Guilty of Mom Guilt

Thursday, May 1, 2008

filed under: kid logic

A new parental malady called "Mom Guilt" plagues all Moms, working AND stay-at-home.

Ever wonder what to call that sinking feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you're dropping a teary toddler off at daycare or spend an entire day at home with the kids without doing a single activity with them?

It's called "Mom Guilt," says a recent report. and it doesn't discriminate, even Moms who don't do the 9-5 sometimes feel guilty they're not doing what's best for their child.

"Our culture, says the article, "looks to Mom to be the person who is there, who is hands on. There is this feeling that 'This is what I'm supposed to be and anything else I do is selfish.'"

No need to feel sentenced to a lifetime of guilt, Friend of momlogic, Rabbi Sherre Hirsch, has tips for guilt-free parenting:

Remember the motto happy mom-happy baby. When you feel guilt and blame you can't be the mom you want to be. Make choices that make you happy and in turn they will make your child happy.

Forgive yourself. You do not have to be an A+ mom 24/7. You have to be real and authentic.

Set limits. Have a life separate and distinct from our children.

Ask yourself is my guilt motivating me or punishing me?

filed under: kid logic

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I have a ton of guilt. I have this fear of being a horrible mom and beat myself up about it. My daughter is 4 and I don’t work so I’m with her for all but about 10 or 11 hours out of the week. It gets very tiring for me with her always wanting me to play or wanting me to get her something or just constantly talking or asking questions. And I feel guilty about not responding the way I think that I should to these things. I feel bad when I don’t want to play with her or when she just won’t stop talking and I feel like I just can’t listen to one more word. Everyone tells me that these feelings are normal and that I should’nt worry about it, but for some reason I just can’t help it.

- melanie

Posted 05/01/08 04:49 PM

Just remember that there has to be a balance, otherwise your child will think the world revolves around them and that everyone needs to listen while they speak, which is not great either. If they feel loved and that their opinion matters, but also understand that there is a time and place, and that sometimes, mom or dad are busy at the moment, but will be back to hear them later on, then I don’t think you need to feel guilty at all. It’s actually a good thing that you don’t give them ALL the attention they want anytime they want it.

- Naomi

Posted 05/01/08 05:06 PM

My grandma didn’t work so I stayed with her while my mom worked. My mom still had time for me. She took me to the library, on trips, helped me with homework, we had beauty days, we talked while doing house work. I have a daugher and because I know the importance of being independent I can’t see doing things any other way. When I am at work I get adult interaction. We I get home I rest then spend time with her. I plan fun things to do with her. I know people who see their kids all day because they get burned out and feel resentment after a while. Balance is key to anything.

- Tyquanna

Posted 05/02/08 07:12 PM