure not to talk about this and a strong taboo against the victim speaking out! The victim is not supposed to speak out! I would say we need more people to speak out against bullying. If your family is a target please stand up and protect our daughters! DO NOT LET THE BULLIES WIN!

As far as the old schools responsibility, I have been told, they could be charged with harboring a hostile environment, a serious offense.

Things need to change!

acelrolrelbo October 5, 2008, 2:17 AM

acelletoolot


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