How to be a fearless sexual vixen, no matter what your hangups.
So many Moms (some of us included) have sexual hangups and insecurities. Some of us freak out over our saggy boobs or not-so-flat bellies. Others feel shy about initiating (even after how-many-ever years of marriage). Still others feel stupid or intimidated about telling their man exactly what they want in bed. (Like shouldn't they just know?) But your hangups don't have to hold you back any longer. Momlogic has identified the top three Mom insecurities and offers some quick fixes. Incorporate them, and fear will no longer be a factor for you.
The Fear: Initiating sex.
The Fix: Sure, seducing your man may not seem that appealing. After all, you may worry about appearing too aggressive, and you probably enjoy feeling desired. Or maybe you're just plain shy. But a little role reversal can be a surprising turn on--for both of you. "Men are so accustomed to taking control that switching things up can really revive your relationship," says Scott Halzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. "What's more, men also fear getting rejected, so when you initiate, you really take the pressure off him."
Here's the good news: You don't have to pounce on him in order to get your point across. Just hint around with these oh-so-subtle moves: While showing, leave the door slightly ajar. The thought of you soapy and clean will fill his mind with dirty thoughts. Or, ask for a shoulder and neck rub, and softly moan when he hits the right spots. Or, shoot him a sexy text message. Something seemingly innocent like, "I dreamt about you last night--and I'm blushing!" Once you've planted the sexual seeds in his mind, he wont be able to keep his hands to himself.
The Fear: Communicating your desires.
The Fix: No doubt about it, speaking up in bed can feel a little awkward, but being vocal about what you want will lead to more sexual satisfaction. "Expressing your needs lets him know that you're engaged in your sex life with him--which is a huge concern for men," says Haltzman. "No matter how long you've been together, men like to feel that women are enthusiastic about making love." That said, opening up can be awkward: You may fear killing the moment or making your hubby feel inadequate. But sexual tastes and needs can change over time so it's important that you both stay on top of what works--and what doesn't.
The key is to make your complaint constructive--not critical. You could always say something like, "That feels amazing, but it would be nice to try it this way too." Or, "I read about this new sex trick in a magazine. Want to give a whirl?" That way, your suggestion seems like a fun idea, not a reflection of his lovemaking skills. And be sure to give him plenty of feedback when he hits the right spot. A simple "Yesssss..." should do the trick!
The Fear: You're body shy.
The Fix: Whether you've just given birth, have recently gained a few pounds, or have never dug baring your bod, stressing about how you look during sex is one bad habit. Yup, it can be difficult to relax and let go, but pointing out your "big butt" or hiding under covers only draws attention to your self-proclaimed flaws. "When a man loves a woman, there is very little that can turn him off," says Haltzman. "Guys are visually driven, so even though you may feel on display, he loves it!"
But if you're not convinced, try these confidence boosters: Light scented candles. They'll cast a dewy glow over the room and your skin will look buttery and smooth. Or, try positions that have you facing away from your man. For example, lie sideways with your back to him, and let him enter you from behind. That way, he'll be able to caress you all over, but from behind, so you don't feel too exposed. Or, just don sheer lingerie during sex. You'll feel covered up and you'll give him eye candy.
What are your biggest sexual fears?