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Dad's Top 10 Sex Complaints

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Plus, simple ways Moms can make him quit whining.


In a perfect world, no one would have between-the-sheets complaints. After all, when you were newlyweds, the sex was hot. And frequent. And you were certain that was never going to change. Ha. Enter kids and mortgages and work and stress into that equation, and suddenly without warning there are complaints galore. Many go unspoken. But what isn't he telling you? Momlogic grilled guys to get their top unspoken bedroom complaints.

1. Dad Complaint: She won't tell me what she wants in bed.
Mom Solution: Okay, we know it's embarrassing ... but he's not a mind reader. He wants you to speak up. If you're too mortified, tell him you had a sex dream about him where he was doing X, Y, and Z to you...and how it really turned you on. He'll get the hint.

2. Dad Complaint: She needs to shave!
Mom Solution: Since having children, many Moms basically throw out the razor and never look back. If you've made a conscious decision NOT to shave, he'll just need to deal with it. But if you're one of those women like us who keeps meaning to shave but then realizes it's been a few (okay, more than a few) weeks, it might be time to step it up. We're not proposing that you shave twice a day or anything...but, if your legs and nether regions are beginning to look like the Brazillian rain forest, it might be time to book an appointment for a wax. (You'll feel so sexy when it's done--promise.)

3. Dad Complaint: She won't talk dirty.
Mom Solution: Again, this can be super embarrassing for most. Many Moms we talked to said trash talk makes them feel plain stupid. Tip: Start by whispering. Things you would never say out loud sound so much less scary in a whisper. If you still can't muster up the courage, pretend to be someone else (like a French maid, maybe, or a lap dancer). Still no dice? Have someone else do it for you. Check out another secret weapon here.

4. Dad Complaint: She doesn't wear lingerie anymore.
Mom Solution: Haven't broken out the lingerie since your honeymoon? Us either. And there's probably no way in Hell we'll be sporting the fishnet thigh-highs anytime soon. But we did invest in some comfy but cute pajama sets that are lacy enough to turn him on without being uncomfortable or impractical enough to turn us off. And, while we were at it, we ditched the granny panties, too. (TMI?)

5. Dad Complaint: She only likes one position.
Mom Solution: We don't know about you, but we started liking missionary better and better we noticed how much our stomach hangs down when we're on top. But he's not worried about that, we assure you. If you're feeling body conscious, lower the lights and light some candles.

6. Dad Complaint: She won't give me oral sex.
Mom Solution: Okay, many Moms admit we don't do this as much as we did, say, in our pre-marriage days. In fact, for some, it's dwindled to just birthdays. Tip: Give it up once in a while--even if it's just for a few minutes. A little attention here goes a long way.

7. Dad Complaint: She never wants to have sex.
Mom Solution: Many Moms suffer from low desire. First, you need to rule out whether this is physical or mental. See your OB/GYN for a checkup. If you have low testosterone, there is a cream that can be prescribed to put your sex drive into overdrive. If a physical issue is ruled out, click here for ways to get in the mood.

8. Dad Complaint: She won't initiate.
Mom Solution: Women like to be chased. It's in our genetic makeup. But he needs to be needed, too. Try giving him "the tap" and see what happens. Take control!

9. Dad Complaint: She just doesn't seem into it anymore.
Mom Solution: Faking it is bad. We would never suggest that. But if you're not into it, you need to figure out why. What would turn you on that he's not doing? Explore your own body to figure out what makes you purr, then incorporate that new knowledge in the bedroom. Sex should be fun...not just one more thing to do. Also, a small amount of faking enthusiasm can often lead to actual enthusiasm. Just sayin'.

10. Dad Complaint: She's always worried about the kids hearing us.
Mom Solution: To lessen the chances of surprise interruptions, wait until the kids are sound asleep before getting it on. Turn on the TV or some music to muffle the noise. You might even consider getting a lock on your bedroom door for added privacy.

Coming soon: Top 10 Mom Sex Complains, and Dad Solutions...

next: Mom Pimps Her Ride
64 comments so far | Post a comment now
monique August 13, 2008, 11:15 AM

ok so “pure love” sounds like you are a pessimist. you need some counseling i think. a huge reason why men cheat is because their wives are not enough for them! i am not saying that i am a sexaholic or anything, i have a 16 month old boy and a 4 month old boy and am pregnant again! so my sex drive is definitely not what i wish it were. but our husbands should come first! if you have to chose between wearing yourself out doing dishes and laundry, or loving your husband, let the chores slide! or ask him to help you so you can get on to “Better things”. you can start foreplay anywhere! it doesn’t have to be graphic, but a kiss, or a little butt grab in the kitchen never hurt anyone did it?
ALSO date nites are soooo important. even if all you do is drive down to the lake and talk, or makeout like you used to or whatever. but that closeness has to be there.
ladies, we need to be there for our men when they need us, or they will go elsewhere. and then, really, can you blame them?

Corinna August 13, 2008, 11:25 AM

Say yes to sex. A mom of 2 a one year old and a 4 year old. Sex helps you feel better, prettier, sexier, gives you exercise, makes your relationship healthier for you and your spouse and relaxes you to be a more chilled parent. Say yes to sex and see the difference it makes in both of your lives.

Dave August 13, 2008, 3:55 PM

Corinna needs to stop preaching and start attending class taught by her husband. I bet he could actually make what she’s talking about actually happen. Just like 7-Eleven, daddy’s class is open 24/7.

proud August 13, 2008, 3:55 PM

I think women lose interest in sex because the men just don’t want to take the time to explore and try different things. Its just jump on and ride for their 2 minutes! STOP blaming it all on the women here, its time all you men get a little more responsible for the quality of your sex life! I have great sex with my s/o all the time, because he cares enough to take his time and MAKE LOVE TO ME, and I gladly recirocate and do anything he wants because I am happy to do it and I enjoy pleaseing him. You guys have to learn to ENJOY pleasing her….enough of this sh@t of blaming the women!!!!

Michelle is right August 20, 2008, 8:38 PM

Why has nobody mentioned that a healthy sex life is a vital part of a healthy relationship? In my opinion, you can judge a reltaionship by whats going on in the bedroom. Blaming your sexless marrage on your busy lifestyle is not right. Michelle is right that we all have priorities in life and that most of them are misplaced. Family should be your first priority! Sex shouldn’t be a reward for a man after doing everything his wife has told him to do. She should be just as into it as the husband is and should make the time for it. Too many women think sex is just a physical thing for men and don’t want to hear the complaining that comes from men. Women should take our complaints seriously because it means something is wrong. Think back to how things were when you first started dating or got married… why does that have to change? Quit thinking about why your spouce needs to chance and start thinking about what YOU can do to make things better and how you can both be happier together by bringing the romance back into your lives.

jen August 22, 2008, 8:47 AM

For all those dissatisfed woman out there,buy a vibrator to spice things up .
I was married to a cheator and who bought one for me , after that in a not so good relationship for a long while he got jealous of the toy , he felt it compromised his lack of manhood.
Being single again the newer ones toys are surprising .
For once I am glad to be born a woman with more choices than I thought .
So buy one to get him interested again .
And all those woman who think they will never really be interested in sex again
even if he isnt you might be .

Cherish August 23, 2008, 3:40 PM

Reading this reminds me why I am happily divorced. Too many men expect their wives to bring home the bacon, cook and serve it, and lay there so they can eat it too. Sex became such a chore. My ex didn’t give a darn if I just layed their as long as he got his. No wonder I hate it. It’s so much better being single and “sexless”.

MDB October 22, 2008, 2:31 PM

I’m happy to hear that there are some women who actually still enjoy sex with their husbands, and have a desire for them. I wish my wife did. And for the feminazi’s reading this getting ready to pounce on me, here is our situation. I am thirty, she is twenty four, we are going on seven years of marriage, we have two young daughters, we love each other. We both work, but different shifts, I watch the kids all day before work at night, she works all day. Sex has been dead with us for years, we are both attractive, she is extremely beautiful, smart, and creative, and I’ve always let her know how much I respect her, love her, and desire her. I work out regularly, am not overweight, and have no problem getting unsolicited attention from girls, just not from my wife. I have stayed completely faithful to her, I help out around the house ( I’m not great at it but I do help) and I am never abusive to her, we have enough money to pay our bills, I’m kind to her and she regularly tells me what a good husband I am. But she seems to have no sexual desire for me at all, I will try to set up the night perfectly on my day off, I’ll have the house clean, dishes washed, kids asleep in bed, a fresh pot of coffee brewing, incense in the air, I’ve shaved, showered, brushed my teeth, done push ups, chin ups, pull ups, combed my hair, sent flirting text messages to her once or twice during the day to get her mind open to the possibility later. Oh yeah, dinner waiting, I wait so we can eat together. Then after I give her some time to unwind a little, I’ll start with the not so subtle hints that we should make love that night, and she is generally not reactive to this at all, so we talk a little more, I listen to her, ask her questions to show my interest, laugh with her, smile, kiss her and caress her. But inevitably, she will disappear into the bedroom saying “I’m going to go get comfortable” and re-emerge in one of any number of dag-blang frickin flannel pajama pants and once they go on, they do NOT come off. But since I am the optimist that I am when she goes to get on the bed I get in there with her and when the moment is right I will initiate some delicate kissing, and she will latch on to me and want to cuddle, and I will let use one of many “feeler” lines or caresses, and she will shut me down politely on each attempt. If her response is not crystal clear I will lovingly make my desire know n to her, and she will tell me that it’s late, she has to get up early, it’s not a good night, I don’t feel like moving, she doesn’t feel well……or my favorite, once the cuddling has begun she is out cold, or, if I use the bathroom before going to bed, when I get there she is out like a light already. So I spend most of our “available for love” nights holding her while she sleeps, turned down for the tenth time in a row, staring at the wall with a tear of hurt and frustration falling down my cheek while she sleeps away in the security and comfort of her strong, handsome, faithful and loving husband. Once she is asleep I will get up and get dressed again, take the dog out for a long walk, maybe for an hour and a half, sometimes until three in the morning, however long it takes to get so tired that I can just crawl into bed and pass out without caring that the beautiful woman of my dreams is laying there beside me, but miles out of reach. Do we have sex? yes, sometimes we do, there comes a point when she feels obligated enough to do it, somewhere between ten and fifteen days, but throw in her period in there and it will go much longer than that thanks to mother nature ( I don’t have a problem with that circumstance, but my desire for her is still burning during that time). I have been rejected by her so much now that I have a much harder time asking her for sex, sometimes it just hurts less to do without. Also, I no longer have the desire to pressure her into it or have obligatory sex, I really wish that she actually desired me, and I know she does not. When we do have sex she hardly moves, she seems disinterested and detached, or we will start foreplay and she is so not into it that when I realize it I lose the erection, no need for a cold shower when your with a frigid woman. She is in good health and so am I, I find myself driven to work out and be more attractive so that she will desire me and then I’ll fall into a slump and stop when I realize that it makes no difference in the end result. Now I don’t keep the house clean all the time, I’m not perfect and neither is she, but in her own words I’m a good man and a good husband, so I’m not interested in hearing that do more around the house angle. When we talk about it, we treat each other with dignity and are open about it, she tells me she thinks we should have sex once a month! I don’t think it is reasonable to have it every day , for us anyway, I would like to have it four or five times a month just to keep my chin up and know that my wife occasionally desires me. Oh well, I’ve got to go, thanks reading the thoughts of a normal attractive guy that can’t score with his own wife.

Jon November 5, 2008, 9:25 PM

Let’s face it - women get married and get LAZY! Too many married women are way overweight which directly affects energy and therefore their libido. Women, put down the damn Twinkies, get your fat butt off the couch and get yourself in shape!

G.J. Miller November 25, 2008, 4:17 PM

ry of more sex in the marriage

G.J. Miller November 25, 2008, 4:40 PM

Ladies wake up!! If you constantly nag your husband, his behavior will change. He will feel like your his mom, and will resent having to be told about all his shortcomings. Afterall who wants to have sex with thier mother. I would suggest that you replace the nagging with building your man up, not constantly tearing him down. In a short period of time he will find you sexy again. There is a very differnt side to cheating that most women are not aware of, and that is DL[down low}. More and more men are finding out that relatioships with women are becoming to complex,and men are not accustomed to the constant emotional issues women need in a relationship. They are secretly using other men to get pleasure. Don’t worry your man is not gay, he is just horny and wants fast easy sex and a lot of pleasure, then walk out the door. The men providing this service may not consider themselves gay either. it is just goys helping other guys out. There is usally no charge and the sex is better than what a women can give. The performer likes what he is doing

smiling December 16, 2008, 12:32 AM

The whole idea is to enjoy yourselves together. Yes many people are cheaters, but, not all and those who are always cheaters will remain so. Forget them. Take good care of yourself in all ways. Remember that relationships require honesty, communication, trust, effort and time for each other. Remember why you got together with this person in the first place, and have fun together. It’s about the adventure.

Tony January 8, 2009, 8:26 PM

If each person worked to make the other feel good, both would benefit. As many have said, it seems wives spend more time on being the mother instead of the lover.

Mina April 30, 2009, 6:24 PM

What about mom’s top 10 sex complaints? I could apply #’s 1, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, & 9 to my husband. Oh hell, I’ll throw 4 in there too. If I have to dress up I want him to dress up too. I could have sex 3 to 4 times a day and that includes during my period. He could have sex twice a month. I’m sick of the whole women don’t like sex arguement. My BIGGEST sex complaint; he never gives me an orgasm. I can give myself 10 in a row. Once I made it to 15. So, I never want to have sex because there is no point. I’d rather do it myself. Men, if you take the time to please your woman before yourself she WILL repay you the favor!

Mina April 30, 2009, 6:45 PM

Oh yeah, if you call us average looking, we won’t want to have sex with you. That’s what my man does. I’m not average looking. I’m a size zero. Fat women always ask me if I model. I fit into my pre-pregnant clothes not even a week after giving birth. I have no stretch marks. I’m completely lucky and he should think that he is too. But no, I’m average looking and he has to tell me about every other good looking, above average women out there. If you married a woman you should tell her she’s the most beautiful thing ever. That’s why you married her, right? Some men are just clueless.

anonymous June 7, 2009, 6:03 PM

I think it’s more complicated than posed here. I think as a guy it’s more about stimulating our mind or fantasies. Maybe a guy gets bored of routine sex. I’m sitting here thinking of why I think of other women more than I should. I think it may have to do with a woman’s style/clothing,because I’ve been with several types of women and I get used to people too quickly. So what does the next woman have? A different look. I think I recall some type of marketing technique called repetition with variation. People need to reinvent themselves a little every so often or risk becoming a routine commercial. Yes, it is important to have commonalties and so forth, but that is on another wave length when compared to sexuality and keeping your partner interested. I think it’s mostly in the look, voice, expressions,spontaneity…These are just my thoughts on the matter.

If you’re contemplating cheating,etc then just imagine yourself with someone else and finish out that thought. Think of yourself with that person 2 years from now. Most likely you’ll become bored of that person if it’s about lust and “just wanting to have something new or different for a change”.
Somehow, I think biopsychology, guys (and maybe women) are programmed to want a new lover after a while. Maybe it’s a sociobiological phenomenon, but definitely something that is needed for survival or for passing on one’s genetic material. Deep, I know, but I’m just spit-balling some thoughts here.

studies/texts in Psychology, Biology,( B.A.)
med school freshman

anonymous June 7, 2009, 6:12 PM

I think I agree with Michelle too.
You have to feel that you’re lucky to have a relationship. Or maybe use a tactic called “lowered social comparison”, namely, that “things could be worse” or “I could be with a less attractive person instead of my current lover”.
I think hormones get the best of people sometimes. It’s normal though.

anonymous June 7, 2009, 6:14 PM

I also like Michelle’s words about “letting your partner know he’s (or she’s) your hero”. That sounds like good advice and would put some spark back into the relationship for the long term.

Jax January 6, 2010, 3:01 PM

I take very good care of myself. I try to pay attn to him and I try initiate but he’s too tired. Says things are complicated. Too much responisbility. So i gave up. Let him come to me now… rejection sucks

1. HE insisnts the babies still sleep with us. I tried to get them into their own room and he refuses.
2. He needs to groom and dress better. Like HE used to. I havent changed and I look better now than I did then.
3. Im ALWAYS down for the deed.
4. we both like to go out and have fun. I can almost ALWAYS get a sitter no problem. But he always goes out with the guys instead and rarely invites me along. I in turn get bored…

he still cheated. Twice with regular women and hes been known and caught hanging and calling escorts.

Is he maybe an addict. I had a very hard time believing someone to be addicted to sex but idk, maybe?

he pretty much sucks in bed now. Nothing like in the early days. hes a drab. minute man. selfish pretty much. gets in and gets done. and he only wants it one way and Im really sick and tired of that way..

Stephanie May 22, 2010, 8:50 PM

WOW! I think we all need to step back. I am reading a lot of…crap. It is not unreasonable for a man to want sex with his wife. It IS however, unreasonable to want her to be a porn star in bed! Grow up already. Things change with time especialy when you add children and house payments and careers ect into the equasion. Cheating is NEVER EVER EVER OK! If you are that un-happy in your life long commitment then you need to do the responsable, respectable, moral thing and tell your partner that things are not working out and you need to look at solutions. If counciling is out of the question and there is no working through your commitment then you need to divorce, then move on, not the other way around. And guys, I dont care if you work a full-time job and your wife stays home with the children, when you get home you need to help out. Your job is not over when you leave work. Raising children is HARD and emotionaly exhausting. I realize that working is hard too ( Although I bet at least half of your wives would trade you) but you need to help with dinner or even cook it. Do the laundry, whatever! There should be nothing that is “OFF LIMITS” to you. And woman should not “NAG” as much as we do about every simple silly thing. John Haggie once said something to the affect that we are potatos. When we get married two whole potatos get cut up and mashed together to make “Mashed potatos”. What hes saying is that you were two and now your one. When you look in the bowl of mashed potatos you wont be able to tell them apart anymore because now they are one and work as one unit. It sounds silly but it makes sence. We need to stop looking at our partner as the enemy and start looking at them as a partner. There should be no dividing or you do this and I do that. We need to pick up eachothers slack. When ones weak the other needs to be strong for them, whoever it is. And none of this applies to CHEATERS or ABUSIVE PARTNERS. Man or woman, we dont need to be in that kind of relationship and you need to get out ASAP and find somebody who will treat you right! One last thing, to Michelle, it is not fair to say that woman must think so little of their children to leave them at daycare. I never left my children at daycare because I dont trust anyone, however, I also know that it is not right for me to think that way. There are a lot of great daycares out there that can be trusted. I also dont think that it is wrong for a woman to work if she does not need to. My husband makes 5x what I would make if I worked, but, I will work when I finish school because woman have more needs than to raise children. Raising children is the most importaint thing to me but that doesnt make me a bad guy to want something else for myself. My children will one day grow up, go to college, get married, and have lives of their own. Where would that leave me? You should think about that and understand that what works for one couple may not work for another. Have a nice night everyone :)

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