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Who's Sleeping with Your Husband? Part 2

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Why are our husbands risking marriage and family for sex with them?

In Part 1 of our MomLogic Investigation, we spoke to 5 women who all admit to sleeping with married men. Some do it for the money and some do it for the thrills...but all of them admit that they never even consider their lovers' wives and children sitting at home.

But what exactly is it that makes men willing to risk it all for a romp in the hay? All of the "other women" we spoke to agreed that there is at least ONE thing that we can do to help fight infidelity in our marriages.



Coming tomorrow...how you can tell if your husband is cheating and what can you do if he is. Momlogic went straight to the "other women" for advice on how to catch a cheating hubby and what you can do to keep it from happening in the first place. This could save your marriage!

Take our Sex, Lies and Cheating Poll

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Click here to see the Hollywood's Rumored 'Other Women' Gallery.


About the Experts...
spacer dr shannon fox
Shannon Fox is a licensed family therapist in Los Angeles and a mother of three.
  rabbi sherre hirsch
Rabbi Sherre Hirsch is a mother of three and the author of We Plan, God Laughs, and offers non-denominational spiritual advice.

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125 comments so far | Post a comment now
Liz June 3, 2008, 10:59 PM

It’s true that some men seem to have the “cheating gene.” But really, I think it comes down to a deeper psychological issue. Married men who cheat are scared to lose what they have. Sounds ironic, right? The thing is, if they don’t invest themselves fully in one woman or in their family, then they aren’t taking such a risk. By investing some part of themselves in a third party (even it if is just pure sex), they are almost searching for a backup, something else to rely on for happiness, for a thrill, for their own egos. Even though it could destroy their marriages, at the same time, the affair makes them feel more secure. So I guess, in the end, what it really comes down to is that people who cheat are afraid of the risk and vulnerability that comes with total commitment.

Annonymous June 3, 2008, 11:00 PM

Lisa and Jennifer T, you need therapy. You think it’s unrealistic to expect a husband to not cheat? What kind of derranged marriage do you have? Marriage is a commitment of the mind, body and soul. Does anyone remember their vows? For richer or poorer? Good times and bad? ‘Til death do us part? On your wedding day, you don’t vow to be faithful ‘unless I see a hot babe’. You make a sacred commitment to eachother, and both people need to honor it. If you have problems and can’t work it out, get a divorce. Think about all the lives it effects when you decide to cheat. If you truly love someone, why would you even consider being with anyone else? For anything…including sex. It’s a partnership; not a “lease”. You don’t get bored or frustrated with what you have and go get something (or someone) else. And no…you can’t control who you fall in love with, but you can control the decisions you make in life. And if you find out you fell for a married man (or woman), then you need to choose to walk away and not destroy a family. It takes communication, love, respect, and trust to make a marriage work. If neither party can commit to those things, don’t get married in the first place. My husband and I are soulmates. There is nothing that we wouldn’t do for eachother, we complete eachother. That doesn’t mean we won’t have our challenges, but we have devoted ourselves to eachother and we’ll over come anything…without being unfaithful. And to all of you who specifically look for married men (or women), you’re disgusting. Grow up, act like an adult. It honestly makes me sad to think there are people out there willing to cheat on someone (or with someone) and wreck lives. But most of all, to think it’s ok. No matter the reason..the thrill, the perceived lonliness, the effection…whatever, cheating is not ok. And to look for someone who is married is dishonorable, selfish, and morally wrong.

Claudia June 3, 2008, 11:02 PM

Ok, ladies, and some of you men that haven’t a clue on who is cheating, or worse, which ones are turning a “Blind Eye” to your suspictions, grow up and get a life!

You know what the biggest turn off is in a marriage, being forced to take care of someone’s every need other than your childrens. These arcaic ideas and the manipulation of power through guilt and obligation and worse, sex as a tool to serve your own means…or my favorite, start a fight so you can leave. You are not in highschool and if these all ring a bell, you forgot to grow up on your own terms.

Matter of fact, if you checked out this sight at all maybe you should get off the computer and go do something constructive with your marriage. And if your spouse isn’t home, call your mother for some real advise. Sheesh!

So if you really want to know what your husbands say about you to their mistress’, you spend to much time on the computer!

STUBBLETT June 3, 2008, 11:10 PM

MY HUSBAND AND I WERE TOGETHER 12 YRS WITHOUT CHEATING. HE DIED AT 44. I’M 37. THE LOVE OF MY LIFE HOWEVER WAS NOT MY HUSBAND. IT WAS A MAN I HAD KNOW ALL MY ADULT LIFE. WHEN MY HUSBAND DIED. HIS WIFE LEFT HIM AND AFTER 21 YRS OF WANTING AND NEEDING THIS MAN I HAVE HIM. SHE THINKS WE HAVE BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR FOR YEARS THIS IS SO FAR FROM THE TRUTH. I RESPECTED HER IN EVERY WAY. SHE LEFT HIM. WE DID NOT EVEN SEE EACH OTHER FOR MONTHS AFTER SHE LEFT. HE HAS NO CHILDREN. I HAVE 3. WE ARE EXPECTING OUR 1ST CHILD TOGETHER IN DECEMBER. HE WOULD HAVE NEVER LEFT HIS WIFE FOR ME OR ANYONE ELSE. I NEVER THOUGHT LIFE COULD BE SO PERFECT. I LOVE HIM UNCONDITIONALLY AND HE DESERVES IT. SOME WOMAN PUSH THERE HUSBANDS TO CHEAT AND SOME MEN CANT BE PUSHED. I’LL NEVER HAVE TO WORRY.

Anonymous June 3, 2008, 11:14 PM

I believe no one sets out to cheat on their spouse, sometimes it just happens. I was unhappy in my marriage and I cheated with a married man who also was unhappy. Marriage is hard, but especially if you married the wrong person. We were together for 4 years until we both were finally divorced and free to marry each other…that was 13 years ago and I would never, ever consider cheating on him. I honestly feel he is the person I was meant to be with and I know he feels the same way about me. I am sick and tired of people saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”…we have proven that theory wrong. My husband has been approached by several women over the years, trying to entice him further. He proudly displays his wedding band on his left hand and tells them in no uncertain terms “I have all I need at home”. When men hit on me I inform them “sorry, not interested”. I know we are in the minority here, but sometimes it does work out!

CLEOPATRA June 3, 2008, 11:15 PM

I AM A MARRIED WOMAN AND AM CURRENTLY 6 MONTHS PREGNANT AND A STUDENT. MY HUBBY WORKS AND PAYS FOR MOST OF THE BILLS. I CLEAN UP THE HOUSE, COOK, AND PLEASURE MY HUSBAND ALL THE TIME (INCLUDING ORAL). I SAY THIS BECAUSE AMERICAN WOMEN OUT THERE REALLY ARE SPOILED AND TO0 NEEDY. I TAKE MY HUSBAND OUT ON DATES, I RUB HIS LEGS WHEN THEY ARE SORE FROM HIS JOB, AND I TELL HIM HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE HIM EVERYDAY. MEN CRAVE AND NEED THIS TYPE OF ATTENTION NEARLY EVERYDAY TOO. WE BOTH KNOW HOW MUCH THE OTHER LOVES ONE ANOTHER. HE DOESN’T BUY ME NICE THINGS ON JUST HOLIDAYS OR MOTHER’S DAY. HE DOES IT EVERY CHANCE HE GETS. AND I DO THE SAME FOR HIM. SO ALL YOU WOMEN OUT THERE WHO FEEL LIKE YOU CAN JUST LET YOURSELF GO BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED, AND THAT HE DOESN’T DESERVE PLEASURES FROM YOU, THEN YEAH YOU DESERVE TO GET CHEATED ON. THAT’S THE HARSH REALITY.

John June 3, 2008, 11:20 PM

I have been married for 13 yrs. My wife and I have been together for 20. I love my wife dearly, and would do anything for her. But if you want to know the main thing that makes a guy cheat? It’s when he is not getting satisfaction at home. I don’t mean just not getting any. I mean that you have to keep be open to doing new things. You can’t keep doing the same thing every time, it gets boring. Try to seduce him more often. A guy likes to feel like his wife still wants him. A guy doesn’t like to be the only one chasing in the relationship, they like to be chased a little too. Throw him down every now and then a take it, he’ll love it.

Anonymous June 3, 2008, 11:27 PM

John….absolutely! My husband and I were both married to others when we first met. He might as well have been living with his sister for all the affection and/or sex he was getting at home. He was just a way to pay the bills to her. We have been together now 17 years and when every other guy is talking about his wife, complaining what she doesn’t do at home, my husband just stands there with a big grin on his face. I love him with all my heart and I show him every day of his life how much….and it works both ways. So you women who say you are too tired, the kids will hear, blah, blah blah, no wonder your man goes looking elsewhere. My husband’s ex tried the same thing when he told her he was leaving with “I will love you better”. Hah…what a joke…where was the love during all the years of their marriage. We are still deeply in love after all these years and I would never even think of cheating on him.

Sexy T June 3, 2008, 11:34 PM

My husband and i was married for 14 years. 11 years into the marriage nd i found out he was cheating on me. It hurted me so bad cause i never thought he would do that to me. He also had an outside child by the other woman. I tried to except that but couldn’t. his reason for cheating is that we argured all the time. That wasn’t a good excuse.I think some men cheat because they are so insecure. they are so caught up in the fact that their wife might do it when its them on the other hand.

justice June 3, 2008, 11:36 PM

have been married 27 years. just found out my husband has been cheating four the last 4 yrs. I was very hurt! he is 65 I am 55. VIAGAR IS THE PROBLEM a long with high blood, debited high cholesterol med. he is making a fool of him self and so are many others men I feel so sorry for the older men. shoes women get to laugh at our men, the joke is on them. the other woman get there money or gifts and go have REAL SEX later with a really stiff one ha.

ex mrs.... June 3, 2008, 11:39 PM

How about your husband being GAY and not having the - - - to tell you.Talk about a WHIMP… I figured out what was going on and he told me to learn to live with people.(NOT) I am not living with him any more…..what a poor excuse for a family man……or woman..which I suspect he became…. He destroyed the marriage and the family hope he rots in hell.

Sean June 3, 2008, 11:39 PM

Man, reading these comments is making me sick. Almost all of you are trying to justify cheating. Guess what - there is NO justification! Break up first, then do whatever you want. Lying about it, that’s about as low as it gets. This is why I will never get married. Nobody.. NOBODY… can be trusted. I am ashamed for all of you.

Cerridwyen June 3, 2008, 11:40 PM

I think that something people are forgetting is that when you are married and have children you have a family. A man or wife doesn’t cheat just on his/her spouse, he/she cheats on his family. The children are home without the parent. Children grow up very quickly. There is so much to lose for all of you.

If you would take half as much time for communication as you do for looking outside your marriage you might actually be surprised at how much you can change. But spouses are not mind readers. They can’t automatically know what you want or desire you have to tell them.

For those that think that it’s more exciting to find whatever outside the bonds of marriage then you are so wrong. There are so many things that you can do inside the marriage bed that you may be missing out on. Be creative. If the husband sees someone he’s attracted to be her for an evening. If the woman wants a rendezvous wiht a stranger meet her at a bar and pick her up. If the romance in your life is missing put it back in. And don’t forget to date. Find someone to watch the kids and go out. Make it a regular thing and prioritize it. This way you both know that the relationship is important.

There are a lot of options that you can have in a relationship. If you aren’t willing to put them there then you aren’t interested in a real marriage and you are certainly missing out on what a real marriage has to offer.

Anonymous June 3, 2008, 11:41 PM

My first marriage was troubled. Among other problems, he cheated on me. We had small children, and so we decided to try to stick it out. It was a long seven years, with no intimacy — mentally, emotionally and physically. I never cheated on him, even during that time.

To me, this is about character. Doing what is *right* even though it is difficult for you. Ultimately, I did decide that I had to leave the marriage, but it was only after we legally separated with an intention of getting divorced that I began dating again.

One of the criteria for me, in a second mate, was a man who had a track record of good character. My husband (we’ve been together 12 years) never cheated during the worst times in his first marriage. It is one of the things I admire about him.

I suspect many people on this board can feel fairly confident that they’d never steal a car, simply because they could, or smash and grab at a jewelry store. Why? Because, hopefully, people have internalized a code of ethics that enables them to do what is right, even as their emotions tell them otherwise. It is not so very different with sex. I don’t think it is unreasonable to expect such a commitment to character in that arena, as well

sexy twin June 3, 2008, 11:42 PM

I have been married now for 10 yeras, and with my husband for 20. He has cheated on me many times. I really get upset when everyone seems to feel that the women is the one who should keep the spark in the relationship. The man should also do things for the woman. I feel that whatever a man did to get his woman, he should continue to do to keep her. It goes both ways.

Shannon June 3, 2008, 11:43 PM

I disagree with some of the women who say “oh I sexually pleasure my husband everyday even oral so I know he wont cheat.” Most of the time cheating occurs when you emotionally connect to someone else because you cannot get that same emotional bond with your spouse. I think keeping things interesting in the bedroom is great, but don’t forget to work on your communication skills.

saha June 3, 2008, 11:48 PM

I have been married for 16 years and tomorrow we have our first divorce hearing because of an affair my huband had with a women 20 years his junior. I didn’t know what to do about the affair once I found them together and I tried to get marriage counseling for us. I did not want to lose my marriage, however, the hurt and deception of an affair is too much to handle. My husband is now living with his women and her two young children. My children are aware of the situation and are all so very confused about their feelings. I don’t know what the outside women is thinking when she gets involved with a married man because I have not had an affair. I never thought I needed someone else’s husband. I have tried to teach my children to never interfer with someone else’s marriage and that they do not need someone else spouse. You must want your marriage. Your marriage must be important to you. There will always be temtation but you must be committed enough to say no. I do not believe that we should never get divorce, but I do believe that we should not committ adultry. This is so hurtful. The deception and humilitation is so painful. However, the outside person does not care about the spouse or the children. It is a very selfish situation.

hla June 3, 2008, 11:54 PM

i just want to tell women out there to read the book “for women only.” there is a subtitle that i know i am going to get wrong, but it is something like inside the inner lives or minds of men.

in all honesty men and women are incredibly different. women expect men to be home but men feel a need to be a provider and many times feel that the way they are providing is through the job that women are complaining takes too much of there time.

more importantly, to men, sex is an emotional and caring thing. it helps them know that they are loved. women don’t always feel that way. not only that, but men can’t help the way they are structured…they have thoughts about sex and the woman they saw dressed in a nice outfit hours before because that is the way there mind works. do they act on it? no, but how many women out there are thinking about the hot guy they saw hours before?

i do not think that cheating is ever justified…i think it often comes from misunderstanding, lack of communication and the fact that we do not understand each other because we are wired differently. but as a female, i honestly think that we need to realize how men think and feel…not to say it shouldn’t be vice versa, but we sure shouldn’t be complaining about our men if we don’t understand where they are coming from.

read the book.

anonymous June 3, 2008, 11:54 PM

I was great friends with the man I am in love with, we have never slept together nor have we had sex (cybersex, yes, but nothing physical). I even moved to another town to prevent anything from happening with him. 10 years later, I am still in love with him and my friends call this an emotional affair. However, he talks to me, listens to me, and I have repeatedly told him to go to counseling. Go to church, do what he has to to save his marriage. Yes, he is still married, but still talks to me contantly about how unhappy he is and he has admitted he has cheated on his wife, he claims that she won’t go to counseling and that he is just staying for the kids. (isn’t that what they all say) Will he continue to cheat on his wife, absolutely. If given an opportunity would I sleep with him, maybe even knowing all of this about him. He has been a good friend for over 10 years, it would be hard not to. It doesn’t matter that I moved to a different town, he still comes to my town on occassion to visit and calls and we go out.

Have I dated other guys, yes, had relationships with other guys, yes, but nothing can change the fact that I love him.

I know a lot of men (via my job) and I have heard a number of stories from them about cheating, why they cheat as well as women in the same situation. The first thing I hear is a lack of sex. The second thing I hear is a lack of communication!!! It is usually in that order. I am not saying that sex solves all of a couples problems, but that seems to be the number one complaint among men. So what’s the answer, heck if I know.

Hmmm June 3, 2008, 11:55 PM

I have had an affair with a married man and I am single. I did it because I was cheated on by a boyfriend and hurt by so many men. I was angry with God and felt like I would just date a married man so at least starting out, I knew there could never be any expectations. Now, I don’t know what to do. I love him and he loves me, but it is clear that he is not leaving his wife and family. Hmmm…what a mess!


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