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Penis Candy Not So Dandy

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Gummi Bears take on some very un-family-friendly shapes ... and ingredients.


Gummies take on many different shapes: snakes, frogs, and every cartoon character imaginable. One company, Mill Farm, tried their hand at a lighthouse shape and, well, ended up making something that looks more like a "trouser snake." Maybe these pornographic gummi mishaps aren't for kids, but truly, when you look at the ingredients of gummi bears, they shouldn't even be ingested by humans, kids or otherwise.

legogummi.jpgGummies are a simple concoction of sugar, glucose syrup, starch, flavoring, food coloring, citric acid, and gelatin plus Carnauba wax to give them a glossy sheen. Carnauba wax, incidentally, is also used for car wax, shoe polish, floor and furniture polish. Hey, it's a candy and floor wax!

On a related note, Kellogg's has recently released Lego® Fruit Flavored Snacks, a gummi candy in the shape of those famous multi-colored blocks. Thanks for nothing, Kellogg's. We try to teach our kids NOT to put toys in their mouths. What's your next candy brainstorm--gummi light sockets?

Are your kids addicted to all varieties of gummies? Would you let your kids eat these, er, lighthouses or LEGOS?

next: Look Ma, No Helmet!
27 comments so far | Post a comment now
Amber June 23, 2008, 10:59 AM

I don’t let my kids eat any gummy type candies. They are more likely to get stuck in teeth and cause cavities.

Stevan Pierce June 23, 2008, 12:42 PM

I would hasten to say that the gummy shapes do in fact look like lighthouses, despite what one would infer.

What if you found the word dong offensive? How about construing sno ball for the sexual term snow ball? If either of those are you, then you would have to petition Hostess snack cakes.

On the subject of not feeding your children candy because of sugar content and it may cause cavities. You should read the content of some of the juices you give your children; at least candy has no hidden agenda of shoving sugar into the faces of kids masquerading as juice. As far as cavities go, one word…toothbrush.

Missy June 23, 2008, 1:36 PM

They are kids! They are supposed to eat sugar! Nobody stopped me from eating gummies and sugar when I was a kid! If you hold it back from them, they are going to want it more.

Also, if it is lighthouse candy, no child is going to look at it like it is a penis. It’s our dirty minds that make it into something its not! Geez…

mykidssmart June 23, 2008, 1:42 PM

Is a kid really going to confuse a real lego with candy? come on people get a grip.

Anonymous June 23, 2008, 2:41 PM

@ mykidssmart: srsly
how stupid are we raising our kids to be? christ.

Anonymous June 23, 2008, 5:25 PM

it looks like a lighthouse that was built to look like a penis.

Batik June 23, 2008, 7:06 PM

I completely agree with the above post at 5:25. It looks like a lighthouse built to look like a penis… lol…

Deanna  June 23, 2008, 8:01 PM

Who thought a lighthouse as a candy was a good idea in the first place?

CodyG June 24, 2008, 10:35 AM

I’m going to go find some gummi canoes so I can teach the kids about sex…

Robert June 24, 2008, 3:09 PM

Looked like a light house to me until the pervert in the article pointed out the penis shape. So now we’re supposed to do away with things because some pervert thought it looked like something?
Bet they now think that eating gummy penis’s will make the boys gay and the girls of questionable moral character.
What shapes will they go after next?

Marley June 27, 2008, 1:51 PM

Probably some religious nut job seeing sex in everything, including candy. Grow up for Pete’s sake.

LoL June 27, 2008, 3:39 PM

Drear Amber,
How about teaching your kids to
HOW TO BRUSH THEIR TEETH? That’s what meant agains cavities…

k July 18, 2008, 12:38 PM

OH FOR CRYING out loud it is what it is: lighthouse gummy candies SHEESH! Why do people look for things to be pissed about? Get a life will ya UGH

Irene September 11, 2008, 10:33 AM

Looks like a lighthouse to me. Somebody just has a dirty mind

L October 5, 2008, 6:27 PM

Thank you all for your comments and a truly good belly laugh!

waaaaaaaawaaaaaaa December 10, 2008, 7:11 PM

What the………..? Who circumcises a lighthouse anyway? Good thing though because the light wouldn’t shine very well.

tomally February 11, 2009, 8:11 AM

Its a Beacon of hope guiding ships in from the storm in a sucrose package. Now - someone will read this and think I’m writing a trashy analogy. Well guess what I am HA!!!! Lighten up folks - candy is dandy but intolerance is will make you sicker (a remake on the other slogan… oh you know!

In a world full of both joy and injustice - a phallic lighthouse isn’t going to rock my boat - looks yummy actually :)

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Anonymous October 20, 2009, 3:02 PM

Gummi Lighthouses are a made up candy, and the company does not exist. The photo was made in photoshop. Maybe a little extra homework(1st grade), and you would have found the company doesn’t exist before you wrote an article on it lol!

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