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PiscesTop Five F**ked Up Nursery Rhymes
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The biggest threat to family values may be Mother Goose. | |
| Momlogic's Momstrosity: Nursery rhymes, we've heard them our whole lives -- and we pass down from generation to generation just like hair color and alcoholism. Since almost all families are a little nuts, it's time to put the blame somewhere. Like most of society, we blame mom -- in this case we mean Mother Goose. Why? Because if you listen carefully to the words of the most popular nursery rhymes, you find some really screwed up family dynamics. | |
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1) Jack Sprat
The story: Jack Sprat can't eat fat and his wife can't eat anything else. When they're done eating "They lick their platter clean." What it teaches our kids: |
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2) Rub-a-Dub-Dub Three Men in a Tub The story: Three guys hang out in a bathhouse. What this teaches our kids: |
 | 3) Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater
The story: A guy can't take care of his own wife, so he imprisons her in a pumpkin shell. What it teaches our kids: |
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4) Georgie Porgie
The Story: A kid named Georgie runs around freaking out girls by trying to kiss them. What it teaches our kids: |
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5) Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe
The story: Woman lives in a giant shoe, so overwhelmed by the amount of kids she popped out that she can't feed them and "then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed." What it teaches our kids: |
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- 23 Comments
This is hilarious.
“Anytime you’ve got three adult men taking a bath together, you got trouble.”
so funny.
I think all nursery rhymes are creepy. I stopped reading them to my kids. They’re not missing out on anything by not hearing stories of jack and jill bashing their heads falling down a hill.
C’mon, reviewing nursery rhymes that were written sometime in the 1800’s?! Like anything else, a parent should be responsible for what their child reads, watches, plays with, etc.. If you take these nursery rhymes to heart for exactly what they say, of course the message is not exactly ‘2008’. I love reading Mother Goose to my daughter. They’re classic and she thinks they’re funny. If and when she questions them for any reason, I’ll explain them to her. Basic and responsible parenting.
we have a book of rhymes that I find myself skipping half of! how bout the guy with the crooked leg who they throw down the stairs! I’m all for old school but poor humpty dumpty… was there really NOTHING they could do to help him?
Think back to old fairy tales too! The brothers Grimm who wrote Grimms fairy tales were sick! The original Cinderella has the wicked stepsisters cutting off toes to get their feet into the slipper, and the stepmothers eyes get pecked out by a crow! Talk about creepy…
Haha, overreacting much?
You should have read some of the german fairy tales I managed to get my hands on when I was little; little sucka thumb might given you a heart attack if you think a nonsense poem about three men going to sea in a tub is indecent.
I fully agree with Elizabeth. Come on now, ladies (& gentlemen…if you’re reading this, too)isn’t life complicated enough? Why take something so innocent and simple as nursery rhymes and make them an issue? It is what it is…they are what they are. These stories are strictly meant for entertainment purposes; not to make political statements or freighten your children.
This is too funny. I’ve never been a fan of nursery rhymes, but I won’t be able to read them the same anymore. I actually wrote an article on my site about your take on nursery rhymes, and directed my readers here. It’s too great not to share!
just read really good
They are nursery rhymes for god sake. Family planning? Anti-social behavioural problems? Thank God my Mum wasn’t like this or else my siblings and I certainly wouldn’t have turned out normal. I agree, stop making nursery rhymes such an issue, get a life and stop being an over-protective mother because your kids will not thank you for it in the long run.
I can’t tell you how I laughed and cried at the same observations! I won’t even read my kids “Old Woman in the Shoe”. Why would she beat them soundly and send them to bed? They were probably just being kids.
Have you read the Owl and the Pussycat??
does that last one remind anyone of octomom??? except for the fact that there’s welfare, disability and child services and reality tv. i guess nursery rhymes still fits in this new age.
the stories are like this because they’re really old and were used to get at politics with out them knowing. they are representing history and are a nice way to pass it down. sure NOW the lyrics sound screwed up but back THEN they were perfectly normal. nothing was wrong with them and kids had fun singing them. its just a way to pass down history. if your going to get on nursery rhymes you might as well get on older books and history textbooks as well.
WOW this is the stupidest stuff i have ever heard!!! Nursery have been around forever and everyone on this website most likely grew up listening to them!!
Here’s the thing,MOST nursery Rhymes have creepy backgrounds. I got this from a website:
Mary Mary quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockleshells
And pretty maids all in a row.
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We Thought it Meant…
A cute old woman with an interest in horticulture.
But Some Experts Say…
Queen “Bloody” Mary was popular enough to frequent a number of nursery rhymes, which is pretty impressive all these centuries later. How many nursery rhymes do you appear in? Yeah, that’s what we thought. You need to start doing something with your life.
Anyway, in this delightful tune, Mary is addressed first-hand about all of the poor saps she’s sent to the graveyard (her garden). The silver bells refer to instruments of torture that crushed the thumb with the tightening of a screw, and cockleshells were torture devices that were attached to the genitals.
The maids in the final line allude to the newly invented guillotine, which was nicknamed The Maiden.
They called it “The Maiden” because the first moniker, “Captain Choppy,” never caught on.
youve got to be kidding. if thats how you actually interpreted the rhyme about the 3 dudes in a tub you’re seriously damaged
Can I make a word of advice? I do think you have got something great over here. Yet suppose you provided a few links towards a page which supports what you were you mentioned? Or simply you might offer us some extra information to check out, something would link up what exactly you are mentioning, sth concrete?
Hello I am having a difficulty browsing your site, I am having 404 messages pretty frequently, I am not too sure why but once I refresh the page it comes fine.
But Carrie Bradshaw isn’t lonely anymore… lol otherwise I agree. :)