Breadwinner vs. Bread Makers

 

When my children were young I was a SAHM. I spent a great deal of time volunteering at school and ran a day care in my home, helping out my friends that worked outside of the home. As my youngest child moved into all day schooling, I went back to college and earned my degree. My baby is the only one still at home and is in high school now, and I work full-time. Having done both I can tell you all that there are challenges and benefits specific to both ways of approaching our lives, and we all should respect the efforts of the others - especially until we have walked a mile in their shoes.

- BFD

Posted 07/02/08 08:42 PM

 

 

Can’t we all just get along and find ways to support one another, regardless of the path we choose or are forced into?

- Seriously?

Posted 07/02/08 08:47 PM

 

 

The comments have gone on now for 3 pages. I am still waiting for someone to say “and I did it walking up a hill, both ways, in a blizzard with no shoes on”. Did this article post a prize or something? Does the winner of the “who-suffers-and-works-harder-than-any-of-you-stupid-women” award get a free trip somewhere? Maybe some coupons, or a nice new hat? Just wondering…………

- QueenBee

Posted 07/03/08 12:49 AM

 

 

Lets try and keep in mind all SAHM’s are not like the ones described in this post. Just like all WOHM’s are not jealous of SAHM’s. You never know what someone’s life is like till you walk a mile in their shoes.

- stevenbrycesmomm

Posted 07/03/08 12:50 PM

 

 

Reply to a Teacher: I just wanted to respond and acknowledge that my comments may have sounded like a generalization of all parental voulnteer work at school. Clearly these moms (still in gym clothes) were chatting with each other more than volunteering and that can be a distraction at school. Donations can mean other things besides money. Do you know what it is like for a child whose parents have to work, but they see “sally’s mom” in the classroom 3X a week. The problem is of course is that our teachers are understaffed and undercompensated so you have to rely on parents.

- Fran

Posted 07/03/08 04:36 PM

 

 

Not all SAHM are well to do, get to work out, go golfing, go on vacations, watch soaps all day. I gave up an excellent paying career that I really enjoyed to stay home with my children to raise them. I chose to give up my wants. Sorry, money is not everything. The time I have with my children while they are young is too precious for me to pass up. I know some women have to work & some choose to work. All of us women are trying to do the best we can. So you whiny women whether you work or not, just get over it! Maybe we should spend more time praising each other for the great job we are doing than trying to figure out who works harder.

- IAWOMEN

Posted 07/03/08 10:32 PM

 

 

You choose to be working and have a busy schedule, dont complain. I am a SAHM and I dont go to the gym, hang out with friends or socialize I barely find time to shower! I love raising my son, If you have to work do it but dont make us feel guilty for being lucky enough to raise our kids. All the time you work outside of your home we are working inside, and we get to raise kids OUR way, not the nanny’s way. I use to be a working mom and I love being home with my son…

- lovelyeve

Posted 07/04/08 08:34 PM

 

 

Hold on there tiger! Did your mom teach you a little lesson on how to not judge a group of people after only meeting a few in that group. I have met plenty a SAHM who are going crazy with the kids and I have met plenty of working moms who think they are cutting themselves short if they “just” stay at home! That doesn’t mean that all of us SAHM are going crazy, I happen to LOVE the choices I have made and I LOVE being with my kids! I don’t have a new car, we live in a modest home… and I am teaching my children my set of morals and values… and that doesn’t include material possessions! On the other hand, not all working moms feel they have to work to stay sane, they have to work to live, to eat! And some do so that they have two new cars in the driveway and can get their nails done. The point is that we are given a great gift to enjoy motherhood. Raise your children with love and understanding, and that begins with adult woman being friendlier with each other… if you don’t think your children are picking up on your hateful attitude, you are wrong. They absorb all of our feeling. Teach them compassion and empathy for other humans, not envy and hatred! We are our kids biggest influence, working or not, and that is a responsiblity to be taken with the utmost respect!

- Nicole

Posted 07/10/08 10:56 AM

 

 

seems so negative to me. another article on this site was talking about how sahm’s working moms have this feeling of being judged by one another, and then here is this article- fueling it on. I believe that working in the home, being a manager in you home, having that be your ministry, and your passion, even your identity- dare I say- is a good thing. Done right, it does keep you very busy. It is hard these days, and people are in tough situations. Sometimes moms dont have the luxury of choice in this area, and that is hard. The women’s movement was supposed to make this about choice, now its about expectation, like youre less than if you dont work outside the home. It is enough to have that as your primary position, I believe. Moms trying to do and have it all is an unrealistic expectation put on us, in my opinion.

- jess

Posted 07/11/08 11:46 PM

 

 

It is discouraging to read this. I know of Moms on either side who are amazing mothers and ladies. I myself am struggling with the decision to continue my career, or stay home with my 2 year old daughter and 6 month old son. It is a gut wrenching decision for some, and no one should be made to feel the fool whatever they choose. Everyone has something to bring to the table. To segregate the two groups is to do a big disservice to ourselves and our children.

- Keely

Posted 08/18/08 12:58 PM

 

 

I’ve been both: just for the record I’ll recount 2 things. 1) I had been a SAHM, 4 kids (1 ps, 1,3,5 graders) and GS leader to 2 troops (one being combined because the other leader’s hours changed and she couldn’t do her regular meetings)…I had a mother of her’s who always thought of things we should do/ go to but never helped (also ran through at least 4 phone #s in about 1 1/2 yrs, didn’t turn in money, etc…all around problem for the troops). One time I was trying to set up drivers for something and I was asking everyone, when I asked her she looked at me incredulously and said “I work”. I just said okay (all she had to say was no and I would have moved on)… thing is I was now working full-time as well, while my husband worked several hours away and usually was only home on weekends. I was still doing all my previous activities including H&S (pto), making sure kids’ got to their activities, etc. (because afterall I had committed). I still only said okay (my co-leader, the one who had dealt with her in the past was floored and wanted to tell her off). 2) While SAHM: H&S put in a new playground for the school, we decided to save money by getting the surface stuff and spreading it ourselves. We had MANY volunteers, most of the helpers were working parents, male and female, but I’ll tell you it might as well have been my husband, myself and maybe 3 other people because we were the only ones working the others sounded like this woman’s telling of the SAHMs. I think my experiences (& my stories) agree with Shannon D. who said, “This is not a SAHM vs. working mom issue..this a decent human being issue. Jeez..enough of this ridiculousness already!”

- Sharon

Posted 08/21/08 09:11 AM

 

 

No, you aren’t a full-time mom. You run around with your head cut off and then give your kids only half your attention because you are busy running errands, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, cooking, paying bills and putting stuff away when they are home from school. Us “full-time” moms do that during the day and spend our time WITH our kids in the evening. So tonight when you are running full blast through your “to-do” list remember us “full-time” moms are sitting back with our kids. You are in fact doing a full time job in only half the time. Everything suffers because you don’t have the time to properly attend to your house, children and husband.

- K. Cleaver

Posted 09/08/08 11:24 AM

 

 

i think that this article is quite harsh, obviously it works for you! however some children are harder to look after and require more time and attention, for example childre who are disabled! you have obviously found the right balance that suits you but would it be possible for say a single mother to do what you do so easily? being a mother is difficult, i dont have children and i know that and what and how people decide to ‘run’ their families is completly up to them…how do you know that these mothers werent just having a bad week and really felt that getting Jimmy to the dentist would be difficult!! work can often be an escape from motherhood, even if it is for 8 hours so i would be grateful to have that ‘you’ time and wouldnt slate others for their parenting styles!!!

- yaz

Posted 11/30/08 07:02 AM

 

 

I have been both. When we had only one child, we could afford to live comfortably on one income, but now that we’re almost at three kids, we need 2 incomes. Some of us are just not lucky enough to stay home with our kids. No mom is happy that she has to spend 10 hours away from her kids every day and pay strangers to take care of them in the meantime. We work because we have to. But that does not mean that stay-at-home moms owe us something. Sure our dinners start later, our laundry stays dirty one day longer, etc., but that’s not the stay-at-home mom’s fault. She doesn’t owe us working moms anything. I don’t expect any of the stay-at-home moms to help me do anything. If I can do it, I will. If I can’t, I won’t. It’s simple as that. Besides, when I was a stay-at-home mom, my time was spent differently. Remember, while you’re away at work, someone is taking care of your kids: feeding them, changing their diaper, reading to them, etc. So, moms who stay at home are spending their time doing that…there’s no one there to take care of the stay-at-home mom’s kids so that she can get the other chores done. The only way she gets them done is by using baby’s downtime - something us working mothers can’t do because most of us don’t work from home. It’s not like stay-at-home moms take their kids to daycare 10 hours a day like working moms do so that they can go shopping, workout, have coffee…and so what if they do? Stay-at-home moms deserve a quick break, too! When I’m at work, I get coffee on breaks with my friends. I meet up with friends for lunch. I just figure that moms who stay home (like when I used to) are doing things for my kids that my daycare provider does; and that if I were at home, I’d be doing them, too, so my day would also be full…except I wouldn’t get a monetary paycheck, I’d get paid in gratitude. My deal is, if you can afford to stay home with your kids, do it, and enjoy every minute of it! It’s great!!! If you can’t, find a trustworthy daycare provider, work your butt off to put bread on the table and be proud of that…don’t let others judge

- Sam

Posted 12/12/08 02:59 PM

 

 

Gee…I sure am happy to be a SAHM and not a grouchy working woman. :) I have a great life, love my DH & kids, travel to awesome places every other month and even have a weekly housekeeper (b/c my husband has a yard guy - we both deserve help!). I have a well-organized home and we can sit down together as a family every night to a meal that I have prepared. It’s a great life. Oh, and did I mention my kids are now in school most of the day - whew! I worked hard to get through the last 12 years of kids at home all day - now I get to enjoy quiet days at home, going to the gym, volunteering at school or lunching with my friends. I regularly get to meet my DH or any of my kids for lunch too! My DH makes lots of money, only works 45 hours a week and is glad he can provide for his entire family without me running around trying to work and keep up with the household too. We never have to worry about who has to take off work to stay with sick children or send them off to daycare or “camps” all summer long. My kids actually get to hang out in our beautiful home and not sit on the YMCA floor for half the day watching movies. I make his life easier and he makes mine easier. It is a great life for both of us AND our kids. Lucky me….poor her.

- Caralee

Posted 01/08/09 11:46 PM

 

 

Working Moms do everything SAHM’s do, but also contribute to society, bring home a paycheck and provide a good role model to their children.

- Anonymous

Posted 01/13/09 11:30 AM

 

 

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- payday loans

Posted 09/03/09 10:10 PM

 

 

www.momlogic.com rocks! I found a lot of new information on www.momlogic.com and I liked it a lot. Good job! I will be back.

- payday loans

Posted 10/06/09 02:52 AM

 

 

I agree with the article. It is about time someone opened up their mouth. SAHM’s seem to want a pity party. I would bet the bank that MOST SAHM would not be able to handle both career and family. I want my child to one day say..”I am proud of my mom for all that she had accomplished.” And btw, volunteering doesn’t count as a career!

- Katherine

Posted 10/31/09 08:40 PM

 

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