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Who's Sleeping with Your Husband? Part 2

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Why are our husbands risking marriage and family for sex with them?

In Part 1 of our MomLogic Investigation, we spoke to 5 women who all admit to sleeping with married men. Some do it for the money and some do it for the thrills...but all of them admit that they never even consider their lovers' wives and children sitting at home.

But what exactly is it that makes men willing to risk it all for a romp in the hay? All of the "other women" we spoke to agreed that there is at least ONE thing that we can do to help fight infidelity in our marriages.



Coming tomorrow...how you can tell if your husband is cheating and what can you do if he is. Momlogic went straight to the "other women" for advice on how to catch a cheating hubby and what you can do to keep it from happening in the first place. This could save your marriage!

Take our Sex, Lies and Cheating Poll

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Click here to see the Hollywood's Rumored 'Other Women' Gallery.


About the Experts...
spacer dr shannon fox
Shannon Fox is a licensed family therapist in Los Angeles and a mother of three.
rabbi sherre hirsch
Rabbi Sherre Hirsch is a mother of three and the author of We Plan, God Laughs, and offers non-denominational spiritual advice.

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125 comments so far | Post a comment now
Been There, Done That...Not going there again June 3, 2008, 11:59 PM

HERE ARE THE LYRICS TO A SONG THAT ‘TANK’, AN R&B SINGER PERFORMS THAT REFLECTS THE FEELINGS OF A CHEATING MAN (COULD BE FOR A WOMEN IF THE LYRICS WERE CHANGED)…so bottom line don’t cheat or you will be singing…

Please don’t go
Please don’t go
Oh she found all of the numbers I had in my car
Oh she called all the ones I had marked wit a star
Oh I’m racing over to plead my case
Oh she saw it was me and slammed the door in my face
Fella’s tell me why how come we always doing wrong
Doing’ wrong
How come we can’t keep it home
Keep it home
How come it always ends like this …even though we know that
It ain’t worth telling lie
It ain’t worth seeing you cry
It ain’t worth …that’s why I’m right here begging you to please don’t go cause
It ain’t worth killing a home
It ain’t worth being alone
It ain’t worth that’s why I’m right here begging you to please don’t go baby
Please don’t go
Please don’t go
Please don’t go
Please don’t go
Oh I jeopardized everything I loved
Oh what the hell could I’ve been thinking of
Oh I should have loved you right when I had the chance
Yeah, Yeah
Now you out there lookin for a better man ..fellas why
How come we always doing wrong
How come
How come we can’t keep it home
I don’t know, I don’t know
How come it always ends like this
Even though we know that
It ain’t worth telling lie
It ain’t worth seeing you cry
It ain’t worth that’s why I’m right here begging you to please don’t go cause
It ain’t worth killing a home
It ain’t worth being alone
It ain’t worth that’s why I’m right here begging you to please don’t go, baby
Please don’t go
Please don’t go
Please don’t go
Please don’t go
Oh I’d didn’t think it’d get this bad
Never thought of losing you
Now my heart is beating fast
I’m gonna figure out in my mind what to do find the words to say
Remember when you said that you’d never leave me
I’m steady knockin on the door but you don’t hear me
I can’t let this happen right now
Please don’t take your love girl I know I messed up
It’s a dog on shame
How come we always doing wrong
How come we can’t keep it home
How come it always ends like this even though we know that
It ain’t worth telling lie
It ain’t worth seeing you cry
It ain’t worth …that’s why I’m right here begging you please don’t go cause
It ain’t worth killing a home
It ain’t worth being alone
It ain’t worth
Please don’t go
Please don’t go
Please don’t go
Please don’t go

Woman June 3, 2008, 11:59 PM

I was at one time the other woman. I was also married. I told my husband that I was attracted to the other man and he told me that I should sleep with him. I was astonished. I also told his wife that I found him attractive and she also said that I should sleep with him. They had an open marriage. As time went on she didn’t like the idea of him being with me. He was starting to fall in love with me and I with him. I figured that if my husband didn’t mind my cheating that he must not love me very much and our marriage was not really a marriage at all. I told him what I needed to stay and he wasn’t interested in giving it to me. I also told my lover’s wife what she needed to do to save her marriage and keep her husband and she wasn’t interested. Her reply was “I want what I want and I don’t care what he needs.” I never thought I would be put into that kind of relationship, but the fact is that I did it by choice. We chose to cheat or to stay faithful. We chose to lie or to tell the truth. But one thing I honestly know is that if you are cheating and being dishonest you don’t have a real marriage because you are living a lie. That person that you swear you love you must honestly not care for at all. If you are fooling yourself into thinking that what they don’t know can’t hurt them you are a total fool.

cc June 4, 2008, 12:06 AM

100%- once a cheater always a cheater. Caught my husband of 12 years when I was 7mo pregnant with our 4th child. He asked for forgiveness. Made the promises. We went to therapy, blah blah blah. I’ve worked hard to become the thing he thinks he’s missing. We have sex 5 times a week (oral too). I greet him with a smile regardless of how my day went, get interested about his day, bring him a drink, wear something nice and do my hair and makeup, dress sexy for him, wear costumes, work out, and keep the home, cook and I find out he STILL has phone calls to the same tramp, and denies it. His father still does it to his mother, his brother has done it to each of his wives. I have never cheated on my husband and wont as long as we’re married. He is breaking my heart, my spirit and desire to hold our marriage together. how can a man who claims to not want to lose his family, continue to put it at risk? I dont care how many articles they write. A leopard doesnt change his spots. The men who cheat do it because they can, plain and simple.

Francesca June 4, 2008, 12:08 AM

Cheating can never be okay—ever. It is about one’s self respect and dignity, never mind to their partner. Whatever excuses used, they are just excuses—it all takes work, energy and effort; somethings many people do not want to do—-it’s about instant gratification and that does not work..Walk away, get a divorce, maintain your dignity and self respect, and the sacredness of the vows you took till the end of the union—-too much hurt, pain and destruction come from cheating; families are cheated on and react to the betrayal also..it is a very selfish, self centered childish act to cheat on any level..grown ups do what they do not want to do out of love-changing diapers is not something we look forward to, but we do it out of love….grown ups think through the problems and come up with possible alternative solutions—cheating isn’t one of them. It is whimpy to wait for someone to come along to be the catalyst to leave for—-men and women need to have a pair of balls and do it on their own, make it their own decision, not based on someone elses’.

Samantha June 4, 2008, 12:15 AM

I just wanted to say that most people who cheat are very selfish people.

My fiance’s father cheated on his wife and i know it hurt not only my future mother in law, but also my finace and my future sister in law as well. When people cheat i dont think that they really realize what kind of effects they could be having emotionally on not only thier spouse, but thier children as well. Especially if the children are at an age where they understand what cheating is, it can really ruin thier outlook on thier future relationships. It teaches them that people can’t be trusted.

If you need to cheat, you clearly need to get out of the relationship you are in first. It works out better for everyone in the end.



Annonymous June 4, 2008, 12:17 AM

CC….you need to get out. He obviously doesn’t respect or love you. It’s sad, but true. And don’t ‘stay for the kids’. Staying for them and allowing them to see your dysfunctional marriage will only scar them for life. They will grow up thinking it’s ok to cheat, they will eventually hate their dad for causing you pain, or even hate you for allowing it to continue. File for divorce, get your life together and get a husband who will love you and treat you the way a wife should be treated.

cc June 4, 2008, 12:21 AM

Oh- and to the mistresses who think they have the ‘inside info’ on why my husband (and all the others)cheats: They all say the same thing because thats what gets you girls in the sack quicker.
‘Oh, we dont have sex’
‘My wife wont give me oral’
‘My wife doesnt understand the stress Im under’
‘you understand me better than my wife, we have a connection’
‘We stay together for the kids but there’s really no relationship’
‘We’re going through a tough divorce’
PUH-LEEZ
The women who fall for these lines are just as used and dumb as the wife- but the wife has the house, the car, and the man.

cc June 4, 2008, 12:24 AM

To Anonymous at 12:17
You’re absolutely right.

NN June 4, 2008, 12:45 AM

After listening to the above comments from mistresses, I am left cold. Say what you will, but marriage is both a spiritual and emotional connection. While sex is both an expression of that love and intimacy, it is also a pleasurable act or release. I get that and so do most women.

Having said that, My belief is very simple, if you are going to cheat, then obviously, you are not committed fully to your relationship. And here is a wake up call, marriage isn’t only about sex, late night dinners, and all the fluff. That’s dating. Marriage is a partnership and it is about family, obligations, bills, caring, and all the other damn routine day to day, year to year stuff.

The adage of “grow old with me, the best is yet to be” is based on commitment, caring, intimacy and a real friendship between two people. A bond that carries them through everything involved in marriage and raising a family. Well, it is just too bad if your partner isn’t killing herself after working, cleaning, taking care of the kids, the bills, the lawn, and laundry to dive into a hot rose bath so she can come out smelling like the hottie you married and then jumps into bed to satisfy your ego. Remember, there are many men out there who also aren’t ready to jump in the sack when they are tired. Isn’t that just too bad! Basically, get a grip and grow up. The love is there when you are sick and she makes sure you are cared for, if you lose your job, and she stands firm to support you, when stuff happens and she is by your side.
Right! That’s marriage, partnership, and a real relationship.

Just remember that if you leave your wife to marry one of these mistresses, the romance will be short lived when the laundry, cooking, cleaning, and working kicks in.

I was cheated on in my last marriage and it was no picnic for me, my son, and both sides of the family. So, I agree with the person who said people who cheat are selfish. If things are that bad, then get out of the relatioship and act like a man, not a spoiled brat who can’t have his lollipop.

I am in a committed relationship now with someone who was also cheated on. We have a very strong bond and level of trust. That’s the key. When the trust is broken, it is extremely difficult to bring it back completely. Imagine putting a broken crystal vase back together. It is never the same as it was, is it?

shazel June 4, 2008, 1:05 AM

People cheat becausen they have no values and their moral compass is broken.They also feel no remorse because their original family behave the same way and condone their behavior. Get this my former in laws allowed my ex to visit his mother,s home with his girl friend and her spouse. All parties were married at the time. Thank goodness it didn,t end in tragedy.They ended up married and I give them alot of credit they stayed together since the had so much in common.As for me I now see it as a blessing that I am not the one living with aperson that has no concience.None of my children have any respect for him and thats because I didn,t have the heart to reveal the worst of his deeds I didn,t think they deserved that kind of heritage.Ladies develope yourselves,seek financial independence and put your trust in the Lord. Thats the only advice I can give.Oh, stay close to your parents and siblings.

Anonymous June 4, 2008, 1:06 AM

To NN - I could not have said it better!! Refreshing to hear that there are still people out there who have values.
A big part of the moral dilemma that prevails in today’s society is that we do not teach our children ethics any more. Anyone remember all those “little” sayings that use to appear on items everywhere, even on TV. I am not talking religion just little quotes like “Honesty is the best policy” or “Patience is a virtue” Rarely see them any more never mind hear them.

Emerald June 4, 2008, 1:07 AM

To NN - I could not have said it better!! Refreshing to hear that there are still people out there who have values.
A big part of the moral dilemma that prevails in today’s society is that we do not teach our children ethics any more. Anyone remember all those “little” sayings that use to appear on items everywhere, even on TV. I am not talking religion just little quotes like “Honesty is the best policy” or “Patience is a virtue” Rarely see them any more never mind hear them.

CATTY June 4, 2008, 1:10 AM

WHEN I WAS MARRIED THE FIRST TIME I HAD AN AFFAIR IT WAS A SPONTANEOUS THING THAT JUST HAPPEND, BUT FROM THAT BRIEF MOMENT OF PASSION I RELIZED WHAT I WAS MISSING IN MY MARRIAGE THE LOVE AND TRUST. MY EX HUSBAND WAS A WIFE BEATER AND VERY PROUD OF IT. THE AFFAIR WAS NOT PLANNED BUT IT HAPPENED. BUT I RELIZED THEN THAT THERE WAS LOVE WITH OUT FIRST THE PAIN.I HAVE REMARRIED SINCE THEN AND HAVE BEEN WITH THE SAME WONDERFUL MAN FOR 17 YEARS.BUT I TELL HIM THE SAME THING I TOLD HIM 17 YEARS AGO IF YOU WANT THE GRASS THAT U THINK MIGHT BE GREENER GO FOR IT BUT DONT COME BACK TO ME WHEN U SEE IT IS BROWN

isabel June 4, 2008, 1:52 AM

I guarantee you that most men who cheat love their wives. Men are different in their ability to compartamentalize and separate love from sex. They want the thrill and excitement of something different and new, but for the most part, these men love their wives. I am a woman who knows this, and my advice is that if a man is going to cheat, never tell your wife or let her find out. For the women out there: Men’s drive for sex and different sex is driven by hormones not emotions..it is very simple. Yes, love does happen, but I think for the most part, it is simply about sex with someone new and different—the thrill. For any woman thinking of being a mistress or girlfriend of a married man: It is a one-way ticket to pain. You would not be a home wrecker. You would actually make a marriage less frustrating because a man would not need to divorce to get the thrill and excitement that is not permitted in a marriage. It is always the “other woman” who gets hurt and used.

danasmom June 4, 2008, 1:53 AM

I am married with three kids and I have had an affair. It is an unbelievably exciting feeling to feel desired and attractive to someone again. After 14 years of marriage, the thrill can easily subside. But I found that having an affair, brought it back. It strengthened my self esteem and how I felt about my own sex appeal.. I’d say that it actually improved my marriage.

Lindy June 4, 2008, 1:54 AM

Someone once said, “When a man marries his mistress it leaves a position open.” This is so true. Just watch the ones who have serial marriages and serial mistresses. In the end, they have nothing, which is pretty much what they deserve. Who can live their lives continually beginning again, trashing all of the history, all of the memories? What could possibly be worth this? It is 99.9% ego-driven.

estella June 4, 2008, 2:05 AM

I knew a person that had a child with a married man! She didn’t know he was married, didn’t know he had 6 plus kids, including this new one on the way.

What happened when she found out!?!?! She stayed with him for 2 -1/2 years,she than kicked his A$$ out to the curb!
He never once supported his child WHEN KICKED OUT, his wife took him back, still wanted my friend when she married 11 yrs later!!!

Now here’s the CATCHER!!! IN THE VERY END HIS LIFE THE WIFE LEFT HIM, HIS KIDS NEVER WENT TO SEE HIM WHEN BASICALLY DISOWNED HIM AFTER FINDING OUT ABOUT HOW THEIR DAD WAS A LOUSE, AND BASCIALLY HE DIED DIABETIC, ALONE, AND BLIND!

So the moral of the story, find out who you are sleeping with, when you find out bascially leave the situation. My friend has a child out of his SELFISHNESS, AND NEVER EVEN SUPPORTED HIS CHILD WHEN SHE KICKED HIM TO THE CURB! Sucks for the children when they are adults. (everyone are adults now)

No trust in commitment’s, from the victim, and the child.

So kick the CHEATER to the curb! No one deserves to get played with. Emotionally, spiritually, and pysically!

If you don’t leave and forgive your self from being the victim from the affair, than you will never get far in life.
Also 2, The UNIVERSE, GOD HIGHER POWER OR WHAT EVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT PUNISHED THE CHEATING HUSBAND. DIED LONEY, BLIND, POOR, AND JUST SCRAGGILY AND ALL IN PAIN. What he did emotionally to ALL THESE PEOPLE, HE DEALT WITH THE WORST SUFFERING EVER:

SLOW PAINFUL DEATH, AND ON TOP OF IT HE LOST HIS SIGHT.

Brian June 4, 2008, 2:20 AM

I’m married, age 40, with a lovely daughter and I have to say, I’m probably “ripe for the picking” as they say. I was the high-power job, work-late parent for two years while my wife was home studying. After some adjustments and “retooling” I -STILL- have the high-power job (I’m one of only two or three people in my entire state who can do what I do), but since my wife started her own high-power job, I’ve basically been a single parent (my wife’s job is in a city over 200 mi. away). Here’s my take: First of all, I am now doing what my wife did, with VERY limited babysitting help (NO 9-5 daycare at all). AND I don’t have a grandparent staying with us as she did. But, I have to say, it’s not that hard (though my daughter is 2 1/2). And my wife is the first to admit that I complain a heck of a lot less than she did when she had NO job and took care of her. And in addition to just basically taking good care of her, my daughter is advanced in most skills and speaks two languages (which I taught her). So why does my wife still pick away at everything I do and teach me she doesn’t love or respect me at all? I often wonder why she married me. So many of the women I meet see how great I am with my daughter in spite of how important a job I have and I’ll tell you, if I wanted to leave any given restaurant, store, playpark or library with some attractive woman’s phone number I absolutely could, but I haven’t given in yet. I still love my wife but I’m not sure how long I can hold out. I understand that since women do not have the physical power men do that their only recourse when they’re unhappy is emotional warfare, but I’ve been nothing but supportive and haven’t asked her for a darn thing this year (including sex which generally seems a chore for her) and yet the shrewish belittling and attacks continue. My daughter has already asked me why mommy is so mad. I am not alone. I know many men who are in my position or something like it. I used to have a very romantic temperment. If I found a woman who helped me be the man I want to be again, it would be very hard to resist. Let me just suggest this: if your husband doesn’t hit you, don’t use your worst emotional attacks against him. Be civil, talk, and don’t belittle him. I take offense at the poster who said men need stroking. I don’t need stroking, I just need someone who doesn’t pick away at every darn thing I do. Your husband wants you to be honest, just realize that you don’t have to emotionally browbeat him in order to get him to listen to you. And if he won’t immediately do everything the way you want it done? Well, you just talk, in a rational way and not full of anger and don’t treat him like a child unless he is actually behaving like one. As these posts show, women have deeply rooted and irrational prejudices about men just as men do about women.

Kassie June 4, 2008, 2:25 AM

I watched these women brag about their male conquests and saw their smiling eyes, lack of guilt and almost borderline contempt for the wives. I imagine my husband sleeping with one of these tramps and the incurable diseases he could bring home to me. There is a reason why over 25% of the adult population in this country has a VD and women like these 5 are no doubt a part of the problem. I believe and I hope my husband has enough love and respect for me,our family and our vows to not risk making me sick, but after watching some of these videos I have to say the odds are not in any of our favors which is a little troubling, even if you have a committed marriage. Why are people so vile and selfish? Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you, LADIES!

faamaoni June 4, 2008, 2:29 AM

A little add on. I think it all comes down to one situation,marriage is love,honor and commitment, not some kind of feeling that sometimes you happy sometimes you sad. You should be happy and appreciate. Men love your wives..


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