Please, don't we get enough of this at home with boys?

I am not the audience for this movie. But you are, if you like enough scatological jokes and puns to make you want to puke, including a game of chicken played with urine-soaked mops and "pasty" sight gags (and by pasty, I don't mean glue, I mean objects glued to nipples, in this case men's nipples).

There are also the sounds of diarrhea convincingly simulated in a coffee cup, farting, punching little people who are referred to as midgets, more use of the word "cock" than I've heard since I crashed a fraternity hazing in '88, a caricature of a ball-busting mother, appetizers prepared (and eaten) to resemble a man's ball sac, and finally, elephants doing it doggy style on an ice rink. If any of those images appeal to you, then get in your car right now because you won't want to miss one tasteless frame of The Love Guru.

Written by Mike Myers (and Graham Gordy) this movie is exhibit A in the case that Myers can pitch and sell any raunchy, disgusting and mostly unfunny idea in his head and get it made. Forget Guru Pitka, he's the real inspiration.

According to the press notes, Myers created the character of Guru Pitka after exploring avenues for spiritual growth to deal with his grief after his father's death. Then he and his partner wrote the movie. And there's plenty of smart satire of self-help leaders and the Hollywood machine that feeds on them in this heap of bodily function jokes. Unfortunately, the whole movie feels so self-indulgent that it's hard for any of it to land.

Stephen Colbert is a movie star, Justin Timberlake brings funny back any time he's on screen, and there is no more beautiful blank stare than Jessica Alba's. Boys between the ages of 5 and death will probably love it. I won't be taking mine.

Dani Klein Modisett is the mom of two boys, and the creator/producer of "Afterbirth...Stories You Won't Read in Parents Magazine."