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Dads Dating Daughters?

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Fathers are now joining the quest to keep their daughters virgins.


Chastity pledges have changed from little girls' silent promises to lavish ceremonies costing upwards of $10,000, with fathers promising their adolescent and teenage girls to protect their virginity and girls making quiet vows to themselves and family to stay pure until marriage.

In prom-like fashion, these girls come to the dance dressed in white, eat a meal, and dance the night away. But their dates are their Dads.

Recent studies have suggested that a solid relationship between daughter and Daddy can lower the risk of early sexual activity among girls and teenage pregnancy. However, studies have also shown that girls who make purity pledges were six times more likely to engage in oral sex than virgins who hadn't taken a pledge. They were also much less likely to use condoms during their first time doing the deed. (Hey, maybe this dress made entirely of condoms could help if she slips up!)

Is it a little strange to have fathers so involved in their daughter's sexuality?

Momlogic friend Rabbi Sherre weighs in:

"I think what's really going on is that the father is making a commitment to the virginity of their daughters. It hearkens back to something very outdated.

Maybe they want to show their child that they're there for them, but it's undervaluing the autonomy and independence of them growing up. Giving your sexuality to your father is so odd...think about how many fathers have abused that. The relationship should be with the mothers. You don't call your father to tell him you got your period. I'm all for kids not having sex before marriage, but I want to empower our girls to make good decisions, not allow another man to make the decision.

The question comes up: Is this effective? Is this about a girl going to a party with her dad, or does she understand the significance of her pledge? We make promises all of the time and they're broken. It seems to me to be counterintuitive--that you make the promise to break it."

What's your view?

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9 comments so far | Post a comment now
Marsha  June 13, 2008, 12:22 AM

This can be a very positive thing .
I am 50 years old now the only girl out of 4 children . When I was growing up
my Father and I once a month had our special saturday , we would spend the day together just he and I . Sometimes we went fishing ,hiking , horse back riding shopping ,always lunch .
Our Fathers are our first Male love , they are our first Male role model .
My Father was a great father and husband and such a strong role model for me and had such a strong impact on my life of what a Man should be , he became the yard stick to which I measured all other Males to .
Therefore I married a great man , the love of my life and he is the only man that I have ever had sex with and I am glad I waited for him . Thanks Dad !

Amelia July 25, 2008, 1:00 PM

I find the involvement of the fathers and not the mothers is very backward. Isn’t this confirming the old belief that a girl was basically her father’s property, and as such had to keep herself a virgin in order to make herself “marketable” for marriage? Both parents should be there to support their daughter if she makes this decision, and honestly I think that after the girl turns eighteen a decision like this is her own business and nobody else’s.

Lori August 20, 2008, 10:45 AM

I would have loved it if my father had taken more interest in protecting my virginity. He never sat down and had a one-on-one talk with the young man that became my husband. I think that gesture on my dad’s part would have shown he really cared about my well-being and safety. I wish I had waited until I was married before having sex. And maybe if my parents had been more involved and more verbal about the importance of being sexually pure, it might have happened that I was a virgin when I married. I might also be happily married, instead of that which is the actual case - I am married to a sex addict. Instead of warning our kids against sex before marriage, I think we should encourage them toward purity. That means teaching our girls to respect themselves. A loving father can show his daughter what real respect and love looks like. Then our girls won’t want to settle for anything less than the real thing.

mman May 19, 2009, 4:12 PM

I think it is artificial and dangerous to take the attitude that once a girl is 18, “she makes her own decisions”. It would be nice if that would true, but when she’s pregnant, broke, beaten up by a lousy boyfriend, etc, she will come running home to mom and dad. And it isn’t just girls who do this, it’s boys too. 18 year olds are not as self-reliant as we think or wish they were.

This isn’t about the dad declaring the daughter to be his “property” or about her being only useful as “marriage material”. It’s about her learning what a good man is by watching and being with her father. After all, who better to learn this from? Who better can she trust than her dad?

That’s one of the big reasons that when a dad leaves, or sexually abuses his daughter, he has not only violated her or broken a sacred trust, but he has completely abdicated his most important function - to be a representative of what a good man is - HE is supposed to be the one man in the world she can trust above all others.

There will be plenty of time for her to choose her own boyfriends and mates. But when you are 15 or 17, DAD should be the one you listen to and learn from.

geoff June 25, 2010, 10:52 AM

i have to say i am an open minded man with 3 kids who has never walked around naked. that is beause of my wife. i am nt aloud too. and now at 22, 24 and 26 they are still unattached!
is there a connection

David July 22, 2010, 2:34 AM

“Giving your sexuality to your father is so odd…think about how many fathers have abused that. The relationship should be with the mothers. You don’t call your father to tell him you got your period.”

What do I think? I think that’s about as bigoted of a remark as I’ve ever heard. The GREAT majority of fathers would NEVER abuse something like that …. truly a sickening comment. And in the small percentage of parents who DO, or WOULD …. mothers are included also. Don’t try to make it seem that fathers are the ONLY ones who do.

And I figure it will be very surprising for you to learn, according to what you just said, that there actually ARE single FATHERS out in the world also. And yes, some of us ARE raising daughters, not just sons.

So by your calculation there, our daughters need to just shut up about their first period if their mother isn’t around. Heaven forbid that they actually go ask their FATHER about something like that.

You seriously need to think a bit more about what you say …. BEFORE you say it. Because you pretty much just insulted about half of the human race, give-or-take a few percentage points.

Lu September 29, 2010, 9:45 AM

In my opinion, this is sick American thing.

Makendra May 21, 2011, 3:44 PM

Kudos to you! I hadn’t touhght of that!

Sherlyn May 22, 2011, 11:07 AM

You’re the gretaset! JMHO

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