10 Reasons I Hate My Kids

10 Reasons I Hate My Kids

Thursday, June 5, 2008

filed under: kid logic

A mother of two kids under 5, on why she thinks anyone who says they love their kids 24/7 is full of it.

OK, before you freak out over the headline: "How can you say you hate your kids?? I just LOVE being a mommy!!" Sorry, but you're probably the same woman who said it was "love at first sight" when you laid eyes on your newborn in the delivery room. Come on. How can you fall in love with a shriveled, crying, poop machine?

If you want to delude yourself, that's fine--maybe you've seen one too many Johnson & Johnson baby lotion commercials. The truth is, having kids is a huge pain in the ass, but most moms are too brainwashed to admit it.

Anyway, that said, here are 10 reasons why I hate my kids:

1. My car consistently reeks of rancid milk. So much for that new car smell.

2. Because of them, I'll never, ever, ever, get my flat stomach back. I know they're to blame 'cause they were the last ones in there.

3. In order to strap my toddler into his car seat, I have to use every ounce of my physical strength as if I'm subduing a psychotic mental patient. And I have the bites and scratches to prove it.

4. Because changing urine-soaked sheets and comforters when they've wet the bed isn't my idea of a good time. Just once I'd like to hear the sound of my washing machine NOT running.

5. When they spit rejected semi-masticated food into my hands.

6. When my toddler, mid-tantrum, drops to the sidewalk like dead-weight when I'm in a hurry. A walk generally turns into a drag.

7. Trying to pretend I give a sh*t about Pokémon.

8. If it weren't for them, I would never have to set foot in that demonic mouse palace known as Chuck E. Cheese.

9. My once beautiful couch, walls, and drapes are covered in peanut butter and fluorescent Play-Doh.

10. I used to really like to have sex--that's how I managed to pop out two kids in the first place. Now I'm so tired, I'd rather stick a fork in my eye.


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195 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

Strange how you blame your protruding stomach on the kids. Why then did you have kids in the first place? Were you raped?

- Judas

Posted 09/22/09 06:09 PM

The parents who tell you that “children are a blessing,” are blantantly LYING. Ever hear of the phrase ‘misery loves company?’ Children are a LOT of work, they make a mess all the time, break your stuff, wake you up, and TRY to take a nice shower with a toddler in the house. It can’t be done. The stress children put on you is overwhelming. Think about it folks… think about it. And don’t do it. Enjoy your life. Travel. Sleep in. Take a long hot shower. Buy that convertible. Enjoy YOUR life. For once you have a kid, your life is OVER. Don’t say you weren’t warned!

- Joelle

Posted 09/24/09 04:01 AM

I feel ya on this stuff. I think saying I HATE my son is a little strong though. I think of it as having a job you hate, but loving the people you work with. I definitely don’t hate my son, but I hate the responsibility of parenthood. I hate the fact that I will NEVER have my old life back. I hate that my once beautiful, neat and clean living room has turn into a giant toy box. My son is only 9 months old though. I know it’s just going to get worse as he gets older. Sometimes I just can’t believe that people actually have kids on purpose. Mine was a total accident by the way. I love him yes, but I hate the responsibilities that come with him and his dad (who had just as much a part in his creation as I did) gets to go on with his life like nothing ever happened. It’s so unfair! :(

- Frustrated Mom

Posted 10/05/09 10:45 AM

I hate my six year old daughter. I don’t mind messes, puking, poop, toys, being fat, or whatever else. What I can’t stand is her not listening to me. She never does anything I want her to do. Nothing fazes her. Spankings, time outs, taking away toys or privileges, writing sentences, etc. whatever punishment I come up with doesn’t effing matter. She still doesn’t listen. I hate this life. I just wish someone would tell me what works. What can I do to get her to listen.

- blah

Posted 10/07/09 03:05 PM

should have kept your legs closed

- Anonymous

Posted 10/12/09 06:37 AM

i love my kids if you hate your kids then kill them

- bob

Posted 10/20/09 07:28 AM

I completely disagree with how you feel and, in fact, feel very sorry for you.

- Laura

Posted 10/20/09 08:24 AM

Unless you have submissive children, there’s no way that you can’t relate to this article. I’d love to meet an HONEST mother that doesn’t agree with it!

- Laura

Posted 10/28/09 10:33 AM

I would like to mirror what “missy” said, as well as all the others who speak along the same lines. How terribly sad that this kind of article could even pass remotely as humor. I am not deluded, I am a mother of 4 and fully aware of the challenges and sacrifices that come along with motherhood. But come on, this is supreme ignorance and immaturity, not to mention superficial. Hate a child because the new car smell is gone? I can’t even believe I read that. Having kids IS a choice, no one held a gun to your head. And all of these things you hate so much are part and parcel of raising kids. They are KIDS not little mini adults!!! Please, for god’s sake, take a minute and really try to look at life through your child’s eyes, at least once every day. What do they see when they look at you? What do they feel? How does this big, confusing world look to them? Ask yourself that, and then see if you still “hate” them. Go try reading some infertility sites and sites of grieving mothers who have lost their children, then see if you think this post is funny. And to this person: “I hate my six year old daughter. I don’t mind messes, puking, poop, toys, being fat, or whatever else. What I can’t stand is her not listening to me. She never does anything I want her to do. Nothing fazes her. Spankings, time outs, taking away toys or privileges, writing sentences, etc. whatever punishment I come up with doesn’t effing matter. She still doesn’t listen. I hate this life. I just wish someone would tell me what works. What can I do to get her to listen.” - blah There are so many alternatives and wonderful choices that make parenting a beautiful journey, so many online and so many books. I wish you had left your email address because I so wish I could help you be the parent you want to be. For your sake and the sake of your child. Start by going to the “Natural Child Project” (google it). Lots of great support for parents there. Also - “Enjoy Parenting” is a great site, and lots of great tips on Youtube on compassionate parenting, just search Inbal Kashtan on YouTube. And read “Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves” by Naomi

- disgusted

Posted 11/06/09 08:29 PM

My 15 1/2 yr old never wants to go anywhere with me. Anything I suggest is… nahhh… I am tired. To make it all short: he loves it when he just hangs around and I do enjoy cooking for him… and do spoil him, I know. I am disabled - BUT, I am the one who always asks … wanna play basketball? baseball? cards? ANYTHING! He has a girlfriend over one year now. I have never once been given the thumbs up to take them.. mini-golf, movies, even for their anniversary - I gave them money to go to dinner! Not even a thank you unless I prod him.. nevermind her! Well, just got off the phone w/ him… and he is at the most hated place - that he has to endure.. with his gf and her MOM!!! It just kills. His older bro took off 2 yrs ago - says i am the worst mom in the world and wishes I were dead! He won’t talk to me at all. (other circumstances). People tell me… to force him to go somewhere with me… and i would love to spend time w/ her too. I guess I spoil him.. because 1. the disability (he prob thinks i am such a loser and 2. It is the only thing that he smiles about and enjoys. This stinks. Very sad and lonely - yet he is laughing it up at the ol’ Wally World. His dad even said I am a waste of human life… but really… I do try to do things… a lot of things he just blows off. I know I could prob do better - but it still KILLS me… inside.

- Kat

Posted 11/07/09 04:10 PM

I’m sure the author of this “article” meant to be caustic & funny & provocative. But to me she just sounds whiney & self-centered & immature. I have experienced none of the hateful things she’s talking about. I have GOOD kids because, I believe, I am a good mother. They are not perfect, no. My toddler challenges me all the time. But he never makes me hate him. Mostly what she wrote makes me sad. For her kids. And for her. She should try to enjoy being a mother. I get frustrated, natch, and sometimes I wish my kids would just SHUT UP for 5 minutes, but at the end of the day, I wouldn’t take anyone else’s life. Maybe if she tried growing up, relaxing & enjoying what she has, she’d be happier. All over the world mothers are sitting in hospitals by their sick child’s bedside—or worse, by their grave—wishing for one more day of cleaning Play-doh out of the carpet. This whiner should shut up & count her blessings.

- Lisa, mom of 2

Posted 11/08/09 06:09 AM

Ok, I am one of the most non-uptight moms out there. This list is beyond crazy, even if you were just trying to be funny or satirical, it didn’t work. You came off sounding like a horrible mother who doesn’t give a crap about her children. I fell in love with both my children before they were even born. No, I’m not brainwashed. I kinda feel sorry for you and your kids. And here we go on my list of replies to your 10: 1. Here’s a novel idea. Clean your car. 2. I know plenty of moms who have had more then one kid who aren’t celebrities and they’re tummies are still as flat as before they had kids. You have to work at it, get up and do stuff. Like clean your car. 3. Perhaps your children can sense how much you dislike them and react to that feeling. 4. These are the same kids who will be changing YOUR urine-soaked sheets and comforters when you’re old…have some respect!!! I’m sure you were the perfect child and never once wet the bed, right? 5. Really, this is what you complain about? Throw the masticated food away and wash your hands. 6. Pick them up. 7. Just like when they try and give a crap about you in 20 years… 8. There are some children who have never even been inside a Chuck E Cheese, much less know what it is. Be grateful. 9. Here’s another novel idea: WATCH YOUR KIDS and they won’t smear peanut-butter and play-doh everywhere!!! 10. I’ve had 2 kids and I still love to have sex, with my husband, who still loves to have sex with me. Seriously, maybe you need counseling. Or at least your kids will.

- Rita

Posted 11/08/09 08:41 PM

I forgot to say, I love my kids. I love spending time with them, sharing life with them, watching them grow. There are definitely moments I don’t care for, and I may not like certain things my children do, but that’s where our role as a mother/parent comes in, it is our job to teach them and raise them correctly. I definitely do not hate my kids.

- Rita

Posted 11/08/09 08:44 PM

you LOVE TO HAVE SEX?????? are you serious????? i have never heard of anything more disgusting than having sex. of course, i’m a child, so MY opinion probably doesnt matter, according to this person. who are you calling brainwashed?

- mad/angry child

Posted 11/09/09 06:54 PM

Thank God so many posts share my feelings about the horrible things this mother says, either this was meant to be “edgy” and funny or this lazy butt poor excuse of a parent REALLY does exist. Don’t pity her kids though, I’m sure with the amount of time she plops them in front of electronic devices they’ll have their own top “10 things I hate about my Mother” list posted here soon…

- LEELEE

Posted 11/10/09 08:57 AM

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