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Who's Sleeping with Your Husband? Part 2

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Why are our husbands risking marriage and family for sex with them?

In Part 1 of our MomLogic Investigation, we spoke to 5 women who all admit to sleeping with married men. Some do it for the money and some do it for the thrills...but all of them admit that they never even consider their lovers' wives and children sitting at home.

But what exactly is it that makes men willing to risk it all for a romp in the hay? All of the "other women" we spoke to agreed that there is at least ONE thing that we can do to help fight infidelity in our marriages.

Coming you can tell if your husband is cheating and what can you do if he is. Momlogic went straight to the "other women" for advice on how to catch a cheating hubby and what you can do to keep it from happening in the first place. This could save your marriage!

Take our Sex, Lies and Cheating Poll


Click here to see the Hollywood's Rumored 'Other Women' Gallery.

About the Experts...
spacer dr shannon fox
Shannon Fox is a licensed family therapist in Los Angeles and a mother of three.
  rabbi sherre hirsch
Rabbi Sherre Hirsch is a mother of three and the author of We Plan, God Laughs, and offers non-denominational spiritual advice.


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125 comments so far | Post a comment now
Bp June 3, 2008, 9:42 PM

I trusted my husband that was a mistake.
He took time he could of spent with his children and ran around. I was blind for years than I got STD’s.

Anywoman June 3, 2008, 9:44 PM

I found out my husband was cheating. i knew for a while before, but I never asked. Then one day I did and he admitted. I don’t what hurt must, him doing it or finding out that her significant other was doing it to her so it was ok to do it to someone else. She was also the parent of a child in the school our children went to. If they are going to do it, they will meet someone anywhere. I came home after a few days and very calmly asked what he wanted. He said me, our life etc. It’s been a fw years since then but to this day I do not and cannot trust him like I used to. Is he up to it again, who knows, chances are very good he is. But I look at it this way, I found out last time I’ll find out again. I’ve also learned that I dont need to know, to find out, if that’s what I think then it’s only up to me to decide what to do. I may still. It’s never the same and it can’t be. The resentment it causes and the hurt involved caused by someone who you’ve given a massive amount of trust is unreal. You want to leave, leave like a man, end things as best as possible and not cause more hurt than needed. If you;re cheating, you dont want to be there in first place. I think most only end up staying because of financial interests.

Lisa June 3, 2008, 9:47 PM

It’s so easy for people to judge. You sleep with a married man, you are evil; you are a homewrecker. But look closely at your lives. There are people you know, and people you love, who have done this. Maybe not out of spite, not setting out to hurt anyone, but still their heart gets the best of them and they make that choice; they cross that line.
It might be your sister, your best friend, a cousin, a cherished aunt, maybe even a daughter. It might be someone you know and someone you love with all your heart, who is giving and kind and wonderful to everyone she knows and loves, about whom everyone wonders, “Why is she still single? Why hasn’t anyone snatched her up?” You may not even realize it, because that part of her life might be the one secret she is so ashamed to tell, so she lives it alone. She experiences joy and love and laughter with him, with someone else’s husband, but never doubt she feels solitude and loneliness.
Yet she loves him and she stays, giving up so much of her own life and her own future, because as it was once said, ‘love has its reason, of which reason knows nothing.’
Before you judge.. look at those around you. Someone you love, someone you think the world of, may have crossed that line. Not with malice, or even intent. But still, there she is.. with someone else’s husband.. In love, yet so alone.
I know her well. Because I am her.

Angie June 3, 2008, 9:53 PM

I was married 25 years to my soul mate. He cheated a couple of times that I know about. There was no doubt that he loved me. I never questioned that. He liked the excitement of something new and strange. He even told one he had an affair with, that he would never leave me and she had to deal with that. Before his unexpected death, I had an affair and it devastated him. It was OK for him to cheat but not OK for me. “How could I do that to him”, he asked? It works both ways. Doesn’t change the fact that I loved him, I was just curious!

Anonymous June 3, 2008, 9:55 PM

lisa……….you deserve to be her….alone on holidays etc. You are perpetrating a misdeed on another person/family and whatever story “he” has told you, you accept so willingly because ultimately you are a victim of your own choosing. Literally. Choose someone else who is available and start a life instead of laying waste to yours and others around you. By the way, I speak from what I know, as I have been in your position too. I cose to move on and regain my self respect. Stop your “but I love him” whining as an excuse for your own bad behaviour and get a clue.

Ashley June 3, 2008, 10:00 PM

Good luck to those women trying to have an affair with my husband. They wont get no presents, dinners exc. I trust my husband fully as he trusts me. Thats all that I need.

Anonymous June 3, 2008, 10:04 PM

well it takes 2 to tango, the guy wouldnt cheat if the women didnt tempt… and women cheat to and its all ok… it doesnt make it right either way so why even get married anyhow

its not like they really love the person they marry they just dont want to be alone anymore

amanda June 3, 2008, 10:05 PM

All the reasons here for cheating are emotional and real, but it is still wrong. Marriage is hard, a lot of the times,but it is still wrong to cheat. My marriage is not good, but I would never cheat.

Bruce Leroy June 3, 2008, 10:17 PM

My wife and I have been married for 22 years.
During our 2nd year together, we were approached by a couple we were friends with, about having sex with them.
We talked it out openly, and tried it.
It was quite satisfying, but a bit strange, due to the other couple being old friends.
A child by a previous marriage moved in with us, so we put this idea on a back burner until he was grown and gone (didn’t want to get caught and have to explain what we were doing).
We’ve been “playing” with other couples that we’re BOTH attracted to, for about 6 years now(ALWAYS together, AND safe sex only!)and our sex life together is great.
We both know, that because of the openness we share about this, there is a 0% chance of either of us “cheating”, why would we?
It’s definitely NOT for every couple, BUT those out there that want to experiment,TOGETHER, and without jealousy, may just find a mutually satisfying outlet.

Been on both sides... June 3, 2008, 10:27 PM

When I was young (19) and stationed overseas, I got involved with a man who ended up being married (she wasn’t there…he lied good)…I felt horrible, especially because it was well over a year and after ‘falling in love’ that someone in our unit told me. I lived with that guilt for years then at the age of 28 married a guy who treated me like a queen…4 yrs into our marriage I discovered he’d been cheating for the majority of our marriage…I never suspected anything. I’m 43 now and still single, and have talked with many men and women who have cheated on their spouses. The main common denomonator seems to be their own insecurity…there are always excuses and blame being put on the wounded partner, but it seems that most cheaters are seeking thrill,to see if they ‘still have it’, and longing for their egos to be fed. I believe it’s setting ourselves up for disappointment to have expectations of our partners…it’s more about what we expect of ourselves and finding that someone who’s expectations of themselves match up with our own. The bottom line is that ‘cheaters’ are too gutless to remove themselves from their relationships/marriages before they seek out someone new, thus destroying the integrity that people should have. Animals move from mate to mate to secure strong bloodlines…cheaters weaken the human bond through their selfishness, instilling mistrust in their children….it’s too bad that ‘THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTRY’ is not a punishable crime in our society…

A June 3, 2008, 10:29 PM

Get over the jealousy and anger. let your prtner have their fling and wish them well. There’s some itch they need to scratch. Why should you stand in their way, or they in yours? if your committed a little sexual adventure on the side should be a source of joy and entertainment for both of you. The best thing that happened for our marriage was my wife finding out about :#2”, and deciding it wasn’t worth fighting or being upset over. For her it was outsourcing the sex she didnt like to a third world country.

anonymous June 3, 2008, 10:34 PM

My husband had an affair. Before the affair I would have never even looked at another man. The affair was 12 years ago I had several affairs some with married men some with single men all knew I was married. My last affair was 4 years ago and the only one my husband was aware of. In the end we forgave each other and have a stronger marriage. We never take each other for granted and work to keep the other happy. I do not regret having any of my affairs but know I never would have if he had been faithful.

anonymous June 3, 2008, 10:34 PM

In my first marriage my husband cheated on me and ironically he and his wife whom he cheated with are very amicable. It does not take the pain that I and the children suffered through in the beginning. But now she has what I had to put up with and Im not so sure the grass is greener for them. Plus Karma dealt them with a handicap child but we made it work for the sake of the children and forgiveness is truly for yourself and the ones whom love you but does not come overnight. In my second marriage, I would never have dreamt of him the cheating type but he did with our nanny. He will pay and she will and I do not need to waste my time with wishing them evil things. Justice works out no matter what. Remember you do not have to divorce bc of an affair but if the are not repentive then you are wasting your time. Both husbands werent but I have a better life now and incredible children

anonymous June 3, 2008, 10:35 PM

I never thought I would cheat on my husband,ever… I was not brought up that way. But I befriended a man that I worked with, who was also married ..we talked about our lives, our dreams, just anything…and a year later…we crossed the line…it was not planned it just happened…after 8 months we decided it was too hard and stopped seeing eachother that way. I have been in counseling wondering why I have done this…my husband is a great person, but we don’t talk to eachother, deep talks, share our dreams or concerns. I take care of the finances while he spends the money. I am the one who tries to be intimate with him, only to be rejected. We have went a year or more without having sex. He doesn’t kiss me. I even asked him if he was gay or bi.. I would accept that rather than think that there is somethign wrong with me…we tried counseling but he didn’t open up there…I almost left him.. but stay for the kids…it has been 6 years since my affair..I still feel guilty.. but all I have now are the memories I have of being with my lover and remember how he made me feel. Maybe someday I will be strong enough to make changes but for now I stay for the kids.. and just accept that I live with a roommate, not a life partner. I have accepted that as a 38 year old woman… I may never have sex again…(this is not an exageration)This is not how I thought marriage would be. I know it is hard and work, but both have to be willing to be a team…I am not quick to judge anymore….

jean June 3, 2008, 10:37 PM

Jean, it sounds like you deserve better, but I understand you love him. It sounds to me like he doesn’t love himself very much to be able and devote what he should to showing you love and realizing he too needs to keep you happy and interested. I feel for your situation & i’m sure it’s difficult, because you want him to be a part of your happy times & enjoy them with you and it seems he’s just pissing time away and doesn’t realize what he has with you. If he ever strayed, trust me, he’d only be fooling himself temporarily & end up doing the same to someone else. I don’t think its your looks, age or weight. I think he’s got his own insecurities & he knows you love him unconditionally, if he ever thought to stray it would be for a sense of security that he could get someone & he’d be stupid. I know how his actions make you feel though. Just know, he’s not like that because of anything about YOU, it’s him with the problem.

villanova June 3, 2008, 10:40 PM

Cheating under any circumstances is a cowardly thing to do, and I find many of the justifications offered in this article nauseating. A wife is under no obligation to please her husband all the time, to be a best friend and mother and sex goddess and beauty and great cook and maid 24/7. Implying that in order to stop your husband from cheating you should be killing yourself to fulfill all of his ideals is just degrading. A man who wants to cheat is going to cheat no matter what you do, and I am so tired of people always blaming the wife for not being ‘enough.’ What about the husband? What about a man who is too much of a wimp to make a serious decision about his life, to decide whether he wants to stay in his marriage or not? The honorable thing to do, if you are having doubts about a relationship, is to end it first and show some respect for your spouse, not to have an affair first and think about whether you miss your wife later.

Kathy June 3, 2008, 10:41 PM

AM a cheater , am also a woman… I have been with my husband for ten years. We have three great kids that we both Love very much, we both work outside the home.. I guess am here to say that some of us don’t go looking to cheat am not going to say it just happens but i wasn’t and still not happy in my marriage and yes I have talk about divorce with him many time but he seem to think that the marriage is fine or if we work harder at it then it will get better. But his job has always come first with him even after we had the kids, his job has him working late hours and on his days off he just doesnt want to be bugged he says. am not here to say that cheating is ok because it’s not. i just want people to know that sometimes you just find something outside the marriage that your not getting from home and to let the men know that it’s just as easy for a wife to look else where if you start to take her for granted… i just want people to know not all of us are bad, hateful people.

JB June 3, 2008, 10:49 PM

Poor bimbo women that aren’t good enough to get a man full time and keep him have to settle for other women’s men. Sad…pathetic.
They act like they like it, but they want a husband and home life…but not good enough quality of a woman to get it. Karma….they will always be lonely..they will grow old…alone…and their cheating lovers will either be alone too or with anoher newer woman.

Lor June 3, 2008, 10:49 PM

flowers2b is right, it’s all about communication. TALK about your sexual expectations. I think everyone just thinks these things are understood but if you cannot, will not accept an affair let them know so that they understand what they’re gambling when they’re tempted. If you are one of those people who don’t feel the need to own your spouse and understand the difference between the bodily function of sex and the emotional response called love that too should be discussed and rules set up.

Rita June 3, 2008, 10:54 PM

I have read through the many comments. I have never been married but I have had 2 relationships with married men. Both relationships started out where I was unaware that they were married (one guy was separated from his wife while the other one just neglected to tell me and I discovered this 10 months after we started seeing each other). I understand that when you invest time in someone it is difficult to “break away” all of a sudden. It took me four years to leave the man after I discovered he was married…of course this occured after, “baby, just give me six months and I will leave, or it’s just not time yet, she depends on me”. While the whole time he is leaving her at home on the weekend, he is lavishing me with nice things and spending time with MY family. I finally woke up and realized that I was in “la la” land and playing the fool because he would never leave as long as I allowed him to string me alone. If he really loved me and was in such a bad situation (as he claimed) he would have gotten out before luring me into his life. The other man actually did get divorced (was separated at our meeting…but didn’t even tell me). It dawned on me that someone who lied to me about being separted could never be the man that I deserve. Our foundation was built on a lie which never makes for a solid relationship. I don’t want to be be someone’s “option”. When I realized all that I had to offer a single man, and realized MY WORTH…I never settled for a married man! I think that it just takes some of us longer than others to “wake up”. I wasn’t inloved with the kind of man that left me alone during holidays, he was right there with me, but I could never let go of the fact that while he is with me, his wife is at home wondering where he is. It only would have been a matter of time that I would be in her shoes and I just couldn’t allow that. So for everyone that think having affairs is “cute”, it’s not. It always ends ugly and someone gets hurt. It’s soooo not worth it.

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