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Who's Sleeping with Your Husband? Part 3

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You never think it will happen to you, but then it does. Your husband has an affair. Why are our husbands risking marriage and family for sex with other women?

Former president Bill Clinton's back in the news because of an alleged post-presidency "sexual indiscretion" with actress Gina Gershon. While he's a high profile guy who may or may not be messing around, it's the same tune millions of men are singing. They leave home to hook up with someone who's not their wife. We went straight to the "other women" to find out how to catch these slick, unfaithful hubbies and what--if anything--can be done to keep it from happening in the first place. Who knew the mistress could actually save your marriage?

In Part 1 of our momlogic investigation, we spoke to five women who all admit to sleeping with married men. Some do it for the money and some do it for the thrills...but all of them admit that they never even consider their lovers' wives and children sitting at home.

In Part 2 the "other women" revealed EXACTLY what makes men willing to risk it all for a romp in the hay. Every mistress we spoke to agreed there's at least ONE thing wives can do to help fight infidelity in their marriages.

Tomorrow: Men who pay for sex and...

Friday: We ask a prostitute the 10 questions moms most want answered.

Take our Sex, Lies and Cheating Poll


Click here to see the Hollywood's Rumored 'Other Women' Gallery.

About the Experts...
spacer dr shannon fox
Shannon Fox is a licensed family therapist in Los Angeles and a mother of three.
  rabbi sherre hirsch
Rabbi Sherre Hirsch is a mother of three and the author of We Plan, God Laughs, and offers non-denominational spiritual advice.


next: On The Verge Of Going Nuts?
25 comments so far | Post a comment now
John Ricorro June 4, 2008, 2:32 PM

Well, if the women would TRY to make their wives happy instead of becoming self-obsessed slobs, men like me wouldn’t think cheating was our only way to get love, sex and attention.

I might of stayed with my ex-wife had she done some of the things mentioned in this video, but now we’ll never know.

joanne d. June 4, 2008, 3:58 PM

So, really what a wife needs to do is treat her husband like a needy, selfish child…
A good topic would be: ‘How to want to give your husband a bj everynight when you’re freakin exhausted from taking care of everyone and everything 24/7.’
I understand husbands need attention but are we talking about husbands or really just selfish *@#holes.

hotdog1 June 4, 2008, 5:16 PM

oh….how true. After the last couple of years of no communication, very little sex, begging for a 4 hour block of time a month just for us (even to do things she likes) I am not only finally having an affair, but I’m leaving her ass completely. I’m sick of the spoiled rotten mentality of women. I’ll just be single and free from now on. What a waste of 14 years.

Anonymous June 4, 2008, 5:39 PM

Nicely said Joanne. This whole notion of “the needy,selfish child” husband, as you put it, is so prevalent in our society that some women are so brainwashed that they actually promote it. In a blog in “Dads top ten sex complaints” Kelly was pushing this notion. And of course saying that cheating is the womens fault.
Takes two and in this case three to tango!
Like many of the men and the women said if you have a relationship were BOTH people try to satisfy each other - from housework, to finances, to sex and childcare, the result is a rewarding relationship for BOTH people.

John June 4, 2008, 11:38 PM

My wife and I have been together for 20 years, married for 13. Four years ago valentines I caught her cheating.Our relationship has never been the same. She rarely wants to do anything. I have spent a life time giving her what ever she desired. I literally treated her like my Queen. I take my wedding vows very seriously, and I gave my vow for life, but I feel so alone any more. Back to the vows, I also promised to honor her. So in keeping my vows, I live a miserable life.

Anonymous June 5, 2008, 12:43 PM

John it is very painful to be cheated on. You have my sympathy. Find out why she cheated and perhaps you can work together to build up the relationship. Otherwise get out!!
Do not sacrifice your well being for “loyalty”. Like you I took my vows very seriously and when he cheated I stayed and tried to work it out. Ultimately the cheater has no respect for you. The cheaters pleasure of the moment has priority over everything else. At some point my love and respect for myself became strong enough so I could leave. I am healthy and happy now and have a wonderful relationship. Peace and love.

Jake June 5, 2008, 7:51 PM

I am a Married man of 30 years have never cheated on my wife and will never cheat on her . When 2 people get married they make a promise to one another and they also make a promise with God . Cheating on your spouse is the ultimate betrayal , and shows a lack of respect for your spouse your kids if you have them and yourself .
I have to wonder how these cheating men and women will feel if and when they bring home a STD , one perhaps that could take their spouses life . Come on guys Man Up here , if you are not happy in your marriage chances are neither is your wife , seek help to improve your marriage or get a divorce .
Plain and simple do not play with another persons life .

Grams June 5, 2008, 10:48 PM

I can’t get part three to upload! Grrr!

Cindy June 6, 2008, 9:07 PM

I think that the notion that I should have to coddle my husband to make sure that he isn’t straying from our vows is ridiculous. I wouldn’t expect that from him either. It is give and take, I work 12 hours a day just like he does.Coming home every night and making sure to give him the perfect night in doesn’t even cross my mind.When we are in the mood, we act on it. Marriage should be based on love and respect. Obviously if some one cheats they do not respect you.

mylene June 7, 2008, 3:46 AM

i caught my husband cheated on me while i was away he has the nerve to let that life coach of her stay in our place and had the chance to talk to his mistress too and she told me that my husband tellin lies on her that she doesnt know hes married ,that were are separated she promised to stay away but i found out that the relationship of the two still goin on..even my husbabd admitted to me his fallin for his mistress, i was broke into pieces when he told me that because he has the heart to tell me that..we have two children and im here in the philippines now i cannot bear the pain and the emotional abuse anymore and i just dont understand why some american women still cling with married men they knew that they hurt somebody else family…and its morally wrong…

JULIE June 7, 2008, 10:11 AM

not all men are women cheat!!!!

Aggie June 9, 2008, 5:46 PM

My husband cheated on me. I gave oral sex…I wanted to have more sex. I wanted to try different positions. I begged to have sex. He didn’t. He gave it up elsewhere. When I found out, he kept denying it. So finally I left. One thing to be a cheater but, when caught we need to fess up. I left him. It took 6 months before I could speak to him. Another year before, I decided to go back with him. Thing is, I was putting out for him, why cheat? Something to do? Someone else to do it with?

Doesn’t have to do with looking good either…I’m very attractive (I’m not boasting), and we don’t have children either.

Funny thing is now, he’s worried I will have an affair. Being faithful (and I do love my husband) is the best revenge. I don’t worry anymore if he’ll do it again. I will cut “it” off (figuratively) and take him to the cleaners. Then live life wonderfully. Again. And alone.

~angie~ June 24, 2008, 8:54 PM

my husband and I separated last year and during that time i believe he was with someone else.i can’t say it doesn’t bother me because it the time we were going through a tough time in our relationship and I guess what he was looking for I was giving it to him.if he did in fact sleep with anyone else i would never know about it.he’s a terrible liar and that’s how I know when somethings not our relationship is better than ever and we are more creative.we have a beautiful baby boy and things couldn’t be better but I can’t seem to let my guard down and it frustrates him.I guess that’s just something I cant change.I don’t want to say all men cheat but how can we be sure ours isn?if you’re not interested in being with someone anymore let them go and dont make them suffer.why risk something so sacred for a little fling thais not guaranteed to last,its the 80/20 rule.why give up 80 percent for 20?

Pat June 28, 2008, 1:33 PM

Some signs I could say are obvious. I am married for 2 years and my husband and I have been together for 10 years. We have a son and a baby coming..but I feel him pulling away from me. He is on his phone a lot and doesn’t spend a lot of time at home either. He thinks that I don’t trust him but he keeps acting really shady. Not sure what to do.

L.J.  June 29, 2008, 2:53 PM

I don’t think anyone here is seeing the real picture here. Cheating is not about love or respect or honor or anything like that. It’s about one thing S-E-X.

Those that say they will never cheat, most likely have never been approched by someone.

O.K. faithful true believers - riddle me this. If you could have an entire 24 hours to have sex with ANY person(s) and it would be completely risk free and no one would know about it would you still say no?

I also find it very funny when women get on their high horses about how they would never cheat. Women are offered sex EVERYDAY, any time a man who is not your mate offers to do something out of his way for you he’s offering sex.

Women have been offered sex this way for so long that they don’t even see it. Guys on the other hand get a compliment from women once in a blue moon. So when a woman who is not our spouse shows us some attention it’s like WOW! THANK YOU.

Food for thought ladies.

Kennyta July 2, 2008, 3:22 PM

my hearts bleeds for poor John up there. Get out! u only have one life and u need to be happy. Wish i had found a man that saw me for a person instead of a slave. U can do better.
As for L.J. u are so right. I ama very flirty person and i have noticed that men seems to eat up compliments and i know that when i get one it boosts my confidence. I say if u feel it, say it.

Charlie July 2, 2008, 7:48 PM

what about the guys who gain weight? dont women deserve to be admired as well? why would you want to sleep with someone how doesn’t seem affectionate or attracted to you? even your Husband!

Sue July 18, 2008, 9:11 PM

As a woman and a past cheater I can tell you, L.J. and Kennyta, that is not always JUST ABOUT S-E-X. Congratulations, your life must be perfect. How wonderful for you both. I could of cared less about sex. I was starving for AFFECTION and an emotional connection. Once upon a time I looked down my nose at cheaters, then I saw how it happened. I don’t hide it, I educate people….”learn from my experience” I tell them. It was the wrong way to handle things. It was never about the act of sex.

Shelby July 20, 2008, 12:28 PM

I was involved with a married man for 5 years. It was never about sex. He openly admitted that sex with the wife was better than it was with me. So why cheat??? Because he and wifey had gotten into a the swinging lifestyle and he hated it. He hated seeing her having so much fun without him. There were many affairs on her part before I met him. She was cold and manipulative. A real Narcissist she is. He finally left her, filed for divorce and promptly cheated on me with her! Yep, cheated on his mistress with his X. He also cheated on me with some ho-bag stripper. I was just a distraction for him. No more, no less. Painful as it is to admit to myself. The X has since remarried and is still cheating with her X. Glad to be out of the drama. It was a long strange journey that I will NEVER reapeat.

goche21 August 3, 2008, 3:18 PM

Anyone, male or female, who blames their spouse for forcing them to cheat because they weren’t giving them any is a blatant liar and needs a good slap across the face. People who look elsewhere for love or affection have a little more of my sympathy.

Hearing that black haired woman in the blue shirt ramble on made me sick to my stomach, that and the black girl. They literally blamed the wife! It was the wife’s fault for not staying in shape, it was the wife’s fault for not dressing well, it was the wife’s fault for not experimenting, blah blah blah. Obviously they have never been in a serious relationship. What about when the man stops working out? When he leaves his dirty laundry on our couch, only to tell us to clean up the living room? And here’s my big pet peeve, wanting oral when he could definitely wipe a little more thoroughly. Yeah, those brown tire threads in your undies aren’t from farting dear!

But those kinds of men are the first to comment on our appearance. [Luckily, my husband is bad, but doesn’t do this to me] Even as their beer belly grows, they feel the need to comment on how we should probably pass up that tiny bowl of ice cream for a nice stick of celery! Perhaps we should mention that lifting the remote is not strength training?

I feel for you John, and yeah women can cheat! As for you L.J., you’re just being stupid. I offer my male friends compliments all the time! Saying “that shirt looks nice on you.” or any other compliment is not my way of asking for any sexual favors, it’s just me being truthful and nice. As for all men who go out of their way to do a favor wanting some, that really deserves a laugh! I happen to be married to a sweetheart ((maybe not the most hygienic sweetheart in the world, but still)) who will go out of his way to help anyone. I know for a fact that when he helps a woman out it isn’t because he wants a quickie. Yeah, we’ve both been tempted, and held strong. There’s something called L-O-V-E that is a bit stronger then L-U-S-T. Good to know chauvinism isn’t dead.

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