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Childless Bitch on Facebook Moms

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Editor's Note:  Social networks are not just for kids anymore! But not everyone agrees--the lonely, child-free woman we can't stand is in an uproar. Here's the latest enraging installment from the Childless B*tch.


To my horror - yesterday I was 'friended' on Facebook by...a Mom!

Wait. Wait. I'm not talking about a friend who turned Mom (ugh) --  I'm talking about my FRIEND'S MOM requesting my 'friendship' on Facebook. Excuse me -- O.M.F.G!!! 

Mrs. Jacobson, if you're listening, I would like to offer up a few of the never-ending reasons, why--like hard liquor and beer--moms and social networks don't mix.

  1. Your profile picture is either a picture of your kid, your dog, or your new hardwood floors (if, of course, you found the 'upload' button).
  2. When an email message arrives reading, "Jimmy just wrote on your wall," you race for your Mr. Clean Magic Eraser sponge.
  3. You just happily accepted the friendship of "Boobalicious Bambi."
  4. The online group you belong to: Menopause Mamas
  5. Your online photo album: Nana's Nursing Home Talent Show
  6. The last three MySpace bulletins you posted:
    • "Does anyone have a mulch chipper or leaf blower I can borrow?"
    • "Lost earring backing in Gymboree, please help"
    • "Announcement: I've got a little bun in the oven!"
  7. You just updated your current status to "lactating."
  8. You just posted a survey to the world including "your first kiss" and "last narcotic tried." And the answers were "1950" and "Diet Coke."
  9. The last comment you wrote on my wall started with "Dear..." and ended with "Sincerely,..."  Mommy, these are not the letters from the Transcontinental Railroad. 
  10. The information you'll learn will only hurt your feelings. Learning your son's screen name is UnicornRider77" is only one example.
When it comes to the world of online -- your kids don't want you on there.  Your nieces and nephews don't want you on there.   And most importantly, I don't want you on there.   So, just do all of us young and fun people a favor and...log off! 

I am impressed that you finally learned how to turn on your computer, but...let's face it, you have no clue what the term 'social networking' even means. 

Poke You!

next: Photo: Google Catches Gunslinger
21 comments so far | Post a comment now
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