Vuv-A-Licious Mom: If you're a woman, chances are you have been hosed ....
I am referring to wearing hose...you know, nylons, stockings, pantyhose? Leggs, Sheer Energy, No Nonsense, sheer toe, sandalfoot, tummy control, knee fat suckers (they don't make those, but wouldn't that be a good idea?).
These are all names and terms you are familiar with and have probably bid adieu to. I can't remember the last time I wore a pair. So who knew that the question of whether "To hose or not to hose?" was the hot topic du jour?
Apparently, Jim Holt, the CEO of a Wichita Kansas company called Mid American Credit Union, felt so strongly about women wearing hose that he implemented a workplace dress code that required women to cover their bare legs with pantyhose. On Good Morning America, he said, "I grew up with women wearing pantyhose."
Now, let's pause for a second. Does this sound like a manly thing to say? Is it CEO-like? Is Bill Gates thinking about what undergarments the women of Microsoft are sporting these days?
"I grew up in a house with women wearing pantyhose." Are these not the words of a guy that goes home and dons his wife's underwear? I'm thinking that at work in Kansas, he's wearing a short sleeve plaid button-down with a pocket protector and then, when he gets home, it's high heels and a tutu for Jim. When he grew up, those women probably wore garter belts with them, too.
Were those required at the Mid American Credit Union? Imagine that dress code: "Women shall cover their bare legs with hose and wear garter belts. Crotchless panties are only permitted on Casual Fridays. Consult your manager about the rules on spanking."
I could go on and on......
OK. Back to my point.
If you like hose, great. But should someone with a schlong tell you that you must wear them? No neckties are required at Mid American. Whaddya think of that? Thought-voking, huh?
Seriously, has Jim Holt ever spent a 90-degree day in nylons? Does he know what it feels like to have the crotch of tight hose falling to your knees? Or worse, the experience of trying to raise the hose above knee and back into position when you are with colleagues and you can't do the two-handed, waistband-lifting grab so you take giant steps forward, one leg at a time, to see if somehow the forward knee-bending motion will cause the crotch to rise?
Has Jim Holt ever experienced the feeling of the pantyhose elastic rolling below the waist creating a muffin top even if you don't have excess fat? Again, people are watching you, and the two-handed, waistband-lifting grab is just not happening.....
Finally, does Jim Holt know it can get so hot in those hose that a girl could grow a truffle where no truffle has grown before? Bake bread? Is he aware that the makers of Monistat likely created pantyhose in the first place?
Jim wasn't comfortable letting us decide, so after Mid-American's female employees began causing a ruckus, Mr. Holt put the question to the Wall Street Journal and they settled the dispute--hosiery in the workplace is optional.
At home, Jim, you and the ladies can make any rules you want.
What does your Vuv think...I mean, what do you think about this topic?
Leslie Adler is the founder of the Vuv Club.