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Top 5 Worst Kids Songs

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Most kids songs are cute--but some are just wrong.

barney.jpg

Momlogic's Momstrosity: In the world of well-worn kids' songs, there's the good, the bad, and the annoying. Those melodies and lyrics are so hardwired into our psyche, we don't even know the meaning of what we're singing.

We say -- stop the madness! Here are five songs that should be stricken from the most popular kids' song lists:

1) Rock-a-Bye Baby
Why this song is considered a lullaby is anyone's guess. What it is, is a lawsuit waiting to happen. Who was the manufacturer of that cradle? It obviously should be recalled before more unsuspecting babies plummet to the ground. Lulling your child to sleep with a tale of a shoddily constructed bed is like telling them the Big Bad Wolf will be waiting for them in their dreams. Not advised.

2) I Love You, You Love Me (Sung by Barney to the tune of This Old Man)
Not a traditional song, but on its way to becoming a kid standard. This sickeningly sweet song is like eating cotton candy dipped in maple syrup and arsenic. What's up with the line, "We're a happy family?" Because last time we checked our family tree, it didn't include an extinct purple PBS dinosaur. Then it just gets sad. "Won't you say you love me too?" One lesson we should teach our kids right out of the gate: Don't ask people if they love you. It makes you look pathetic. The only time you should be asking is when you're drunk at a bar nearing last call.

3) Five Little Monkeys Jumping On The Bed
What clown thought a children's song about a bunch of monkeys jumping up and down on a bed was a good idea? Sure, the mom comes in with her cautionary advice from the doctor in the refrain: "No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"  But that doesn't stop the other monkeys -- or your kid -- from suffering the very same concussion after whacking their heads on to the corner of the nightstand. Hey, at least it's better than the much less popular song, "Five Little Monkeys Light the Bed on Fire."

4) Ring Around The Rosy
The meaning of this song is anything but rosy. Sure it has that fun finale "we all fall down," but unfortunately -- since the lyrics are in reference to the Black Plague of 1665 -- everyone's falling because they're dropping dead. Here's a breakdown of a few lyrics:

Ring around the rosy
First symptom of the plague was red, rosy cheeks-- think about that the next time you brush on your L'Oreal mauve blush.

Pocket full of Posies
In a futile attempt to ward off the "black death," people would carry posie petals in their pockets--about the equivalent of a glass of Airborne -- totally useless.

Ashes, ashes we all fall down
A children's song that references a standard burial sermon? Hey kids, let's go to a funeral!

5) There's a Hole in the Bucket
First major problem of this traditional folk song is, it has no end -- kind of like housework. It incorporates something known as an infinite-loop motif -- which in layman's terms means singing it will make you go loopy. What's more, it's sung in an irritating, monotonous rhythm by two country bumpkins named Henry and Liza. The pair -- perhaps a dysfunctional married couple -- are trapped in a living hell over a broken bucket. After 17-plus refrains of this never-ending tune you'll feel like kicking the bucket yourself.

Lyrics:
Henry: There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza, There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.
Liza: Well fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry, well fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.
Henry: With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, dear Liza, with what shall I fix it, dear Liza, with what?
Liza: With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry, with straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, with straw...

Sweet Lord! Liza and Henry -- get off your asses and go buy a new bucket -- you can get one at any 99-cent store.


 



next: Baby Born Twice
44 comments so far | Post a comment now
Paul February 2, 2010, 6:09 AM

The first one is NOT about the plague as it predates that. Also you’ve got the words quite wrong. For example the last line is “Atishoo, atishoo we all fall down.” I have never in my life heard any kids singing “ashes, ashes…”!

Larry April 28, 2010, 8:39 AM

My position on kids music has always been simply not to allow it in my house. This might sound harsh, but my kids have grown up (they’re only 4 and 6, so we’re still in the process, of course) listening to what my wife and I listen to. I don’t even get why children’s music exists.

In fact, I just posted a thing on my blog about this exact subject. Check it out if you like: http://thereisnothingforyouhere.wordpress.com/2010/04/28/its-all-raffis-fault/

e-cigarette buy June 7, 2010, 9:50 PM

great post,i will add ur blog to my bookmark!

Steve October 1, 2010, 6:45 AM

What about “In Dublin’s Fair City” (Sweet Molly Malone) about a beautiful fishmonger who dies young of a fever and whose ghost haunts the town?

idewadmireerS November 10, 2010, 10:28 PM

Here is a list of my favoriate songs: Walk A Mile In My Shoes - By Elvis Presley, When I Look At You - By Miley Cyrus, Heroes - By David Bowie, Thirteen - By Big Star, There Is A Way - By Newworldson, Hot N Cold - By Katy Perry, Just Like a Woman - By Bob Dylan, I Heard It Through the Grapevine - By Marvin Gaye, Alice’s Theme - By Danny Elfman, The Story So Far - By Flogging Molly, Street Fighting Man - By The Rolling Stones, Walk This Way - By Run-DMC, Kissin U - By Miranda Cosgrove, Bad Romance - By Lady Gaga, Be-Bop-A-Lula - By Gene Vincent and His Blue Caps, Roadrunner - By The Modern Lovers. You can listen to these Free Music Downloads Online for free.

AddernSware November 22, 2010, 8:29 AM

Here is a list of my favoriate songs: How Low - By Ludacris, Haven’t Met You Yet - By Michael Bubl, Yesterday - By The Beatles, Walk This Way - By Aerosmith, Rude Boy - By Rihanna, Billionaire Bruno Mars] - By Travie McCoy, Walk on the Wild Side - By Lou Reed, (We’re Gonna) Rock Around the Clock - By Bill Haley and His Comets, I’m Awesome - By Spose, There Is A Way - By Newworldson, Bohemian Rhapsody - By Queen, When a Man Loves a Woman - By Percy Sledge, Gimmie That Girl - By Joe Nichols, Bad Romance - By Lady Gaga, Spanish Harlem - By Ben E. King, Family Affair - By Sly and the Family Stone. You can listen to these MP3 Music Online.

moriAlmosse November 26, 2010, 2:25 PM

Here are some of my favoriate songs: There Is A Way - By Newworldson, Haven’t Met You Yet - By Michael Bubl, The Thrill Is Gone - By B.B. King, In Bloom - By Nirvana, Get Back Up - By Tobymac, Life After You - By Daughtry, Whipping Post - By The Allman Brothers Band, La Bamba - By Ritchie Valens, Just Dance - By Lady Gaga, There Is A Way - By Newworldson, Street Fighting Man - By The Rolling Stones, Jim Dandy - By Lavern Baker, I’m Back - By T.I., Sh-Boom - By The Chords, Cortez the Killer - By Neil Young, It’s Your Thing - By The Isley Brothers. You can listen to these Free MP3 Music Online for free.

Seeddinue November 28, 2010, 8:30 PM

Here are some of my favoriate songs: Ain’t Back Yet - By Kenny Chesney, Keep On Lovin’ You - By Steel Magnolia, Young Blood - By The Coasters, That’s the Way of the World - By Earth, Hillbilly Bone Trace Adkins] - By Blake Shelton, She Won’t Be Lonely Long - By Clay Walker, Just Like a Woman - By Bob Dylan, (We’re Gonna) Rock Around the Clock - By Bill Haley and His Comets, Naturally - By Selena Gomez And The Scene, In My Head - By Jason Derulo, Hit the Road Jack - By Ray Charles, Walk This Way - By Run-DMC, Gimmie That Girl - By Joe Nichols, Life After You - By Daughtry, Cortez the Killer - By Neil Young, Why Do Fools Fall In Love - By Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers. You can listen to these Free MP3 Music Online for free.

Anonymous January 5, 2011, 12:11 PM

-1’

Ten Tees January 9, 2011, 10:46 AM

Good post. Nice and fun reading. There’s a small thing to submit about funny shirts.

Mestnasep January 12, 2011, 10:16 PM

Here is a list of my favoriate songs: There Is A Way - By Newworldson, Giddy On Up - By Laura Bell Bundy, The Thrill Is Gone - By B.B. King, That’s the Way of the World - By Earth, Rude Boy - By Rihanna, Say Aah Fabolous] - By Trey Songz, Walk on the Wild Side - By Lou Reed, Me and Bobby McGee - By Janis Joplin, I’m Awesome - By Spose, Resistance - By Muse, Blitzkrieg Bop - By Ramones, Wake Up Little Susie - By The Everly Brothers, TiK ToK - By Ke$ha, Heart of Gold - By Neil Young, Mack the Knife - By Bobby Darin, Roadrunner - By The Modern Lovers. You can listen to these MP3 Music Online.

Joella Loredo February 15, 2011, 4:08 PM

Excellent indeed. I have been looking for this information.

Estrella Winslett February 15, 2011, 8:04 PM

Great Post!! Thank you very much!

Chris February 23, 2011, 1:13 PM

I agree that the Barny song is sad and has pedopheliac undertones… “5 little monkies” isn’t a good example, and “ring around the Rosie,” and “Rock-a-bye babie” are just plain sick…

But “There’s a hole in the bucket” is a FANTASTIC song! Look at it this way: Henry knows there’s a problem and informs Liza about the problem… Liza spouts off thinking she’s so smart and Henry proves that he’s already thought of all of her suggestions. However, he was smart enough to let HER make the suggestions and realize their futility so that she would get back in the kitchen where she belongs and stop questioning his impeccable wisdom.

Chris February 23, 2011, 1:17 PM

Also… I don’t believe that’s the accurate interpretation of “Ring around the rosie.”

They died with rosie cheeks, so people would pile all the corpses, and form a ring around the Rosie-cheeked corpses. They had pockets full of posies as funeral flowers (Not a protective ward)… the last verse “ashes, ashes, we all fall down” refers to the corpses being burned to try to destroy the disease. People accepted that “we all” will end up dying from this plague and sharing their fate.

Tadalis online kaufen February 23, 2011, 2:05 PM


Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; show (teach) him how to catch fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.


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