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MomLogic guest blogger Jodi asks: Is the term MILF flattering or offensive?


The term MILF is now everywhere. The acronym first slid into the mainstream with the raunchy movie American Pie, and more recently been used in an episode title on Showtime's Weeds and a punchline on NBC's 30 Rock. Before kids, Britney even sported a "MILF in training" tank top with pride. While arbiters of good taste might not choose to wear the label on their chests, there are certainly Moms (and men, of course) who enjoy the MILF tag.

Considering the social anthropology of men wanting to bed women they found attractive, motherhood status simply adds another layer of desire. But it's not altogether different for today's MILF man (called a "MILF hunter," according to than it was for his paleolithic predecessors:

Mothers are generally unavailable: Me want what me can't have. Mothers are generally in control of the situation and children: Me want you take care of cave. Mothers are, well, female: You woman ... me want woman.

If a man approached you and said "You're a Mom I'd like to ..." you'd slap him. Creep. Now let's have that same man say this: "Well he-llo, MILF!" Suddenly it's cute and ... what? A barometer that you've still got it?

Mom, you still got it.

While MILF might sound amusing in an acronym, ultimately it's an objectifying statement, and one that's purely sexual in an invasive, impersonal way. If only there was a title less crude and more accurate ... like: Momshell!

Because being a Mom is hot, thanks to ... Hollywood, but let's remember that celeb mamas go straight from their third trimester to the cover of People.

The ensuing Kodak moments rarely involve the glamour of midnight feedings or spit-up on your shoulder. The pressure on Citizen Moms to look good, even when two weeks postpartum, is on. If you don't look like a MILF ... and fast ... does that make one a ... MILF dud? Hmm.

Love that Moms are considered sexy instead of frumpy these days, the MILF moniker is divisive. So which is it: harmless compliment or creepy insult? Love to hear what you think.

25 comments so far | Post a comment now
cattwmn May 8, 2008, 3:13 PM

Doesn’t matter to ME if it’s an acronym or not - I still find it derogatory and yes, totally objectifying. There are some who think it’s flattering to be an ‘object’. Get over yourself and grow up.

laura May 8, 2008, 3:23 PM

I remember the term well from my days nannying at the country club and hanging out with lifeguards. I really hope that when I’m toting my kids around I’m not attractive to 16 year old teenagers, but, on the other hand, I hope they’re not saying “Mrs so-and-so really needs to go on what not to wear”.

April May 8, 2008, 5:18 PM

I am happy guys find Moms hot. Is that bad?

April May 8, 2008, 5:34 PM

I don’t see the big deal - personally, I wouldn’t care if someone called me a MILF. It doesn’t really matter… if it flatters some people, who cares? It doesn’t mean they need to grow up or get over themselves. Maybe passing judgment on others on such a trivial matter proves that maybe you should grow up and get over yourself?

AMG May 8, 2008, 5:56 PM

Funny - I was actually called a MILF today by some high-schoolers. Considering I’m 37 and had a baby 9 weeks ago, I find it extremely flattering!

newmom May 8, 2008, 6:11 PM

I saw American Pie and I thought it was appropriate for the movie and funny at the time but somehow I don’t think I’d like someone to use the term about me just because the language is a bit too strong. Sure I want to be seen as attractive but I’m not sure I care if a high school kid thinks I’m ‘F’ worthy. Kinda gross.
Also now it’s overused and that’s just boring either way.

Anon May 8, 2008, 7:15 PM

What next FILF?

This is not a nice acronym at all. A REAL Mother is a person who society should have respect for. Whether or not you find her sexy.

I’m not sure what REAL Mother would like High School Children to look at them in that manner or have their own child look at a friends mother in that manner. I suppose a very insecure mother! who always wants to remain young and ageless.

It’s just a matter of time before the people who use this acronym start acting upon their words either voluntarily or by force.

That would make a nice headline right? If they film it they can put it on you tube.

I don’t think we should fan the flame on this one. I think we should pour a bucket on it. Adults have a responsibility to educate the younger generation about acceptable social responsibilities towards others.

Christie Gucker May 9, 2008, 8:49 AM

I find being called a MILF VERY flattering! Anytime anyone compliments me in any way I find it flattering. I think people have become too sensitive to EVERYTHING lately. Everything has become an issue. It’s a shame because it brings the humanity and kindness out of the world. I am NOT advocating sexual harrasment in anyway here. I just know that sometimes, being a mom is the LEAST flattering thing. I can’t tell you how many times I get to work only to find a yogurt stain on my pants from my daughters or I’m a pack mule carrying all their “stuff” to and from. Then there’s always the times when we’re so busy trying to get the kids ready and everything together for something that I don’t have time to make sure I am all put together, and my socks don’t match or I didn’t have time to get my hair done and it’s into a ponytail. So if someone thinks I look like a MILF….then GOOD FOR ME!

karen13904 May 12, 2008, 11:17 AM

Here I agree with only half of you. Yes it is flattering to be called a milf… BUT not by HS kids… Being called a milf by men my age is whats flattering.

MochaMom May 13, 2008, 1:00 PM

What does “MILF” stand for?

ashley May 13, 2008, 3:28 PM

As insecure as I feel about my body since I had my second child last summer I take any compliment like that. It makes me feel not so down on myself. People need to stop blowing things like this out of proportion. Is it really worth worrying about?? Take it as a compliment and go on.

Alexa. May 13, 2008, 7:43 PM

It’s a compliment, because kids are supposed to say it to an adult as a joke. Another way of saying “Your mom’s hot”.


if an adult says it to a mother, it’s just plain creepy.

Judy May 14, 2008, 2:23 AM

I think it IS a term primarily used by high school and college students. I find it creepy. You can’t talk to boys that age without them thinking you might be hitting on them! They’re thinking MILF when that’s nowhere in the situation; not anywhere near what you’re thinking. Just CREEPY!

Lauren May 14, 2008, 2:48 PM

My new beau sent me a text message that just said “MILF” and it totally made me smile. We’re both in our late 20’s-been seeing each other for 2-3 months. And we have similar senses of humor. But I don’t think I would like it if he talked about me that way to other people, which I don’t think he would. It was just something kinda fun for the both of us.

Robyn May 15, 2008, 2:35 AM

Young men have always fantasized about older women, I believe it’s a “Right of Passage” into puberty. Many never act on it, but it’s no different than sneaking a look at Playboy. They know they’ll never be with a Playmate, but it’s arousing to fantasize about them. However, for those of you who find it creepy or insulting to think about boys having a healthy libido, I feel sorry for your sons, since they’re the ones who resort to peeking in windows and forcing themselves on others, simply because you have made him ashamed and unsure of his sexuality. Open your minds and consider it a compliment if anyone thinks of you as a ” Mother I’d like to F—k”. There are worst things…

Laurie May 15, 2008, 7:09 PM

What ever happened to having “CLASS”? why does it HAVE to sound SO RUDE!

Mom2Divas May 15, 2008, 7:27 PM

Personally if a HS kid or a college guy said i was a MILF i would be like “AAWWWLLL YEA I AM!!” but i’m also only 22. so i dont think another 22 year old guy sayin im good lookin is i dont really see anything wrong with it. If you dont like it dont tollerate it, but my husband says i’m a MILF n i think its HOTT…it makes me feel good about me. and what mom really has time to do all the work that comes with making yourself feel good…its easier to hear someone say “Dang MILF” i get it all the time and im polite and say “THANK YOU!!!”

Russell September 7, 2008, 7:15 PM

When I was younger I used to date a lot of “MILF’s”. There is an attractiveness about an experienced women who has needs that may not be getting fulfilled. The women I dated where all single mothers and were quite aggressive. I found a lot of enjoyment in giving them back rubs, cooking dinner for them and there kids, and just being there to do the “do”. now that I am a father I find it amusing when I take my son to the mall and young women approach me. I guess that makes me a “FILF”. Doesn’t sound as good as “MILF”. Women are always desired by men and that’s the way it is. When a man is young he looks at that older woman as a fantasy, and they should enjoy the experience. I enjoyed it even though I had my heart broke, and they enjoyed releasing some tension, bill’s, and having a self esteem booster.

anon September 13, 2008, 9:06 AM

Oh, seriously? Mrs. Robinson, anyone? The older woman appeal has been around for years. Times change, language gets more coarse, but the vibe is the same. I think you should all stop being so prudish. No, do not start flirting with high school boys. Please do not do that. But if someone finds you attractive, don’t bash them for it. You WILL miss that one day. It’s normal hormones, plain and simple. In no way am I encouraging any kind of relationship with a minor, so do not turn this into that. It’s just a simple compliment, and mainly among the college crowd.

I think MILF is a harmless term, and I really think you are all getting wound up over nothing. It’s just a phrase, younger guys will always have a thing for older women, until you get too old. Remember that.

D in W September 13, 2008, 11:01 AM

Being called a MILF should be taken for what it is…”a compliment”. The first time I heard this was from my daughter 9 years ago when she was in college. Of course I didn’t know what it was; so I asked her. A boy from her college said it to her and she told me. I was probably a little embarrassed at the time. Well, 9 years later, I just was given “the compliment” yet again from another source….At 49 I definately take this as a compliment…it brought a smile to my face!!!!!

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