Autistic Kid Banned From Church

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Autistic Kid Banned From Church

Monday, June 2, 2008

A mom was told she would be arrested if she brought her son to Mass.

Carol Race was known for faithfully attending the same Mass in Bertha, Minnesota, every Sunday for 12 years, until a restraining order against her autistic son changed everything for her family. Determined to take her son to Mass, she faces a hearing for violating her restraining order and is meeting with the church board members and a mediator on Wednesday. Momlogic spoke exclusively with Carol.

Momlogic: Tell us about your experiences with Adam at church.
Carol: Up until June last year, I don't believe anyone had complaints against him. It seems like in the spring of 2007, there were more complaints among parishioners. Unless you're used to what my son does, it can be shocking. Mostly he makes humming noises. Often it's his physical position. We always sit in the back pew--he would lay on the floor, lay on the pew, sometimes he would hop the pew to go to the empty space in the back. If his anxiety level is very high, we use fleece strips to tie his hands or feet--I tie one end on one wrist and one on the other and I hold it with one of my hands. It's a mechanical advantage. We keep that on for however he needs it.

He doesn't want to misbehave. Once he refused to go into church until it was tied on his ankle. I realized he was afraid of what might happen and he did have an anxiety attack later. It isn't something he fights against. Once he gets it on his wrist it doesn't take long for him to calm down. It's almost as if he says, "Good! Mom's got control so I can relax." It's during these moments when he has a bout of anxiety that frightens other parishioners, because they don't understand the mechanisms. It's shocking when people don't understand autism and don't understand meltdowns. But these are simple anxiety attacks, and no one is in danger. I haven't been given the opportunity to explain. People on the outside say that these are violent outbursts. On May 9, the policeman came to our house and delivered the restraining order.

Momlogic: How did Adam take the news?
Carol: He knows things are going on about him. The first couple of days after the media story broke he just slept all day. I've attended every Mass for the last 12 years. Except for one time where we had to wrestle him down, I don't believe he was disruptive. Is there disruption going on? Yes, if you hear it, but it's not the sound that disrupts them, it's the thoughts about the sound that disrupts. If it brings up the thoughts, "I don't know why they're at church" or "I don't like that family" then yes, it is disruptive. But that's where spiritual leadership comes in.

I am currently going to another Mass with Adam. The people there are nervous because they don't know what to expect. The first few Sundays they have to get used to how Adam is. The last couple of months he has been doing very well, he sits, stands and kneels and tries to do the sign of the cross. He hasn't really been making noises at church.

Momlogic: What would you like to say to other moms who may suffer discrimination because of their special-needs children?
Carol: Know that your child is good, no matter what behaviors they display. They are struggling with things that don't occur to other children. You have to stand by them and encourage them when you see that they are doing something right.

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I’d like to ask Mrs. Race why her kids at home get the benefit of a separate room so her son doesn’t disturb them while they do their schoolwork, or eat their crayons, but the people at her church aren’t allowed any similar breathing room. If her son is just misunderstood, wouldn’t she teach and include him in everything else her other children are doing, too? It seems a little hypocritical to me to separate him from her own children and not do the same for the people at her church.

- Indra

Posted 06/02/08 06:37 PM

They have seperate study rooms so that the other children’s things don’t get ruined if he has an issue. Ok. So what? It doesn’t say to me that he is not included with his family, it says that the other children need a little space from their brother. BFD. THAT’s what is seen as hypocritical!?!?!?!?! But a church banning a disabled person is OK!? I’m sure God is proud of that parish… The people at that church do have breathing room! they have the privilige of living with healthy family members. They only have 1 hour a week to be inconvenienced by this young man. The family has him 24/7. I’m sure that they love him, but they need a break. They want to pray, for strenght to handle him, to help him, for OTHERS to be kind to him. Yeah, that’s great. Kick the family who needs God’s strength out. Let’s kick out the poor, too because they don’t dress nice. Cancer patients have bald heads and sick folks cough a lot, so they have to go too… Nice. Real nice.

- T

Posted 06/02/08 08:19 PM

This interview with the mom leaves a LOT of details out. Let’s say a cancer patient jumps into someone’s car, revs the engine and nearly runs over people in front of the hospital, is it OK because he has cancer? If the cancer patient fondles a teenager girl and grabs her thighs and buttocks, as this autistic kid did, is it OK because he has cancer? Does the cancer mean anyone can do anything with no regards for others, and we just have to feel sorry for someone because they have cancer? What happens when the cancer patient wants to take a boom box into the oncology ward when other patients are sleeping, just because it makes HIM feel more comfortable? We have to excuse that, because he has cancer? Talk about a double standard. It seems like no one can say a word against this kid spinning out of control because it might harm his and his family’s delicate sensibilities, but they’re free to run roughshod over anyone in their path because they’re so delicate and just need hand-holding.

- DoubleStandards

Posted 06/02/08 08:56 PM

Wow I’m suprised at some of the comments. How are we skipping over that this a CHURCH?To ban someone because they are causing a disturbance due to a disability goes against the foundation of Christian beliefs. Very sad and poor leadership.

- Crisa

Posted 06/02/08 10:34 PM

This is not just a matter of disturbance or inconvenience. It is a matter of safety. Please check out the WHOLE STORY (search “autistic boy banned from church” on the MSN web page). And it is within the realm of Christianity to provide a safe and Christ- centered place of worship.

- calimom 3

Posted 06/02/08 11:09 PM

I have sympathy for this family but churchgoers should be allowed a quiet, reverent place to worship. I have also read that there is more to this story and that people’s fears of this boy are justified. He has lashed out. I would be afraid for my 3 year old son’s safety if this boy were nearby…not out of hate or misunderstanding, but because I know what the boy is capable of. If I were this mother, out of respect for other worshippers I would have a sitter stay with the boy while I attended church. She can still teach him her religious values at home.

- dixiegirl

Posted 06/03/08 10:57 AM

I’m sorry, but I still don’t think the church should turn someone away. They should have worked with the family.

- Crisa

Posted 06/03/08 05:17 PM

She says, “It seems like in the spring of 2007, there were more complaints among parishioners.” What she is really saying, “Parishioners started fearing Adam when he hit puberty and grew to 6’2” tall and 230 lbs and could not be controlled. She says, “Unless you’re used to what my son does, it can be shocking.” What she is really saying, Anyone normal person would be shocked by his behavior. She says, “He doesn’t want to misbehave.” What she is really saying, He misbehaves and has no control over it.” She says, “It’s during these moments when he has a bout of anxiety that frightens other parishioners, because they don’t understand the mechanisms.?” What she is really saying, He frightens the other parishioners. She says, “Except for one time where we had to wrestle him down, I don’t believe he was disruptive. Is there disruption going on? Yes,..” What she is really saying, He had to be wrestled down in a church while the Priest was trying to perform the Mass!!!!

- William

Posted 06/03/08 11:50 PM

Normal people. Nice.

- Anonymous

Posted 06/04/08 12:26 AM

Politically Correct Anonymous wrote: “Normal people. Nice.” Oh come on. Is there no qualification as normal? Is there no behavior that qualifies as abnormal? Is it “normal” for humans to eat live rats? Is it “normal” for humans to strap bombs to their bodies and blow up loaded buses? Is it “normal” for humans to act like Jeffrey Daehmer or Charles Manson? www.merriam-webster.com NORMAL - a: of, relating to, or characterized by average intelligence or development b: free from mental disorder : sane

- William

Posted 06/04/08 12:46 AM

The funny thing is, if Jesus had been at that church, he would have just driven the demon out of the boy and he would be fine right now. Mat17:19 Then came the disciples to Jesus apart, and said, Why could not we cast him out? Mat17:20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you. Mat17:21 Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting. The church in question should have resorted to prayer and fasting rather than a restraining order.

- sam

Posted 06/04/08 07:11 AM

Once again Carol Race completely ignores the times that her son has put others in danger and sites only his disruptive behaviors during service. The church allowed and encouraged her family to include adam for 12 years UNTIL he started endangering others. Pushing another aside, getting in their car and revving the engine on an easter sunday morning in a very busy parking lot, hitting a child, rushing into a senior citizen, grabbing/fondling a teenage female inpublic etc. The church has a responsibility to protect Adam from situations that they are in control of that cause him anxiety as well as the rest of the congregation.

- Momof7

Posted 06/05/08 08:44 AM

SEEN the new web site called - Project: Adam’s Pew ?? I stumbled upon it and find it quite interesting. Can Carol and John really feel wanted at their old parish (St. Joseph’s) church. I would be so ashamed by all this media, and publicity (much of it is negative). What a shame for this small town. Carol seemed to like all this attention, on TV etc. Where does she find time to properly care for her demanding family needs? Her priorities seem disturbing to me.You don’t hear anything from John Race. Carol wears the pants in that family.

- allmychildren

Posted 06/05/08 08:52 AM

My kids are living with Adam. Their school work is independent. They each can lock their room off from ALL their brothers and sisters. It’s a matter of giving them an ideal place in which to develop their skills. They do spend plenty of time with Adam riding horses, playing horsey, Adam gives little sisters piggy back rides and horsey rides. They take Adam for walks on the road. People at church are seated well in front of Adam. They would need to look back or choose to sit in the back to see anything. We also have some FM earphones that anyone is welcome to wear so that the ONLY thing they can hear is what comes from the mic in front of church. Our family takes up the entire back pew. Our family comes home and can discuss the scripture readings and homily. We clearly can hear and understand what is going on at Mass and we are the ones who actually work with Adam and are closest to him. Even my seven year old daughter can come home and talk about the readings at Mass etc. There is no reason to believe that truly Adam prevents anyone from participating at church. People need to realize that everyone in this world is not made the way they want, but rather all people are made in the image and likeness of God. Church is a meeting between God and ALL his people, not just the ones who fit the “image” of a regular churchgoer. There are plenty of people turned off from going to church because of the stereotypical churchgoer that they aren’t like. These people won’t come to church because they don’t fit the stereotype and won’t be accepted by those who do. So therefore won’t attempt to attend church. These people aren’t autistic, they are perfectly normal. These people may be people with a lot of tattoos or wear clothing that is less conservative than “churchgoers” and they are unwelcome at church too. the stereotypical churchgoers need to recognize that all God’s people come in many different forms.

- carol race

Posted 06/05/08 03:24 PM

autism isnt a demon in a childs body….its a condition just like adhd…i know because i was kicked out of church due nto my sons adhd…..and then these churches wants to know why we dont go to church….because churches are ran by the upper class well to do people who think they are better than us……god would never kick us out….in fact god says suffer not the little children that come unto me…

- cindy roth

Posted 06/06/08 02:02 PM

I enjoy the “What would Jesus do?” attitude some are taking. What would Jesus do while a young girl was being fondled? What would he do while someone urinated on sacred ground? No one is being punished for being autistic. They are being punished for their actions, whether they can control them or not. The church offered reasonable compromises, which were turned down. Apparently the mother needs to have it exactly the way she wants it, regardless of others’ safety.

- Nonnie Muss

Posted 06/27/08 01:36 PM

All My Children, I am wondering if you know the family because you hit the nail right on the head. I worked with the husband, and others I know worked with both the wife and John, and he is the nicest guy, but no one would say that about Carol. I recall her calling up and trying to intervene in work matters involving her husband. I also recall her being very jealous and telling a coworker she had better stay away from him. I don’t think autistic children should be kept from church for making noises, but the mother seems to want to assert her son’s rights over the rights of others. I don’t think Jesus would support that. Perhaps since he is obviously larger for his age than he should be, perhaps mom should find him a different favorite place than the kitchen table.

- deenc

Posted 07/01/08 07:03 PM

I have read many articles on this story. I have also had more than 10 years of working experience ( direct care and managerial) with this population. I have come to the conclusion that Carol Race is thinking purely with emotion. She is also taking advantage of the fact that her son has a disability to inconvenience and intimidate others. Adam has autism, is physically HUGE and extremely disruptive. It is what it is. He is not able to function normally or appropriately in most, if any settings. Carol Race is well aware of this but she is using her so-called profound Catholic faith and the fact that the disabled are protected with special rights, to run roughshod over others. If she were wise, she would be thanking God that Adam only started the car, instead of running someone over, among the countless other things that she knows he did, but chose to pretend she didn’t when questioning the priest in court. There are in-home services for people like this. She can get people trained to deal with autistic children and adults who can look after him while her family attends church. To suggest that other members of the congregation wear headphones is the epitome of self-serving selfishness and arrogance. The bottom line is that Adam does not belong in any church, no matter what religion he is. His problems should not be imposed on others, whether or not he is in control of them. The disabled do indeed have rights, but not at the expense of others. To take him to church is to show disrespect for all, most of all him. He is on display and he isn’t looking pretty. And by the way, Mrs. Race, I’m a Catholic.

- Sands

Posted 07/08/08 12:00 PM

I agree with ‘Sands’. I too am a professional who has worked with children and adults with ASD and other disabilities for over 25 years. And, I too am Catholic. It appears, from what I have read, that this young man’s behavior has become a potential danger to himself and/or others. Under those circumstances it is not reasonable, nor is it ethical, to continue to insist that he go to church, or anywhere else for that matter. I think this “mother” needs to seek professional, possibly psychiatric, help for both herself and her son. Finally, I question why he is homeschooled. Is it because she does not see the benefit of him being in a typical school setting where professionals would work with him to teach him appropriate social behaviors as well as academics at a level which meets his needs? Or rather, is she embarrased, has he been put on home instruction due to his inappropriateness, or some other issue that prevents his attendance in a school setting? Has she thought about what is going to happen when she is no longer around to “control” him. Does she realize that some of the behaviors he has displayed would potentially put him in jail when he is an adult?

- teacher and advocate

Posted 07/10/08 09:26 PM

I agree with teacher and advocate, above. And Ms. Race, I hate to say it, but.. I have a friend who is an autistic adult. He is very high-functioning. However, even now that he is nearing 30 years old, he still can get VERY distressed in unfamiliar/uncomfortable social situations. I know you are religious and DESPERATE for your son to join your family in church, but have you ever considered that his acting-out behaviors are due to him being extremely uncomfortable in church? If you need to physically restrain him, or he is doing known comfort behaviors to the extreme, he probably DOESNT WANT TO BE THERE. Maybe it is God’s plan that you learn from your son, and not try to force him into communicating with Him in a way that makes perfect sense to you, but is alien and frightening to him. I don’t think church has ever become “routine” for this poor boy. I think you should do yourself, your son, and your church community a favor and find another way to strengthen his faith.

- Alania

Posted 07/14/08 04:52 AM