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Open Letter to Childless Bitch

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Vuv-a-licious Mom reacts to "The Childless Bitch On Friends With Kids"


Dear Childless Bitch:

I needed more than a cosmo to digest "The Childless Bitch On Friends With Kids." I needed a shovel it was filled with so much bullsh__.

First, I'm betting you are way past your "single, sexy and freakin' fantastic days" if you have this many friends who are schlepping kids. What, 32, 33? How are J-Date and E-Harmony working out for you?

Second, I'd also lay odds on the fact that my cave, which ain't no "starter home," beats your rental full of Ikea.

Are you sure your "gold-studded path" isn't leading you to a lonely destination, because you are sounding quite bitter.

Where is your cave, anyway? In Bedrock? Cause where I live, in the real world, we have big girl nights out that sometimes involve big boys too. What a concept! "Girls Night Out" is frequent and is attended by intelligent, smart and sexy women who could race you down the street in their stiletto Jimmy Choos and beat you to Barney's where they are buying the newest Dior Gaucho Bag with the extra cash they picked up from selling you the used Fendi and Christian Louboutin stuff on eBay. More importantly, they can live with the bag or without it, because their lives are filled with many things more important than the latest and greatest handbag.

Their children, like mine, are not drooling or having regularity problems. They have experienced more culture than you, who obviously has enough time to catch up on Beverly Hillbillies re-runs. As for restless leg syndrome, the only "restless leg" in my house is "Mr. Big," and that is not a person's name.

Speaking of abs, I have spit out two kids and will put my six-pack out there against yours or his any day. I am about to compete in a sprint tri-athalon. Want to do it with me? Or are you too busy with hair and nails? The masseuse can come too. Let me know. I am sure I can find a pair of bike tights you can fit in and we'll have some time to bond. My husband and children, who'll be cheering for me, may even manage a "WAH WAH WAH!" for you.

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7 comments so far | Post a comment now
Melanie May 17, 2008, 6:04 PM

Ya! What she said!

Kate May 17, 2008, 9:20 PM


Nicole J. May 18, 2008, 5:04 PM

I actually find this more offensive (and bitter and petty) than the childless bitch rant. At least the first rant was funny.

Double A May 20, 2008, 5:22 PM

This Vuv-a-licious Mom is dead on! Good luck with that triathalon. YOU GO!!!

Cassandra March 4, 2009, 5:56 PM

You go girl!!!!

Kaitlin May 29, 2009, 3:33 PM

Um….have you looked at the news lately?! Teenagers are popping out kids faster than rabbits! I know this personally as I am 20 and most of the girls I went to school with have kids already. In otherwords, you have no idea how old she is.

We’re all glad that you think you are happy, but what CB really wants is for all of the mothers out there who have improperly raised their children or simply ignored them - not saying you are one, because I don’t know you - we would like them to either grow up, take classes on parenting, or put their kids up for adoption so someone who knows how to raise them can care for them.

Debra January 4, 2010, 5:41 AM

I think you need to step back for a second here. Maybe CB isn’t the paragon of the childless movement, but that doesn’t mean you need to put down the idea of bypassing motherhood. You have no idea what kind of money this person makes. I for one am glad that I’m not spending money on a child and all of the expenses involved in raising that child. That money can go towards buying a house, etc. especially if you’re a career minded woman that doesn’t want children (like me). I’m not saying that CB is the best (read above) but remember that having children is costly and saying things like we all live in IKEA furnished apartments smacks more of jealousy at our freedom (financially and socially) than anything else.

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