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Dad's Top 10 Sex Complaints

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Plus, simple ways Moms can make him quit whining.


In a perfect world, no one would have between-the-sheets complaints. After all, when you were newlyweds, the sex was hot. And frequent. And you were certain that was never going to change. Ha. Enter kids and mortgages and work and stress into that equation, and suddenly without warning there are complaints galore. Many go unspoken. But what isn't he telling you? Momlogic grilled guys to get their top unspoken bedroom complaints.

1. Dad Complaint: She won't tell me what she wants in bed.
Mom Solution: Okay, we know it's embarrassing ... but he's not a mind reader. He wants you to speak up. If you're too mortified, tell him you had a sex dream about him where he was doing X, Y, and Z to you...and how it really turned you on. He'll get the hint.

2. Dad Complaint: She needs to shave!
Mom Solution: Since having children, many Moms basically throw out the razor and never look back. If you've made a conscious decision NOT to shave, he'll just need to deal with it. But if you're one of those women like us who keeps meaning to shave but then realizes it's been a few (okay, more than a few) weeks, it might be time to step it up. We're not proposing that you shave twice a day or anything...but, if your legs and nether regions are beginning to look like the Brazillian rain forest, it might be time to book an appointment for a wax. (You'll feel so sexy when it's done--promise.)

3. Dad Complaint: She won't talk dirty.
Mom Solution: Again, this can be super embarrassing for most. Many Moms we talked to said trash talk makes them feel plain stupid. Tip: Start by whispering. Things you would never say out loud sound so much less scary in a whisper. If you still can't muster up the courage, pretend to be someone else (like a French maid, maybe, or a lap dancer). Still no dice? Have someone else do it for you. Check out another secret weapon here.

4. Dad Complaint: She doesn't wear lingerie anymore.
Mom Solution: Haven't broken out the lingerie since your honeymoon? Us either. And there's probably no way in Hell we'll be sporting the fishnet thigh-highs anytime soon. But we did invest in some comfy but cute pajama sets that are lacy enough to turn him on without being uncomfortable or impractical enough to turn us off. And, while we were at it, we ditched the granny panties, too. (TMI?)

5. Dad Complaint: She only likes one position.
Mom Solution: We don't know about you, but we started liking missionary better and better we noticed how much our stomach hangs down when we're on top. But he's not worried about that, we assure you. If you're feeling body conscious, lower the lights and light some candles.

6. Dad Complaint: She won't give me oral sex.
Mom Solution: Okay, many Moms admit we don't do this as much as we did, say, in our pre-marriage days. In fact, for some, it's dwindled to just birthdays. Tip: Give it up once in a while--even if it's just for a few minutes. A little attention here goes a long way.

7. Dad Complaint: She never wants to have sex.
Mom Solution: Many Moms suffer from low desire. First, you need to rule out whether this is physical or mental. See your OB/GYN for a checkup. If you have low testosterone, there is a cream that can be prescribed to put your sex drive into overdrive. If a physical issue is ruled out, click here for ways to get in the mood.

8. Dad Complaint: She won't initiate.
Mom Solution: Women like to be chased. It's in our genetic makeup. But he needs to be needed, too. Try giving him "the tap" and see what happens. Take control!

9. Dad Complaint: She just doesn't seem into it anymore.
Mom Solution: Faking it is bad. We would never suggest that. But if you're not into it, you need to figure out why. What would turn you on that he's not doing? Explore your own body to figure out what makes you purr, then incorporate that new knowledge in the bedroom. Sex should be fun...not just one more thing to do. Also, a small amount of faking enthusiasm can often lead to actual enthusiasm. Just sayin'.

10. Dad Complaint: She's always worried about the kids hearing us.
Mom Solution: To lessen the chances of surprise interruptions, wait until the kids are sound asleep before getting it on. Turn on the TV or some music to muffle the noise. You might even consider getting a lock on your bedroom door for added privacy.

Coming soon: Top 10 Mom Sex Complains, and Dad Solutions...

next: Mom Pimps Her Ride
64 comments so far | Post a comment now
Ann June 4, 2008, 3:24 AM

I was engaged to a man who had been married four times. I didn’t know it until after we were involved. At first our sex was great. Then he began having problems keeping an erection, getting it in the first place. I suggested seeing a doctor and maybe trying Viagra. He went, got it. But guess what? I never got to see if it worked. He found a teacher at school and tried it out on her. Looking back, the places and times lovemaking really worked for us was when it was in someone else’s home, at risk of being caught, something I initiated spontaneously (such as in a secret place in a roaring creek). The problem wasn’t me. The problem was him. He has a self esteem problem. Gee looking back I can put it all together now. The newness, the risque behavior, and then new ladies (I was probably number 30 something when we were engaged) He had affairs during his marriage and he cheated on me. All the time blaming the problems on me. Well, ladies, sometimes it is the man no matter what you do. He has to prove himself and he own power. If he doesn’t get professional help, this type of man is a loser. I lost a lot. My heart, my home, my partner, my self esteem. I am working on getting it back and just wondering how long this new woman is going to keep him ‘up’ before his little problem overwhelms the Viagra. OH, did I tell you that after we talked…if you can say he talked….I did the whole thinking out process out loud to him in an effort to save our relationship. He now stays apart (in the home we shared) and they only get together for dates, sex, etc. I guess this will keep it alive for him a while longer. But, the hypocrite tells everyone they are married and everything is absolutely roses. I guess he is eating his cake and having it too. They both have two incomes. She won’t want to lose her second from a deceased husband….and he is greedy enough that he won’t force the issue. If I were in her place and knew his track record, there is no way I would marry him. If I had know 1/4 of what I found out after he admitted this affair,…I’d never have gotten involved with this loser. As it stands now, I prefer to be alone. After this report…..3 out of 5. I’m not sure it’s worth it. I am not sure I can separate love and sex, but perhaps this is something we wives should look into? I don’t know. There is a lot of danger out there STD’s, Aides, Herpes, etc. Maybe we just shouldn’t get married if we have already been divorced and look at ‘affairs’ and be open with the other man about what we want. Not marriage…but a sexual closeness. I’m not a professional…but who knows. We just might find someone who is seeking the same thing and isn’t on the ‘bottom of the barrel’ of life. Are there any men out there who have had it with cheating wives who would want someone to share a life with, yet perhaps not live together….at least all the time? Have two homes and yet spend your spare times together without all the ‘everyday things’ in your lives?

FWB June 4, 2008, 3:51 AM

Cheating was fun at first, but she turned into just another “wife” nag, nag, nag and boring in bed too. No wonder her husband cheated on her too. My wife suspected I was cheating and that’s all it took for her to suddenly get her interest back in the bedroom and remembered why she married me. The other woman would die if she were to find out that I slept with her older sister and cousin back in high school. It took me a few months to realize the other woman was only in it for the sex, which she wasn’t getting at home. And it turned out my wife is better in bed (when she puts her mind to it) than the other woman ever was or is. It took me a few months to realize why I married my wife too. I’m happy I didn’t foolishly leave her for the other woman, whcih proves the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence. The one great thing, besides realizing my wife was what mattered most, is that I no longer speak to the other woman and that makes me feel relieved. Trying to relive sex with an old flame isn’t worth it, she’s never like what you remembered, in fact worse……….Learned a good lesson.

Anonymous June 4, 2008, 10:04 AM

Michelle about your comment:
show your daughters that that can be satisfying and rewarding in it’s self.

for some women there is more to life then pleasing a man. I feel sorry for you and your daughter(s).

Anonymous June 4, 2008, 6:05 PM

You must not have understood that what I’m saying is it is satisfying and rewarding to be a mother…a wife…and if you make your mind up that you are worth a lot taking care of a household, and that you don’t have to work outside the home to be productive or important, you will have a happier life because you won’t be so stressed out trying to be all things to all people. You can take pleasure doing what is most important to your family (husband and children) and that is where your priorities should lie. If you prioritize correctly your husband is easy to please, all he wants is happy healthy children, good food, and a little lovin’ from his women. And in return I was pointing out that most husbands would bend over backwards to make you a happy women. Men are simple creatures (I do not say that in a mean way) we are very complex. So the little that I take care of my husband (notice I didn’t say I was trying to “please” him) I get back 100 times over from him because he will do what ever it takes to “please” me. Maybe that makes me the selfish one. I am not a kept women. In fact, I am probably more free that most of the women I know. All I’m saying is if you make your husband your best friend (which we were certainly not in the beginning…I couldn’t wait for him to get back to work or go on a fishing or hunting trip with the guys) it is easy to do simple things for him. It is not a chore. I love my husband very much now. And it was really all because I was tired of being tired of him so I changed my attitude. That’s all. I want my daughters to have as wonderful of a life as I do. I basically come and go as I please and my husband is more than glad to hang out with the kids in the evenings so I can do what ever I want.

Anonymous June 4, 2008, 10:08 PM

Michelle you say “and if you make your mind up that you are worth a lot taking care of a household, and that you don’t have to work outside the home to be productive or important, you will have a happier life because you won’t be so stressed out trying to be all things to all people.”
Unfortunately most working women do not have a choice of whether to work outside of the home or not. They are doing it out of necessity not because they want to feel productive or important. This isn’t about “prioritizing” as you put it but survival. And even if it is not about survival, your condescending attitude is demeaning to women and you put to much responsibility on the “women” to fix everything. Show the world how it is done, like you brag about having done. It sounds like you have sold yourself short and are encouraging other women to do that too. In my 25 years of married life what makes the relationship work is when BOTH people “prioritize” the relationship not just the woman.
And if the guys out there are not getting enough sex it is because YOU GUYS ARE NOT giving enough - in the bedroom, (make sure she is satisfied FIRST), in the housework and with the childcare. When a guy complains about not getting enough sex I look at him and think, Ah ha his is a taker and not helping his mate out enough.
You Michelle have turned that around and are accusing the women. That is why I feel sorry for you and yours. I hope no one listens to your “advice”.

michelle June 5, 2008, 6:18 PM

Emerald…Wow! You have gotten nasty & personal. You’ve gotten me all riled up, where do I start…hmmm…how about the top.
The unfortunate part is that MOST working women do not have to work (I did not say all-I believe that we need rally around those women and help out any way we can), it is a lifestyle choice. Life is full of choices. You choose to marry your spouse and create children with them. You then choose to live out of your means or in a place you really can’t afford, driving multiple cars with huge payments attached to them. And after working so hard to pay for all that you are too tired to cook so you order out. You have so much going on you’re too busy to entertain your children or to teach them to self entertain so you go out and buy them the newest latest “toys” (sometimes it’s just you again trying to keep up with the Jones’ and you will not have your child left behind) So…it is absolutely about “prioritizing”, not about survival. Survival is making sure you have a roof over your heads, shoes on your feet, and food in your tummies.

But the scariest and most selfish comment you made was “And even if it’s not about survival…” my condescending attitude is demeaning to women. I never mentioned my feelings on what I thought about mothers who worked out of the house. Not once. I was just offering one way to have a happy home life for both you, your spouse, and your children. But since you brought it up…Mind you, this has nothing to do with the women who do not have a choice but to work out of the home. But to the majority of mothers who choose to, I have a few questions…Why would you choose to have a family and say you love and value them above all else in the world; yet you put your babies, toddlers, and preschoolers in daycares everyday? Don’t you think that can be a bit stressing on them? Don’t they deserve the best possible care? No one can do it better than their own mommies! I am sure that you would admit that. Or do think that another women can do better than you can? If so maybe that is where they should be. Why wouldn’t you want the best for them? You wouldn’t want to be put out at all, would you… Let’s say the ladies at the daycare asked to use your car for the day…you would think they were from planet mars! You don’t trust them with your car! Say they wanted to borrow some of your jewelry that was passed down from your grandma…Please! They are strangers! No Way! What if they lost it, it is priceless and can not be replaced! How little you must think of your children.
They are little once and each one is different not to mention priceless. You do not know the little joys each day that you are missing. It’s not worth anything you can provide your house or family with by working.

michelle June 5, 2008, 8:50 PM

I just realized I forgot about the rest of what you said…

You said that I am condescending and demeaning to women. Actually I was merely suggesting one way that women could have a happier more enjoyable life stress-free without all the drama. And that’s all it was, just a suggestion. You on the other hand have been trying to shove your feminista agenda down my throat. What have you said that could possibly built anyone up? You haven’t helped men or women. Just spewed a bunch of gobbly gook because you are feeling guilty of something. (By your own admission your home life sounds miserable.)

All you have done is bash men, demeaning them, calling them selfish. (Hello Mrs. Pot, are you calling the kettle black?) Maybe this double standard is part of your feminista agenda too. Let me show you how selfish you sound. You demand they do everything for you FIRST so they might stand a chance to get something from you! With the claim of 25 years of marriage experience one would think you had moved past playground tactics.

You did say one thing that we both agree on and that was that you both have to work on the relationship to make it successful. The difference between you and me is how to go about working together as a team. You are demanding and impatient with your husband …I’m simply loving mine into helping. You can only change yourself. Once you realize that you will see all the possibilities and power that you have. Not that I’m putting all responsibility on women. But I am saying that we are responsible for our own behavior and attitude. We can easily set the mood and tone of our homes and families. The old saying goes “If mama ain’t happy, then nobody’s happy”.

I think you are the one that has been condescending to women making us out to be victims of society & victims of our spouses like we are some weak creature who has no control.

Most of all, Please explain to me how I have sold myself short. By wanting to show my daughters how to have a good life by being kind to others including my husband? Do not feel sorry for me…remember mine was the story of a princess. But I do feel sorry for you and yours. You sound miserable. Yours was the story of a stressed out, over worked, non-appreciated, angry, bitter,tired, and very selfish women.

Good luck!

Anonymous June 6, 2008, 12:47 AM

LOL wow Michelle! You need to read my message again. I was describing how difficult it is for women today not my life. If you want to know about my life, I have a wonderful life, a loving caring husband, a long term marriage, beautiful successful children and plenty of money. My husband and I worked very hard to create this life for each other and our family. A BIG part of our success was his willingness to meet me halfway or more. This was the point I was making.
What is up with the feminist accusations? Are feminist bad people or something? I am not at all what people would consider a feminist.
Talk about angry issues… you should reread these blogs when you have calmed down.
Perhaps if you were a little kinder with yourself you could be a little kinder and tolerant of “feminist”, “daycare mom’s” and “people who think different from you”.
Peace and good luck to you.

babygirl June 9, 2008, 2:10 PM

I continue to read article such as this to make sure my Fiance doesnt and wont ever have to find it somewhere else. I love making sure he is happy because that is what makes me happy…We get up and take showers together before leaving to work and either before leaving as soon as he get home or before bed or all three he recieves oral sex! Keeping the intensity alive ill initiate it in the car, the park, where ever! While it keeps him on his toes does the same for me!

bjb June 25, 2008, 1:07 AM

To the MomLogic Author - decent G-rated material. Also, love the cheap pot-shot at husbands who— God forbid— try to open up about sexual compliants (“…make him quit whining”).
Two bits of advice I’d like to leave you and your readers: 1) ignore your man at your own risk; 2) sexy pajama set as a substitue for lingere? Are you out of your mind, or just that naive?

kathy June 28, 2008, 10:51 AM

When men start whining.. it is such a sexual turn off to woman.

J June 29, 2008, 5:18 PM

People need intimacy in all its forms. If it’s not there, you feel neglected, unloved, and used. This goes for guys too. Yes, they do have feelings. Treating a man as a business partner rather than a lover is insulting.

If romance is lacking, then step it up. Be romantic. He’ll take the hint and follow suit; if not, then maybe you should actually *talk* to each other. Communication works wonders.

Do you really think he’s not tired after work? Do you think he’s not worn out? Yet he still makes the effort to share intimacy with you in spite of that. Most guys aren’t just in it for themselves; they want to make you feel good too. Sex is about mutual pleasure. If there’s a problem, talk about it. It’s the only way to fix things. Complaining to your friends will do no good.

Amber June 30, 2008, 4:41 PM

If families could survive on one income, maybe women (or men) could stay home doing the child rearing and home-making. There would be less stress for both parents, and in turn, better moods and more love. Being a homemaker isn’t, and shouldn’t be a bad thing. I think that men need to understand they can’t always have sex whenever they want it and that it is not alright for them to get it elsewhere when they are refused, but also that women need to “give it up” more often and not refuse their partners just because. Being “tired” or “having a headache” should not be your excuse all the time. Men have needs(physical more often), but so do women(emotional more often). Think about those guys out there that need to see something sexual (pornography), to become aroused. Well, women more often than not need that extra something, too. It is usually being touched and loved more often than viewing pornography, though. Listen to each others needs and try to meet them. “You will catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar.” Just my opinion.

Anonymous July 22, 2008, 2:24 AM

I somewhat agree with michelle but I also say this.. My husband works night shift. He sleeps during the day and when he is awake he reads a magazine about guns or sits on the bed.. he doesn’t help me with the kids and yes we still have sex but I can’t remember the last time I had an actual organsm its going going gone for him… while I am laying there wondering where I went wrong.. I sometimes cook but with my 2 babies cooking and eating isn’t possible without his help and guess what I don’t get that.. when he comes home he complains about not eating while I just got my kids to go to sleep at 12 after trying for 3 hours.. I love my husband and adore him and I let him know that.. My house is clean, and so his laundry for work. I don’t get appreciated and I get criticized. So although I agree with michelle everyone has their own stories.. Its hard to have sex with your husband at night espically when he is not there and when he is you have to screaming babies at you leg.. I’m a stay at home mother and I love it but some mothers don’t that is also a freedom of choice which is what we all have. The only thing that I ask of my husband is that he doesn’t cheat. I may not have my part of sex but he does and he proberly appreciates it. It doesn’t bother me as much as it used to because I have my mind on other important things.. No my husband may not hit the spot, help me with the house or with the kids but I try to at least pleasing him and maybe one day be able to please my self.

chrissy July 30, 2008, 5:06 PM

Having read a dads top ten sex complaints, I just despair.
How totally selfish, self centred and childish these men are, in fact, can they be called men???

Everyone knows that after a time the relationship settles down and the sex drive slows too, especially after children! However, that does’nt mean its all over, if you have a good strong relationship and your man is man enough to handle changing situations without feeling he’s missing out, you can get through most things.
If your partner starts to look elsewhere, then its best to let him go, you deserve better anyway. Some men are very weak and cannot be loyal no matter what you do for them and if that is the case, let them go they are not worth the effort.

frustrated mama August 1, 2008, 3:36 PM

I’m kinda the opposite of all you mom’s…My husband is the one without the sex drive. I’d gladly have sex 2 or 3 times a day; but am lucky to get it once or twice a week. And when we do have sex, it’s all about him. As a woman who truely enjoys sex, nothing is more frustrating then not feeling wanted by my husband.

John August 12, 2008, 8:32 PM

It has been my experience that women are overworked by choice. Theirs. There seems to be an assumption that they have to do everything. I can tell you that at least in my case, the assumption came from her. Stop whining about how hard your lives are and remember that whatever you did to get him you have to continue to do to keep him, no matter what other choices you’ve made. Failure to do so spurs resentment and anger.
For you guys, our days are full too, but get off your butts and chip in. It goes a long way, trust me.

Chris August 12, 2008, 9:02 PM

I share my wife with other men, and she loves it. She is always willing to be taken by me and other men. Its exciting.

Anonymous August 12, 2008, 9:06 PM

yea, so if your not givin it to your husband dont get pissed when he cheats

Pat August 13, 2008, 1:17 AM

Michele, You live in a dream. I hope you never wake up and face the reality of life. Welcome to the real world.

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