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Childless Bitch on Facebook Moms

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Editor's Note:  Social networks are not just for kids anymore! But not everyone agrees--the lonely, child-free woman we can't stand is in an uproar. Here's the latest enraging installment from the Childless B*tch.

mom_facebook.jpg

To my horror - yesterday I was 'friended' on Facebook by...a Mom!

Wait. Wait. I'm not talking about a friend who turned Mom (ugh) --  I'm talking about my FRIEND'S MOM requesting my 'friendship' on Facebook. Excuse me -- O.M.F.G!!! 

Mrs. Jacobson, if you're listening, I would like to offer up a few of the never-ending reasons, why--like hard liquor and beer--moms and social networks don't mix.


  1. Your profile picture is either a picture of your kid, your dog, or your new hardwood floors (if, of course, you found the 'upload' button).
  2. When an email message arrives reading, "Jimmy just wrote on your wall," you race for your Mr. Clean Magic Eraser sponge.
  3. You just happily accepted the friendship of "Boobalicious Bambi."
  4. The online group you belong to: Menopause Mamas
  5. Your online photo album: Nana's Nursing Home Talent Show
  6. The last three MySpace bulletins you posted:
    • "Does anyone have a mulch chipper or leaf blower I can borrow?"
    • "Lost earring backing in Gymboree, please help"
    • "Announcement: I've got a little bun in the oven!"
  7. You just updated your current status to "lactating."
  8. You just posted a survey to the world including "your first kiss" and "last narcotic tried." And the answers were "1950" and "Diet Coke."
  9. The last comment you wrote on my wall started with "Dear..." and ended with "Sincerely,..."  Mommy, these are not the letters from the Transcontinental Railroad. 
  10. The information you'll learn will only hurt your feelings. Learning your son's screen name is UnicornRider77" is only one example.
When it comes to the world of online -- your kids don't want you on there.  Your nieces and nephews don't want you on there.   And most importantly, I don't want you on there.   So, just do all of us young and fun people a favor and...log off! 

I am impressed that you finally learned how to turn on your computer, but...let's face it, you have no clue what the term 'social networking' even means. 

Poke You!
-CB


next: Photo: Google Catches Gunslinger
21 comments so far | Post a comment now
tweed524 May 21, 2008, 8:06 AM

You remember the movie “Logan’s Run” or the movie where this leader of a radical group said everyone over 30 should die? Well, I have deceided everyone under 30 should die. Why, because you don’t have any respect for anyone over 30. How the hell do you think you got here. Who are you to tell me I can’t have a profile on “facebook” or “mySpace”. I can do anything I like. I’m old and I like it. While you’re worrying about your prom dress, or pimples on your ass, I’ll be sitting here playing on my computer, and yes honey I can turn it on.

canaffordlife May 21, 2008, 11:22 AM

It is interesting how a little twit of a woman who likely is still suckling off of daddy’s money and trying to find the library is addressing social networking. Long before you were a glimer in daddy’s eye people were socially networking. Hell it is likely that is how the two people who concieved you got together. If you had ever attended an adult function such as a Charity dinner, golf at the country club or a Sales and Marketing executives meeting you would grasp this, hell even a quilt social or ice cream social fits the bill. Just becasue you are to insecure to actually socialize in person does not mean that we grwon ups can not both socialize interactively as well as actively.

H.W. May 21, 2008, 12:56 PM

Personally I would leave age out of it. I’m 23 and my husband and I are expecting our first child after trying for 2 years. My initial response is to get annoyed at the complete and total stupidity, but as I read through it all I see is some twit who obviously has no idea what she’s talking about. Her own ignorance and arrogance crush her credibility before I even have a chance to determine if she has any. Personally, I believe this woman needs to do a little more research about life before she goes off half-assed and making assumptions on something she has clearly demonstrated she knows nothing about. Whether it be life with or without a child.

Sue May 21, 2008, 1:02 PM

Childless B, we don’t want to be your friend anyway! I find it a great way to keep up with family. And maybe having us moms on Facebook will prevent our children from putting up pictures they will regret down the line.

Anonymous May 21, 2008, 3:28 PM

Meh. You lost me after the airline post. I didn’t even crack a smile this time. The I’m so fabulous one from last week was lame too. You’ve lost your touch CB!

anonymous May 21, 2008, 10:50 PM

I’m not sure why Mom Logic posts these?

Karen May 22, 2008, 9:49 AM

Online Social Networking is not reserved for the under 20 crowd. Luckily, my children are respectful enough to understand that they need to learn to interact with people of all ages, even when they are online. It’s a lesson that you should learn.

Additionally, I would not request or accept your friendship in my social network, online or otherwise.

Anonymous May 22, 2008, 1:55 PM

honestly…
mom’s shouldn’t get a facebook because there are just tagged pictures of their kids drinking, making out with somone, or incredibly high.
why would a parent want to see that?
my mom has a facebook…and should delete it.

Tizz May 22, 2008, 4:08 PM

Grow up, not all moms are 50 years old! Seriously, I am 22 and have 2 kids! My myspace and facebook are about reconnecting with old friends! I think that maybe you are a bit jealous that you aren’t a parent, and what a horrible parent you would be!

Anonymous May 22, 2008, 4:41 PM

Am I the only person that sees how impossible this is? How old is the CB that her mother’s friend also has an infant child?? I’m thinking 15 years old, tops, and if that is the case then she should be childless!

Bethany May 22, 2008, 7:33 PM

Wow, all I can say is I now remember why I hardly bother hanging out with childless friends! What a travesty that such a young woman can judge all those who are older in such a way. Anyway, last I checked, moms were the smartest people on the planet.

Danielle May 24, 2008, 2:05 PM

I don’t think mothers should be discrimintated against on facebook or myspace at all. What I think CB is,or WAS saying before she completely blew her argument by insulting people, is that no one would want to be friends with their mother on a website like that. My dad has already “threatened” me that he would make an account and friend me, and really, you deal with these people at home, so why would you want to deal with them online too? It’s not an issue of age, it’s just that on facebook, we’re talking to our friends and not being very…subtle or polite, for the most part. I wouldn’t want my parents to be able to read my wall posts or look at my tagged photos (not that any of them are that bad) for strictly privacy reasons only. I do think that parents have every right to make a facebook/myspace account if they want to, but they should try to avoid their kids.
-Danielle, 14

Dana May 24, 2008, 5:38 PM

i think there’s a big difference between younger moms who have had their myspace etc. since HS or college, and then other moms like the soccer moms and stuff. and grandmoms.

Jennifer June 1, 2008, 2:22 AM

I think CB is just satire… no need to get your undies in a bunch over these posts!

old but not stupid June 2, 2008, 2:03 PM

The outraged moms and older people here are missing the entire point. Of course we have a right to invade Facebook and MySpace and wherever we want. The young woman posting here is clearly going for over-the-top statements to troll for self-righteous, indignant old people and moms who “don’t get it.” There is an old saying on the Internet: Don’t Feed the Troll. If this person’s words truly bother you, I assume you want her to stop posting. If you give her attention, she will continue to post and get your panties in a bunch.

I think it’s all funny. I also think young people should be allowed to have spaces to hang out in that are inhabited by their own age group. Kids should have playgrounds. College kids should have Facebook. Grownups, too, should have more places, online or off, where we can hang out with people our own age. I’m at the age where my peers are either in families, so one has to hang out with kids whether one wants to or not, or are still lurking around at bars with 22-year-olds, where I don’t particularly want to go. It’s frustrating. Let all the age groups have a few places to do their thing on occasion. Why not?

Cassandra March 4, 2009, 5:53 PM

This woman has alot of nerve!!! Why shouldn’t moms be on a social networking site? Yes I am a mom but I am still only 23 years old and have the desire to talk to people my own age. Besides that, you choose who your friends are on facebook, so if you hate moms that much don’t add them to your friend list. And as for children not wanting their parent’s on facebook or myspace, do you not watch the news lady? If you have a child that uses one of these sites, you should definetely be on their friend list and monitor their online activity.

oufqtlx zhqgpelm April 2, 2009, 6:56 AM

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goldifox5 May 13, 2009, 10:52 PM

I am with the couple of others who think that getting all mad about CB articles/ posts is just not the way it’s intended. It’s like a reality check a la “He’s Just Not That Into You”. Tough love stuff - but with a dry sense of humor to boot. And I think it’s entertaining.

Kaitlin May 29, 2009, 3:40 PM

I would, once again, like to stick up for CB. I don’t really need my adult relatives reading some of the things that I post just for friends to read. And there are a lot of kids out there who are MAJOR trouble behind their family’s backs. I don’t think any of them want their parents to see pictures of their shaving-cream-covered passed out head from the senior party last year.

Rita October 13, 2009, 6:52 PM

Well, if you go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facebook, you’ll learn how Facebook came about and how it was meant for college kids in Harvard, then the Ivy League set, and so on until it was finally made available to the public in September 2006 to everyone 13 and older with a valid email address. So I think it’s meant for everyone.


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