I have a theory.

Once a woman has given birth to that last child, she's really not done. There is something primal inside that yearns for more. So instead of having more children... she buys pillows. Hey, they're cute and soft and will lay on the bed. I sorta get it.

But what women don't realize about men, is that few of us speak Pillow. It's just not something we understand. You can ask us, "Do you like that pillow?" And we will act as though we do, in fact, speak Pillow. We will nod and pretend to voice an opinion, but Pillow is not our native tongue.

My wife has pillows everywhere. We have round pillows, square pillows, pillows shaped like big Tootsie Rolls. We have beaded pillows and pillows with tassels. We have the kind with little ruffles around the outside and we have one with silk roses all over it. (Not good for napping. Will create odd facial creases.)

We have pillows in every fabric, and one that's kind of like Joseph's Technicolor Dreamcoat. We have a furry pillow that looks like road kill. I swear, you could throw this out on the road, and people would swerve to avoid it. And we even have a pillow featuring the face of our daughter's third grade teacher, Mr. Earl.

On our bed, there are 10 pillows that end up on the floor at night, and must be rearranged on the bed each morning. There are actual architectural theories at work in their arrangement. And while I'm pretty good with the concept of construction, there is no blueprint for this display. And I will never get it right, because I don't speak Pillow. (By the way, the "Mr. Earl" pillow is banned from this display.)

I came home the other day, and there was a weird blue pillow on the leather chair in the living room. "Kids, better get that blue pillow off the couch!" I yelled.  

"Mom put it there," my daughter said. "See? It 'pulls' the blue in from the picture over there, and the candles and the vase. It's a 'pop' of color in an otherwise red and gold room!" Oooookay. (Sure enough, there was a new blue vase and some blue candles.)

I think my wife is unaware of my confusion over pillows. She thinks I like them all (except for Mr. Earl and the roadkill, of course). But things could be changing. I was standing in the living room yesterday, eating a bowl of cereal, contemplating the pillow configuration. I looked at those new blue pillows and their "pop" of color in an "otherwise red and gold room." I thought... "Hmm. Not bad."

Maybe I'm learning to speak Pillow after all.