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10 Reasons I Hate My Kid

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On mom on why she thinks anyone who says they love their kids 24/7 is full of it.

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Momlogic's Momstrosity: OK, before you freak out over the headline: "How can you say you hate your kids?? I just LOVE being a mommy!!" Sorry, but you're probably the same woman who said it was "love at first sight" when you laid eyes on your newborn in the delivery room. Come on. How can you fall in love with a shriveled, crying, poop machine? 

If you want to delude yourself, that's fine--maybe you've seen one too many Johnson & Johnson baby lotion commercials. The truth is, having kids is a huge pain in the ass, but most moms are too brainwashed to admit it.



Anyway, that said, here are 10 reasons why I hate my kid:

1. My car consistently reeks of rancid milk. So much for that new car smell.

2. Because of my kid, I'll never, ever, ever, get my flat stomach back. I know my kid's to blame 'cause she was the last one in there.  

3. In order to strap my toddler into his car seat, I have to use every ounce of my physical strength as if I'm subduing a psychotic mental patient. And I have the bites and scratches to prove it.

4. Because changing urine-soaked sheets and comforters when they've wet the bed isn't my idea of a good time. Just once I'd like to hear the sound of my washing machine NOT running.

5. When she spit rejected semi-masticated food into my hands.

6. When my toddler, mid-tantrum, drops to the sidewalk like dead-weight when I'm in a hurry. A walk generally turns into a drag.

7. Trying to pretend I give a sh*t about Dora the Explorer.

8. If it weren't for my kid, I would never have to set foot in that demonic mouse palace known as Chuck E. Cheese.

9. My once beautiful couch, walls, and drapes are covered in peanut butter and fluorescent Play-Doh.

10. I used to really like to have sex--that's how I managed to pop out a kid in the first place. Now I'm so tired, I'd rather stick a fork in my eye.




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295 comments so far | Post a comment now
birdsfly June 6, 2008, 10:28 AM

also the phrase “Ten Things I Hate About…” is a saying at this point. She not saying she REALLY hates her kids, it’s like the title of the movie “Ten Things I Hate About You,” just an expression!

Christina June 6, 2008, 11:45 AM

I can agree with alot that was said we all have had these thoughts cross our mind now if we are strong in our parenting to admit it is another story i have a son who has had many tramatic events in his life from deployment of a step father to his own father going to jail for sexual assult needless to say my son is a handfull becouse of these things he has set fire to my home he has lied to police about me the his aunt in the same breth wanted to kill himself i love my children but ill be the first to admit that haveing 5 is not as bad as haveing 1 whos life is a consent battle to keep a float

Kate June 6, 2008, 12:30 PM

I think this is a perfect example of why people who don’t want kids should not have kids. While this article may be amusing because it is exagerrated, some people really do resent their children for the reasons listed above. I mean, give the kids a break! They are younger than 5! They don’t know any better. While it is frustrating to deal with them at this age, parents need to grow up and realize that they knew they were getting themselves into this when they had kids. Seriously, if you feel this strongly about your children, you should have never had children.

And sure, you can say that I have no sense of humor, but guess what: I do. I just don’t think it’s funny to joke about hating your children. Can you imagine how her children would feel if this author’s thoughts were shared with them? Somethings just are not appropriate to joke about.

North June 7, 2008, 7:39 AM

If she thinks it’s bad now, wait until they’re teens. They refuse to do anything helpful-clean up after themselves, homework, help with housework, running errands, moving their lazy butts off the couch so someone else can clean. Every sentence begins with “I”. They run up bills on the cell and regular phones they never pay. They complain about everything. They and their friends trash the house while parents are at work.
Dealing with diapers and vomit is the easy part!
Rewards or punishments don’t matter, because they just don’t care.

Mia June 7, 2008, 2:43 PM

I’m so upset with the majority of these comments. I LOL at this post. I think that the world just needs to lighten up a bit, folks. Everyone is so uptight and eager to point the finger, sue, and ridicule one another these days. Man this country is so messed up from all the correctness going on. We all need to get a grip! This post was so funny, keep up the good writing!!

Heather June 8, 2008, 1:33 AM

I am the mother of 8 yr old twin boys and a 16 yr old girl…I totally understand and get what this mother is saying. Motherhood is the most FRUSTRATING and most REWARDING “job” I will ever have in the world. My kids drive me up the wall and down the wall 90% of the time; but I would not miss it for the world. I try very hard not to tell my kids I hate them but I do hate their actions. When I discipline all of them I tell them that I love them but I hate their action. I then try to follow up with a hug and kiss. Do I do this every time all the time??? NO - I am human I screw up and I am SO SO not perfect. I let them know this also; I am their mother and I make mistakes. Parenthood is not about being the perfect mom/dad; it is about protecting, loving them, and always being there for them. My kids know that I will always be there for them and I will always protect them. My boys told me just yesterday that they appreciate how much I love and protect them because there are parents out there that do not care for their children and they hurt them badly. After I stopped crying I told them that they are my world always. My daughter feels the same way; although as a teenager she can be the biggest pain (but that is okay; because this faze will also pass).

So for all the ones that posted about the person writing the article being a “bad” mom and to give the kids a break because they are little…TAKE A CHILL PILL!!! WHAT PARENT HAS NOT WANTED TO THROW A TEMPER TANTRUM WHEN THE KIDS ARE HAVING A BAD DAY!!!

flimz June 8, 2008, 2:35 PM

Well friends,

After four sons (now ages 15, 17, 20 and 23) I think I can say with some certainty that whether or not a mother has a strong, supportive, accountable, even fearless father actively involved in the upbringing of the brood has an enormous amount to do with how much she ‘loves’ or ‘hates’ her kids at any given time. In my opinion, when a mother’s partner ‘gets it’ (meaning the enormity of the mothering task) it lifts her psychic load, and makes the daily grind infinitely easier to bear.

Unfortunately, our culture seems to make the assumption that it’s natural for a woman to completely sublimate all her self-interested instincts in favor of her child’s interests at ALL TIMES and FOREVER without recognizing the necessity of a partner’s (not to mention society’s) understanding, appreciation and support. Like “Way to go honey! You work harder than any human! I get it, and you’re my hero, cause this job ain’t for sissies! How can I help?”

It’s not a job for ‘sissies’ true, but more than that I think, it’s not a job that can be done solo. That’s why it take two people to make a baby in the first place, and a community for families to survive. We moms need validation, appreciation, and understanding when we’re less than June Cleaver; let’s try not to judge our sister when she trusts us enough to share her pain.

Erin, I commend your honesty and courage in posting this message. Know that there are older moms out here who empathize with your feelings, and can reassure you that ‘this too shall pass’. Feeling that you ‘hate’ your kids sometimes does not make you a bad mom. Ask for more help from Daddy; or Grandma and Grandpa, or Auntie or Uncle, or your neighbors, etc…

In the meantime, my fellow mom, music partner and kindred spirit and I posted this video on youtube to reach out with a laugh at ourselves, our partners, our children, pets, and minivans! Maybe it will give you a giggle break in the midst of your crazy day! Go to youtube.com and search for The Flimz video “If I’m Not Working”.

With love and kudos.

Brooke June 9, 2008, 4:30 AM

To flimz:
The “it’s a job for two people” notion is great in theory, but how many parents are separated by the time their child reaches 15? Relationships rarely last as long as they need to for children to have two parents supporting each other for the long term and in the way you described. Things happen and people move on, or stay together for their child’s sake, which in my opinion is just as bad as separating. The happy family idea isn’t as realistic as you make it out to be.

Suzanne June 12, 2008, 12:27 PM

People on this site are way too holier than thou. It was a funny post. I am a mom to two daughters (4.5 years and 10 months old) and I know where she is coming from on some of this. I am dieting and it’s depressing that I’ll never be the way I was before when I look at my stomach. My 10 month old just crapped on my arm yesterday and I love her but I wanted to scream at that moment no matter how old she was (I didn’t for you people ready to condemn me).

And for the record I loved my kids when they were born but I did not let them put the bloody pussy babies on my stomach to cut the cord. The doctor held each one of my daughters while my husband cut the cord. I felt sweaty and dirty enough as it was and all I wanted to do was take a shower. So as much as I loved them I still realized my limitations and I think everyone has to get over themselves and realize we are all human and can have feelings that are not always warm and fuzzy.

Elizabeth June 12, 2008, 5:35 PM

I totally do not agree with this woman. I love my kids and everything about them. I love chuck E. Cheese! i have a 4 month old, 5 year old and an 8 year old and we have a blast. i think its all in how you go about it. If you look at it as a nuisance then it will be, if you have fun with it then it will be. And for sex my husband and I are going stronger than ever!We find it exciting to do it when theyre napping or whatever. Its fun to be sneaky!

aimee June 12, 2008, 6:43 PM

I have a sense of humor and could laugh at this. It is all true, but I still wouldn’t use the word hate. I get very frustrated with my two (almost 3 and almost 1.) I also didn’t quite agree with the love-at-first-site comment. I loved them both from the time I found out I was pregnant. I realize not every mom bonds that quickly, but I honestly did. I liked “Most” of being pregnant even, but not all. I was really sick and had some horrible pregnancy symptoms, and I was ready for it to be over, but I already miss it. It’s not all roses, but I would do it again in a minute.

Stephanie June 13, 2008, 4:06 PM

WTF?!!! This article is HILARIOUS!! Who ever is offended or upset in any way about this article has NO SENSE OF HUMOR and NO LIFE!!! Sucks for them!! LOL.She doesn’t hate her kids!!! Very good article. It made my day!!! So True.

mamaDONTplay June 13, 2008, 8:37 PM

whatever, i don’t like the way my kids act sometime but i could never hate them, plus they are 5 years apart. so at least two out of the three of them are in school. so my advice to the mom who HATES her kids. “birth control”

Alida June 20, 2008, 3:54 PM

It is sad. Society has become so self centered and children are no longer seen as blessings, but inconvenience’s. I have 4 children a 1 year old, 3, year old, and two 6 year olds, we are getting ready to adopt many more as well as accept however many the good Lord gives us. If you really hate your children, you are probably not disciplining or teaching them right. There are times I want to sell them on ebay, but those are the times that I have been to lazy to make sure I am consistent or filling up their love tank. :-)

I leave you with a quote. “The Bible calls debt a curse and children a blessing. But in our culture, we apply for a curse and reject a blessing. Something is terribly wrong with this-Doug Phillips

gemo0201 June 21, 2008, 8:12 PM

its a joke everyone. lighten up…

Sara June 22, 2008, 3:18 AM

Ok granted hate is a little strong but really some people are really getting mad about this. Why? This women is clearly tired and guess what a mom! all of us have had these days where your kids are driving you so crazy you want to pull your hair out. We all LOVE our children but sometime s we have moments where we don’t like them very much. But love is unconditional. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 1 month old life can get really crazy, but i always love my kids. the thing I thought was weird is they not falling in love with the newborn. I mean after all that work of pregnancy and birth how can you not fall in love. granted a few days later the lack of sleep kicks in, and you feel all kinds of emotions kick in. and the work. You still love them but things get challenging, I always tell people the first 3 months take the longest then they just fly by. It’s because they eat, sleep, and poop then after a few months there personality really starts to shine through. I get her frustration some of it was pretty funny some of it not so much but I really think people need to relax a bit.

mom of one!  June 23, 2008, 2:09 PM

LOL, loved it. People who didn’t see the humerous side of this obviously have their heads so up in the clouds they dont notice when their children are doing any of the above things. I do love my daughter (shes 3) but my god she drives me nuts! I cant wait to return to work after having a couple of days off coz I need to relax! Motherhood sounds so nice and easy til ur there, and its totally opposite. I agree my daughter drive me insane, I seriously wonder if I will end up in a mental institution because of her, lol. Thank you for the article made me smile and on my day at home with my daughter thats nice :) Anyways, I need to keep looking around for help with 3 yr old tantrums! Back to it…

Jess June 23, 2008, 5:37 PM

Yeah, it is a joke, but it perpetuates a very negative message. I’m also wondering about this new show, Baby Borrowers. Seems to show how bratty kids are and what a nightmare parenthood can be. How will they show the rewarding aspect?

Riot Room June 24, 2008, 1:33 PM

Jess… I’m also interested in that show. Seems to be garnering a lot of controversy, but looks pretty entertaining. And yes, seems to perpetuate a negative message about children.

sensovi June 24, 2008, 3:53 PM

Regarding #10 — True, sex is what brought about the mess-makers in the first place (I know, I have 3!), but sex is also what will help you maintain the relationship with a man that will be around after they’re long gone. It’s tempting to ignore our sexuality/sensuality, but moms need sex EVEN MORE! We need to show our kids that intimacy is a family value!


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