Plus, simple ways Moms can make him quit whining.
In a perfect world, no one would have between-the-sheets complaints. After all, when you were newlyweds, the sex was hot. And frequent. And you were certain that was never going to change. Ha. Enter kids and mortgages and work and stress into that equation, and suddenly without warning there are complaints galore. Many go unspoken. But what isn't he telling you? Momlogic grilled guys to get their top unspoken bedroom complaints.
1. Dad Complaint: She won't tell me what she wants in bed.
Mom Solution: Okay, we know it's embarrassing ... but he's not a mind reader. He wants you to speak up. If you're too mortified, tell him you had a sex dream about him where he was doing X, Y, and Z to you...and how it really turned you on. He'll get the hint.
2. Dad Complaint: She needs to shave!
Mom Solution: Since having children, many Moms basically throw out the razor and never look back. If you've made a conscious decision NOT to shave, he'll just need to deal with it. But if you're one of those women like us who keeps meaning to shave but then realizes it's been a few (okay, more than a few) weeks, it might be time to step it up. We're not proposing that you shave twice a day or anything...but, if your legs and nether regions are beginning to look like the Brazillian rain forest, it might be time to book an appointment for a wax. (You'll feel so sexy when it's done--promise.)
3. Dad Complaint: She won't talk dirty.
Mom Solution: Again, this can be super embarrassing for most. Many Moms we talked to said trash talk makes them feel plain stupid. Tip: Start by whispering. Things you would never say out loud sound so much less scary in a whisper. If you still can't muster up the courage, pretend to be someone else (like a French maid, maybe, or a lap dancer). Still no dice? Have someone else do it for you. Check out another secret weapon here.
4. Dad Complaint: She doesn't wear lingerie anymore.
Mom Solution: Haven't broken out the lingerie since your honeymoon? Us either. And there's probably no way in Hell we'll be sporting the fishnet thigh-highs anytime soon. But we did invest in some comfy but cute pajama sets that are lacy enough to turn him on without being uncomfortable or impractical enough to turn us off. And, while we were at it, we ditched the granny panties, too. (TMI?)
5. Dad Complaint: She only likes one position.
Mom Solution: We don't know about you, but we started liking missionary better and better we noticed how much our stomach hangs down when we're on top. But he's not worried about that, we assure you. If you're feeling body conscious, lower the lights and light some candles.
6. Dad Complaint: She won't give me oral sex.
Mom Solution: Okay, many Moms admit we don't do this as much as we did, say, in our pre-marriage days. In fact, for some, it's dwindled to just birthdays. Tip: Give it up once in a while--even if it's just for a few minutes. A little attention here goes a long way.
7. Dad Complaint: She never wants to have sex.
Mom Solution: Many Moms suffer from low desire. First, you need to rule out whether this is physical or mental. See your OB/GYN for a checkup. If you have low testosterone, there is a cream that can be prescribed to put your sex drive into overdrive. If a physical issue is ruled out, click here for ways to get in the mood.
8. Dad Complaint: She won't initiate.
Mom Solution: Women like to be chased. It's in our genetic makeup. But he needs to be needed, too. Try giving him "the tap" and see what happens. Take control!
9. Dad Complaint: She just doesn't seem into it anymore.
Mom Solution: Faking it is bad. We would never suggest that. But if you're not into it, you need to figure out why. What would turn you on that he's not doing? Explore your own body to figure out what makes you purr, then incorporate that new knowledge in the bedroom. Sex should be fun...not just one more thing to do. Also, a small amount of faking enthusiasm can often lead to actual enthusiasm. Just sayin'.
10. Dad Complaint: She's always worried about the kids hearing us.
Mom Solution: To lessen the chances of surprise interruptions, wait until the kids are sound asleep before getting it on. Turn on the TV or some music to muffle the noise. You might even consider getting a lock on your bedroom door for added privacy.
Coming soon: Top 10 Mom Sex Complains, and Dad Solutions...