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Who's Sleeping with Your Husband?

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The other woman wants you to know--your husband is cheating and she's loving it. Find out why.

It feels like an epidemic. From politicians sleeping with high-priced prostitutes, the cover of New York magazine revealing The Secret Lives of Married Men and recent allegations in Vanity Fair magazine that former president Clinton had an affair with actress Gina Gershon, we're constantly being bombarded with reports about infidelity.

Research shows up to 60% of men will have affairs while they're married. That's 3 out of 5! What drives them to do it, and what can we do to make sure it doesn't happen to us?

We went straight to the source to uncover the real story about why our husbands are cheating. You'll hear from four self-proclaimed mistresses and a loud and proud prostitute as they reveal why our husbands are turning to them for sex and companionship. No woman expects her husband will be the one who cheats. But the odds aren't in your favor. Find out why, how you can tell, and what you can do if it's happening to you. 

Have you ever wondered what married men tell their mistresses about you and why they're cheating?

Find out what your husband tells HER about YOU and what you can do to affair-proof your marriage right NOW. Click on part 2 below.

Take our Sex, Lies and Cheating Poll.


Click here to see the Hollywood's Rumored 'Other Women' Gallery.

About the Experts...
spacer dr shannon fox
Shannon Fox is a licensed family therapist in Los Angeles and a mother of three.
  rabbi sherre hirsch
Rabbi Sherre Hirsch is a mother of three and the author of We Plan, God Laughs, and offers non-denominational spiritual advice.


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222 comments so far | Post a comment now
diane June 4, 2008, 1:30 AM

What’s all the talk about wives not wanting to have oral sex? If men treated their wives the way they treated their mistresses, they would get all the oral sex they wanted!

Anonymous June 4, 2008, 1:30 AM

After reading all these comments, I think there is one important thing we all need to remember. Men are not the only ones who need to be kept satisfied in the bedroom. It kind of makes me sick reading “if women kept having sex…if women met their mans needs.” Please, I have needs too. Don’t sleep guys!! Women have the same opportunity to go find men who will fulfill their needs :)

Phippers June 4, 2008, 1:48 AM

After reading these comments, I can’t help but wonder why there are some straight homophobes that want to keep gays from marrying, because why? Oh, that’s right, marriage is an institution…. It’s an institution alright - a mental institution.

BJ June 4, 2008, 1:49 AM

I have been married for 27 years and am now finding out my Husband has been cheating for the majority of the 27 years. He tells his friends and myself that he loves me. I find it hard to believe since it’s been going on so long. All of the women are much older than I am. I am attractive and have raised four children while he was out on the road driving accross country cheating in just about every state, while I’m at home. There is no excuse for cheating when you are married.

jaybird789 June 4, 2008, 1:50 AM

It has nothing to do with material things…You can shower a wife with romance and presents and make her feel like she is the only woman in the world and its still not enough…They believe in being treated nice and sweetly..But when it comes to a mans needs most woman are selfish…So men find that specail woman without even trying it just happens…And its always a woman looking for the same thing he is and it becomes a perfect match..Sorry grumpy wifes but men will get bored real fast as you would in a cold stale takes two to tango

wendy June 4, 2008, 1:52 AM

I’m a married woman..and I’ve been having an affair with a man on and off for about 10 years.We even have a son together who is 8..He knows who his son is and everything that goes on in his life..when we first me he was married and I wasn’t..then he divorced and I remarried first husband. He has a girlfriend now and still we can’t stop our affair…I never want to either. Patrick is a great friend and lover..sorry debrakay…I hope you never find out so I can keep him:)

Anne June 4, 2008, 1:55 AM

Go ahead and have your mistresses but know this…While your out catting around your wives are out getting serviced by other men! Wives have sooo much pent up sexual energy/frustration we’re willing to share it with someone who might actually pay attention to OUR NEEDS!!! So, we’re happy to hear your working late at the office. It’s a two way street baby…. Besides, you mistresses think wives don’t know about you? We always know! And we’ll always come out on top whether he stays or goes. Because if he stays, you will always be second to his family, holidays, and work. So, what if he buys you trinkets or gives you money. It’s just to pacify you so he keeps getting what he wants from you. If he goes, we will get half of everything and then some. And if you end up together you will ALWAYS remember how you got ‘em. It will sit in the back of your mind every time he’s late and uncounted for. Oh, and if they have children together… forget it. We’ll always be in the picture. Besides, if all your worth is OUR sloppy seconds then sloppy seconds you shall have. Check-Mate!

wife June 4, 2008, 2:03 AM

To the smug mistress…are you so sure you are satisfying him? Remember, he is a liar and so are you. Neither of you have one ounce of integrity so how would you know? Oh wait, he tells you so. And he would never do anything behind your back…are you stupid as well as devoid of a clue?

Lurking June 4, 2008, 2:15 AM

Having been both cheated on and then having an affair with a married man, I’ve been on both sides of the fence. When my now ex-husband cheated on me, I was hot, attractive, educated, successful, had a great paying job, supported him, was a tiger in bed, never said no to ANYTHING, and yet he still strayed. I was his meal ticket, and he still blew it - probably in some way to put us on an even playing field since I was out-earning him by at least a factor of 3.

In turn, I embarked on an affair - figuring “strictly physical, no strings attached”. I even informed him I didn’t want to fall in love, and his answer was NO WAY. My self esteem was in the toilet, I frankly didn’t think I *deserved* anything other than just a roll in the hay - most men would jump at the opportunity, but I was lucky he didn’t. And yes, he was hot, still is, it was what attracted me to him initially, but his heart & soul is what I fell in love with.

His reason for having the affair with me? The usual cliche - his wife REFUSED to have sex, wouldn’t dare perform oral, refused to discuss her lack of desire with her doctor because it was “embarassing” and “none of her business”. We’re not talking a sex once a month wife - it was sex once a year if they were lucky. Nothing in common, she did her thing on the weekends with her old high school buddies (she was in her 40’s at the time - we’re not talking a young woman just out of college that is still in the clique with her school pals), while he was alone. He was sexually & emotionally starving.

Within the course of a year, both he and I divorced our respective spouses and married each other. Our marriages were long dead, our affair was the push we both needed to end what we should have ended long before we met each other. Of course we “left our spouses for each other”, but the truth is we would have left our spouses eventually even if we’d never met.

We now have three beautiful children, and are sincerely the best of friends. We both know exactly what drove us to each other, and both make sure we communicate 100% to prevent anything happening in our marriage to each other. Therapy/counseling, self-examination, and a healthy dose of remorse before we even got married brought us both to the point where we are willing & able to work as hard as we must in order to “affair proof” our marriage. Would it be karma if he cheated on me in the end? Probably - but I’m going to damned well do everything in my power to make sure it never gets to that point.

Donald W. Williams June 4, 2008, 2:25 AM

Boredom, lack of attention are problems we will all encounter in our marriage at one time or another. However that are good reasons for infidility to your mate. I think it boils down to a lack of respect for your mate, lack of commitment to your marriage, and a lack of disicipline within the individual to remain faithful. We all feel neglected and bored at times, but we should reamin faithful to our commitment to each other. Let’s see, sickess and health, richer or poorer, till death due us part. To me that says, in everything, in everyway, all day everyday, I am to be faithful to my spouse no matter what. I think God intended it to be thus and so. Believe me, I am not free from temptation, but my spouse is more important. She is my responsibility.

Jai June 4, 2008, 2:58 AM

I was involved with an older man who was “legally separated” from his wife, who said he loved me and whose wife knew of me. Then, when I got a little too close and wanted to be Number 1, he found someone else and cheated on me! Funny, how I thought he was cheating on me when in actuality I was also part of the “cheating” plan he had with his wife.

For several years I tried to justify my relationship:
- He loves me
- He is separated
- He is going to leave her
- I can wait until he divorces her
- I was also his best friend so we were bound to be together for he doesn’t open to his wife like he does with me.
- Finally, although he was a long lasting cheater for several years, he couldn’t possibly do that to me!

Yet, he still took vacations with her, worked on the house, paid all the bills, spent money on her, etc…. Was I crazy or what?

I finally woke up when he told me that he wasn’t going to marry me and was involved with someone else. Actually, he didn’t tell me about the other woman, I just knew it was happening. I also found out that my father was also a cheater.

I can’t speak for anyone else but I can say that at that time I was responsible for my actions. I was emotionally depraved and lacked self confidence to move on and demand a more loving relationship. It was easier for me to justify and accept his limitations than to face my situation and get involved with someone who could provide a true loving relationship.

I thought him being “legally separated” was good enough but in reality, he was still married with single “benefits”.

I didn’t realize how bad I had it until I became involved with someone who loved me and I became Number 1.

I do believe that both women and men are capable of cheating on their spouses for various reasons. I also believe that both women and men can justify it in any way to make it right in their mind. And as a past participant, I can honestly say that it never felt right no matter how much I tried to make it right in my head.

GC June 4, 2008, 3:07 AM

….sorry no offense guys…’Stroking’ was not meant as a bad thing…for me it means to appreciate genuinely…love, kiss…touch…up first to make coffee…ohhhh oops that’s what he does for me…in turn he gets back goodies…treat each other well…

GC June 4, 2008, 3:10 AM

Brian…if you get divorced, call me.

Tai June 4, 2008, 3:22 AM

I am 23 and reading these posts have only further shown me that getting married is not a feasible thing anymore. Maybe I’m becoming a cynic, but why on earth would you want to marry someone when everyone here “thought” they could trust their partner? It ended up being a lie from the beginning. I have only read 3 posts from people who are in monotonous relationships and have never cheated. That’s downright appalling. Who cares if men cheat more or if women are the ones who do….BOTH men and women are ruining the sanctity of marriage. People need to step back and seriously reevaluate their values and self-worth.

disgusted 1 June 4, 2008, 3:26 AM

Vanessa June 4, 2008, 3:32 AM

Marriage was more respected in our grandparents era. They knew how to keep the relationship alive through a more meaningful soulful connection.

In today’s society, there is always options for both parties. 80% of searches on internet is related to sex and dating. There are even dating sites for the coupled, to date other attached individuals. Whatever happened to the sancity of a relationship?

Everyone knows they have options. As long as the men and women are willing to be with the married individuals, there is no guarantee a marriage will ever be saved.

These people who acknowledge they love being in the relationship with married men, lack self esteem and the respect for themselves.

The percentage of marriages are even higher for 2nd marriages. Be smart. Don’t marry the person you had affair with.

Jamie June 4, 2008, 4:03 AM

What happened to my post?

Stan June 4, 2008, 4:10 AM

I read these comments with interest. AS my spouse says, you can justify anything and most of you did. You ran the spectrum to justify your cheating, explain your spouses, and even as far as justifying differing sexual preferences.

Love is work. Love is preferring the other person. Our society has made it a national past time to avoid work and get rich quick. Evertyhing is instant. We don’t work at fixing things any more instead we replace them with new things.

We enter love and marriage with the attitude if it doesn’t meet our standards then we try others inside our outside or marriage.

We have justified the destruction of absolute values of any kind. Why? Because if there is one God, one son of God, and one Holy Spirit then there has to be a right way to love and live and another way.

It is easy and available because we want it to be that way. It justifies our actions. It is never our choice but someone elses fault. We have become a bunch of babies who never grow an do the right thing because the right thing is what we want to satisfy our craving at that instant.

You can justify and we do and then wonder why? Go figure!

Gary June 4, 2008, 4:14 AM

If most people married for the right reasons, we wouldnt have all the affairs. To many marry because of pressure, money, security, sex..etc. Most of us dont have the guts, or the patience to wait for someone we really think is right for us. If you date for a time and dont get marriage, then you’re gay. I could go on and on. And these young kids…I feel sorry for them. What a world there being brought up in. Half on medications or drugs and have no respect for anything. Because thats what they see. I would tell young girls today, as well as boys, to take your time and earn the trust of the person your seeing or dating before you jump in the sack or decide..Hey,lets get married. And women stand to lose more by messing around. Let alone being slandered, you stand to maybe get pregnant and end up raising the child on your own, with no money help or emoitional help at all. And mess up the road for your own life. Not worth it lady’s. Tease goes a long way. When you been with each other for awhile, and they show that there ready to take on the responsibilities of life, then you know you have something. Until that time ever comes for you, it’s a searching and waiting game. And sometimes it takes a lifetime.

Dennis the Menace! June 4, 2008, 4:17 AM

I married a cheating women because I wanted the women to bear my child. Her husband spent more time with his Ham radio than her. I was a divorced well off 35 yo satisfied bachelor living in Hawaii. After 2 years of only being around each other on a limited basis we spent one night talking in the parking lot where she worked. When the sun came up we both knew there was something between us. After the one night she spent with me she asked if she could return. I said “Anytime” the key is under the flower pot. At 4:00 pm that day she returned with her German Sheppard/Wolf mix dog & 5 suitcases. Off we went on the adventure of our lives. We had a son the second year of our marriage and even given both of our faults we managed to overcome any & all obstacles before us. In 1990 I was asked to go to Desert Storm to clean up a total mess. She supported me 110% and endured month’s of hardships working and being a father & mother. Even given the cute & loose females I worked with she trusted me. In the midst of War I made an error and thought my life was over, it was not so much a mistake as it was the self satisfying act between two soldiers (a she)! After returning I assumed it was a forgotten affair. The female persisted in calling me late at night. Even after answering the phone for month’s in bed next to the women I betrayed she never said anything, but continued to love me as before. Its something that will never leave my memoir and I’ve learned to live with it. After 21 years of marriage she got up one Saturday morning, made a 7 course breakfast, put it in several longaberger baskets and loaded up her car. Our son got up and said it was great Mom made us a beautiful breakfast (he was home from college). She left and returned 10 hours later. She had gone to a co-workers (male) house and had her own fling. Knowing this and my own error, I said nothing but continued to provide her support & love as she had me before. Last week (4 years later) she told me that if I died she wanted to die also because she couldn’t live without me and I told her the same. The moral, marriage is a two way street and crap happens in your life. But, true love will always prevail if you have the insight not to make the same mistake twice. Tonight we made plans to go back to Hawaii for our 25th Anniversary. If 2 people make mistakes you can recover! Does she cheat now or do I? One never knows for sure except I know this male will never stray again and I’ve turned down more beautiful women than most ten men have had in a lifetime. Marriage is not all sex….I’d say its down the list around number 3 or 4! But she’ll always be the number one to me! Infidelity will live on forever as long as humans are around! All her girlfriends (younger & HOT!) know I am for real and tell her that if she doesn’t want me they’ll take me in a heart beat because they have attempted to get me to be unfaithful…I won’t!!!
True love doesn’t fade, but the hurt caused by straying can destroy a marriage if your love is weak and you have no forgiveness . Happy & Content with the one women who truly loves me!!! It seldom gets any better than that for someone who learned the hard way to refrain from putting his hand into the open cookie jar that doesn’t belong to him!!!

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