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Dad's Top 10 Sex Complaints

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Plus, simple ways Moms can make him quit whining.


In a perfect world, no one would have between-the-sheets complaints. After all, when you were newlyweds, the sex was hot. And frequent. And you were certain that was never going to change. Ha. Enter kids and mortgages and work and stress into that equation, and suddenly without warning there are complaints galore. Many go unspoken. But what isn't he telling you? Momlogic grilled guys to get their top unspoken bedroom complaints.

1. Dad Complaint: She won't tell me what she wants in bed.
Mom Solution: Okay, we know it's embarrassing ... but he's not a mind reader. He wants you to speak up. If you're too mortified, tell him you had a sex dream about him where he was doing X, Y, and Z to you...and how it really turned you on. He'll get the hint.

2. Dad Complaint: She needs to shave!
Mom Solution: Since having children, many Moms basically throw out the razor and never look back. If you've made a conscious decision NOT to shave, he'll just need to deal with it. But if you're one of those women like us who keeps meaning to shave but then realizes it's been a few (okay, more than a few) weeks, it might be time to step it up. We're not proposing that you shave twice a day or anything...but, if your legs and nether regions are beginning to look like the Brazillian rain forest, it might be time to book an appointment for a wax. (You'll feel so sexy when it's done--promise.)

3. Dad Complaint: She won't talk dirty.
Mom Solution: Again, this can be super embarrassing for most. Many Moms we talked to said trash talk makes them feel plain stupid. Tip: Start by whispering. Things you would never say out loud sound so much less scary in a whisper. If you still can't muster up the courage, pretend to be someone else (like a French maid, maybe, or a lap dancer). Still no dice? Have someone else do it for you. Check out another secret weapon here.

4. Dad Complaint: She doesn't wear lingerie anymore.
Mom Solution: Haven't broken out the lingerie since your honeymoon? Us either. And there's probably no way in Hell we'll be sporting the fishnet thigh-highs anytime soon. But we did invest in some comfy but cute pajama sets that are lacy enough to turn him on without being uncomfortable or impractical enough to turn us off. And, while we were at it, we ditched the granny panties, too. (TMI?)

5. Dad Complaint: She only likes one position.
Mom Solution: We don't know about you, but we started liking missionary better and better we noticed how much our stomach hangs down when we're on top. But he's not worried about that, we assure you. If you're feeling body conscious, lower the lights and light some candles.

6. Dad Complaint: She won't give me oral sex.
Mom Solution: Okay, many Moms admit we don't do this as much as we did, say, in our pre-marriage days. In fact, for some, it's dwindled to just birthdays. Tip: Give it up once in a while--even if it's just for a few minutes. A little attention here goes a long way.

7. Dad Complaint: She never wants to have sex.
Mom Solution: Many Moms suffer from low desire. First, you need to rule out whether this is physical or mental. See your OB/GYN for a checkup. If you have low testosterone, there is a cream that can be prescribed to put your sex drive into overdrive. If a physical issue is ruled out, click here for ways to get in the mood.

8. Dad Complaint: She won't initiate.
Mom Solution: Women like to be chased. It's in our genetic makeup. But he needs to be needed, too. Try giving him "the tap" and see what happens. Take control!

9. Dad Complaint: She just doesn't seem into it anymore.
Mom Solution: Faking it is bad. We would never suggest that. But if you're not into it, you need to figure out why. What would turn you on that he's not doing? Explore your own body to figure out what makes you purr, then incorporate that new knowledge in the bedroom. Sex should be fun...not just one more thing to do. Also, a small amount of faking enthusiasm can often lead to actual enthusiasm. Just sayin'.

10. Dad Complaint: She's always worried about the kids hearing us.
Mom Solution: To lessen the chances of surprise interruptions, wait until the kids are sound asleep before getting it on. Turn on the TV or some music to muffle the noise. You might even consider getting a lock on your bedroom door for added privacy.

Coming soon: Top 10 Mom Sex Complains, and Dad Solutions...

next: Mom Pimps Her Ride
64 comments so far | Post a comment now
April May 8, 2008, 10:21 AM

Love these tips!

Anonymous May 8, 2008, 9:54 PM

I gotta say it annoys the crap out of me that dad can come up with ten complaints. With all we do, he should be grateful he gets it at all. What about the things he can do to help us want it more often.

When we are doing the best we can in life the idea that now we aren’t sexy enough or exciting enough is just to much!

(Except for number 2 moms, there is no excuse for number 2.)

Terence May 9, 2008, 8:55 PM

I think for many of us men, we simply do not understand the lack of sexual interest by our wives. How is it that the men continue to have drive and the women seem to lose interest. There are many mothers and wives over 40 that still have “it”. I think often it is partly us men failing to help out. But also a lot of it is purely women wanting to now have the life of the “mother” instead of the lover!

Sarah June 3, 2008, 8:27 PM

My husband and I used to have sex 2 or 3 times a day when we were dating, now we’re lucky if it’s 2 or 3 times a month. It’s not that i wouldnt love to have my old sex drive, it’s just not there anymore. i know some of it is weight gain after the kids, and he’s tired from work, but it takes alot of effort to even get in the mood anymore.
i love him dearly, and i still think he’s sexy, i just wish i was in the mood more often.

woodrowmagnus June 3, 2008, 8:47 PM

A feminine hygene spray, or a perfume might help get things along. Women get lazy and let their feminine hygene go the way of the Boston Fish Market.

Anonymous June 3, 2008, 9:22 PM

we haven’t had sex without watching porn for quite a while,and he thinks that him being naked should just turn me on- I need some romance,some gentle touching, but my suggestions make him
defensive and he just shuts down and pouts for days- now That Is a turn off,
he won’t go to counseling and I think he’s cheating-or trying to—-how do turn this around-or do I ???

Danny D June 3, 2008, 9:36 PM

I think the breakdown in sex between couples is because most couples once they get comfortable with the status quo and the children they forget about the husband. So does the man. Plus the man and his work and his children forgets about his wife. They need to remember what brought them together in the first place. The dates! The quiet nights on a blanket looking at the stars. Just anything they did while they were dating to keep the spark. Life is tough, but couples need to remember what brough them together in the first place. The important things. Chinease food, watching DVD’s. Suprise lunches at work and the occasional flowers being sent with note that only she will know what it means! Of course it goes both ways. Everything needs to be mutual. When was the last time you actually listened to what your wife had to say. I mean really listen without interrupting. We all have a a look of work to make it work. When was the last you held your spouse’s hand?

Grandma June 3, 2008, 9:37 PM

Some men just want sex. No foreplay, just wham, bam, thank you mam.

Married over 50 years and have never felt like my husband loved me, just needed lots of sex. Can’t remember the last time he made me feel totally loved.

Just too old to care anymore.

O.C. June 3, 2008, 9:48 PM

My wife and I joke about sex often—I play with her in a joking manner and she with me. But we never actually have sex anymore. She grabs onto me and I grab onto her. It’s all in fun. But, I am thinking of cheating. WHY!! It’s one of those things I, as the husband, have very little control over: She has become “obese”. Pleasingly plump is OK, but obese is something all together different. I love her dearly, but she doesn’t turn me on anymore—but we still have some fun “pretending as though we’re going to destroy the bed!” And I say I have little control over her weight because as soon as I even hint at the weight thing, she becomes offended. I tell her I love her—I do a lot for her to let her know I’m thinking of her, I hug her and kiss her. But I just can’t seem to compete with the food—I think she is addicted to food. So, I suppose I will look for sex someplace else.

haven June 3, 2008, 10:54 PM

For me at 70 there is no sex, just longing. It doesn’t go away, guys. How many of you can still do it? My husband can’t.

Amy June 3, 2008, 11:17 PM

He’s always lookin at what he can’t have. I attract men without even trying. I take care of myself. He is fat and NO thanks, I don’t like being crushed in bed. He puts my back out. He likes to have sex wtih fat chicks online. Good enough for him. Meanwhile I am having the time of my life checking out my options!
Sick of it all!

david June 3, 2008, 11:30 PM

In a marriage, if you want to be happy, you have to make sure your partner is happy, too. If things are tough for her (or him) in some outside sphere, you have to provide extra support. You have to support each other, to talk about whatever is important to the other person, to be able to admit mistakes, and to know what makes the other person feel loved, and do it.

maximas June 3, 2008, 11:57 PM

there are lots of women who for whatever there reasons loose desire for sex or just don’t care anymore. we men don’t give up sex very easy and will find it wherever we can. women need to understand that sometime they drive us to cheat by taken away what we most desire.

shannon June 4, 2008, 12:16 AM

with all that needs to be done to maintain a house, work full time, laundry, food shopping errands and continuing on towards a graduate degree there is NO time nor desire for sex - personally from a female point of view it is over-rated -

emerald June 4, 2008, 12:26 AM

For Terence and all those that agree on your statement:
“I think for many of us men, we simply do not understand the lack of sexual interest by our wives”
Women are so over worked in this era that it is a wonder that men get any sex. Women are expected to work full time, thru pregnancies and toddler hood and beyond. They are responsible not only for the running of the house but now have to compete in the working world. Men do not have this burden. I have yet to see a household were the man does more then the woman.
Not to mention what pregnancy does to your body.
Plus the expectations that society puts on women is over the top and men buy into it, especially concerning looks.
So now that he is not getting the 2-3 times a day sex (sorry guys but this is rare)or whatever the expectation is he “fails to understand why”
For all you guys who can’t understand why just for one week do everything your wife does and I mean everything. I guarantee that you will get some sex but will probably be to exhausted to really want it and may even decline.
And it will be a real eye opener as to why when women have a job, children and a house to run that something has to give and that is usually sex. If you can put your needs aside (hard for men since society teaches men to be selfish) and focus on the family and house like the woman does then as time goes on and the children grow and you help with the care of the house and most importantly make sure she is sexually satisfied,the sex will improve.
I say this from experience - married 25 years.

anonymous June 4, 2008, 12:26 AM

i love sex even at 65 but he can’t keep an erection and when he does he’s so small i can’t feel a thing so i just ignore having sex anymore because it’s too frustrating.

bruce June 4, 2008, 1:10 AM

do you remember when you were dating and you listened to each other.Remember when he brought you flowers and you looked so sexy.(because you were sexy)Remember when you focused on him and he on you.
He needs to make you feel special and you to make him feel special again.
And when it comes to sex,make it interesting.
I’m 67 years old still having sex and each day is a new day

the lucky one June 4, 2008, 1:37 AM

i’m 34 years old, and have been with my husband for 17 of them. we were like rabbits in the beginning like typical relationships…and i have to say, after two kids, i take care of myself, and try to look nice day to day. we still have sex on average of 5 days a week…some times a couple times a day..when the kids are at the grandparents :) it’s still as wonderful as it ever with even though it’s dwindled down a bit. we’re all tired with the crap our daily lives dish out, but it’ll make you sleep better at night. i’m disabled from a car accident 5 years ago…and yet, being pleased and pleasing my husband is a treat i can’t see ever wanting to end. i’m not in the mood 24/7 either, but he makes sure to take care of me before himself. sounds like there’s a lot of man bashing out there…i know my husband puts in 10-12 hrs a day at work, then about 4 hrs remodeling in the basement, helps with dinner, does ALL the laudry, get’s kids ready for bed, does most of the grocery shopping and chops and supplies 5 different familys with wood all winter long. he does it because he loves me, and he knows if he does it, i’ll feel good enough to keep him happy later :)
good luck to the rest of ya…ha ha!

Pure love June 4, 2008, 2:03 AM

I would rather invest in a new car than to waste any time with a man. If 3 out 5 men are cheaters, I don’t stand a chance.

michelle June 4, 2008, 2:11 AM

For Emerald and all those who agree with her…
It is sad that you say women are so “over worked”, “it is a wonder men get sex at all.” When you were dating your husbands and looking forward to a life of love together forever I’m sure you couldn’t even imagine a time when you wouldn’t want to make love to him. I’m sure he felt the same way too. I put the blame on the wives when it comes to bad marriages and bad sex lives in most cases…this only applies to husbands if they are reasonable human beings (women like to make men sound like monsters if they are unhappy or not totally satisfied with the crumbs we throw them, those ungrateful creatures…like all our emotions are rational-please!)
Women need to step up to the plate and realize just how much power we have in the home, if we could just be more loving to our husbands needs and desires. If you treat your husband like your hero he will step up to the plate and be your hero & he will treat you like his princess!
Remember this too…we (women) do not owe “society” a thing and the only pressures we think “society” is putting on us is our own insecurities. What should matter most in this world is our husbands and our children. We don’t owe anything else to anyone else. Remember, we chose our husbands. We have free will here. Our children didn’t ask to be born. Again…no one forced you to have sex with your husband and create life together. That was something you wanted, you chose to get pregnant. You choose to have “things” over a happy home. More women need to stay home and raise their babies, toddlers, & preschoolers. Women need to manage their time more wisely and re-evaluate their priorities. I guarantee you most reasonable men would love to come home after working (out slaying dragons…our hero!) for you (his princess) and his smiling happy kids, to a clean but maybe not so tidy house, and a warm meal. I bet you would be relaxed and not so stressed because you and your husband know that as soon as the kids go to bed, the two of you will soon go to bed together to make love and have fun. So he helps with baths while you do the dishes or he entertains them while you are getting pj’s together (I bet he’ll even read the bedtime stories so you can have a nice relaxing bubble bath).
Emerald…you were describing my story once upon a time. I was angry at my husband all the time because I was always stressed out trying to play too many roles for too many people until one day I realized that I was made to play only one role…the starring role as wife and mother. Until all the “feministas” out there realize that running a household is enough I guess there are going to be a lot of angry women and a lot of lonely men. Don’t forget they have feelings that get hurt just like you. Look into the eyes of your sons and promise them that you will show them & be the kind of women you would be proud of them for marrying. Promise your daughters you will show them how to treat others by treating your spouse well and show your daughters that that can be satisfying and rewarding in it’s self.

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