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Love Lessons from Same-Sex Couples

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Homosexual couples are what's their secret?


Sure, we all know a few blissed-out twosomes, but what makes their love so unique? Well, the answer may surprise you. In a study conducted at the University of Washington, San Diego State University, and the University of Vermont, same-sex couples report more loving feelings toward their partners, experience less conflict, and have more relationship satisfaction than married heterosexual couples. And today, when more than half of marriages end in divorce, we could all use advice about living happily ever after. Read on for secrets to their success.

They fight fair.
OK, maybe your patience could use some fine-tuning, or he hasn't nailed the concept of stacking the dishwasher. Sure, it's normal to occasionally get on each other's nerves. But studies show while same-sex couples have their share of conflict, they're better at keeping the peace than their heterosexual counterparts. In fact, these couples rarely resort to name-calling, don't re-hash past grievances, and most importantly, pick their battles. "Men and women have distinct arguing styles and since each gender can relate to each other effectively, resolution is a lot smoother," says Esther D. Rothblum, a professor of women's studies at San Diego State University. Another element to marital success: Humor. In the study, same-sex couples used jokes to diffuse tension. The key is to keep things lighthearted and make sure comments stay above--not below--the belt.

Household chores are shared.
We know most wives do the bulk of childrearing and chores, and husbands often bear the financial burden. But research shows that's not always true with homosexual couples--in these unions, cooking, cleaning, and childcare are split right down the middle. "In traditional families, the husband is expected to work long hours and women to maintain the household, largely because that's what people learned growing up," says Rothblum. "But in same-sex households, these stereotypes don't exist, and couples divvy chores based on who is better at what." So figure out which jobs you naturally gravitate toward and go from there. If your hubby doesn't notice when the doorknob's jammed, but is a whiz in the kitchen, consider turning over your oven mitts. Your role reversal will have a twofold effect: Your kids learn jobs aren't gender-biased, and you'll try your hand at something new.

Sex is a two-way street--sometimes.
When it comes to lovemaking, conventional wisdom says men are ready for sex in seconds while women need tons of coaxing into bed. However, researchers found in that in homosexual couples, men and women had similar sexual habits. But here's the twist: In gay couples, both men initiate sex frequently, and in lesbian couples, the women are both passive. If you've fallen into some predictable bed patterns of your own, take turns giving and receiving. By handing over the reins, you'll nix worries like "Am I doing it right?" or "Is he enjoying this?" and can focus purely on your satisfaction (which is really the whole point)!

What are the secrets to your relationship success?

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18 comments so far | Post a comment now
JLA June 11, 2008, 8:40 PM

I think the picking your battles thing is huge! Who hasn’t opened their mouth to argue a point and instead of saying something just closed their mouth and walked away and been glad they did?

Zachary June 11, 2008, 11:32 PM

My wife and I are no longer together and she is now with a woman. I know that the study shows that she should be happier now, however this is not the case. The fight way more then we ever did. They even split up and then get back together all the time. It is also very hard for our children. My daughter has also informed me about there sexual habits and what all they do. I find that it is just gross and nasty that children have to see this type of things. It must be very hard for children to see same sex couples and then deal with the emotional issues of it. So has anyone done a study to see how many children of same sex couples turn homosexual?????????? Since this site is about Mothers, have any of you thought about the fact it could be harmful for a child to grow up in a same-sex household????? Putting religion aside, if we place two males on one island and two females on another island, they can not reproduce. Nature has a balance and same-sex or homosexualality is not in that balance at all. So to place children in that unbalanced lifestyle is wrong.

Carlos June 11, 2008, 11:39 PM

how strange to find an article praising homosexual couples on a site nominally dedicated to “moms.” perhaps the site has a hidden leftist agenda.

Anonymous June 12, 2008, 12:18 AM

carlos, are you saying moms can’t be gay?

Ohio June 12, 2008, 12:55 AM

Discussion of homosexual activity on a site dedicated to helping moms and moms to be is irresponsible. Please don’t forget that the majority of marriages are successful and that homosexuality only constitutes a small segment of society. Please leave your leftist agenda at the door. The majority do not want to read this stuff.

Anonymous June 12, 2008, 1:14 AM

perhaps the ignorant and judgmental ones should be the ones left at the door. moms come from all over the world, with many different backgrounds, and you know what—some of them are in love with other moms. (gasp!)

get over yourselves and your holier than thou attitude and open your eyes. it’s 2008.

tara June 12, 2008, 8:21 AM

Having a partner who loves you and helps you raise children is leftist? And here I just thought it was humanist. Love isn’t about politics. It’s about Love.

Todd June 12, 2008, 8:28 AM

I visited your site for the first and last time today. After learning about it from an O’Reily factor segment, where he interviewed Dr. Shannon Fox regarding age appropriate behavior regarding prom dresses, 20 ninth graders posing topless, and the basic moral decline of society. Dr. Fox promoted this site, so I decided to check it out and one of the top articles on the site is how homosexual marriages are happier than heterosexual marriages. How can you have a site for Moms/families, and have contributors to the content of your site talk about the moral decline of this country, but promote gay marriages.

The comment by Zachary put it best when he said if we place two males on one island and two females on another island, they can not reproduce. Nature has a balance and same-sex or homosexuality is not in that balance at all. So to place children in that unbalanced lifestyle is wrong.

I have no doubt there is happiness in gay marriages, but that relational happiness would be comparable to me hanging out with my best friend. I’m happy when I spend time with him because of the similarities we share, and the common or unspoken knowledge shared just because we are both male. But the happiness and love for my wife is because of the differences shared and the growing by each of us to learn and share with one another.

Marriage between a man and woman is true diversity, and requires more work, and more commitment than any gay marriage could ever come close to, but the pay-off is a deeper love, happiness and contentment than any gay marriage could ever hope to experience. It’s always easier to do the things that are wrong for you, but worthwhile things require effort and some hard work to achieve.

It’s easier to over-eat then be disciplined with a diet, its easier to pick up any bad habit then to be disciplined to not have a bad habit, so called ‘marriages’ of the same sex are easy, and they are for people who don’t want to have to put in any effort.

JLA June 12, 2008, 12:01 PM

Um, wow talk about missing the point… how about your gay haters crawl back into your back woods caves. If you knew anything about family dynamics you would know the three points above are things parents struggle with in their relationships. The point of the article isn’t yay gay couples. The point is that perhaps husbands and wives could be a little happier if there was more equality relating to issues such as house work and sexual relations. I know a lot of moms who can’t get their husbands to lift a finger around the house. And the point is why is house work the mom/wifes responsibility?

alaboutnow June 12, 2008, 2:57 PM

It makes me sick that people can dismiss the advice of this article just because it’s about gay people. Some of my best friends are gay. They’re beautiful wonderful people and it makes me so angry when anyone says that they’re not, simply because they’re attracted to people of the same gender. This article made some really valid points and those of you who want to ignore it are probably the ones who need it the most. And Todd, the reason your relationship with your wife is so different than your relationships with other men is because YOU ARE STRAIGHT! Gay people experience all those emotions too and their love is just as real. And you’re right, it is easier to do the things that are wrong for you, that’s why I have a deep respect for gay couples who take the hard way and put themselves out there to do what’s right for them, being together.

Why are people so freaking ignorant!

Jeanene June 12, 2008, 2:59 PM

I being a lesbian Mother of two can say alot to this matter.. I am glad to see that a site dedicated to mainly moms has stepped out and made it for ‘all’ moms!! Neither of my grown kids are gay nor do I think they will be later in life HOWEVER if they find that it is what will make them happier I will be there to stand by them 100%…
What worries me more then anything is that people that are so very negative about gays and lesbians raising kids think we can’t do a good job. I have seen and come from a very dysfunctional home that had a ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ of whom I love very much and wouldn’t have asked for anything different from them. It was us kids that made it dysfunctional.
So for you self righteous people out there that say this is a leftist hidden site ask your self this..” Have I ever talked to a gay or lesbian raised child to see how their life really turned out?” I think you will shock yourself!!
BTW my daughter was just excepted into a very prestigious college!! We aren’t all bad and there really are more of out here then you will ever know!!!

chey22 June 20, 2008, 8:58 PM

I think this article is amazing! The last thing America needs to be is judgemental. By allowing the homosexual couples to influence the heterosexual couples is really making a positive inpact whether you “homophobs” want to beleive it or not!


ignorance hater July 7, 2008, 1:38 AM

Todd, you made the statement, “Marriage between a man and woman is true diversity, and requires more work, and more commitment than any gay marriage could ever come close to, but the pay-off is a deeper love, happiness and contentment than any gay marriage could ever hope to experience. It’s always easier to do the things that are wrong for you, but worthwhile things require effort and some hard work to achieve.”

I’d like to know are you speaking from experience? And unless you are, YOUR COMPLETE STATEMENT IS INVALID!!!!!

rainbow love February 10, 2009, 1:28 PM

This is a very interesting article, thank you. But the comments that follow are more interesting. Zachary its time to move on past your wife, Tod don’t be so insecure about what you don’t understand. I was married to a man for 15 years left him for a woman, and now I am engaged to be married to a woman. This happend over the course of 6 years. No Child wants to see their parent go in and out of unhealthy relationships or see them stay in an unhealthy relationship. Before I left my ex-husband, my children saw a depressed and broken person. When I left him, my kids saw a much differen a much happier person, mom. Are same sex couples happier. Probably because we try harder, we have to because we have all the eyes of the world looking at us ready to judge if we fail in any aspect of our relationship. So as Rihanna says everyone, ” Live your life”.


Adam & Eve, Sex Toys October 7, 2009, 12:24 PM

Fighting fair, sharing the work, and treating sex as a two-way street is good relationship advice! Thanks!

Mary Sellards December 10, 2010, 5:04 AM

When someone ask me about this matter right here. I shall send them a link to this blog.

Zackary Sturman December 20, 2010, 6:19 PM

Definitively I got what I was looking for!

Trenton Stoakley December 20, 2010, 6:29 PM

This site,is really useful. I willget back to read every new posts, in the not too distant future keep posting

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