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On the Verge of Divorce: Fighting Words

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Guest Blogger Momonthedge chronicles her struggle to stay married.

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Slut. Whore. Bitch. Mindless Troll. That's what he shouted at the top of his lungs during our last argument. He had our infant son playing on top of the open dishwasher door and somehow when I asked him to stop it erupted into this fight. Our refrigerator and oven had locks on them. I thought it was obvious that kitchen appliances shouldn't double as toys, especially ones with knives and poisonous detergent inside. My husband strongly disagreed. He grabbed my arms and pushed me out of sight, disgusted.

Two and a half years earlier in Zion National Park, the closest you can come to heaven while still on earth, he said to me on top of a mountain, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You make me a better person." Now, we can't stand to be in the same room.

I didn't understand. How did we get to this point? And how was I a slut? If I were a slut I wouldn't be able to count the number of times I had sex in the past year on one hand, and it would have been with someone other than my husband. Mindless troll. That one was possible. I had a baby, after all. I often wondered if I suffered from momnesia myself. If my brain cells would ever return to full capacity. Just because it could be true didn't mean he was allowed to call me out on it!

It was clear. There was only one thing we could do. Go for couple's counseling. Again.


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12 comments so far | Post a comment now

That’s just wrong - and I’m sorry that you have to deal with it - but that’s more than just angry words during a fight - that’s verbal abuse and it’s just as hurtful as physical abuse.

Anonymous June 2, 2008, 2:13 PM

This relationship sounds potentially abusive. Skip the couples therapy and go straight for individual counseling for yourself.

Michael J. Pratt June 2, 2008, 2:31 PM

I know you love the guy (or you’d be gone already) so I won’t be too critical, but I don’t care what the situation is and how much you disagree on things (we have had plenty ourselves) …you just don’t call people names like that unless you have serious issues yourself. That kind of person is not very far from physical hurting. Don’t be seduced into thinking otherwise.

Michael J. Pratt June 2, 2008, 2:50 PM

While I stand by my previous comment, I am ashamed I commented the 1st time on this site. Anyone who feels the need to send a ‘cease and desist’ letter to a blogger with whom they disagree is not worthy of my comment. Show that you have the decency and fortitude to post this and we’ll consider it a start.

danasmom June 2, 2008, 3:49 PM

Wow…I really feel for this mom. I think its amazing that she’s able to maintain her sense of humor in the midst of such hurtful attacks.

Leslie June 2, 2008, 3:51 PM

Okay - the first thing you need to realize is that your husband should NEVER lay his hands on you in anger- ever. Your relationship is already abusive - what you are going through is emotional and mental abuse. You are the mother of his child - not a whore, bitch, slut, or mindless troll. You definitely need counseling and you need to get it fast. You said “again” when you mentioned counseling so I can only surmise that it hasn’t been very helpful in the past. If that’s the case, you need to start thinking of your “plan B” because if things don’t get better then you need get out. You do not want your son growing up in an environment like this. Take it from someone who’s been there - life is too short to live it like that.

Marsha  June 25, 2008, 10:18 PM

Michael J Pratt is RIGHT !
When your husband shoved you he crossed the line . Get some help NOW !

Michelle July 6, 2008, 11:32 PM

Wow…this is what I am going thru with my husband…he hasn’t physically pushed me but the name calling is exact plus more…. I don’t know what advice I could give that may help you…except that you need to step back for a moment and think what you really want…if counseling will help this time and it will stay good then that is great..but if you have even a small portion of doubt that things won’t change, then you need to get out of the relationship. I know it’s hard..when you love someone so much and some how that love that made u say I do…just isn’t there like it was… at least not from him.

Ana September 4, 2008, 10:06 AM

I can understand what you are going through. I am 35 years old and have been married for 18 years and my husband is the same way. He tells me he wishes I have a painfull death and calls me a whore, low life and that I will never be anything without him. It’s very hard to walk away but please don’t stay thinking that he will change it’s been 18 years and I am still waiting for my husband to change. he has hurted me mentally and spiritually. Don’t stay.

ANONYMOUS September 16, 2008, 10:21 AM

I CAN SO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN I DEALT W/IT FOR 10YRS IT ONLY GOT WORSE.NO POINT IN IGNORING NOT ONLY ARE WE DIVORCING BUT HE’S MANAGED TO TAKE EVERY BIT OF WHAT I’VE EVER OWNED FROM ME LEAVING ME IN DEBT SO DEEP I CAN’T CLIMB OUT.HE’S OBVIOUSLY DOING SOMETHING W/SOMEONE ELSE.I’VE LEARNED THAT THE NAMES HE’S THROWN AT ME WAS WHAT HE ACTUALLY FELT ABOUT HIMSELF.HE’S NOW GOT 2 SKANKS BY HIS SIDE HE COULD CARE LESS ABOUT HOW THE 2 CHILDREN FEEL AND HE’S HAD THEM ALL ALONG.HE HATES ME FOR NOT CARING THAT HE’S GOT THESE SKANKS AT HIS ARMS SO THAT MAKE HIM EVEN MORE ANGRY WHICH LEADS INTO EVEN WORSE VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE KNOW THAT I’M NOT LIVING W/HIM HE CAN’T PHYSICALLY ABUSE BUT HE’S LOSING IT SO WHO KNOWS WHAT TO COME..WE’VE ONLY JUST BEGUN DIVORCE THERE IS NO LEGAL SEPARATION YET.HE THINKS HE’S INVINCIBLE.THINK ONLY ABOUT YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD.THATS THE ONLY THING YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT RIGHT NOW.COUPLES COUNSILING GIVE ME A BREAK MEN ARE EVIL HE WON’T CHANGE FROM BEING AN ABUSER.

paige December 9, 2008, 8:51 AM

I completely agree with Michael J. Pratt.

cheapviagra3956 August 30, 2010, 7:40 AM

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