How do you tell your child that she has a disability?

Trying to tell your child that she has a special need can be a separate roller coaster than hearing the diagnosis. While you want to be honest, how do you tell your child that she has certain challenges without scaring her or lowering her self-esteem? Momlogic spoke with a family therapist, a psychologist and Teddi Cole, wife of Gary Cole, the the National Celebrity Spokesperson for The Help Group to get tips on breaching the subject with your child:

• Spell it out: "My feeling is that bringing a word to it is comforting to a child. The word actually soothes the brain. The way to explain it as that everyone's brain works differently; it's a different brilliant brain," said Pamela Varady, family therapist. "Let them know what they're good at and also what will be a challenge. This way, they are much less ashamed and embarrassed; this saves them from low self-esteem."


• Remove the stigma: "With Mary, we decided early on that her autism is nothing to be ashamed of and that we would talk to her about autism and therapy," Teddi said about her teenage daughter, who was featured in Dr. Barbara Firesone's "Autism Heroes." "We always talked in our house about famous people who had autism, and talked about autism the same way we said she has blond hair, long legs or a wonderful laugh. It has always been a part of our dialogue and our friends' dialogue."
• Empower them: "You want them to be very active in getting their needs and accommodations met. A child can become his own advocate," Pamela said. "The goal is for someone to walk to their teacher and be able to say, 'My name is Johnny and I am dyslexic. If you go around the class and have people read, I may not be able to do that. But here is what I am good at.' Empower them to be active in their own self-advocacy. It will impact their self-esteem in a positive way."
• Encourage them: "We can adjust to, and overcome, almost any problem we may encounter. Life is full of examples of people who have overcome major obstacles to achieve great success. For example, Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder became great musicians and international celebrities despite their blindness," said Dr. John Tholen, author of "Winning the Disability Challenge." "There is every reason to be optimistic about our future, because if we persevere, keep trying even when discouraged, we will eventually meet with success."
• Accept it: "I think talking about autism so openly in our house not only helped Mary but helped us. When one allows another person to be who they are, it makes them feel better but it also allows us to be who we are," Teddi said. "She doesn't have to be ashamed of who she is because we never acted like it was a bad thing or a shameful thing. People aren't afraid of Mary because they know who she is. The more information we have, the less fear we have."