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I've Been "Hosed!" Have You?

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Vuv-A-Licious Mom: If you're a woman, chances are you have been hosed ....


I am referring to wearing know, nylons, stockings, pantyhose? Leggs, Sheer Energy, No Nonsense, sheer toe, sandalfoot, tummy control, knee fat suckers (they don't make those, but wouldn't that be a good idea?).

These are all names and terms you are familiar with and have probably bid adieu to. I can't remember the last time I wore a pair. So who knew that the question of whether "To hose or not to hose?" was the hot topic du jour?

Apparently, Jim Holt, the CEO of a Wichita Kansas company called Mid American Credit Union, felt so strongly about women wearing hose that he implemented a workplace dress code that required women to cover their bare legs with pantyhose. On Good Morning America, he said, "I grew up with women wearing pantyhose."

Now, let's pause for a second. Does this sound like a manly thing to say? Is it CEO-like? Is Bill Gates thinking about what undergarments the women of Microsoft are sporting these days?

"I grew up in a house with women wearing pantyhose." Are these not the words of a guy that goes home and dons his wife's underwear? I'm thinking that at work in Kansas, he's wearing a short sleeve plaid button-down with a pocket protector and then, when he gets home, it's high heels and a tutu for Jim. When he grew up, those women probably wore garter belts with them, too.

Were those required at the Mid American Credit Union? Imagine that dress code: "Women shall cover their bare legs with hose and wear garter belts. Crotchless panties are only permitted on Casual Fridays. Consult your manager about the rules on spanking."

I could go on and on......

Focus Leslie!

OK. Back to my point.

If you like hose, great. But should someone with a schlong tell you that you must wear them? No neckties are required at Mid American. Whaddya think of that? Thought-voking, huh?

Seriously, has Jim Holt ever spent a 90-degree day in nylons? Does he know what it feels like to have the crotch of tight hose falling to your knees? Or worse, the experience of trying to raise the hose above knee and back into position when you are with colleagues and you can't do the two-handed, waistband-lifting grab so you take giant steps forward, one leg at a time, to see if somehow the forward knee-bending motion will cause the crotch to rise?

Has Jim Holt ever experienced the feeling of the pantyhose elastic rolling below the waist creating a muffin top even if you don't have excess fat? Again, people are watching you, and the two-handed, waistband-lifting grab is just not happening.....

Finally, does Jim Holt know it can get so hot in those hose that a girl could grow a truffle where no truffle has grown before? Bake bread? Is he aware that the makers of Monistat likely created pantyhose in the first place?

Jim wasn't comfortable letting us decide, so after Mid-American's female employees began causing a ruckus, Mr. Holt put the question to the Wall Street Journal and they settled the dispute--hosiery in the workplace is optional.

At home, Jim, you and the ladies can make any rules you want.

What does your Vuv think...I mean, what do you think about this topic?

Leslie Adler is the founder of the Vuv Club.

next: Exclusive: Hardly News Bad Dad Salute
10 comments so far | Post a comment now
momof9 June 15, 2008, 7:32 PM

Though I hate the idea of my clothing choices being dictated by some one else. I also support the idea that a company owner should be free to decide what his employees dress code should be. Of course if enough employees do not agree with his policy they may persuade him to change his mind. I mean just look how stupid baseball uniforms look…and I know from experience they are hot and sweaty and itchy to wear yet…those poor fellas & some gals too still have to wear them. ;-)

Stroker June 16, 2008, 12:37 AM

Oh, poor dear. You’re uncomfortable? Such a shame. How about the way the rest of us have to suffer when you come stomping into the office with your pale bug-bitten, vein-blue bare legs and funky bare feet on display?

Paul June 16, 2008, 5:17 AM

I think women look so sexy in pantyhose. They should wear them in and out of work.They feel really nice too. Any women who have to wear pantyhose all day, I will gladly rub your legs and feet for as long as you want.

hoseaholic June 16, 2008, 9:53 AM

All I can say is “long live pantyhose!”. I miss regularly seeing them in the workplace. Women with so-so legs look immediately better in them. Women with already great legs can make a guy passout wearing them. I hope they make a comeback. I can’t afford to keep lunching at Hooters everday.

Anonymous June 16, 2008, 11:35 AM

Wow, really bizarre man comments on this one! As a woman who hates pantyhose (yes, even well fitting ones, George, sorry) I would not object to a cover your legs dress code. I’d wear tights or get pant suits. Either of those are acceptable options to me and I think in a corporate setting it’s not unreasonable for the CEO to dictate what he feels is “professional.” If it were my company would I require pantyhose? Heck no! Not requiring neck ties and requiring hose is a bit of a double standard.

@ Stroker: wow, dude. You must have a hard time during summer… What do you do? Hide in your house lest an imperfect woman should pass you wearing shorts? Can you even go to the beach?

Melinda June 16, 2008, 11:45 AM

I hate hose. Hate hate hate. But here’s the thing. I also hate high heels, i hate putting my makeup on in the morning, and I hate paying more at the dry cleaners. To put it plainly, it sucks being a woman sometimes. But I enjoy the perks of my femininity. I enjoy having flowers bought for me. I enjoy some of those things men do for women that are sadly starting to sound old fashioned (i’m 37). What will become of us when we abandon the trappings of female-ness and become….well,..more like guys?

Steve June 16, 2008, 2:33 PM

It may be sad to say Melinda, but if it’s flowers that you want, slip on the hose and heels. Guys want “feminine” and nothing can be more alluring than that time tested combo. I know the fashion trend says no to hose, but the reality is that most guys love them whether they admit it or not.

Stroker June 16, 2008, 4:26 PM

Hey, “Anonymous…” Dumb, dumb, dumb. We’re not talking about the beach, we’re talking about the workplace, where people do business. Different standards, you know?

Rndy July 20, 2008, 5:11 AM

Nice blog and as much as it sucks I think it is a companies choice what the dress code is.
Out of curiosity were pants allowed for the women? If they were than I am sure they could have found a way to get out of wearing pantyhose if they wanted.
Us guys don’t have a “skirt” equivalent in the formal world, no matter how hot it gets, we have to wear pants.

That said I do not know what pantyhose feels like as I have not worn the. For S&G’s, and your amusement I would be willing to shave and wear the hosier of your choice for as long as you think necessary to appreciate what these ladies have to deal with.
I will let you know my opinion of the article of clothing after I have experienced what the real hassles and costs are, if you are curious how a guy would fare dealing with some of the feminine nuances.

Thanks for the blog

Fine Food March 11, 2010, 1:25 PM

thanks for that

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