Top Five F**ked Up Nursery Rhymes

Top Five F**ked Up Nursery Rhymes

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The biggest threat to family values may be Mother Goose.
Momlogic's Momstrosity: Nursery rhymes, we've heard them our whole lives -- and we pass down from generation to generation just like hair color and alcoholism. Since almost all families are a little nuts, it's time to put the blame somewhere. Like most of society, we blame mom -- in this case we mean Mother Goose. Why? Because if you listen carefully to the words of the most popular nursery rhymes, you find some really screwed up family dynamics.
	1) Jack Sprat The story: Jack Sprat can't eat fat and his wife can't eat anything else. When they're done eating "They lick their platter clean." What it teaches our kids: One word: Enabling. Obviously, this couple has some serious food issues, and they're NOT helping each other deal. Not to mention, they don't seem to be big sticklers for hygiene since they use their tongues to wash dishes. (Hey Sprats, ever heard of a dishwasher?) We can guess there's no 3-second rule at the Sprat house.
	2) Rub-a-Dub-Dub Three Men in a Tub The story: Three guys hang out in a bathhouse. What this teaches our kids: Anytime you've got three adult men taking a bath together, you got trouble. No, we're not homophobic at momlogic -- we're just curious why the butcher, baker and candlestick maker are all hanging out in a Jacuzzi talking shop. These three dudes aren't exactly role models, unless we're teaching our kids if they want to be a success they've got to be willing to get into bed -- or rather the bath with the local businessmen. Just like daddy.
	3) Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater The story: A guy can't take care of his own wife, so he imprisons her in a pumpkin shell. What it teaches our kids: Women need to be taken care of by men, and we're in a recession. Peter is obviously having a bad year as a professional 'Pumpkin Eater' and might have got himself into a bad mortgage. Now he has no place to "keep" his wife -- probably because she wants to leave him for a guy with a better job, like let's say, a 'Pumpkin Seller.'
	4) Georgie Porgie The Story: A kid named Georgie runs around freaking out girls by trying to kiss them. What it teaches our kids: Nothing good. Although Georgie Porgie does show some remorse because, "When the boys came out to play" he high-tails it out of there. But it doesn't erase his aggressive, anti-social behavioral problems. It seems to us the Porgie family ought to seriously consider some sort of therapy, or later in life, Georgie might end up on To Catch a Predator. Just sayin'.
	5) Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe The story: Woman lives in a giant shoe, so overwhelmed by the amount of kids she popped out that she can't feed them and "then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed." What it teaches our kids: Here's what it doesn't teach them: Family planning. Plus, how it's OK for this woman to starve and beat her kids without being hauled away by Child Services? This one might be the saddest most disturbing nursery rhyme of all time. Oh, and here's yet another negative: if your little girl is into "The Old Woman in The Shoe" for the footwear, she might end up as a lonely shoe-obsessed woman just like Carrie Bradshaw.
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But Carrie Bradshaw isn’t lonely anymore… lol otherwise I agree. :)

- Jen E

Posted 06/18/08 01:38 PM

This is hilarious. “Anytime you’ve got three adult men taking a bath together, you got trouble.” so funny.

- cmj

Posted 06/18/08 01:49 PM

I think all nursery rhymes are creepy. I stopped reading them to my kids. They’re not missing out on anything by not hearing stories of jack and jill bashing their heads falling down a hill.

- Tonyamama

Posted 06/18/08 01:50 PM

C’mon, reviewing nursery rhymes that were written sometime in the 1800’s?! Like anything else, a parent should be responsible for what their child reads, watches, plays with, etc.. If you take these nursery rhymes to heart for exactly what they say, of course the message is not exactly ‘2008’. I love reading Mother Goose to my daughter. They’re classic and she thinks they’re funny. If and when she questions them for any reason, I’ll explain them to her. Basic and responsible parenting.

- Elizabeth

Posted 06/18/08 01:53 PM

we have a book of rhymes that I find myself skipping half of! how bout the guy with the crooked leg who they throw down the stairs! I’m all for old school but poor humpty dumpty… was there really NOTHING they could do to help him?

- Megan

Posted 06/18/08 02:25 PM

Think back to old fairy tales too! The brothers Grimm who wrote Grimms fairy tales were sick! The original Cinderella has the wicked stepsisters cutting off toes to get their feet into the slipper, and the stepmothers eyes get pecked out by a crow! Talk about creepy…

- Laura

Posted 06/18/08 08:00 PM

Haha, overreacting much? You should have read some of the german fairy tales I managed to get my hands on when I was little; little sucka thumb might given you a heart attack if you think a nonsense poem about three men going to sea in a tub is indecent.

- Anonymous

Posted 07/15/08 05:20 AM

I fully agree with Elizabeth. Come on now, ladies (& gentlemen…if you’re reading this, too)isn’t life complicated enough? Why take something so innocent and simple as nursery rhymes and make them an issue? It is what it is…they are what they are. These stories are strictly meant for entertainment purposes; not to make political statements or freighten your children.

- TMD

Posted 08/22/08 10:34 PM

This is too funny. I’ve never been a fan of nursery rhymes, but I won’t be able to read them the same anymore. I actually wrote an article on my site about your take on nursery rhymes, and directed my readers here. It’s too great not to share!

- jana lynch

Posted 02/10/09 07:54 PM

just read really good

- carol

Posted 02/21/09 12:26 PM

They are nursery rhymes for god sake. Family planning? Anti-social behavioural problems? Thank God my Mum wasn’t like this or else my siblings and I certainly wouldn’t have turned out normal. I agree, stop making nursery rhymes such an issue, get a life and stop being an over-protective mother because your kids will not thank you for it in the long run.

- Anonymous

Posted 06/29/09 06:25 AM

I can’t tell you how I laughed and cried at the same observations! I won’t even read my kids “Old Woman in the Shoe”. Why would she beat them soundly and send them to bed? They were probably just being kids.

- Paula

Posted 08/24/09 07:08 PM

Have you read the Owl and the Pussycat??

- Jamie

Posted 10/12/09 11:13 AM