sign up for the momlogic newsletter

Childless Bitch at the Beach

Tuesday, May 27, 2008
filed under: childless bitch

Editor's Note: Are we not safe from this woman anywhere? She's at our movie theaters, restaurants, even spying on our girls' nights out--but now the bitch has taken over our beach.

childles_beach_270.jpg


Everyone knows the most important decision of any beach day is where to put your towel down. I make an effort to pick a quiet, isolated spot on the sand, but no matter where I sit, you and your troops invade and ATTACK!

Aloha Mommies -- just because your brats are no longer playing in your backyard, doesn't mean you can just unleash them on the sand unsupervised. Your children are loud and annoying, but I gotta say, YOU are worse! Here's why...

  1. You are a space hog! As a good rule of thumb - if your terrycloth 'tarp' is larger than the size of your body, pregnant...fold it in half!

  2. You have no consideration for others. Not only do you build the next Aztec civilization, you build it within one inch of my (already-claimed) space. Are you lonely? Is that why you sit so damn close?

  3. All that crap you bring with you. Is anyone really going to wear those flippers?

  4. You have no CLUE how to install your patio-sized beach umbrella. And no matter how many times it flies away, you never think to pack it up. (I am only concerned for the safety of your children, of course.) Why do you need an umbrella, anyway...

  5. ...When you're also packing a barn-sized tent! If you're going to hide in your 'cabana' - why go outside in the first place? One would think to give that pasty skin a chance?

  6. This may come as a surprise, but...when you scream at your child on the beach, EVERYONE can hear you scream.

  7. I never thought I'd say this, but please put back on your "I Don't Do Mornings" Cat nightshirt, so I don't have to look at your C-section-revealing thong.

  8. The beach radio you turn to is "Hot 99.7." You not faking any level of coolness, and the music does not cover up your snoring, your husband's eating or your child's breathing. Speaking of which...

  9. A portion of your beach-day schedule:
    • 12:00 pm - Snack time!
    • 12:01 pm - Second snack time!
    • 12:05 pm - Lunch time!
    • 12:08 pm - Dessert time!
    • 12:10 pm - Post-lunch snack time!
And by the way, what will really happen if Flabby Albert doesn't have his 4th Gushers snack pack?

10. And finally, your inability to shake off a towel without getting sand all over everyone else. Is there no Mommy & Me class for this?


To recap - I am considerate of you. You are not considerate of me. As you pack up for the next Family Fun Day, please remember...the water is for you, the sand is for me!

To sun, sand and silence...
-CB

For more CB naughtiness click HERE


previous: Disney Recalls Pirates of the Caribbean Sleeping Bags

filed under: childless bitch

31 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

 
whoa, harsh.
- Anonymous
Posted 07/03/08 09:04 PM
 
As the parent of 4 and the grandmother of a 3&4 yo I think this woman makes a lot of sense. Obviously, there are a lot of times when families do step on the rights of the public. So listen up and learn some manners.
- Marcella
Posted 07/08/08 10:39 AM
 
I can identify partly with CB. I am the mother of older kids (17 and 23) and we recently spent a week at the beach so I have experienced some of what she said. The most annoying thing for me is those who will come strolling down to the beach at 1 or 2 oclock, and park their stuff literally 1 foot away from where we are. I dont really have an issue with kids at the beach, but not right on top of me when there is an entire beach to use. There came a point that my daughter made the comment about how “crowded” the beach had become…..just right around where we were sitting. 5 ft down the beach was completely empty. Why dont people have more consideration than to sit on top of others??? Ok, done venting, the beach is still great and we had a fantastic time. :)
- Carol
Posted 07/09/08 12:44 PM
 
Why even post this garbage? If she hates children that much then she should stay locked up in her house with her cats and television. For the rest of us, we’ll try to be considerate of others, but give us some slack! IF you see a problem, speak up, like NaNa banana says, but be nice about it. Kids will be kids. All kids can have an obnoxious streak, so lighten up already.
- goche21
Posted 08/03/08 01:21 PM
 
I believe that parents just don’t punish their children anymore.Just yesterday when I was at the beach a little 6 or 7 year old threw wet sand at me and splashed me.Later I saw the dad come ad say something to his children like, 30 minutes later.I watched were he walked back to.Right in front of where his children threw sand at me!
- Marisa
Posted 08/04/08 12:43 PM
 
I understand the frustration of being around screaming children if you yourself have none, but why the scathing remarks about C-Section scars? I’m 22, have a C-Section, a polite kid, and a nice body. But you? You’re pushing what, forty, and spend lonely days at the beach as a frigid hag, complaining about kids because you have nothing better to do. Need an alternate plan for the summer? Go to an adult beach, or a BAR. Then you can swig gin and tonics and complain to all the other frigid, childless, self-hating whorebags out there.
- Theresa
Posted 08/11/08 11:52 PM
 
Why do mothers with lots of stuff park right next to someone who is alone at the beach, park, or outdoor event?
- Kelly
Posted 09/05/08 08:01 AM
 
I don’t mind kids and I get more annoyed at inconsiderate moms who don’t watch the kids. Like the moms who let the kids run around, almost running into people, or the skate-shoes. Or these people let their kid buy something from me, made better money than I did, he exchanged it only for me to realise too late that the pieces weren’t together (my fault as well but my mom woulda yelled at me! Either I be happy with what I got or nothing else!) I was looking at shoes, a kid stood right in my way and her mom said to say excuse me but let her just stand there while she went back to trying her own shoes on. I stayed away from the kid’s space at first but she was running around and just stood in front of me. My mom woulda asked me to move and got me out of the way when I was a kid and even now with my older brother and me my mom will say “come on sweetie, your in this lady’s way” lol and we’re 25 and 30-something! The other day a kid got mad because I SMILED AT HER! They don’t know tact, I felt bad for the mom because she must be embarrassed…but all I did was smile! And she’s pitching a fit over it! I had a garage sale and let my budgie sit outside in the cage. He was away from the sale items, by me, and a woman pointed him out to her kid. The woman walked away, left her kid there, and the kid kept poking at him. You NEVER EVER leave your child with an animal, a strange animal especially, because one could get hurt! ESPECIALLY because I told her several times that he bites! The mother should have said something. Another little boy’s mom said “look at the bird” but from a distance. He stood sweetly and I called him over to let him look (I could tell he wasnt going to poke or be mean) and I told him he could get a little closer because he stood way back and I kept telling him until he was close enough to see well. I was shy like that as a child (still am) but thats the difference with the moms. But like the children have the right to be there,
- Joline
Posted 10/25/08 04:18 PM
 
But I have to amend what I said - who cares about a c-section scar revealing thong lol. That’s just cold. However I don’t wanna see no one’s booty hangin out on the beach, especially if they got kids around. Wouldja want a guy wearin’ a speedo with your kids? same thing here. I don’t like it with CB’s either lol If a mom screams, USUALLY there is a reason. But some moms just scream all the time so if your kids ever just yell at you all the time make sure youre not a screaming-mommy for any little thing. When you scream make it count! When my mom yelled, even now as we’re adults, we all get quiet lol. She never yells so we know she means business! Seems like CB is annoyed by the amount of stuff moms pack lol. who cares just be glad its not YOU packing and unpacking the favourite beloved stuffed toy and shoes and towels and cups and a five-course-snack and whatnot. Be glad we can use that for ourselves :)
- Joline
Posted 10/25/08 04:30 PM
 
haha shoebie
- ella
Posted 01/30/09 08:55 AM
 
Who’s beach? I didn’t realize getting knocked up entitled you to owning the beach.
- Erin
Posted 10/27/09 12:50 PM

Comment Page: <<   2   >>

(not displayed)
  remember me?      
 

Avoid clicking “Post” more than once.

experts resources bloggers staff
follow us on twitter resource guides follow us on twitter staff
newsletter videos games twitter
newsletter sign up video gallery Momlogic games follow us on twitter
advertisement

WIN IT! This new game has some serious bite!
Enter Here
advertisement

WIN IT! This new game has some serious bite!

enter here

Join the Momlogic community!

 

momlogic community logo

 

Sign Up
Login
Enter without joining

 
coupons       More special offers     momsview coupons  

Maclaren Stroller Recall

find out more