Guest blogger Mom-On-the-Edge, who is trying to save her marriage, is back. This time, she examines the divorce cycle, and asks: Is it genetic?
My parents got divorced before I turned 1. My mom got divorced again when I was in high school. Was I destined to repeat history? Was divorce somehow embedded in my genes?
The bitter insults determined to cut to the core, the slamming doors, the alarming silence as they avoided each other while sitting in the same room. I wasn't privy to any of it. I was there, but I wasn't. Merely months old, I was like a witness who later suffered from amnesia. But, I suffered. Or, did I?
My parents moved one town apart. We lived with my mom on the weekdays. My dad got us weekends, holidays and summers. I had two houses, two sets of friends, two parents who loved me. I knew no different and besides constantly having to pack, I felt no worse for the wear.
In fact, I felt balanced. My mom marched against wearing fur, my dad owned two fur coats. (It was the '70s ...) My mom, sister and I shared one bedroom in her small apartment. My dad lived in a large colonial house. I was so well-adjusted that when other families in town fell apart, teachers would send their students to come talk to me. And, I was only in first grade! I had become the poster child for post-divorce contentment.
But studies show that growing up in a divorced family greatly increases the odds that you will end your own marriage. It's called the divorce cycle. As children we learn our relationship skills and marital commitment from our parents. So, the answer is yes AND no. Yes, I could be destined to repeat history. No, it's not in my genes.